Not all that Glimmer~~ / Hara and Huey vs. Gold

Not all that Glimmer~~ / Hara and Huey vs. Gold

Not all that Glimmer~~ — Hara and Huey vs. Gold

by Hellis

Icon for Hara and Huey49.2%
414 points
Page 1Page 2Page 3Page 4Page 5Page 6Page 7

Crit level: Open to any comments or critiques
tags: gold, hara, hara and huey


Icon for Gold50.8%
427 points
Page 1Page 2Page 3Page 4Page 5

Crit level: Open to any comments or critiques
tags: gold, hara, lot 28




Critiques & Comments
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TheCydork
Artist
308 comments
# 17   Posted: Sep 21 2020, 03:57 AM
Void ATE my reply and I was so annoyed I had to leave it till after my next battle > : (

Anyway, thank you all for the crits and comments!

Sun - Glad you enjoyed the shenanigans! And oof, Hara did feel off to me but I couldn’t put my finger on why, you're right, his legs are too short or maybe too thick?

Arts - I know we already talked in DMs, but thanks for the clothing tips!

Flutter and Bobo - Thanks, definitely realised Hara didn’t have much to do way too close to the deadline. Hopefully I got that balancing act better in my next battle ^^”

Snager - Yeah I did like 5 in the past month and a half I am Dying. Btw, the different grammar usage was done on purpose XD Gold is just having a casual chat with his fence. I also threw some London slang in there like “big man”, which may come off as “incorrect sounding” to you. The tattoo ability also debuted here, which is why you didn’t see it in his bio!

Heavenbat
Artist
135 comments
# 16   Posted: Sep 7 2020, 03:14 AM
Hella: I like the fact that you went a different way with this story than I was expecting! At first with the setup of Battle Boulevard, I almost thought that this was gonna end in a fight between Hara and Gold, so it was cool to instead get a fight where they're both on the same side... more or less lol. You also had some really great action shots, though they were somewhat dampened by the fact that the panel with yeeting Gold was, essentially, backwards. It honestly took me a few times to figure out that was what was supposed to be happening, lol. Definitely need to watch reading directions! Also... I know sometimes it's hard finding a good way to balance drawing someone else's character in your style and making them still recognizable as that character, but I think it's something you could still do a bit of work on cuz imo Gold doesn't really... look like Gold. ^^; he's missing his glasses, and his face looks... a bit too white, somehow. Again, though, the action sequences were really badass and the lighting was excellent at setting the mood!!

Cy: I can't think of much to say here that I haven't already said to you in person lol. Love the details you added to flesh out the bg, especially in that opening shot and in the middle panels on page 3, and I love the showcase of Gold's abilities and his cleverness lol. Though I think you also missed a few points as far as being faithful to Hara's character design; his hair is supposed to be more greenish, and I think you could've made him a bit more beefy--I know you struggle with drawing more muscular characters, so this is probably not new news to you lol. As far as the more muted color scheme, personally you know me I'm more fond of more colorful and vivid color schemes, but this works to convey the dinginess of the place.

Both of you: Seriously though for all my critiques, this is a kickass amount of work for a single week, and honestly I kept forgetting that this was only one week because seriously it doesn't look like it!! You should definitely be proud of what you've done.

Symon_says
Artist
167 comments
# 15   Posted: Sep 2 2020, 06:15 PM
Hellish - Interested to see what becomes of our mad space pirate captain. Nice work! Was hoping to see Hara and company around this part of the cosmos.

TheCydork - With tattoos like those, who needs pockets? Great comic. Short and sweet. But what could Gold be saving up for?

Bobo
Web Dev
974 comments
# 14   Posted: Sep 1 2020, 12:55 PM
Spoiler: Hella • show
Hara truly is a handsome bastard haha. I haven't followed his story as well as I'd like to, but that does mean the primer page was helpful. I appreciate that you focused on story elements that were relevant to this particular comic, too.

As for stuff to work on, I think my biggest gripe is how simple the backgrounds were. A one-week deadline always requires some level of sacrifice, so I can't fault you for not having detailed backgrounds in every panel, but even your establishing shots felt pretty bare bones. I'd encourage you to find ways to spice up your buildings with little details like cracks, pipes, electrical wiring, etc. Maybe include some people in panels like the first one so we get a better sense of scale.

Also, this is nitpicky, but I feel like your comic might read a bit better with wider gutters between panels. But that could just be personal preference, so take it with a grain of salt.

As I've said before, I'm really enjoying your coloring. The texture helps keep things from feeling totally flat even in panels with minimal shading. And I appreciated the panels where you added a specific light source; it really adds a layer of drama where you need it, so good move there. Curious to see what's next in Hara's story!

Spoiler: Cy • show
First off, I love your use of body language. I'm on page one, and I love the detail of Gold sitting like he's got attitude. I also think your limited palette worked out really well! And I just love Gold's overall deal and how confident he is. I think I would have liked to see that confidence challenged a bit more, though.

Something I wanted to draw attention to was how you intro'd Hara. Because of the way you drew him at the end of page 1, even though it was clear he was supposed to have an ominous presence, he just looks like another random background character. You framed the panel great, but adding more detail to him in that panel would have elevated the emotional impact. I also feel like even though Hara was a major focus of the comic, he didn't really do anything. I do like that this comic showed how good Gold can be at swiping stuff without getting noticed, and especially how he's able to think on his feet when he gets noticed. So idk if the comic needed more of a confrontation between Hara and Gold, but maybe showing how dangerous Hara is in some other way would have made for a more engaging comic than people just talking about his rep.

Still, all that aside, I really enjoyed your comic and I love Gold. I look forward to more from you, including more playing with color!

snager
Artist
61 comments
# 13   Posted: Aug 31 2020, 12:03 PM
hey, guys! Interesting matchup! I've never seen Hara and Huey before, so hey, new-to-me ppl! Great job making such long, juicy comics, both of you!

Y'all BOTH have grammar and usage errors, so I'll skip that part of the review.

Hellis: your drawings are nice because they reference from real life at least half the time, but the linework looks a little messy- maybe a pen setting or file conversion issue? I like how you play with different lighting conditions - it helps us remember the setting is this sort of dystopian Bladerunner place. your page layouts get a little wacky, but they still follow all known laws of comicing. But i can't put my finger one why, but it was kind of hard to read - each panel has a lot of information, but my brain had a hard time parsing which info was most important. like page six panel 5 for example: is it most important that Gold and Hara are still the ones speaking to each other, or is it more important that an airship has arrived? that second bit of information was treated like it was secondly important, so the next couple panels don't feel like they flow as well. your anatomy and poses are all really great, though, and help you want to keep reading. I'd say, find a way to use those anatomy strengths in you comic pacing more.

CY: wow, you're just pooping out ALL the comics, huh ?
You tend to use this same / similar color pallet every time you draw Gold - to offset his own color pallet. and, you had his opponent fit Gold's Pallet, too. This helps the information read more iconographically. You don't try to set the mood with color - you do your story telling through character interactions instead. But also, you gave us a nice chOnk of voild building: Void's Sexiest is a in-canon competition? i did not know that! You can make a life as a crook without getting caught? VERY interesting :thinking_emoji:

I'd read Gold's bio many times, but until i saw it in action here, I didn't understand how his tattoo powers worked. I didn't understand where the belt went on page 4 / that it vanished (I thought it slid out of view or something) but by the end of page five i was like "OOOh. it vanished. onto tattoo." It was an interesting way to make a high-stakes battle without including a lot of action scenes - for this reason, I found it more fun to read , but  that's a personal onion.

Flutterbyes
Artist
282 comments
# 12   Posted: Aug 30 2020, 05:14 PM
Hellis: I like the chemistry here between a more hardened criminal vs a small-time one. They went together well in this little encounter, even though they're from different walks of life. Also, WEAPONIZED CAT. The ultimate attack. I think that move, and the rest of the action on that page, could have been boosted with some dynamic framing. Page 6 makes me think of something I saw somewhere about the unspoken rules of panel reading order. The way the panels are sized doesn't suggest reading "top-down".

Cydork: I like seeing the different sides of Gold's slippery character: reckless, irreverent, in for the thrill, not above groveling if it suits him... Plus, creative application of his abilities! Hara didn't really have that much to do, though. The story felt more like your opponent was the guy he was selling to. The narrative as it is could have used a punchline where the tables turn on Gold, to make Hara more involved in the story. The belt stealing sequence had some really nice imagery. If he'd used his other hand, I think the framing in the second panel on page 4 could have been really dynamic.

Shen
Artist
1322 comments
# 11   Posted: Aug 29 2020, 05:37 PM
im sorry i havent got much in me rn to crit but: Hellis, welcome back, love the colours! Cy, thank you for the cameos! Both of you are lovely and i love both these comics, both of you and both of these characters! you made voting really hard!

Hellis
Artist
257 comments
# 10   Posted: Aug 28 2020, 12:43 AM
@ Kozi. Thank you for the crits! The only reason my backgrounds arent as scratchy is the linetool I'm afraid haha. And yes, the lineweight is to samey, partially because I end up using the same size brush for everything whenever I need to be speedy. Its something I am working on. For the big pull away shot, my sketches had a lot more people and stuff in it but I ran out of time because backgrounds eat up a lot my time as I am bad at them.

@Arts Ahhh, The damn gutters. Yes, I Really have no excuse for why they are so small. I could literally have fixed them with a single change in options. Thanks for pointing that out, Its honestly something I been told before but keep forgetting. As for the writing on that particular scene, I am inclined to agree. I didn't have time to revise my script any, I just wrote as it was and didn't have any deeper reasons for it, but personally I agree with you. Thank you for the kind words and crits, its always appreciated!

ArtsandGoodies
Community Manager
461 comments
# 9   Posted: Aug 27 2020, 11:44 PM
I didn't realize these were both one week matches till i read Kozi's comment, great job both of you for these both are fantastic for doing in one week.

Hellis: I really enjoy your coloring for this the texture is nice and your the bright colors for the abstract backgrounds are bombastic in a way I like. the action was also cool and i really the part were Hara yeeted Gold and he transformed into a cat mid throw. I do think the gutter space between panels is way too small. there's one part on page 4 with bigger gutters and most all the gutters should be around similar in space, it helps give the reader a quicker way to process the individual panels. Also having bigger gutter space for the horizontal gutters will help the readers eye go to the right first before going down in rows.

If you want cops to be seen as pigs they should just be straight up pulling guns out on someone right away. It would have been much easier to show that than have Hara saying how they don't care about Gold's rights. Also gold's line of saying the force used was excessive felt unnecessarily apologetic to them but I think that's just my own personal bitterness living through the dumpster fire of the US right now.

Cy: Great inks they're really nice and clean in this. I also like your attempts for dramatic angles with heavy foreshortening on them, they don't fully work since the foreshortening on them isn't pushed extreme enough in some areas (like the one of Hara in page two the chest would have much less space and the legs and feet would be longer) but doing more of these odd angles will help them look better and challenging yourself with them is great.
So this may seem minor but it's important to helping sell your figures is working on the clothing folds. Alot of your clothing folds are too symmetrical and follow the direction when there should be more tapering and the angles of the fold should be spreading out more. symmetrical folds that all go in the same direction are stiff and don't make the clothing feel natural. This may be easier to show with examples through redlines which if you want I can do some. Clothing folds are something i'm also learning so we could do a little study group sessions for this since it's a subtle thing that will help figures feel more dynamic and real.
Also this was a great story overall and cool interaction. Great job with this comic.

TheCydork
Artist
308 comments
# 8   Posted: Aug 27 2020, 08:09 PM
@Kozi Wahhhh thank you but oh my god. Oh my fucking god the glasses OTL I must have turned off the layer or something bc they’re there in some of my WIPs?? I feel like such a dumbass. Also 3 other people proofread the final pages and we ALL missed that holy crap

Kozispoon
Global Moderator
1129 comments
# 7   Posted: Aug 27 2020, 06:55 PM
This s some big comics energy, I cannot believe you two busted out this level of quality in a week, wrow!

HELLIS- Your buildings and environment are as ever, very exact and neat. Especially on page 7, that pulled out shot of the ship taking off from the street was great. Thing is you did such a good job in the previous pages filling the streets with people and details, its jarring to get to page 7 and have the street/city be utterly abandoned. I think  dedicating a panel to the crowds running away would've informed why the city block cleared out by the end.

What I find interesting is that while your backgrounds and non human elements are drawn so cleanly, your characters are not. I don't know if that's due to the deadline or personal preference, but I'd love to see your inks match your backgrounds as there's this scratchy quality to them that seems to lack line weight.The final panel on page 3 is a good example in that you have Hara and Gold in the extreme foreground facing off the smile goons but the inks on both elements appear to be the same width. I'd even wager the onlooker even further back share the same line weight.

Your colors though are really nice. I dunno what your methods are, but I dig that the execution added a level of grit to the overall look of your pages. This was a great story to remind readers that despite his hiatus, Hara's still a badass. There are a couple typos, but considering the time crunch of getting this all done, its understandable. A 7 page comic in a week is insane,

CY- As someone who lowkey fears bright colors, seeing a comic in a muted palate aesthetically pleases me. I love how all the colors unified to really set the scene of this dingy basement haunt. Also your line weight is very apparent on page 1 alone in which Ghost is the extreme foreground and his outline stands out in comparison to Gold waaay in the back.

I personally really loved this story. It not only showed off Gold's ability in a clearer way to me, but broke away from the usual go-to void meet-cute of 'encounter? lets fight!' that was refreshing. Gold is a sneaky character and this was a sneaky story, so it really made him shine.

You did a good job showcasing the intimidating nature of your opponent with that reveal on page two as Hara fills the doorway. The angle alone was really great. also you did what I love when artists have to deal with alotta dialogue (on page 3) which is focus the panels on something else as opposed to pages of talking heads. Good on ya.

Also did half of Golds glasses disappear on page 1? XD

brownkidd
Artist
12 comments
# 6   Posted: Aug 25 2020, 05:11 PM
This was super hard to vote on. I can't believe you both did this in just a week. Props and good luck to you both!

Sunrise
Artist
12 comments
# 5   Posted: Aug 25 2020, 01:44 PM
Both of these were very entertaining and I found voting a rather agonising process, haha.

Hellis: Your lineart is really really nice, super crisp. I love it! Very inspiring. I love the mini style shifts between Hara's kaiju blood pumping and him more relaxed. I liked the 'fwoosh' effect that was cool. I really liked how varied the positions you had people in. I found the most worst error to be page 4 when Hara throws Gold and Gold transforms. Reading left to right, as is natural, I was met with the sequence in reverse, haha. An easy fix to invert! A minor thing I probably would have had more Hara's fingers go further into the helmet to get that real gouging look. Lastly the lighting seemed fairly inconsistant, like page 5 bottom right hand corner, not sure why he's so bright? Also same page not sure why the lighting changes from the 3rd panel to the 4th when seemingly he's not changed position? Once again, really solid comic. I liked it!

Cy: Dis fuckin gremlin >:3. Your lines are super smooth and sleak; lovely work throughout. You did so well on body language and posture; from natural and held conversation to the more exaggerated and funny ones like the last two panels on page 4. I also loved the tone of bullshit crime shenanigans; the whole comic felt like a scene from Cowboy Bebop or some dumb british gangster film. It was great! The limited colour pallet was cool, I don't have any strong opinions on it? I think it may have hampered the dumb cutesy shot on page 4 final panel, as I assume you would have made this more vibrant and colourful. There were some errors. I wasn't sure how Gold was sitting in the first page, because the first shot he's got legs forward, the second one he's sat font facing, so did he swing his legs around? Or has he contorted his torso? I also don't think you can twist your hand to be that side on from that position, we should be seeing more of the palm of the hand. (I think? It just didn't read right to me.) The first shot we see of Hara should have had its perspective more extreme, really tilt that camera up. Make those boots bigger and legs larger. Also purely my taste but I probably wouldn't have had Hara's hands behind his back if he's coming in and the shot is showing off how badass he is, as a quarter of his body is obscured by being behind him. Unironically I'd have been referencing some JoJo pose for this one lol. Page 3 I probably would have made Hara a little taller? I think his legs are too short.

Hope that wasn't too rambly. I really enjoyed both of the comics! Great job you two! :D

Hellis
Artist
257 comments
# 4   Posted: Aug 25 2020, 12:29 AM
There are more then a few things I'd fix, had I more time. But losing 1-2 days in the middle of the week because a funeral and the fact I didn't realize I was scheduled to start school this week rather then next week was unfortunate. That said I make no excuses, I did a one weeker, It''s done, and I am pretty ok with it it.

TheCydork
Artist
308 comments
# 3   Posted: Aug 24 2020, 10:14 PM
Submitted! Not too happy with the story, but I tried to push myself art-wise here :) I also tried out a limited palette so any thoughts on that would be extra appreciated! The colours were a kind of bluish grey, ochre and goldy brown, just varying shades of em.

PS I’m aware one of the NPCs arms switched sides, I unfortunately noticed it too late to fix it >> so please don’t mention it.

CandycornRhino
Artist
94 comments
# 2   Posted: Aug 23 2020, 01:56 AM
Only shooting stars break the mold?

Kozispoon
Global Moderator
1129 comments
# 1   Posted: Aug 22 2020, 03:31 PM
:BIG EYES EMOJI:

Comic Details -

 
Drawing Time: 1 week
Ended: Sep 1st, 2020
Votes Cast: 21
Page Views: 540
Winner: TheCydork
 

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