Chapter 1: dawn / Kairi

Chapter 1: dawn / Kairi

Chapter 1: dawn — Kairi

by Enef


54%
Page 1Page 2Page 3Page 4Page 5Page 6Page 7

Crit level: Open to any comments or critiques
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Critiques & Comments
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TheCydork
Artist
198 comments
# 8   Posted: May 6 2020, 01:20 AM
Ah man I coulda sworn I commented on this! I’ve told you a couple of thoughts privately already but let’s see if I can’t write some crit here haha.

I love the flashback on page 3, I’m a sucker for repetitive prose tbh. Like Batty said the text is almost poetic, and I think it went very well with the images you chose to show. I also liked how you did the faces here, both Kairi and Talon’s. You’re good with spot blacks and I’d like to see more of them in future comics, they go well with your geometric style.

Iirc I already told you what I thought of the wings, and Batty already gave some great tips to make the dialogue less of an exposition dump. You should also break up the dialogue with commas more, a lot of the dialogue felt like it dragged on due to the lack of commas, particularly on page 6. Uh yeah, apart from that it’s just the usual stuff, practice backgrounds and anatomy and all that haha.

Heavenbat
Artist
113 comments
# 7   Posted: Mar 30 2020, 02:46 PM
maaaaaaaan I really REALLY love that third (second??) page--the flashback--with the narration. What a cool way to do that narration; I love the dichotomy of "I know... / But I only remember..." It's downright poetic imo. I think the dialogue got a little exposition-heavy at times, especially in the penultimate page. I get that it's hard to get across all the information you want without coming off as too expositiony--a good way to avoid that would be to take a step back and think of how your character would phrase things, especially when talking to a stranger. Would she hesitate on anything? Struggle to find the words? Would she keep some information hidden/secret from a stranger?

Overall, though, aside from that nitpick, this is a p good intro that gives a good idea of this character's motivations and backstory!

Elyan
Artist
103 comments
# 6   Posted: Mar 29 2020, 07:58 AM
Enef! this was a great read. you know i´m full of envy here. i especially like your writing. the dialouge feels natural and the setup is making a slice of life style sense.
artwise you are definetely on the right track. its clean art which is a huge plus! I think your style needs some work on the basics and some routine in terms of proportions and stylized anatomy. i see potential that will surely develop.
keep going!

Brabbit
Artist
16 comments
# 5   Posted: Mar 27 2020, 09:10 AM
This was a nice read, though there's a lot of info going on at the start. It's good to know all the details while writing something, but you should also pick and choose what information is given out to the reader. Just enough to follow along but not enough to show the whole picture. There are still questions to be asked of course, but I feel like this could have been paced out differently since at the start we get told what happened and then we get to hear Kairi explain this again to Talon when you could have used that single moment as a much more organic explanation.

All in all, I think this came out well regardless and all I can say besides continuing to practice general art stuff is to just keep in mind what info you're putting out there!

I shall keep up with Kairi and her demon slaying adventures in the future!

Rivana
Artist
129 comments
# 4   Posted: Mar 26 2020, 07:35 AM
Glad to finally get to see this comic! I very much like the  way you wrote the intro it was very captivating. Also great to see Talon in here! The rest of the comic had a lot of information dump and less action so maybe next time try to balance the two more :) I also misread the last thing in the page "Everybody Dies In the End" (I somehow ended up reading from the top right lol)

While there is a lot of room for improvement, I saw your old art  in Discord and I think this is a step in the right direction. Practice more and you'll get better in no time. Anatomy is something I still struggle with and I'd say try to draw realistically to see how that changes  your simplified style in the long run.

Keep it up. We'd love to see more from  you.

ArtsandGoodies
Community Manager
400 comments
# 3   Posted: Mar 25 2020, 11:53 PM
Hey it's good to see you back in the swing of comics.  this is a nice intro for your character as well as it's cool you included Talon into your story. I really like how you did his face. One thing you should try practicing more is gestures. I would say try to at least spend 10 minutes a day in your practice sessions on gesture drawings. Sites like quickposes.com have timed practices so you can do 20 30 second gestures to get your practice in. this will help you come up with more poses for the characters and get comfortable drawing them in ways beyond straight and sideways standing. Also you should play around more with line variation. Try using some brushes that have a wider variety of pressure based width so you can have your lines taper off and be thicker in certain parts to help add emphasis. You do it in a couple panels on the faces like the first two on page 5 and it works so you should play with it and push it more. Good job getting back on the comic train and good luck with future projects.

CandycornRhino
Artist
58 comments
# 2   Posted: Mar 23 2020, 06:09 PM
YOU GOT THIS ENEF

Enef
Artist
58 comments
# 1   Posted: Mar 23 2020, 05:45 PM
Uhhhhhh This is the first comic I've made in a long time. I'm bad and I feel bad. I love you all.

Also idk why whenever i upload these pages the blacks look all funky, they look perfectly fine on the hard copies i have :S

Comic Details -

 
Drawing Time: 1 week
Ended: Mar 31st, 2020
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