Great Escalations, Round 2 / Roxy vs. CHOP CHOP vs. Maw

Great Escalations, Round 2 / Roxy vs. CHOP CHOP vs. Maw

Great Escalations, Round 2 — Roxy vs. CHOP CHOP vs. Maw

by Cab

Icon for Roxy35.1%
361 points
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Crit level: No preference


by Nothin

Icon for CHOP CHOP30.6%
315 points
Page 1Page 2Page 3Page 4Page 5Page 6Page 7Page 8Page 9Page 10

Crit level: No preference


by Brabbit

Icon for Maw34.2%
352 points
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Crit level: No preference




Critiques & Comments
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Rivana
Artist
214 comments
# 13   Posted: May 20 2020, 11:51 AM
My apologies for absolutely missing the voting period on this one. Was scrambling with my BB at the time (and now it's a collab so that kinda took some load off lol). I finally got some breather to enjoy these comics!

Nothin - It's a shame you weren't able to finish this! So much potential! Love the  scar you gave them. A lot of sketchy pages but still readable somehow. I am impressed.

Brabbit - Always loved your characters, style and the fluidity/motion of your comics and this doesn't disappoint! But this felt like more of a Kit and Jade comic than a Roxy/Maw/Chop Chop battle. I did have to look at previous comments to see what their names are cos I dont think they were ever mentioned even in this comic (I apologize if I missed it) so that also added to my confusion. Either way it's a good story on its own just did not seem focused on the characters that are supposed to be the highlight for this battle :)


Cab - Congratulations and thank you for the Raven cameo. I love her in your style! I really have no crits but I gotta commend  you for the improvement you had on this one. The backgrounds are not cluttered anymore in the latter pages (IDK if that is a time constraint thing on your part but it WORKED to your benefit). And I love that you integrated the past opponents Looma and Taboo in this story. Brilliant.  

I can't help but think that Chop Chop is now Groot for the meat-eaters XD and I can't wait to find out what happens next with Maw!

PS:
I do have ONE CRIT: How dare you get Baby Shark stuck in my head now.

RanZombie
Artist
12 comments
# 12   Posted: May 16 2020, 12:14 AM
I normally stay away from giving critiques since I'm not super confident in my own opinion of others works n stuff, but I wanted to atleast try this time since it involves two fellow artist I joined the site with and am invested in the art and stories they tell. (And also because they included Taboo so I figure its the least I can do)

Spoiler: Cab • show

As always, the amount of content you are able to produce is nothing short of incredible man. I envy the focus you must have in order to finish such a large entry in such a short amount of time. Additionally, you also take the time to add backgrounds to all of the important shots, always making perfectly clear what the surrounding environment is. You show great passion for your work and I respect you a ton for that.
As for the weak points, I agree with the others when they mentioned the writing could use some work. However, I don't think the plot you write itself is a problem. I believe anything can work as long as proper dialogue is in place to smoothly take the reader through it.
I have a theory as to why some of the character lines can feel a bit wonky and bloated at times. What I image happens, is that you write down a general script of all the information you would like to provide the reader with as they go. However, you then just simply paste that as the dialogue itself. You don't work on properly translating that message into words that the character would actually say. Which is why the dialogue can come off as bloated with some characters stating the obvious, or being just plain out of character. I would personally recommend taking some extra time to study your opponent speech quirks and patterns, as well as reviewing them with their creator. Maybe even run some hypothetical scenarios with them to get a clearer idea of how they approach different situations.
Once you nail that aspect though, there's not a doubt in my mind that you will become one of the strongest comic artists on site.


Spoiler: Nothin • show

Iv'e actually read a good bunch of your comics and am in love with your slick and clean style. As other mentioned, it's a shame you were unable to finish as you had the basis for an excellent round. Of the 3, your scars were definitely my favorite ones, as they carry some real weight behind them. I don't really have much of a crit since it felt you really knew what you were doing, but ran out of time.
There is just one thing I'd like to make note of, but it's not much of a critique, more so a personal opinion. When I first read the entry I was a bit confused because I didn't fully comprehending that CHOP CHOP was going full body snatcher on us. Not because it wasn't conceivable, but because his first round made me think he was rather harmless, which at the time confused me as well as his ref made him sound rather ominous form the get go. Granted, each round is meant to stand on it's own, and linear story development between rounds isn't a mandatory. That's pretty much how I handle my own rounds in other tournaments; just self contained stories. But the bottom line is, the tonal shift in character did catch me a bit off guard. Again, I don't see it as something bad. More so just something I felt like pointing out and maybe keep in mind.
Either way, love your work can't wait to see more of it in the future!


Spoiler: Brabbit • show

MY MAN. I was really looking froward to your second round as I've become increasingly invested in Maw's development. Additionally, I'm super honored that you had Taboo stick around a little more as he tries to identify what he previously dealt with. Which I thought was a rather clever and quick way of giving the audience more information about Maw's nature, without having it instead be explained by him or some unknown party. However, I can't help but feel a bit guilty when saying that the inclusion of various characters might've also been your greatest weakness this round. As much as I adore Kit and Jade, they should've probably been kept a little more in the background, same with the mysterious stranger. I'm under the impression that he was added in to sorta tie everything together at the last minute. But since he's someone who literally just shows up with no clear motivation, it feels a bit odd, especially when given the honor of actually being the one who scars CHOP CHOP. Maybe if he had been introduced in the first round, I could see him having active role on the second round working a little bit better.
That aside, your comic art, while a little incomplete this time, was still perfectly readable and the action is as good as ever.
I can't wait to see more of the hungry boi!


All in all, great round! Keep up the amazing work!

ArtsandGoodies
Community Manager
473 comments
# 11   Posted: May 14 2020, 06:14 PM
O this was a really great round.
Cab and Brabbit I would like to see both of you take on a more common webtoon style comic webscroll. I think it would be cool to see both of your styles in that and I think both of you could do some great storytelling with that style.

Cab: The consistent quality you are always able to produce is always admirable. I was also pleasantly surprised by the little animation you had of the dancing chop-chop, it was really cute and a nice story beat at the end. the main crit I have is with your writing and it's a technical thing that regardless of what you're trying to write can be fixed. You add small filler words that end up bloating dialogue, these small words bloat your dialogue and make your witty parts have less impact and while most may not consciously pick up on it it will mentally drag the writing and entertainment down for people reading.

Two examples in this comic: "..will ever be as popular as her more famous mom.."  this line can be cut down to "will ever be as popular as her mom." since 'will ever be as popular' already implies 'more famous'. Removing those the line reads quicker and the reader still gets all the necessary information. When you have dialogue heavy comics you need to cut out as many of these words as you can to keep the readers attention.

Another example: "..and I don't really know why" The 'really' just bloats this and lessens the dialogue impact and results in it meandering. look at "..and I don't know why?!" it is much more to the point and shows her stress in the moment. You should have someone look over your scripts to check for these words as well as practice to find them yourself so you can cut them out.

Even though your style in art and general comics hasn't really changed you have been improving. I noticed this comparing this Catador cameo to your previous cameo, so you're doing good improving even if it can be hard to notice.

Nothin: Even though they're incomplete these sketches convey a good sense of anxiety,it reminds me a bit of FFAK. It would be cool to see you trying that, making certain parts intentionally rough and sketch and important story beats detailed and clean as a way of making it feel like the sketchy parts are what stuff feels like in those moments. Maybe choose the parts in the story that matter the most rather than just all at the end or at the beginning, that way it can feel intentional.

Brabbit: I really like how you characterized Maw in this and the first couple pages were great. I will agree with other people's crits that there was a bit too much fluff in this, which makes the sketchy pages forgettable when not much happens in them. Part of why I think you should try to stick to a more webtoon style is that it is much better for this style of writing. When you have longer pages with lots of panels you can keep all those fluff panels and end pages on important story hooks making them as a whole more memorable.

Footini
Artist
95 comments
# 10   Posted: May 13 2020, 04:55 PM
voting on this comic is nerve racking because I must decide which one moves onward to the slaughter.
But they all good tho.

Flytee
Artist
167 comments
# 9   Posted: May 9 2020, 05:30 AM
-This is such an impressive round, I love how unique everyone's entries were.

Nothin- That was brutal. Your scars were impactful but they also give the creators something fun to work with. Particularly Roxy losing her voice. I think those are the best kind of scars.
Even though this comic is unfinished, I appreciate that you neatened up the expressions & the more impactful moments of the story. It stopped the overall sketchiness from completely spoiling the experience.
Honestly, if this had been finished it would've hands-down been my favourite of the bunch, I just like this kind of horror.

Cab- I love your backgrounds, the attention to detail is so great. (I guess Roxy's a Fluttershy person? Who knew!) I also appreciate how strong and unique your art style is. You're extremely confident in the way you draw, which is great to see. Your comics are always top-notch when it comes to quality & effort, and this comics no different. (I also loved the little pizza pals cameo in the party flashback.)

That being said I do agree with a lot of the crits you've been given. There's some excellent feedback down there. So I wouldn't go on too much about my crits.
I'll just say, my main take away from this comic was it's bloated. There's a lot of chaff in the dialogue and scenes/ side characters who don't need to be there. This seems to be a big issue for you particularly with Tourneys. I think when you enter them in the future it could be worth having a game plan- a big overarching story. Is your character looking for something? Are they lost? Are they performing a ritual? Are they collecting Bounties? You get the picture.
Having a story arc in mind going in could help you keep your entries structured and tight. Follow your canon and focus on the characters you've been given and I think people will respond well.

Brabbit- Adorable work as always. It's a shame you couldn't get it finished. I enjoy that you have the relationship between Maw and the girl as an ongoing emotional centre to your comics. I feel like its building to something? Either way, the inner turmoil she creates in Maw adds a lot to the character. For me she's important to the story because shes helped me get more invested in it...that being said I can't say I feel the same about the other characters in this comic.

Its similar issue to cabs, there was a lot of extra chaff that didn't really add much. I love kit and Jade and I got a kick out of seeing them again, but this is a comic with a short deadline, and multiple characters that you *have* to include. So it just didn't feel like a good use of your time. I would have rathered you fleshed out the story more.
The scars felt a bit like an after thought, which is a shame.




TheCydork
Artist
339 comments
# 8   Posted: May 9 2020, 12:38 AM
@Nothin I wasn’t aware that was the symbol for lack of sound. I’ve never seen it before. I thought it was meant to convey some kind of surprise or I suppose recoil/trauma, since she just threw up a sentient meat mass that had been piloting her. The only symbol I’ve seen for lack of sound is a speaker with a slash through it, and when I tried googling it, that’s what I got too. The symbol you used clearly isn’t universal. Perhaps a completely empty speech bubble would have prevented confusion. There was also the emphasis on Roxy’s teeth falling out, which I thought might have been the scar, and detracts from the actual scar imo.

Having said that, I read the comic one more time and I am seeing some text that I missed at the bottom that mentions the voice, so my bad for that. The text is somewhat difficult to read though, and being dark pink blends with the red meat.

Nothin
Artist
44 comments
# 7   Posted: May 9 2020, 12:15 AM
@cydork: how is the symbol for the lack of sound in a speech bubble hard to understand as the loss of voice?
@rhino: maw had to snap himself back to reality away from the meat dimension, magic shockwave bounced back
@pita: 12 hours burnouts are hard but i submitted every page i made for once so that's all i'm glad for

TheCydork
Artist
339 comments
# 6   Posted: May 8 2020, 11:17 PM
Not gonna lie, while I liked an aspect here and there, I didn’t really vibe with any of these. Sorry guys.

Spoiler: Cab • show

Pita and Candy pretty much took the words from my mouth about art issues, so I’ll try to keep my crit focused on the writing. I couldn’t get into this at all. While your comics have definitely gotten easier to read visually, I still had to stop and start several times due to the writing.

1) The tone is all over the place, page 9 was a good example of this. You have this re-confrontation between Taboo and Maw, it should be a serious moment. But then there’s jokes about his smell, and then suddenly Chop Chop is dead and Roxy’s guitar is broken, which is supposed to be sad, and then there’s a supposedly heartwarming and triumphant moment when Roxy summons her dad. It’s emotional whiplash. Imo you spent so much time on Looma, a character that didn’t even need to be included in this round, that when it came to the actual meat (pun intended) of the story, you had to rush through the emotional beats.

2) The plot is pretty contrived. Attitudes change in an instant and things feel like they happen out of obligation rather than flowing naturally. For example, Looma’s conversation with Roxy, the reconciliation with Tom, and the characters somewhat becoming friends. Roxy just met these people, she’s known them for minutes at best, but she says she’ll miss them, advises them to take care of each other etc. It’s not earned at all. She can be grateful to them for helping her without suddenly being all buddy buddy. And then there’s the “In the end we can all do with a little happiness” quote shortly after. What does that have to do with the events of the comic? It just feels like a random moral added to conclude things.

3) Roxy has little to no agency in her stories. Things seem to happen around her while she looks vaguely worried and pretty. In the previous comic, Marie and co try to attack her and her dad handles it. In this comic, Maw attacks, and her dad handles it. Looma appears simply to tell her stuff, in fact Roxy doesn’t even ask to find out about her dad, Looma just decides for her and then Roxy immediately believes what she sees and changes her views. I was going to say, at the very least Roxy chose to summon her dad this time, but she didn’t even figure out for herself that she could summon him with her voice? Looma just... knows. And tells her what to do. Speaking of...

4) The other characters weren’t portrayed well imo. Pita already commented on Chop Chop, but Taboo and even Looma didn’t feel right. Her only purpose in this comic is to basically be a life coach and tell Roxy important information. Why? What does she have to gain from this? Why is she still in the house? Why is an actual child spouting life advice and vaguely wise sayings to a grown woman?

5) I don’t get any sense of personality coming through Roxy’s dialogue or internal monologue. The dialogue in general comes off as rather artificial and cliche. We either get stating the obvious, weirdly specific and straightforward explanations or standard witty quips/memes. It doesn’t feel like people speaking. Take Taboo’s lines for instance. This is an urgent situation but he takes the time to explain almost everything that’s going on? He busts into the door with an elaborate excuse for his smell, and on page 10, he starts talking about how he needs tools for his ritual and explaining that Maw was summoned by a cult. This is an active fight. Nobody needs to know where Maw came from, just that he needs to be stopped, because he’s attacking people. The audience doesn’t need to know either, since you can assume they’ve probably read the previous comics, and his origin has no impact on the events of the story.

Why does Roxy talk to herself so much? Why does she say things like “well gotta get dressed and move on that’s what my mum said!” aloud to herself? I actually felt a little patronised at times by this dialogue. For example on page 4, I’m well aware the meat is alive, I don’t need to be told that directly. I can’t imagine someone actually saying aloud to themselves that the meat is alive, rather than just an exclamation or shocked sound. Roxy switches to internal monologue shortly after, why wasn’t the whole segment internal thoughts? That might’ve made it a little less awkward. Afterwards she just spills her guts to a random stranger and insta-makes up with her dad, using words that feel very rehearsed. It’s just strange.

In general some of the dialogue felt funky too syntax-wise. Things like “why we hid inside your party” and “inspired from”.


Spoiler: Nothin • show

Like Pita said I definitely got a Vibe of something bad, and the ending was fucking horrific. I was just wondering when Chop Chop would show up and then... that. Christ. Kudos. I also loved the scar of Maw ripping off its own horns.

I really wish I could tell what was actually going on though. I could make out the poses and expressions at times, but for the most part it’s just too sketchy. I couldn’t even tell what Roxy’s scar was supposed to be and it took me a very concentrated reread to realise Chop Chop had sort of possessed Roxy by going into her. I think you need to work on your time management, because the last few comics I’ve seen from you all have this problem of being incomplete. I’m glad you at least prioritised cleaning up the ending, but I suppose you had to to show the scar and not get disqualified. I think going for fewer pages with cleaner lines or at least dialogue to make the story clearer should be the aim.


Spoiler: Brabbit • show

Oh I love the idea of Maw growing into a dragon!! I also like how you’re developing Maw as he’s overcome with memories from his host body, and fighting it. Two things I’m big fans of right there, dragons and inner turmoil hahah.

Had a similar problem to Nothin’s comic though. Your characters were far clearer, if drawn very lightly, but I had little to no sense of environment most of the time. I didn’t know who was running where, or why characters seemingly popped up randomly. I was able to follow the different storylines until the end. The soldiers completely threw me. I thought Maw was in the sewers following Chop Chop and suddenly he’s huge and in a city?

I also think you used too many characters. It felt like you spent more time on Kit and Jade, Taboo and Amelia as well as a random library guy than your actual opponents. Page 6 felt completely unnecessary, Kit and Jade’s presence in general felt unnecessary, they didn’t add anything to the story except saving Roxy on page 13. In that segment, Roxy barely has any presence at all, merely standing still while she gets clawed. You could have saved time AND given her a little more agency by cutting your other characters out and having her fight Maw off herself. The scar feels a little cheap as a result, as does Chop Chop’s because... who is this random guy? Why is he important enough to be the one to scar?

CandycornRhino
Artist
101 comments
# 5   Posted: May 8 2020, 04:41 PM
WOWIE

Cab: (I spotted a SoaD reference lmfao). Honestly, its INSANE with how much you can pull off in such a short amount of time. Cannot even comprehend how its possible. All the characters are drawn pretty well in your interpretation, and THAT FUCKING REDACTECD CAMEO THANK YOU LMFAO. Few crits. I know its your style, but I feel some expressions are a bit.. extremely exaggerated. And sometimes it contradicts the tone of what was being said, or sets an entirely different tone. Like Looma doing a :D face when she exclaims "Damn witch you live like this?" (NICE MEME). Should've shown a little more discontent or surprise if that's what you were trying to pull off than something gleeful. Taboo's expressions sometimes look way too sinister for saying something mundane like the "I dont have the magical skills" panel in pg.11. Exaggerated expression should really help emphasize important moments, don't need to carry it for every panel if there's just regular dialogue. CHOP CHOP IS CUTE and goddamnit the fucking shark song. WHY. Good comic, this one was a LOT easier to follow even with the introduction of a bunch of characters than the previous entry. It all felt cohesive. Good job!

Nothin: WHAT WOULD I GIVE TO SEE THIS COMIC IN A FULL FINISHED GLORY BECAUSE HOT DAMN I LOVE THIS. Body horror is like 100 emoji in my book, and Chop Chop totally pulls that off with now showing what his abilities were. Your style is also very creative, and the writing into the darker moments tied with the visuals made for a very cryptic comic. I admit the sketching was kind of hard to follow at times to know what was going on exactly. Though I'm confused with what caused Maw to rip off his horns? Was it the music possessed Roxy was doing? Idk. Again, something that was more fleshed out probably could've explained some things easier than my interpretation. BIG turn around from the previous round aaaa.

Brabbit: Again, what the fuck how can you do SO MUCH IN SO LITTLE TIME. Maw is a delightful character to read, and the descent into mutation and both confusion and willingness to it just makes it all the more sinister. A FUCKING DRAGON?? lmfao. Chop Chop looks so GOOFY, and the story did start off kind of goofy. The different scenes from the sewers, to the book store, to the concert felt like a good pace of story that led one thing to the other. However with the minimal backgrounds it was hard to understand who was where and what they were in. Like when Maw busted into that building with the two agents(?). It felt random, as well as the random shooting squad. Were they cops? A little more depiction would've explained such things. Also I know it was hard to implement Chop Chop into the concert scene, so the ending with him felt weak and out of place. Was the guy from the bookstore also the one scarring chop chop? I'm just having a hard time understanding what are the purpose for some characters.


EPIC BATTLE YOU THREE I CANT COMPREHEND HOW YALL PULLED THIS OFF AAAA

Pita
Think Tank
209 comments
# 4   Posted: May 8 2020, 01:47 PM
NOTHIN
Spoiler: show
I felt the most fear reading your entry.  Through the sketches, I could see a certain amount of visceral imagery that my mind could fill in the gaps.  When I see your fully realized work, it can be adorable or gory or some amalgamation of both.  It was a cool idea to see Roxy's scar be the loss of her voice.


BRABBIT
Spoiler: show
This had a tonal flip compared to your last entry, and maybe it was warranted.  You're essentially fighting an entertainer and a person-shaped meat.  The incorporation of Jade and Kitt was a nice nod to their escapades, and I like the hint that something more sinsiter is brewing under these shenanigans.
The quality of your pages does diminish over time, that's not a secret.  However, your sketches are solid enough that I could follow this story very easily.  It looked like you had some trouble depicting ChopChop as an equal in this fight, but he was the meaty man that lead Maw to the concert.  It was the best you could probably do, and I can give a nod to that.


CAB
Spoiler: show
Your entry was the most complete looking, and you somehow juggled eight(?!) characters into it.  You got some more varied expressions in this one, so that's good.

Some observations--
-there's an inconsistency when it comes to facial proportions and hand sizes.  It's most evident when comparing Ellen's profile and quarter view (profile has a bigger forehead and more hair) and in the third page when Roxy is waking up (the whole body looks wonky, my dude).  This can be solved in the sketch phase of your comic--it's the best time to correct any inconsistencies that you can.  Otherwise, you're building upon a shaky foundation.

-I tried to smile while showing both rows of teeth to match the one Looma is sporting in most of this comic, and it ended badly.  If she was meant to be friendly, this was not the way to go.   It leaves the impression that she's unhinged, and if I were Roxy, I wouldn't trust her.  A genuine smile shows the top row of teeth, cheek muscles raised, and eyes squint a little.  Study your own face to get those good bits just right!

- All the lines on these faces, dude.  There's a fine balance between too much and not enough when it comes to facial creases, and I encourage you be more conservative with what you choose to draw.  When there's a large concentration of lines in a space, the eye is going to be drawn towards it.  When the choice is made to put all these details on Taboo and Maw's faces, my eye goes towards them, and I'm not exactly enjoying what I'm seeing.  The option is then to either minimize the amount of lines you put on the face OR you make the line width smaller when you're inking.  That way, you can still retain those details without crowding up the real estate.

-Chop Chop really deserved better treatment in this comic.  He's been relegated to Looma's stand instead of being his own character.  The meat texture needed to be lowered in opacity to avoid clashing with the lineart.  The lineart stands out from everyone else's black lines, making him an anomoly instead of part of the scene.  The scar wasn't bad, though.  A small meato kind of works in Nothin's favor.

-I can't handle Maw looking like a 90s TMNT villain, what in the world is this look? XD

-Finally, Roxy.  You're doing better with her expressions, and that's good.  But I'm having a difficult time seeing her as a person.  Her face and mannerisms are close enough to Veruca's that I wonder why you didn't put her in here instead of Roxy.  Her conflict with her ghost dad got resolved way too quickly--it could have been the ongoing struggle throughout the tournament.  And she kind of does things in the most attractive looking way, like how you expect a Pretty Girl to pose and move.  Best way to fix this?
Let's go back to page 3, where Roxy is waking up.  She just came out of a party binder.  If you MUST have her wearing her jewelry and make-up while she's sleeping, have that shit look WRECKED.  I wanna see eye shadow rubbed onto other parts of her skin.  I wanna see hair caught in a piercing.  Smudge that lipstick!  Lemme see her face scrunch in a waking up stretch or yawn.  Lemme see her stare into the popcorn ceiling of her bedroom while she contemplates her fame in comparison to her mother's.  Have her question why the guitar summons her fighter dad instead of having her mom come out so they can Siren Sing their enemies to their graves.

This is probably the most I gotta say in any of my forthcoming critiques, but that's because I want to see you do better.

Nothin
Artist
44 comments
# 3   Posted: May 8 2020, 12:17 AM
a lot of junk happens but it's a small scar i swear

Cab
Artist
61 comments
# 2   Posted: May 7 2020, 05:38 AM
I'm sorry that Maw in Brabbit's entry is more sympathetic  while mine was the hungry monsters aspect of him, also if you don't like the final song selection in this round, might I suggest this song as a substitute,  -Vengaboys - "We like to Party!" -- https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6Zbi0XmGtMw

Rivana
Artist
214 comments
# 1   Posted: Apr 26 2020, 05:05 PM
I heard Out of the Frying Pan and Into The Fire by Meatloaf earlier and it reminded me of this battle somehow. :D

Comic Details -

 
Type: Scar Match
Drawing Time: 2 weeks
Ended: May 15th, 2020
Votes Cast: 19
Page Views: 755
Winner: Cab and Brabbit
 

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