Homeward Bound I / Dahiris and Raven

Homeward Bound I / Dahiris and Raven

Homeward Bound I — Dahiris and Raven

by Astrodile and Rivana


77%
Page 1Page 2Page 3Page 4Page 5Page 6Page 7Page 8Page 9Page 10Page 11Page 12Page 13

Crit level: Open to any comments or critiques
tags: bruhma, dahiris, donovan, Miller, ozias, raven, rivana, sandbox




Critiques & Comments
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Rivana
Artist
129 comments
# 20   Posted: Jul 5 2020, 02:32 PM
Late but I just want to say thank you for all the comments, praises and critiques. They are all very much appreciated.

Camel - Noted. And I think the Bruhma hook fell short because this was initially a Raven BB. I was already more than halfway done with the inking when Don/Astrodile  and I  decided on a collab. So we didn't have the  time to integrate Bruhma in the  previous pages without overhauling the entire thing. There's an option to add more but that's what Part 2 is going to be about :). With that said, yes totally agree that Bruhma just being in the last page may not be that impactful as opposed to those readers who knew Bruhma had been missing for more than a year now/familiar with the character.

Again thank you everyone for the feedback!

Camel
Artist
87 comments
# 19   Posted: Jun 27 2020, 11:27 PM
The rendering and colors here are really good. The figures are great as always, Rivana. The colors are quite nice as well Don, the material on Ozias' throne is really visually pleasant, and i really liked the eerie green and grey palette for the night scene, it fits with Raven's vampiric aura . The hard horizon line in the white space does make it feel a bit cramped, I would have erased that and just opted for a gradient. The hook for part 2 is a little weak, i must say, considering the hook is just that Bruhma and Rivana are meeting up in this space; I feel like meta-narratively, a battle between two characters often implies them both meeting up and interacting, so to use that as a hook for a next part makes it feel less like a cliffhanger and more just like an arbitrary end. Despite that, I am definitely intrigued for part 2. Oh and that intro page is absolutely gorgeous, i'd get a poster of that.

Symon_says
Artist
118 comments
# 18   Posted: Jun 22 2020, 07:05 PM
Astrodile and Rivana, this was a great team up. Really enjoyed this exploration into the Sandox sub dimension. So many cameos and great visuals all around! Sweet jumping jelly beans I look forward to the following parts. :)

Rivana
Artist
129 comments
# 17   Posted: Jun 21 2020, 05:42 PM
I am feeling chatty today so here's another wall of text Cy lol

Spoiler: For Cy! • show


[quote]You focus on the letter here, for instance giving it a whole page, which gives the feeling it’s supposed to be very important. We can definitely assume they’re friends from the snippet you show, but the letter’s words don’t carry much weight since we haven’t actually seen much of the relationship or Raven’s guilt.[/quote]

Actually the point of this comic too is actually to show Raven's guilt for the first time. So far in her battles I've only illustrated her need to feed on blood. Raven vs Jerin demonstrated that she was hiding behind Rocio's back about this despite Rocio already offering her blood bags.

So yes, I did not expect anyone to have an inclination that Raven was feeling guilt until this particular comic. On the next page she did say she needed more blood than she was letting on with Rocio - adding possible conflict between the roommates.  I hope that makes sense.


[quote]
I reread that comic and still couldn’t find any mention of it, though on Py’s side I saw it mentioned once. My point still stands, this was basically a blink and you’ll miss it moment in an opponent’s comic, so it’s odd to treat it as though it’s very important to Raven or was a goal the whole time.[/quote]

Raven also said she intends to stay with Rocio until she finds a way back home or earn her own living quarters (aside from the part with Raven trying to escape via portal and failing at Akira's club) in the last page of that Pyras battle :)

[quote]I meant dropped as a plot point in this particular comic, like I said in the quote you replied to. Since Part 2 is set in the Sandbox, I think it’s safe to assume that within this comic, she isn’t going to try and get home another way.[/quote]

In the Sandbox scene page 12 - Raven was still thinking about home in her mind so I wouldn't say it was 'dropped'per se.  We'll have to see how things go in Part 2. . So yes, Homeward Bound is still an appropriate theme for this collab I would say. I do know Raven still wants to go home and will still try to find a way even after the events of this collab

[quote]
what I mean is, you’ve essentially told the reader that nothing that happens next matters. At least, for Raven. Some people won’t pick up Part 2 to find out she actually keeps some of her experiences, because you’ve already told them here that she won’t.[/quote]

The statement "None of it she remembers" is more in the immediate future/present sense which is true. I imagine these latent memories can only come into play via triggers in the real world anyhow. It's a broad term that is open to the interpretation that may change later on but yes indeed Raven doesn't remember anything unless something else triggers it in the outside world. At least that's how I am planning to play this off :)

I approach my Void comics as a continuing story so things are open to evolution and development. I don't intend to reveal everything in one go. I like to take the reader for a ride. What may be true now may not be the same later as we find out more about how this Sandbox works is how I envision it.

[quote]
Bruhma appears on the very last page, his presence is more of a cliffhanger than a hook. Miller as a character (i.e. including Amber) hasn’t been active since 2018, Jason himself disappeared in 2017. To use Miller as a hook, there’s an assumption that the reader has gone through the archives of a character who’s had no prior connection to your own, and who was last seen three years ago. Otherwise, he could just be another background character, or unknown cameo. I only recognise Miller at all because I’ve seen pictures of him in the RP server tbh.[/quote]

The Miller and Bruhma hook was admittedly for the older members of course but it wasn't the main focus of this particular comic. The comic can still stand on its own for the new/unfamiliar readers just based on what was immediately available to them: What is this Sandbox place? Raven trying to get home, her guilt? Who is this strange person who asked Raven if they met before in that last page?, etc.  I added some references to older comics on certain parts if they needed a bit of backreading. (ie Raven vs Jerin and Dove vs Raven) but not much.

New readers didn't have to know who Miller or Bruhma are. I will leave that to their respective owners to expand on those cameos. (I had Pyras' permission to add Miller so I imagine he's working on a more detailed way of re-introducing him to Void). But yes afaik Miller is just a cameo here and it's perfectly okay if nobody recognizes him lol. It's more of an Easter Egg for the older members but will still bear weight at the same time because this is how he 'officially' came back after years of being thought as deceased.

With regards to Bruhma, the next part will focus more on him so his anonymity here is expected/intentional for the new members. Older members - esp Badger - should recognize him since Bruhma disappeared in a Talon vs Dahiris comic.


[quote]
This bit did confuse me I have to admit. I wasn’t sure what the significance of the recording was, I didn’t know there was a possibility he would carry it over to the outside world. In that case, yeah there’s a lot of possibilities and story that could open up.[/quote]

Yeah! I like dropping hints that are open to interpretation instead of full on infobomb (unless it is necessary. I kinda did that in page 11 but I wanted to be concise and not bore the reader. Also presented in a manner that is not out of place - in this case, I used Ozias' tech to do some narration)

Also! I am not saying your confusions aren't valid but I just wanna share what is going on in my head and why the comic is presented as it is. :)



Thanks Flytee for the comments too! I am glad to hear about the improvement on inking as that is still very new to me and yeah I am just as thrilled that Don decided to join in to color.

And yeah totally agree with your take on the Sandbox. It is vast and it didn't quite show that in the comic as much aside from the 'empty white space' part. Blank slate is a very fitting term. I like it. I didn't even make that connection until you brought it up.  

I also would've loved to have seen some of the background characters actually interacting with this world, I think it could've been a good opportunity to further hammer home how it functions, but also inject some weirdness and atmosphere into the area.
Quote

Funny you say that! Because I am hoping other Void artists would jump in on this. There are only so much interactions I can put in this comic without working on it forever but yes there is a plan to show what Sandbox can do in the future.

I actually thought of this story because I know other artists could use it to advance their characters based from what I've seen about how it was used in the RP server. I did this with that in mind, not necessarily to advance Raven's story. And it was such a good thing that Don asked if they could utilize it for Bruhma's return and that alone made me excited that it was already being used for other people's character arc this early.

Flytee
Artist
126 comments
# 16   Posted: Jun 21 2020, 11:15 AM
This comic was absolutely gorgeous. Your inks are as excellent as ever,  they felt a lot more textured in this comic, I loved their scratchy quality and all the cross-hatching you did. The colours also add tons to depth and atmosphere. You two really are an amazing team.
The story was interesting as well! You took it in a direction that I didn't expect. The set up was cool, writing-wise page 6 really grabbed my attention.

The Omni-void/ sandbox is an intriguing setting. A pocket dimension, where you're basically a god who can conjure up any object or environment just by thinking about it...the storytelling potential is pretty wild. I'm excited to see where you take this!

Visually I completely understand the choice to make the sandbox an empty white space, its like a blank slate right? I did, however, have a hard time connecting to the setting. I think an establishing shot giving us a sense of scale might've grounded me a bit more. Despite the empty white backgrounds, a lot of these panels made the environment feel quite small and overpopulated. (I get the vibe its supposed to be more vast?)
I also would've loved to have seen some of the background characters actually interacting with this world, I think it could've been a good opportunity to further hammer home how it functions, but also inject some weirdness and atmosphere into the area.

Overall fantastic job!
I can't wait to see more :)

TheCydork
Artist
198 comments
# 15   Posted: Jun 21 2020, 09:44 AM
Thank you for the detailed explanation! I definitely get more of it now. Also, quotes don’t work under spoilers? Wackk, I did the same as you and just bookended the quotes anyway so they’re easy to see haha.

Spoiler: Reply to reply • show
[quote]I  just chose the eye candy route as some comics I read in the past did. Definitely not for everyone but it was a personal choice on my part but I understand the disconnect that may come with it.[/quote]

Ahh, fair enough.

[quote]it was shown there that they are friends and Rocio was even giving Raven blood (the blood bag comment)... But yes it is a safe assumption that Rocio and Raven had grown close as friends in the background.[/quote]

Oh god my bad, I forgot that little moment in the Vs Jerin comic! It’s still a pretty small moment in the grand scheme of things though. You focus on the letter here, for instance giving it a whole page, which gives the feeling it’s supposed to be very important. We can definitely assume they’re friends from the snippet you show, but the letter’s words don’t carry much weight since we haven’t actually seen much of the relationship or Raven’s guilt.

[quote]Her desire to get home was in Dove vs Raven.[/quote]

I reread that comic and still couldn’t find any mention of it, though on Py’s side I saw it mentioned once. My point still stands, this was basically a blink and you’ll miss it moment in an opponent’s comic, so it’s odd to treat it as though it’s very important to Raven or was a goal the whole time.

[quote]Why would it be dropped? She is trying different avenues ways to get home.[/quote]

I meant dropped as a plot point in this particular comic, like I said in the quote you replied to. Since Part 2 is set in the Sandbox, I think it’s safe to assume that within this comic, she isn’t going to try and get home another way.

[quote]At the risk of spoiling. Sandbox leaves latent memories/feelings in certain people (I thought you should know this lol).[/quote]

This kinda goes back to what I said earlier about assumptions though? I know that, but people who aren’t in the server don’t. All they will see is what you wrote here: “none of it she remembers”, which comes across as total memory loss. I’m probably not explaining myself too well... what I mean is, you’ve essentially told the reader that nothing that happens next matters. At least, for Raven. Some people won’t pick up Part 2 to find out she actually keeps some of her experiences, because you’ve already told them here that she won’t.

[quote]Want another hook? BRUHMA and MILLER have been missing/dead for a long time and were seen in the Sandbox.[/quote]

Bruhma appears on the very last page, his presence is more of a cliffhanger than a hook. Miller as a character (i.e. including Amber) hasn’t been active since 2018, Jason himself disappeared in 2017. To use Miller as a hook, there’s an assumption that the reader has gone through the archives of a character who’s had no prior connection to your own, and who was last seen three years ago. Otherwise, he could just be another background character, or unknown cameo. I only recognise Miller at all because I’ve seen pictures of him in the RP server tbh.

[quote]Also Ozias started recording Sandbox events and this will carry over to the outside world - another possible hook.[/quote]

This bit did confuse me I have to admit. I wasn’t sure what the significance of the recording was, I didn’t know there was a possibility he would carry it over to the outside world. In that case, yeah there’s a lot of possibilities and story that could open up.

Rivana
Artist
129 comments
# 14   Posted: Jun 21 2020, 07:41 AM
Thanks for the comments so far! I was saving a post for the end but Cy raised some points that I wanted to clarify :)

Note: Blah quote tags don't work inside spoiler tags. I'll just leave them so we know where the quotes are lol

Spoiler: Response to Cy • show

Oh I like doing pin up style so I just integrated that in page 3 (IE drawing something I normally enjoy and putting in the comic). There are different ways to tell a story, some work for others some don't. I just chose the eye candy route as some comics I read in the past did. Definitely not for everyone but it was a personal choice on my part but I understand the disconnect that may come with it.

And she is undressing because she is changing to her normal costume. I dont think anyone would want to step out in the open wearing their night gown. Not with Raven at least lol.

[quote]Raven seems to care about Rocio and finds it difficult to say goodbye, but we’ve never seen them interact in a friendly way in your comics.[/quote]


Raven vs Jerin (my side) kinda showed this in the last page.
https://entervoid.com/view.php?id=6937&side=1&iid=8

It is still difficult for me to produce a lot of comics to show the details of their friendshhip (my bad) but it was shown there that they are friends and Rocio was even giving Raven blood (the blood bag comment). Pyras had a small BB in the works that kind showed a bit of the lighthearted stuff these two get into but not sure when that's gonna happen or if dropped. But yes it is a safe assumption that Rocio and Raven had grown close as friends in the background. I am working on speeding up my comic output so hopefully we get to see more.

Her desire to get home was in Dove vs Raven. And in her intro it was more of a narrative thing to determine whether should she stay and move on in Void or try to get back home (ie A choice has to be made at some point for Raven)

Dove and Raven happened after that so she still wants to go home and anyone can safely assume that it's still one of her goals. Which reminds me I should add her goals in her bio.

[quote]
The portal fails, so the going home plot point is dropped (and with it, interest over what she needs to make right drops because we know this particular comic won’t give us answers).[/quote]

Why would it be dropped? She is trying different avenues ways to get home. She thought Jerin's blood would make a difference but it didn't. Maybe she wants to find another interdimensional traveller next as a possible continuing plot for this, etc. The sky is the limit. If anything this opens up avenues for Raven to seek other Void characters IMO.


[quote]We know Raven is going to go straight back to Rocio, so the letter plot point is dropped, along with a potential conflict. We know that Raven doesn’t remember her time in the Sandbox and comes out fine, so it will not affect the canon in any way. It’s effectively pulling a “but it was all a dream!” ending. What’s the hook?[/quote]

At the risk of spoiling. Sandbox leaves latent memories/feelings in certain people (I thought you should know this lol). And this is more of an intro for the Sandbox as well so other characters can use it if they wish.

Want another hook? BRUHMA and MILLER have been missing/dead for a long time and were seen in the Sandbox. See page 10 for Miller cameo and 11 for a bit of a narration/exposition on Sandbox behavior (the two missing persons found were Bruhma and Miller) and pg 13 for Bruhma.

Also Ozias started recording Sandbox events and this will carry over to the outside world - another possible hook.

[quote]Going back to earlier, I think I have a feeling that the Raven-Rocio relationship disconnect may be due to an assumption that readers are in the RP server?[/quote]

Nope no RP server assumptions came with this (and even so, Raven and Rocio relationship in the RPs already came with the good friends/roommate assumption. Their RP server relationship is very rocky at best which is not  what is at all hinted here).

The assumption is more on after Dove and Raven they have been roommates and hanging out. As mentioned, a glimpse of this was shown in Raven vs Jerin.

Hope that clears things up!


TheCydork
Artist
198 comments
# 13   Posted: Jun 20 2020, 07:36 PM
Spoiler: Crit • show

First of all, the rendering was gorgeous as usual, and Don, your colours were lovely in this. I freaking LOVE the first page, like wow the silhouette with the glasses and that one strip of white hair and Raven blending together with Bruhma, very aesthetically pleasing. Very good use of texture too, I know I’ve said it before but combined with the inking style, it gives a lovely traditional feel. I also gotta say, that piano room on page 12? Gorgeous, love the detailing on the piano.

I feel like there is a disconnect between the art and the story though. Like page 3, Raven is having this conflict about leaving Rocio and feeling guilty about her past, but the panels show her posing almost seductively on a bed and then undressing. If I took the text away, I wouldn’t be able to figure out what was going on via expressions or posing. Of course the text is important in a comic and I’m not saying you should be able to understand one perfectly without it, but the visuals should be able to give you the basic gist. She could have had these thoughts while for instance, writing the letter, placing it where Rocio could find it, or perhaps neatening up the room in preparation for leaving. This feels more like a series of pinups, which is strange considering there’s no romantic or sexual undertones to her thoughts, or what she was planning to do (go home). I see this in her expressions too, like on the following page when she says “it is time”. She still kinda has bedroom eyes. Is she feeling determined about going home? Guilty? Resigned? She reads as seductive to me.

Speaking of, the writing definitely fell flat for me. First of all, the premise didn’t make a lot of sense. Raven seems to care about Rocio and finds it difficult to say goodbye, but we’ve never seen them interact in a friendly way in your comics. We have Py’s side in Dove vs Raven and that’s it, so her conflict doesn’t feel grounded in anything. There is no relationship to mourn. In her letter, Raven talks about “finally” going home, implying that she’s been trying to get home for a while... but again, there’s no basis for this. I checked through the archives to make sure, and there’s no mention of her wanting to get home, and we don’t see her trying to get home either. In her intro comic, she even calls Void a new start, which directly contradicts the desire to go home expressed here. It’s this new conflict that’s suddenly introduced as if it’s been there the whole time, and there’s no time to be glad she found this way to get home, or disappointed when it fails.

Since this is a part 1, I can’t really crit the full story. However, this is HALF of the story and I don’t really see where it’s going or what the point is. The portal fails, so the going home plot point is dropped (and with it, interest over what she needs to make right drops because we know this particular comic won’t give us answers). We know Raven is going to go straight back to Rocio, so the letter plot point is dropped, along with a potential conflict. We know that Raven doesn’t remember her time in the Sandbox and comes out fine, so it will not affect the canon in any way. It’s effectively pulling a “but it was all a dream!” ending. What’s the hook?

Going back to earlier, I think I have a feeling that the Raven-Rocio relationship disconnect may be due to an assumption that readers are in the RP server? For instance, Raven and Rocio have had loads of bonding and development over RP, so from your perspective or other people in the server, a heartfelt letter makes sense. But to people outside the server, it’s like, huh? What has Rocio done for Raven, why is it hard for Raven to say goodbye when Rocio hasn’t featured in your comics as anything but a one-off enemy? However on the other hand, I think the Sandbox mention works because there is intrigue over what the space is if you aren’t in the server.

Rikun
Artist
79 comments
# 12   Posted: Jun 20 2020, 01:19 PM
As everyone else said the art is on point for this BB. and I'm so glad that the colors compliment the lineart so well. I'm excited to see how part 2 turns out and what it could mean for both of these characters.

Cab
Artist
50 comments
# 11   Posted: Jun 19 2020, 07:41 PM
Rivana, You and Astro/Don have done an incredible good together , your beautiful art and Don's Colors, its a recipe for a true feast for the eyes, I can't wait for the part 2, I wanna read more.

(also thanks for the Roxy cameo :-)

PutridVodka
Artist
9 comments
# 10   Posted: Jun 19 2020, 12:12 PM
This was such a delight to read!

Rivana
Artist
129 comments
# 9   Posted: Jun 18 2020, 10:56 PM
Uploaded! Just a note that this was supposed to be Raven's BB iniitially so the story looks way too focused on one character but there will be part 2 :)

Don - thanks so much for working with me on this. Your coloring is phenomenal! <3  

Rivana
Artist
129 comments
# 8   Posted: May 31 2020, 01:26 PM
Cab: Doesn't it mean that the part II- will have them lost in San Francisco
Quote

LOL real talk when I chose  the title I was thinking of the exact same movie (one of my faves when I was a kid). Raven can be the cat. Bruhma is a werewolf. I guess  we need one more doggo XD

Cab
Artist
50 comments
# 7   Posted: May 29 2020, 10:09 PM
Doesn't it mean that the part II- will have them lost in San Francisco

InkyBrain
Artist
35 comments
# 6   Posted: May 15 2020, 04:00 PM
gimme gimme GIMME GIMME GIMMEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

Rivana
Artist
129 comments
# 5   Posted: May 10 2020, 09:29 PM
Rikun: Homeward Bound I? Does that mean there's gonna be a part II?
Quote

Yep there will be part II.

Brabbit
Artist
16 comments
# 4   Posted: May 10 2020, 01:32 PM
Lookin forward to this one!

Rikun
Artist
79 comments
# 3   Posted: May 10 2020, 12:58 PM
Homeward Bound I? Does that mean there's gonna be a part II?

Rivana
Artist
129 comments
# 2   Posted: May 9 2020, 11:17 AM
ABSOLUTELY! I am fangirling right now that you decided to join in! I'll do my best <3

Astrodile
Global Moderator
119 comments
# 1   Posted: May 7 2020, 07:04 PM
LETS DO DIS' BABY

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