Raven vs. Jerin

Raven vs. Jerin

Raven vs. Jerin

by Rivana

451 points
Page 1Page 2Page 3Page 4Page 5Page 6Page 7Page 8

Crit level: Open to any comments or critiques
tags: battle boulevard, illusion, jerin, jerin highvale, lifedrinker, mage, magic, portal, raven, rocio, vampire

352 points
Page 1Page 2Page 3Page 4Page 5Page 6Page 7

Crit level: Open to any comments or critiques

Critiques & Comments
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# 11   Posted: May 5 2020, 05:10 PM
Thanks everyone for the comments, compliments and critiques. I'll keep them in mind!  Sorry the story seemed short. I was a bit gun-shy with content because I was scared of not finishing. I hit it pretty close with the Rocio vs Raven battle last time so I kept with the same amount of pages. However, this new method of doing inking is indeed faster so I should be able to do more in the future plus the option to go full b/w and focus more on story development so I am excited.

Obergoat, what a fun battle. Jerin is such a fun character to draw. Thanks for the opportunity!

# 10   Posted: May 4 2020, 12:56 AM
Rivana - First of all, I really like this new rendering style! Like others have said, it gives a kind of traditional ink feel; that first panel on page 7 is sooo nice and feels right out of an old sketchbook. Your environments have a great moody atmosphere, I particularly like the first panel on page 2 of that dimly lit street. The effects you did for Raven’s magic are great too, the purple hues and that ball and chain on page 4 were very pleasing to me.

Onto crits: I agree with Flytee in that I don’t feel any tension in the story. There just don’t seem to be stakes, which there should be considering there’s magical attacks involved and Jerin literally chokes Raven. I think, besides the expressions and posing (which I’ll get to in a bit), it’s because the characters feel somewhat separate? When Jerin grabs her it feels like his hand is more hovering, and he isn’t looking directly at Raven - he is at a profile view while Raven is 3/4, so with the angle of his arm to me it looked like he was running past her at first glance. The encounter also began and ended very quickly and conveniently.

I see you’ve definitely tried for more intense expressions, kudos! Raven has some really good ones, I like the one in the last panel on page 5. However I still think they need some work. To me a couple of them came across as awkward, such as panel 4 page 2 and panel 2 page 4. When you simplify, like with the Raven expression I liked, your expressions shine through very well, but I get the feeling in your more complex, realistic painterly style you’re cautious about distorting the face too much. Those kinds of grimaces should have lines all over the face, but Jerin’s is still mostly smooth, the jaw unmoving while his mouth is stretched, so it reads as uncanny. A lot of the other expressions are still very subdued and would be hard to discern without the dialogue. I feel this a little with your bodies too. The anatomy is excellent and you’re particularly good at drawing women imo, but often people look like they’re posing rather than actually doing the action. The first panel on page 3 had great action, a really dynamic pose! But after that, I don’t feel like Jerin is actually flying into a portal, more like he’s lying down, but in midair. In the very last panel, I don’t feel like Raven is energised by Jerin’s blood, or... I suppose proud that she got away with drinking it. Again she looks like she’s posing for somebody.

Sorry if this comes off as harsh btw! I know it might not seem like it, but I did like your comic and enjoy your art!! I think it’s the nature of the beast with a realistic-leaning style; things that are “off” even slightly stick out a lot more, to my eyes anyway. You can get away with a lot drawing more cartoonishly, haha, but then of course you have a different set of problems to deal with.

Ober - Sorry about life stuff! I hope you do get round to finishing this. That first page was a great hook and I’m interested to see what it means and how that relates to Raven.

Since the comic was incomplete and the story pretty much finished as it started (and for reasons out of your control), I feel like I can’t comment on much? But I do like the little details you added in the background on page 4, like the Redacted wanted poster and Smile graffiti. A nice touch. Flytee basically said what I thought on the other end. It would have been nice to maybe show Raven looking through job offers and having a resigned expression, hell even if the dialogue was simply internal it would have read a lot less awkwardly. And practice heads from different angles!

# 9   Posted: May 3 2020, 11:57 PM
Rivana: NICE COMIC WOWIE. Fully finished and everything. The way the background is painted almost puts it into a Victorian-esque kinda era, which is nifty. Only thing I can think of was Page 4 was kinda confusing. Where'd that ball and chain thing come from? Not sure a PULL onomatopoeia worked there with the direction it struck Jerin. It implies the ball went outwards away from Jerin if his head recoiled away from Raven. If it was pulled it would've struck the other side of Jerin and thus recoil facing her. No onomatopoeia and motion lines would've better depicted the action.

Obergoat: VERY GOOD COMIC AAH NICE STORY. I want to see moooore of Jerin's back story. Great intro, but the rest of the comic seemed to kinda slowly dwindle in the same energy. Not sure if having only the first page fully colored and the rest black and white was a time constraint issue, but if it was a choice, it should've been the opposite. A flashback could be better persuaded with a different color palette to the current time. Also, a lot of your character shots are mid-level forward facing. Switch it up a bit! There were a couple of panels it showed you tried like page 1 and Raven on page 4. But good job with backgrounds, made the setting feel alive.


Community Manager
# 8   Posted: May 3 2020, 05:39 PM
Rivana: great job with the comic, it's also nice to see you do inks. Your character faces are fantastic and your color choices great. You should work more with inks and work on keeping your lines more consistent, i noticed in a couple places it looks like you redid a line multiple times which gives it an unintentionally rough look. Were the inks traditional or digital I can't tell they have a really good texture to them. If it's digital when trying to fix a line it's best to just fully erase it and do it again. The part this is most noticeable is in some of the shadows under necks there are lines going in multiple directions and looks messy without purpose. That being said these are minor and your overall anatomy is great.
I do like this new method for doing comics and want to see you do it more in future comics.

Obergoat: sucks that life got in the way but you were still able to do a great amount even with all that happening.
Since you're doing digital you should take advantage of some of the perspective tools. a lot of your building lines are rough and inconsistent, when using a perspective tool in the system it allows you to just make the mark and the program will keep it straight, that way you can focus on varying line-weight. I would also recommend taking some time to study the shapes of the human head and break it down, in your three quarter views the eyes look pasted on because there is no indication of the sockets they're resting in or the brow and cheek bones. Also some of the speech bubbles on page 5 are confusing since they look like Raven in talking when it's someone else I think. I do really like the thick outlines you do on characters.
Story wise it's nice to see a bit more about Jerin's backstory and look forward to seeing you explore that more  as well as a bb more complete version if you want to do that.

# 7   Posted: May 3 2020, 10:37 AM
Great work guys!

# 6   Posted: May 3 2020, 06:40 AM
Rivana- Oh my~ This was such a gorgeous, moody comic. I love the loose and confident inks, and the amount of texture and depth the backgrounds have. The city had a real atmosphere here, I'm not sure how to explain it? It feels very mature and dangerous. Your figures are amazing as always, I'm envious of your grasp on anatomy.
I have very minor crits with the art- I'll echo Rikuns point about zooming out during action scenes. The effects you used for magic, while very well done and pretty, in my opinion didn't blend in that well with the rest of the art.

Writing-wise, it was serviceable, but a little weak compared to the art. The story was extremely basic, I didn't feel much tension or peril while reading this comic. The last page was intriguing though, Raven keeps secrets, she's obviously not as reformed as she likes to let on. I'd be so interested in seeing you explore this manipulative side of her.

Obergoat- This was fun! Well done for producing a finished polished comics. I really enjoy your style and the way you drew Raven. I also loved all the little details you put into the backgrounds, that extra effort goes a long way. There some neat panels dotted around as well- eg - last one on page 5.
Story-wise, since this was just an introduction its a little difficult to crit it, since who knows what you have planned for part 2.
I did like that snippet of origin story at the start though.

Crit wise- Maybe its just me but It really takes me out of it when characters start talking to themselves in the middle of the street. We see this with Raven at the start- I think sometimes you've got to think about how a character would act, as opposed to just using dialogue to hurry a story along. An internal dialogue or just showing Raven looking at a job ad could have worked.
It also felt a bit out of character that she'd accept a cleaning job? (maybe I'm way off base here) but Raven can do magic, she seems pretty powerful, I'm surprised she didn't look for work in more occult fields.
Art wise there are some inconsistencies particularly with the head size/ shape throughout the comic. Just something to keep in mind.

# 5   Posted: Apr 28 2020, 11:12 PM
Sorry to hear about your comic, but it happens to all of us. I'm glad that you were able to fully ink your linework and throw in some tones. You have some solid line control and the beginning with Jerin's origin is pretty interesting.
If I have to give you some major suggestions, I'd say use thumbnails to help get a full scope of your story and cut back where possible. You've got a good start with backgrounds, but a lot of your panels have negative space and it's hard to tell where your characters are in space. Also pay attention to your camera direction so your characters don't look like they're switching where they're looking all the time (i.e. page 4). Overall, good start and I hope to see you grow!!

Congrats on your first full on fight comic! I like the simplified shading you're adapting for more efficient pages, and it looks like you're also throwing in some texture work too. Your story was pretty simple and enjoyable and I hope to see more of Raven in the future! My only big critique is that the action scenes focus too much on faces, and perhaps in the future should heavy action be involved you can zoom out and use more body language. Can't wait to see where you go from here!

# 4   Posted: Apr 27 2020, 11:19 AM
Hey Obergoat! No worries! I know it's such a strange time for all of us! I am looking forward to reading what you have and I hope you like what I came up with as well.

I did play around with doing inks  this time and it was def faster than painting. I didn't have a lot of pages planned because I know how slow I am but I finished ahead of time cos of the inks. Thanks for the opportunity. I really learned a lot of new things just with this battle alone and Jerin is such a fun character to draw.

I'd love to see this Director's Cut someday. I know you mentioned you got big things planned and it would be cool to see them realized.

Again, thanks so much for this battle. It reignited my excitement for comics that I have actually started a BB continuation from my side as I type. I was dreading doing comics for awhile because of how long painting takes me  but with your challenge, I took the chance and learned new ways to get faster. With that, I am very thankful to you and I can't wait to see what you got!

# 3   Posted: Apr 27 2020, 10:54 AM
Comic submitted. Sadly, I wound up getting slammed at work due to the Coronavirus panic and just couldn't get a whole lot done. I chopped down my original comic to the point where I just wasn't happy with where it was going, or at the very least how fast it was getting there, and even then I still had to end my comic on a cliffhanger.

I was focusing a lot on improving my line work this time around. So page 1 is the only colored page. I hope you all like what I have though, I fully intend to either complete this comic or perhaps do a "director's cut" version sometime in the future as a Beyond Battle.

Thank you so much to Rivana for taking me up on my challenge though! I really like Raven and I'm looking forward to reading what you have!

# 2   Posted: Apr 5 2020, 10:49 PM
Good luck to the both of you!!!!

# 1   Posted: Mar 23 2020, 10:56 AM
I am rusty as heck but I am so looking forward to this!

Comic Details -

Drawing Time: 4 weeks
Ended: May 4th, 2020
Votes Cast: 21
Page Views: 544
Winner: Rivana

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