Mentor/Trainee Roulette / David Birch vs. "Kai" Tam Kwok-Kuen

Mentor/Trainee Roulette / David Birch vs. "Kai" Tam Kwok-Kuen

Mentor/Trainee Roulette — David Birch vs. "Kai" Tam Kwok-Kuen

by Orion and Astrodile

Icon for David Birch48.2%
374 points
Page 1Page 2Page 3Page 4Page 5

Crit level: Open to any comments or critiques
tags: David Birch


by TheCydork and Sean

Icon for 51.8%
402 points
Page 1Page 2Page 3Page 4

Crit level: Open to any comments or critiques
tags: David Birch, kai, mentor roulette




Critiques & Comments
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TheCydork
Artist
272 comments
# 9   Posted: Aug 27 2020, 12:17 AM
AH I forgot to thank everyone for commenting! It makes me so happy that you all enjoyed my comic :) Huge thanks to Sean for being an A+ mentor, giving me motivation and a lot of great tips as well as encouraging me to try out greyscale.

@Kozi the vagueness was 100% intentional and @Arts I definitely need to do more muscle studies, I did use a few references here but not as many as I should’ve and traps honestly totally slipped my mind. Buff characters are so difficult ahhh.

Flytee
Artist
143 comments
# 8   Posted: Aug 10 2020, 07:18 AM
Orion- Firstly, I think it's great that you don't shy away from dynamic poses and slightly more ambitious backgrounds, I don't doubt that your art will continue to improve over time. I also found this story very sweet, David can't help but he a nice helpful guy, can he? Even when he's on the run!
However, sadly dispite all these positives, I couldn't fully enjoy them because the pages are so incomplete.

I think one of your main focuses should be submitting a completed comic- sometimes you've just got to trim the fat to keep your story concise and have every panel serve a purpose. Especially with comics like this where you want to say a lot with only a handful of pages. Some examples
-Page one could've been condensed into one establishing shot, since all you need to communicate is that a disater has occurred.
-Also a lot of page 3 could've been trimmed, you could've simply had Kai hear an explosion close by & run to help. Finding a distressed David at the scene.

I think this approach might help you tighten things up more and make your pages more manageable to work on and complete.

Cy- This was great, I really enjoy quiet character driven moments, so everything about this comic was very up my street. The greyscale here was spot on and your line art is a clean and nice as always. I also love that you paid a lot of attention to body langage and gestures, they added a lot to the scenes and made the conversation extra engaging to follow.

Yeah I wish I could write more but this was just a really solid, simple comic.
No complaints from me. Great job!


Kozispoon
Global Moderator
1111 comments
# 7   Posted: Aug 9 2020, 03:41 PM
ORION- I like the story, which overall has always been something of a strength when it comes to your comics, but your time management and habitual incomplete work has definitely become something of a constant. I had hoped this would be addressed or tackled seeing as you had a mentor on hand, but at best maybe this is indication that at least on the positive side, you know you can successfully bust out two complete comic pages in a weeks time. Try tackling two pagers in the future and seeing if you can push that slowly but surely.

Cy- A fully complete, polished and tight comic. I really have no complaints as its clear your mentor prioritized completion and quality and it shows. We get a nice nod to a building plot idea that if you read into the characters bio and profile you'd get but if you were a new guy coming into void to read comics you wouldn't quite understand. I dunno if wanting reader vagueness was intentional, but I think opening with an old photo of Gold as opposed to the idol or even a montage of memories as a background to a panel or two would've better informed what Kai was inferring talking about a their sibling.

ArtsandGoodies
Community Manager
434 comments
# 6   Posted: Aug 8 2020, 07:55 PM
Orion:I really like the dynamic second page and your line art is smooth on the complete pages. the idea of David still helping others while on the run is cool, though this story felt a bit rushed. But I do like all the ideas here.

cy: this is a nice moment between the two characters. Also I'm not sure what it is but your grayscale is amazing in this and I don't know what about it that makes it feel like it stands out but it does to me. One thing you need to work on is the shoulder and neck muscles, mainly try studying the trapezius muscles and the deltoid muscles. In most of the panels it looks like kai have trap muscles but they would be visible on someone with his musculature. also on the final panel of page two the shoulder would be higher up going with the path of the arm. Having a muscular character will help your anatomy a bunch so good luck with future comics.

Heavenbat
Artist
131 comments
# 5   Posted: Aug 5 2020, 11:10 PM
Orion: I like the really dynamic panel layout you got going here! And you had a good setup going, I think--the inks you had were looking pretty good, I just wish you had been able to finish more of it! I also like the plot of David being on the run but still trying to help!

Cy: I know I already gushed about this to you as you were drawing it but maaaaan I love this so much. Just a quiet chill convo between two cinnamon rolls. You did a good job of making the convo visually interesting too, with the different shots you have which do a good job at personifying the two characters. I especially like the panel with Kai fidgeting with his bracelet.

snager
Artist
53 comments
# 4   Posted: Aug 4 2020, 12:35 PM
Good to see y'all came through, even with just sketch pages!

Cy, I like your nice, subdued conversation. It's really smart that you gave the characters something to do while they chat; it shows their vocations and hand body language really well!

Both your characters are so cute. Just dudes being guys. what's better than that?

Orion and Astro: I'm not sure what you guys were training for. the drawings need more reference and the craftsmanship on the inks is pretty first-pass. I can see we were going for more dynamic shots and movements, though and to that I'd say: just keep practicing! It's good to see someone challenging themself!

TheCydork
Artist
272 comments
# 3   Posted: Aug 3 2020, 08:46 PM
Ahhh finally got round to properly reading! I woke up at like 5 and skimmed it before promptly going back to sleep XD Orion, first of all I love how we both ended on a cliffhanger haha. Second, it’s really cool seeing you jump straight in to Kai’s heroic side! I loved the splash page and how he partially transformed tiger arms on page 4 to lift the pipe wahhh.

Also thanks Fluttz! And yes.... this building may just be a familiar one ;) You have a keen eye btw bc that particular panel gave me so, so much trouble. I redrew it many times and I still wasn’t happy with it :/ It was an awkward pose to pick and I probably should have just changed it.

Flutterbyes
Artist
276 comments
# 2   Posted: Aug 3 2020, 06:57 PM
Orion: This opening reads like a superhero comic. Did he just lift a car up over his head? I'm not sure how David knows Kai is here to help, or what he's capable of. It took a few reads to figure out what was going on, since your panels in the later pages are a bit crowded with a lot of head and shoulders that take up the frame, making it easy to get Kai and David mixed up since their hair falls way out of the focal points. I'm not sure what to make of the twist, but it was an interesting twist that begs for continuation.

Cy: This is a sweet interaction, with a nice mood and sense of living in Void city, even though Kai just moved in. I particularly liked that little smile as he warms up to David, and David's cute smile back. (I see that claw and eye...  Does "someone" happen to live in that building, too. >D). Your anatomical shorthand generally works, but there are some places, like the second panel on the first page, where I think you could have made better choices picking curves and straights.

Orion
Artist
213 comments
# 1   Posted: Jul 25 2020, 09:47 AM
And we are back. Let’s do this!

Comic Details -

 
Drawing Time: 1 week
Ended: Aug 10th, 2020
Votes Cast: 21
Page Views: 541
Winner: TheCydork and Sean
 

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