Ancelin vs. Hana Rahal

Ancelin vs. Hana Rahal

Ancelin vs. Hana Rahal

by Bobo

Icon for Ancelin52.1%
536 points
Page 1Page 2Page 3Page 4Page 5Page 6Page 7Page 8Page 9Page 10Page 11Page 12Page 13Page 14Page 15

Crit level: Open to any comments or critiques
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Icon for Hana Rahal47.9%
492 points
Page 1Page 2Page 3Page 4

Crit level: No preference




Critiques & Comments
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Don
Global Moderator
135 comments
# 13   Posted: Oct 15 2020, 11:48 PM
Spoiler: jade babe • show

PROS
- Visually, best comic. Great to see more work from you, I feel like I can never get enough of your content so I enjoy digesting what you provide when I can.
- The story is straightforward in premise with its "Slay the beast" structure, the modernization of an oft-considered medieval tale (Which ironically enough, I find it charmingly matching to the design of Ancelin's knight-like armor), given an interesting (Neither good/bad) upbeat twist. It feels like a comic that at the end, gayness aside, tells us to 'Wait and see' with the questions that it provides us (Through Hana, which I like). I look forward to it!

CONS
- Action deserves proper composition and shots that establish character placement & flow. There were alot of zoom ins, especially for Hana's beast form which seemed cropped at all times. This takes away the tension, the energy of the scene is gone when I'm not getting the "Full picture" of these moneyshots (Such as page 8's final panel.)
    - In an argument of convenience vs. complexity, I would strongly recommend (At least for comics on short deadlines like these) to juggle complex shots that include a multi-dimensional plane  for scenes that involve showing the audience where the characters are placed— And possibly for the 'Moneyshot' panels, like when a strike makes its hit— What does the body language of both fighters tell us? What is the power dynamic like /now?/
    Study them fight scenes in anime, I'd say!

- Writing is straightforward, but I'm missing the /visual/ explanation of how Ancelin gets from point A to point B— Particularly when transitioning from beginning → middle and middle → end. For example, Ancelin states she found traces of Hana's magic this morning and tracks her via it— But we as an audience aren't shown any hint of that. If anything, Ancelin's incompetence to find Hana any sooner is shown on page 2 when she literally fails to see this necromancer who is mere feets away from her, /hiding in broad daylight./
    - This is an issue of showing versus telling, vice versa. And there should be an honest balance between the two— I would have loved to see Ancelin vent her frustrations, notice some trace of magic and go [Thinking emoji here], and then, we can transition to nightfall where Hana's magic is quite obvious in its pink streaks.


Spoiler: snowy • show

PROS
- Your artstyle is very endearing! I love the way you draw women, I actually think it greatly compliments how playful Hana's demeanor is in this battle, and I absolutely love Ancelin's hairstyle here.
- Your story is also straightforward, playing to its beats and not stretching itself out too far to complicate the story anymore then necessary. You made every page count, and I don't think there's any extraneous page needed.
- I love the contrast of Hana's playfulness at the end, and the background chatter which helps to build up Ancelin's words and finally— Her scars. And likewise, I like that the scar builds Ancelins confidence/determination, rather then leaving the hero distraught.

CONS
- Honestly, I can only reiterate what the others have said— Which is to say, I won't. At best, I can only mention is that Ancelin's left thigh is missing from the 10th panel where they're at birds eye view, if you compare the length of her right extended thigh to her torso and arm, there's no way it should be covered.

Bobo
Web Dev
982 comments
# 12   Posted: Oct 14 2020, 10:44 AM
I'm so glad you guys enjoyed our comics! I had so much fun making this, and Snowy is a delightful opponent to face (which is great, because I'm already fighting her again XD). Thanks for the crits as well as the positive feedback. I was unsure of a few things, but it sounds like I was worried for nothing for the most part. Definitely keep an eye out for more of these two!!!

SnowyMoth
Artist
58 comments
# 11   Posted: Oct 13 2020, 03:31 PM
Thank you for the crits and comments, everyone! I am trying to apply the feedback that I was given on newer comics, and hope that they continue to get better! I appreciate everyone who took the time to type something out! : )

Forgot to add: Fight me, Monday!!

Rivana
Artist
214 comments
# 10   Posted: Oct 12 2020, 08:20 PM
I just want to drop by that this was such a great match.

Jade/Bobo - I think this is one of your best comics so far and I really love how you ended it. It's so heartwarming!

Snowy - love your inks and limited palette and I really love how you sold Ancelin's candidacy for Mayor at the end! Makes me want to vote for her!
 

PutridVodka
Artist
60 comments
# 9   Posted: Oct 12 2020, 12:41 PM
BOBO- This was such eyecandy! I'm probably echoing everyone but LOVED the colors. Some panels looked like calendar-worthy illustrations, loved it! Hana's beastly introduction was so neat! It really gave me a sense of urgency, too. The person Hana was chasing had me a little bit confused tho, I couldn't tell if it was an undead on an injured person- regardless! it was a great fight! Anacelin not being a beautiful sleeper makes me love her more! Their interaction at the end was so sweet, too!

SNOWY - Really dig the long-page format you've got going! I really liked how Hana is anxious about the new moon and not justtt brushing the whole thing aside, or not caring for it- Your lineart is very clean and crips! But I would have liked to see a little more variation of line weight.
The smoke coming out of Hana's eyes through the page is SO GOOOOOD, and the crosshatching in her mane gives it so much oomph!  the red vs blue on their fight was really sweet and help it made things clearer. The way Hana tried and failing to contain her smile at seeing Anacelin's scarred face was so greattttt loved it!

Looking forward to these two characters interacting in the future again! Super nice work!

Kozispoon
Global Moderator
1141 comments
# 8   Posted: Oct 11 2020, 11:26 PM
BOBO- This has got to be one of your better comics. The story, the concept, the coloringggg. You really embraced this shoujo pretty bubble style I've come to expect and enjoy from, you. The pursuit in the forest and subsequent confrontation totally gave me Princess Mononoke vibes with rhe boar king. Anyone else? It felt like such a neat nightmarish nod. Also this is such a random aside, but the idea of the rot vapors smoking from Hana's eye when she takes off her eyepatch was something I really liked. :D I honestly have no complaints, not even a crit. All around a rad scar and match!

SNOWY- The lineworkkk. Aaa so good. The hatching and inkwork on monster Hana's mane has to be my fav bit. I hope you had a preset brush because freehanding that would be SUCH work. I liked the idea of your accent colors, but they felt so stark and incongruous I couldn't suss the reason for them as we got Ancelin with blue eyes on page 1, but then her eyes are black and white on a panel or two on the next page. I'll admit I'm a desaturated palatte type of spoon, so maybe its just the shades rubbing me the wrong way, but I was hoping for some harmony between Ancelin's color and Hana's as they battled.
But gosh I kind of dig the battle scar being the reason for Ancelin getting spurred to run for the upcoming election :o whatta tweest! Now you got me all 'oh man, now I want this side to win for the plot potential alone'

Monday
Artist
953 comments
# 7   Posted: Oct 9 2020, 01:21 AM
Bobo- This was lovingly made, from the character models to the simplified visuals of their scar. The Bobo style is seeing some very strong color work that I think can be pushed further if there was a solid color layer that behaved like inks.
Storywise the first pass had a strong enough throughline that I managed to connect all but the true motives of the actors. But on second read I managed to pick up on even more details. What threw me off a bit is how some of the carnage felt a little nonsensical considering the light treatment that Ancelin reacted with. Perhaps Ancelin is a kind and understanding soul ? Or zombies just don't /matter/ ?  It needed addressing, but I'll take my own interpretation of that as intended.   Nevertheless, the ending pages felt very important for this treatment and characters bein' frens is always a good time :0.

Snowy- The linework and poses are neat to look at and what lacked in colors made up for it with a comparable story length.  Sometimes I wished you would have worked bigger and then sized down your lines so that there would be crisper more emotive strokes to complement the hype scene you wanted to push in the last page or action lines and more values to really fill in the combat segments.
 But what you have is quite fun already as much of the strength in this comic is your poses and angles.  Another plus is that The scar came with a personality shift and we got to know a little more about Hana's predatory personality. Hana definitely feels like someone I would fight :0c  


Footini
Artist
95 comments
# 6   Posted: Oct 5 2020, 07:48 PM
BoBo- very powerful, very beautiful
Quality-  Your coloring is on fire here, in a good way.  You got some real good shading and rendering all around.  Both the earthy daytime scenes and the darker,creepier colors for BeastHana's introduction helped sell the tone for the scenes.  I would work on the linework a bit though.  There were a few times I noticed the lines would run over each other and some of the posing for the characters looked somewhat bland and flat.  Though every time BeastHana was in panel you did a good job showing her sheer size and beastial nature.

Creativity- For a standard fight comic this went okay.  Your layouts were clean and the action was readable.  It was a story we've seen often for comic battles but for what it is it was told well. (side note: it's always fun to see your style show such gore and terror.)

Entertainment- For me, it was the visuals that told the story more than the dialogue.  The introduction of BeastHana is the highlight of the comic.  Really sets the mood for the sheer horror it is to encounter such a creature.  Though the scene with HumanHana was neat it ultimately left me wanting to see more of her personality in that form. Also that scar is gnarly.

Snowy- :3 Hana's face killed me.  I am dead.  Ghostini is writing this.

Quality-  Your lineart is always clean and your sense of design and style is one of the strengths of the art here.  With the lack of colors mostly it would have been better to have more varied line weight to prevent the images from looking flat.  Some of the backgrounds kind of ran into the characters in some panels.  The sparse use of color was very striking and it was a big plus when the blue of Ancelin's weapon clashed with Hana's Red Rot, good visual there.

Creativity-  The webscroll format suits you.  You are doing some real interesting stuff with your layouts and visuals.  Like with Bobo's side your emphasis on the sheer size and terror of BeastHana with the red lines of rot were a highlight.

Entertainment- I really liked Hana's dialogue in this.  She comes off as sly, bubbly, and a little dangerous.  Again her expressions and gestures helped sell her personality very well.  I do kind of thing that the battle was just cut off a little to soon.  Maybe just a bit more interaction between the two would have made the story feel a little more fleshed out (heh get it).  Though I do get that Hana likes to play with her food and her just dropping the fight abruptly didn't feel out of character at all for her.
Still I liked the way you gave the two characters a unique voice for each one.  Really showed off their personalities very well.

TheCydork
Artist
339 comments
# 5   Posted: Oct 5 2020, 06:37 PM
Bobo - Really enjoyed this. A simple and well-executed story with lovely art. Pages 3 and 4 were wonderfully gruesome without being that gory, which is pretty impressive, loved the layouts on page 7 and 8 too. And wow, I love that scar! I’m not sure what exactly happened and how Ancelin reflected Hana’s rot back on her, but it looks cool and the eyepatch is sick too!

Crit-wise, Hana’s energy looks oddly stiff and solid at times, and the spread on page 10 didn’t quite hit for me because it felt static. So I guess practice on making things look more dynamic?

Snowy - It’s really cool to see you experimenting with the webscroll format! I love how you used Hana’s energy to sort of link the panels and draw the eye between them. I also really liked the style you used for Ancelin’s speech bubbles when she’s on the megaphone, they were pleasing and evocative. The comic overall left me a bit wanting though. There was a lot of empty space and the lack of colour made things feel flat too. It took me a second read to realise the random demons were supposed to be hovering outside the mall rather than inside it due to the lack of detail. In addition the scar is a little lacklustre considering Hana’s abilities.

Energy
Artist
135 comments
# 4   Posted: Oct 5 2020, 11:27 AM
Great job

SnowyMoth
Artist
58 comments
# 3   Posted: Oct 4 2020, 11:17 PM
Uploaded! I wish I could have had a bit more time to polish these pages but I'm happy with what I got completed. RIP Hana, I bet. :P

Bobo
Web Dev
982 comments
# 2   Posted: Oct 4 2020, 10:11 PM
I feel like there's always more I could add when the deadline is up, but I'm calling it here. Finished and uploaded! I can't wait to read Snowy's side!!!

Bobo
Web Dev
982 comments
# 1   Posted: Sep 14 2020, 08:43 AM
I better bring it, or Ancelin's ass is on the line!

Comic Details -

 
Type: Scar Match
Drawing Time: 3 weeks
Ended: Oct 12th, 2020
Votes Cast: 24
Page Views: 674
Winner: Bobo
 

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