Intro Story / Amelia Fey

Intro Story / Amelia Fey

Intro Story — Amelia Fey

Icon for Amelia Fey
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Critiques & Comments
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yarnwitch
Artist
302 comments
# 11   Posted: Aug 14 2020, 05:03 PM
MORE GHOSTS! YAYYYYYYYYYYYY
Also I gotta know more. More stories please!

Rivana
Artist
165 comments
# 10   Posted: Aug 14 2020, 06:56 AM
Been seeing your lovely art in Discord and I am glad you finally got her in! Congratulations!

Fluffsamasprime
Artist
36 comments
# 9   Posted: Aug 14 2020, 01:21 AM
Glad to see this ghost gal in void!

Brobin_Dragon
Artist
33 comments
# 8   Posted: Aug 13 2020, 11:03 PM
Voted! This seems like a good start to slowly introducing the characters. :)

Symon_says
Artist
167 comments
# 7   Posted: Aug 13 2020, 01:51 PM
A very unique spin on the un-life of a displaced soul. Very clean and visually pleasing art style. Jerome and Amelia have good interaction and appearantly good working relationship.

If I hadn't read the bio I might not have realized Amelia was a ghost, though. Possessed, Alien, or Psionic user of some sort, but not a ghost.

Never the less, great work and welcome to Void!

Pita
Think Tank
206 comments
# 6   Posted: Aug 10 2020, 03:30 PM
This was a great first attempt at a multi-page comic!  From this, I'm able to glean a few things about Amelia Fey--most notably her past as a soldier in World War II.  It's a good introduction to what she's about when I pay attention to the details.

Couple things to note--

- A couple of your pages are very big.  You can potentially resize your images using your drawing program or other applications to solve this problem (I used Paint for the longest time).

- It's subtle, but in the first panel of the last page, your guy's offering help but still has his arms partially folded.   Right now, the folded arms indicate closing off from others or guarding one's self, and that may not be the impression you meant.  Both arms open would convey an openness (lol) from one person to another, and that could punctuate his willingness to help.

The next time you draw characters interacting with one another, a variance in body language can really help to further convey a character's expression.

But overall, this is a good first try.  Keep it up, dude!

Astrodile
Global Moderator
124 comments
# 5   Posted: Aug 9 2020, 05:16 PM
Hi Diz! Congrats on getting your girl in, hoping to see you get in a battle soon and really tear it up with your ghost! It's good to see that you've finally gotten in :> Voiders have already said what could've been said, so if anything my only major hope is that in terms of writing, you implore on those elements that you introduce in this intro, but are flat out explained almost-fully in her biography. The suspense is realll

Kozispoon
Global Moderator
1111 comments
# 4   Posted: Aug 9 2020, 03:18 PM
Promising beginning to someone who 'didn't do comics'. Can't wait to see more!

snager
Artist
51 comments
# 3   Posted: Aug 8 2020, 10:18 PM
I'm so glad to see you in, Diz! I've been following Amelia on the discord and it's nice to see not only the finished article, but also, she comes with a friend!

critique time: I think your first page could have pushed the envelope a little harder. IDK if this was the intent, but it got uploaded a lot larger than the other pages so I don't know if we were supposed to read the letters really large or not but - I think the seriousness of what you're trying to get across on that first page doesn't really cut that hard. but it DOES communicate our character died and implies that those are her dog tags with her dead (lol nice) name on them. I think I'm more tuned to pick up on trans characters but I think the dog tags are just subtle enough for anyone.

Then on page 3, I'd have liked the speech bubble to not be there. let the visual gag speak for itself (the boob light is a nice touch lol). This is just a personal philosophy of mine, but I think visual media doesn't need as much dialog as we think about giving it in our heads. BUT I really love your hand-lettering! and your hand-made bubbles! Been noticing these things are becoming a lost art form.

I also think you have a unique art style and I look forwards to seeing how you develop it along with Amelia! welcome to the site, fellow newb!

Footini
Artist
52 comments
# 2   Posted: Aug 7 2020, 07:17 PM
Great Job on Getting the ghost girl in.

You got good clean lines here and your the anatomy is sound.  You set up the deal with Amelia real quick and that first page, while there's not much, still conveys enough information that we understand enough about her.

But yea what Cy said, you should work on showing more of our characters and the environment.  Pulling the camera out and establishing the room or a full body would have been good. I would also work on maybe some shades and lighting cause as it stands the colors look kind of flat.  

But it's a good solid start to comics for Void.  And I hope that we can throw down in some battles soon Diz!

TheCydork
Artist
261 comments
# 1   Posted: Aug 7 2020, 06:56 PM
Congrats on getting Amelia in!! Welcome to Void :)

I really like the first page with the dog tags. That already gives us a bunch of information, like Amelia’s background, and even without her bio, the glowing blue around the tags similar to her own skin shows they’re significant in some way. The reveal of her being on the ceiling is also oddly cute, I like that you’ve sort of given a ghostly twist on sleeping. Like yes she can sleep, but her version of rolling around is literally floating in midair because she’s a ghost.

Something I noticed is that there isn’t a single fullbody in this comic, except when Amelia is obscured by a blanket. Most of the shots are busts/waist ups and very large within the panel, making it feel cramped. I also don’t get a good sense of the space they’re in because the “camera” is always so close, and the backgrounds lack texture and depth, looking more like squares of colour behind the characters than a room. Also you might want to do a dialogue test run before writing it in for real. Your handwriting is very neat so I had no problem reading it, but I could see the size changing drastically to fit within the bubbles such as on page 4.

Overall though, iirc I remember you saying you hadn’t really done comics before, and this was a great first attempt!

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Ended: Aug 14th, 2020
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