Kaihou Jushi vs. Veruca Chance

Kaihou Jushi vs. Veruca Chance

Kaihou Jushi vs. Veruca Chance

48.3%
449 points
Page 1Page 2Page 3Page 4Page 5Page 6Page 7

Crit level: Open to any comments or critiques


by Cab

51.7%
480 points
Page 1Page 2Page 3Page 4Page 5Page 6Page 7Page 8Page 9Page 10Page 11Page 12Page 13Page 14Page 15Page 16Page 17Page 18Page 19Page 20Page 21

Crit level: No critique desired, comments encouraged




Critiques & Comments
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TheCydork
Artist
237 comments
# 13   Posted: Jul 18 2020, 08:41 PM
Seventeen - First of all all, I didn’t expect you to continue with the fish and that made me chuckle. There’s something really sweet about Jushi getting attached to it rather than you simply writing it away, and I like that. The throwing it into the river only to get eaten by something bigger is always a classic too, haha.

Overall though I didn’t enjoy the comic that much. The dialogue is stilted and while I liked the idea of Veruca and Jushi teaming up, it felt kind of forced to me. I think it’s because they both just got along fine from the get go? Neither of them seem to question the other beyond Jushi asking what’s going on and getting an exposition dump from Connor, then they just follow each other. After they part ways they don’t seem to acknowledge the other either. Veruca is just like “wow rough day” and then goes to bed, like Jushi made zero impact on her.

While this painterly style looked great in your intro, I don’t think it works for things on a tight deadline. It feels like there wasn’t enough time to refine your strokes, because most of this feels muddy, the colours of characters bleeding in too much with the environment. However, at times this DOES work to its advantage, like the 4th panel on page 7, which looks like Veruca is melting into the bed and to me is a good representation of her exhaustion.

PS Wrt writing, I can proofread if you ever want that!

Cab - Continually impressed by the output you manage. Like wow, 21 pages for a 2-weeker, damn. I agree with Footini in that the temple drawing was very impressive. Overall this was pretty fun, I enjoyed the meta humour and references here and there, plus the little sections with a more manga-like style. I snorted at the whole exchange of “read a manga once in a while”, “you expect me to read?”.

Rikun
Artist
87 comments
# 12   Posted: Jul 18 2020, 05:24 PM
This was a battle I was looking forward to from the both of you, and the both of you delivered!

Seventeen: I'm impressed with all the rendering you were able to do in such a relatively short time! It's a simple story and an overall fun adventure romp with awesome visuals. Like others may have mentioned, there are some areas that get muddled and could've used some touching up but it's a small nitpick.

Cab: Once again your knack for storytelling shines through! I sometimes wonder how you're able to do so many pages in such a short turnaround rate but I'm grateful for it. Your story was super fleshed out and your lineart is on point. You gave both Jushi and Veruca a good chunk of screentime and I feel like it's a great entry for anybody who's brand new to the both of them. Keep up the good work!

Revelarts
23 comments
# 11   Posted: Jul 18 2020, 05:12 PM
double post

Revelarts
23 comments
# 10   Posted: Jul 18 2020, 05:12 PM
Great work by both.
17 -- painterly Stuff feels great. Loved the spot of green at the base of the well.
some areas could have been clearer.

Cab -- the line work is wonderful. an interesting mid point between manga and western styles. amazing craftsmanship.
Story at the beginning dragged a bit IMO, but garbed me midway and carried me home.
well done

ArtsandGoodies
Community Manager
423 comments
# 9   Posted: Jul 17 2020, 09:57 PM
Seventeen: Aw rip fish. I really like this story and your style is really good. One thing you should work on is clarity by more clearly separating the characters from the environment. one page 6 the first panel Conner and Kaiho kind of blend into each other. You do have ways you can separate the characters from the background and you do that with Kaiho in panels 2/3 of page 4 and I think most panels should have them separated from the the background kind of like that. I'm curious if you will continue using those monsters since they were pretty cool.

Cab: You keep making great content and solid stories and managing to fit a full story in all of this and doing all 21 pages is really impressive. Great job

Symon_says
Artist
149 comments
# 8   Posted: Jul 17 2020, 04:19 PM
Woh dang. You both are talented individuals, I hope you know that.

Stormcrow
Artist
67 comments
# 7   Posted: Jul 13 2020, 10:46 PM
Whoa, this is a majorly impressive matchup, really beautiful work on both sides!

Seventeen, I'm always impressed when people go for a painterly look in a comic, that's a lot of commitment and I applaud you a ton for that. I think there are times when your work suffered a little from a lack of clarity--a couple places where it didn't read as clearly due to the paints needing maybe one more pass-but that's a hell of a time investment so I can understand why. I also admire your commitment to backgrounds and managing to work in some pretty bright character palettes into a natural setting, good work!

Cab, jesus. That's a hell of a lot of comic in two weeks, and you got a LOT going on here; a story that really felt like it had a full arc because you managed to fit SO MUCH in there. Similar commitment to immaculate backgrounds, and I really enjoyed the fact that you pushed a more manga style for the sake of the matchup; it's no easy task to pump out a lot of work in something different from your norm under a deadline, and you totally nailed it. It was a lot of fun and felt very tongue-in-cheek with your character calling herself out for a past weeb phase. I loved it. God, you're a powerhouse.

These were a ton of fun to read and I really applaud you both on the amount of work you got done on a tight turnaround! You guys got me logging in to comment after literal years so big props to both of you on an awesome battle.

Footini
Artist
38 comments
# 6   Posted: Jul 13 2020, 08:53 PM
Seventeen your artwork is gorgeous.  I really like the mix of Edo period/ modern-ish Void city look you got going on.  This comic was just good fun.

Cab: That mask is sending me.  This was a fun teamup action comic with some nice japanese culture thrown in.
Also that panel of the temple drawing was legitimately impressive.  

Rivana
Artist
152 comments
# 5   Posted: Jul 13 2020, 04:49 PM
Wow what an adventure both these comics are. I honestly couldn't pick a winner. It felt like watching anime or reading a manga with fun adventures on both sides.

Cab and Seventeen really well done!! Sorry I don't have any crits aside from some typos I saw here and there on both comics.  

You really both did an amazing job!

Brabbit
Artist
17 comments
# 4   Posted: Jul 11 2020, 03:31 PM
These comics made my day here, you both did amazing!

Seventeen had some beautiful paints and bein able to do so many fully colored pages in the time you had is impressive!

I also loved the cultural aspects you threw in, Cab. You can feel the heart just emanating from it all!

Fluffsamasprime
Artist
29 comments
# 3   Posted: Jul 11 2020, 12:51 PM
Cab that face mocks me.

These were both excellent reads!
Seventeen! The paint work on yours is pretty choice! Loved the whole thing with the fish from your intro comic and the funny anime face thats made.

Cab. Holy crap! 21 pages! It was a long read, but I really enjoyed the plot and how much of a weeb Veruca is

PutridVodka
Artist
16 comments
# 2   Posted: Jul 11 2020, 12:24 PM
SEVENTEEN - This was SO GOOD! The story pacing was so comfortable and entertaining to read! Loved how the fish issue was resolved 100/10. Your art style is always a treat for the eyes! I just love how you make reflective surfaces! And the chemistry between Jushi and Veruca felt so natural! I can see them becoming close friends fast

CAB - I love your inks! And the detail and care you put into backgrounds is so impressive! Loved the atmosphere in your round. The story was good, love a bittersweet ending

snager
Artist
29 comments
# 1   Posted: Jul 11 2020, 11:19 AM
17! I love your painterly style and way of layering your speech bubbles over the art. The only thing to bare in mind is to put a little more detail / polish in some of the objects or people that are closer to the 'camera' and then to compensate, spend maybe less time rendering the background or less-important details. it's really refreshing to see that style being used so well in comics! your color theory and stage direction are all A++, love the variety in camera angles; everything's very cinematic and I can tell you're going places! esp. want to cite the part where they climb out of the dungeon and they were revealed to be under void city all along. NICE contrast.

Also loved the pair up between Kaihou and Veruca - just two action teens being gal pals. What's better than that? very good chemistry!
I already teased you about your usage stuff, but still: don't be shy about asking someone to check your script for spelling errors or localization help. You do a pretty good job of giving the 3 characters different speaking meters/word choices, (which I've seen really accomplished comic artists fall flat with) so I really look forwards to seeing you take that to the next level. I'm so jealous?

Comic Details -

 
Drawing Time: 2 weeks
Ended: Jul 18th, 2020
Votes Cast: 21
Page Views: 540
Winner: Cab
 

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