Jerin vs. Lilyfeather

Jerin vs. Lilyfeather

Jerin vs. Lilyfeather

48%
369 points
Page 1Page 2Page 3Page 4Page 5Page 6Page 7Page 8Page 9

Crit level: Open to any comments or critiques
tags: jerin highvale, Lilyfeather, shen is a dork, talon


by Shen

52%
400 points
Page 1Page 2Page 3Page 4Page 5Page 6Page 7Page 8Page 9Page 10Page 11Page 12

Crit level: No preference




Critiques & Comments
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ArtsandGoodies
Community Manager
400 comments
# 10   Posted: Feb 23 2020, 11:46 PM
Ober: Good job with this battle. I love your inks and enjoy the outlines you used on the characters. I do also like the color choices here. I'll also agree to pull out your camera more to vary up the compositions for your panels. A technical thing you should play around with more is line variety in individual objects. In particular I think you should play around with having varying line width in the eyes emphasizing some part of the lid with a thicker line than the rest to help give the eyes better depth. This is a solid 9 pages good job.

Shen: Those color pages are fantastic and this style is amazing. That style looks great and I hope to see more of it. While the action is clear on the unfinished pages it would be nice to have text dialogue since some of it was hard to read.

OberGoat
Artist
43 comments
# 9   Posted: Feb 23 2020, 10:30 PM
Thank you everyone for the critiques! You've given me a lot to think on and look out for in future battles.

You win this round Shen, but I'll get you next time!

TheCydork
Artist
198 comments
# 8   Posted: Feb 23 2020, 05:52 PM
Ober - I think I’ve said this before, but I really do like your line work style. The thick outer lines make for a bold look, and easy read, something I often struggle with in black and white comics.

Overall I found this kinda lacklustre though. The story wasn’t bad or good, it was just... there I guess? If Jerin is this secretive guy living in a cave, how did Lily find him so easily? Then Jerin says he needs time to look into things and get back to her, but gives her a rune to summon him. Is he going to find her with magic, or does he expect her to know how long to wait for his research? The conflict between Lily and Jerin also didn’t feel organic - while their reactions made sense considering their personalities and the urgency of the situation, the speed at which things escalated just wasn’t right.

Very much agree with Fred in that the panels felt cramped with most of them being headshots or busts. I flicked through it again and there wasn’t a single fullbody in 9 pages! On first read I didn’t realise Lily was speaking to Talon on her phone, since there was only the tiniest sliver of her finger to show that was a phone screen, and Talon himself didn’t appear to be holding up a phone either. Your features also look a bit... pasted on? Jerin’s abs for instance look like lines drawn on top of a torso rather than actual muscles that would influence the torso’s outline, and Lily’s chin looks drawn on top of a flat face as opposed to showing her whole head is tilted.

Shen - This new style?? I’m LIVING, I absolutely love how it looks! Please finish this as a B.B. I really wanna see the final version! Honestly if this were complete I don’t think I’d have anything negative to say, what I’m seeing so far is excellent - great colours, great action, interesting twist to Lily’s fate.

While the action was still pretty clear on most of the unfinished pages, I had to concentrate to read the dialogue. I could still read it, but it was tricky, and it doesn’t take long to type out text. I’d suggest doing so as soon as you feel you won’t be able to finish, bc then at least the story will be clear for everyone. Also then I’d know why she randomly has a cat by the end, haha.

Flutterbyes
Artist
267 comments
# 7   Posted: Feb 22 2020, 10:40 AM
Looks like you both found yourself in a similar situation!

Obergoat: I suppose that's an appropriate amount to touch on Jerin's background without having it take over a story about someone it doesn't seem to relate to. It also explains why he's so angry with Lilyfeather. Your Toriyama-esque look is bold and often clear to read. It works really well for Jerin, but for Lily the big eyes with small dots takes away from the weight of what she's going through. Keep an eye on your volumes and anatomy. Even when exaggerated, there are times like on page 7 where the placement of features is very off.  Also, the head angled up is very challenging and has resulted in some strange cheats over the years that don't make things any easier for artists trying to figure out what's going on there.

Shen: IT'S HAPPENING. The completed pages show such ambition!  The lineless look is striking, particularly when there is a lot of contrast but, I can't help but feel like the features are getting a little mushy or visually dropping out in some panels.( I'd have to agree that you probably should do a dialog balloon pass earlier in the process so that even incomplete pages will be much easier to read (and you'll have a better idea of how much space the dialog will take, since your handwriting seems a lot bigger and less predictable than the font you use). I think the story could have used a little more to build up to her father's sudden change of heart, either more sign that he's struggling internally, or more suffering on Lily's part, especially since this is him rearranging his contract on the fly that has been nearly two decades in the process (which invites nitpicking).

Fred v2.0.1
Artist
498 comments
# 6   Posted: Feb 19 2020, 01:27 PM
Shen baby I love them preety colours! It's really nice to see you trying out stuff like that and I'd say that despite the few unfinished pages, it can be considered successful. Also how dare that bitch give her a year? She's not his no more! :P

Goat! Pull the camera back once in a while please UuU
The thick outline is great for creating silhouettes, so by giving the characters more space you can really make use of it.

Rivana
Artist
128 comments
# 5   Posted: Feb 17 2020, 06:15 AM
Nice battle on both sides! So good to see Jerin and Lily in action finally! I am very interested in these two characters.

Sorry Shen that you did not get to finish! Maybe next time I guess try to get the speech bubbles done all throughout since I had a hard time reading the text and I so  wanted to know what was happening ^_^;

But overall good job on both!


Shen
Global Moderator
1303 comments
# 4   Posted: Feb 16 2020, 10:19 PM
im sorry, scottface.... i could only finish half. I just haven't been feeling comics lately. I look forward to our rematch to face each other the way our history intended, at our full power =3 meanwhile, im sorry. I just didn't have it in me.

OberGoat
Artist
43 comments
# 3   Posted: Feb 16 2020, 09:32 PM
Cutting it close, but got the pages uploaded! Only half of them are colored sadly, but everything is inked at least!

A couple pages I really wanted to go back and redo because they just didn't come out the way I wanted, but that's life I guess, just please keep in mind that pages 3 and 4 in particular have bugged me since I "finished" them.

We'll have to go for a rematch sometime Shen, and not both get horribly distracted by other things. I'm looking forward to seeing your side of the battle and seeing how these two characters interact in the future!

Rivana
Artist
128 comments
# 2   Posted: Jan 27 2020, 07:10 AM
Be gentle with him Lily. Raven will fight him next!

IDK who to root for but I am  HYPED for this :D

Shen
Global Moderator
1303 comments
# 1   Posted: Jan 26 2020, 09:32 PM
a battle literally 20 years in the making

Comic Details -

 
Drawing Time: 2 weeks
Ended: Feb 23rd, 2020
Votes Cast: 20
Page Views: 493
Winner: Shen
 

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