Benjamin Le Fay vs. Dr. Evelin Josef

Benjamin Le Fay vs. Dr. Evelin Josef

Benjamin Le Fay vs. Dr. Evelin Josef

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Crit level: Open to any comments or critiques
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Bobo
Web Dev
924 comments
# 10   Posted: Feb 21 2020, 05:22 PM
I love Ben so much! The art in this is so crisp, and I love how you have both Evelin and Ben their own motives and inner thoughts. It's easy to focus too much on one character or the other, so this is a good balance. I was really confused by a couple of page turns, because it felt like there was context I was missing. I think there may have been some implied actions that weren't shown explicitly enough to connect the dots until a re-read. There was also just him talking to Saal, which until he mentioned her name sounded completely nonsensical and out of the blue, but it made sense in retrospect. I'm not sure if there was a way to make it more clear what was going on or even if you want to, since anyone else in the comic itself would probably think he had suddenly gone crazy and was talking to himself, as well.

Overall, I had a lot of fun with this comic, even though I was confused by parts of it!

Rivana
Artist
73 comments
# 9   Posted: Feb 17 2020, 06:33 AM
It always impresses me even how your sketch look complete Flutz and the expressions!  I am very impressed. I haven't been in the comics headspace recently so I am finding it hard to critique anything but I absolutely love what you did overall. Even the premise is very unique and unexpected! Ben and Evelin are two very different characters and it was really hard to imagine in my head how they're gonna be in a scene together but you managed to pull it off.

Please keep up the good work!

Flytee
Artist
105 comments
# 8   Posted: Feb 14 2020, 04:16 AM
Your arts wonderfully clean and expressive. I would love to see more backgrounds, but you're very good at showing little hints of a location that prevent your comic from feeling like its taking place in an empty void. So it's not a big deal.
Ben continues to be one of the most intriguing characters for me on the site, and I love how his story has been unfolding. I also really enjoy seeing him and Saal together.
Crit wise, basically what Art's said.

Overall Great job I can't wait to see more!

Buggy- Better luck next time! I look forward to maybe seeing your half as a beyond battle?



ArtsandGoodies
Global Moderator
358 comments
# 7   Posted: Feb 13 2020, 05:49 PM
Flutter I'm really enjoying how Ben stories all have a consistent tone they follow. It's hard to explain but if you just showed me the dialogue and thumbs where all the characters were indistinguishable, it would still be very clearly a Ben story. That ability to keep a consistent tone and not feel like it's same story is impressive. For the story I did get an understanding that the spell Ben cast had them temporarily switch places, though i think a better explanation after the fact would have helped as it's still a little vague. There was also a bit of a placement issue during the action so it got a little confusing. But besides that this comic was really good and I love your clean linework.

Buggy I hope you feel better soon and look forward to some comics when you are out of the rut.

Symon_says
Artist
71 comments
# 6   Posted: Feb 13 2020, 12:15 PM
Buggypumpkin life is unpredictable and unrelenting but the only unchanging factor is yourself. You are the captain of your own ship and sometimes you have to stand against those waves of anxiety and depression and tell it off. "Be gone feelings of woe!" You're strong and I believe in you!

Flutterbyes I enjoyed your entry and all the in depth arcana shenanigans. Can't wait to see who gets kissed next! Well. No I can.

Good luck folks!

Shen
Global Moderator
1298 comments
# 5   Posted: Feb 12 2020, 03:20 PM
Flutter oh my god i love your comics SO MUCH. the writing is always SO funny and Ben is such an adorable dweeb and I enjoyed Evelin coming back with the cookies.
I feel like I understood it until basically THAT point, when Evelin came back. Then I started to get confused, and I wonder if part of it was the lack of backgrounds in a lot of spots that left me unsure where any of this was taking place. Where was Sal? Where was ben? How did ben come to be beating up Sal's diamond minion thing? (sorry I forgot the name lol). Why were they in the sky? Your art style is gorgeous and your dialogue is amazing but story wise it was a TAD hard to follow. But please keep delivering us the adventures of Best Nerd lol
ps i loved that last page gag of evelin in bed lol


buggy: D= im sorry man, these things happen. Sometimes you just dont have the energy to draw. better luck next time!

BuggyPumpkin
Artist
8 comments
# 4   Posted: Feb 12 2020, 10:09 AM
I’m sorry for waiting so long to say something, but life had other plans and extreme burnout and depression got in the way of me being able to finish this battle. I had some thumbs and minimal inking, nothing that was worth posting. I would have uploaded something otherwise. I intend to finish my half of the battle when I feel more confident in myself and my artistic abilities. Thank you all for understanding.

And Thank you Flutter for doing my girl justice. You wrote her so incredibly well!!

CandycornRhino
Artist
31 comments
# 3   Posted: Feb 12 2020, 07:24 AM
Flutter: Your inks are very clean and expressive, Ben looks like a q t pie. The writing is strong, but for the most the story felt very confusing to me. While Ben was looking for that magical cookbook you never really showed what Evelyn also was looking for, since the second panel on page 1 implied that she tagged along with Ben to find occult books for herself with his help. The ulterior motives for Evelyn didn't really line up. The clock monologue left me confused as to what was the point of it. It felt jarring.
Then again I'm an idiot and have reading comprehension disorder where I have to read things like seven times over for it to get a bare understanding of things. I will say it is VERY creative writing, something I can never pull off, so well done. Very good dialogue.


Buggy - What happened? Kinda wished you had uploaded something better than nothing. I understand if something IRL got in th way from you finishing the artwork, but the amount of RP I see you do in the VRPG it makes me believe that you should focus on getting work done when you're in the battle. It isn't fair for your opponent.

TheCydork
Artist
130 comments
# 2   Posted: Feb 8 2020, 10:41 PM
Flutter - Oh boy did I enjoy seeing this side of Ben. It’s... I can’t really put my finger on it. Somehow both sensual and unsettling at the same time. I’m a fan. The panels on page 7 where he... well, I’m not sure what he was doing with the ghoul exactly, but those panels were drawn very nicely. I’ve always found it super difficult drawing people interacting in such close quarters so kudos. I don’t know much about Evelin since she’s so new, but to me the characterisation seems fitting. Also like that Saal pops up and continues to help Ben.

I was kind of lost for much of the comic though, initially. I didn’t realise the location had changed until a reread, and at times I even thought Ben and Evelin were in different locations and she was just recounting earlier events, because I couldn’t get a good feel for the space. The sudden appearance of the ghoul butler threw me too. This is all down to backgrounds, or lack thereof. I had to look to Evelin’s attire and extrapolate from the butler that they were in her house, but it should have been instantly clear when the location changed. I know you were running out of time, but perhaps a note stating the location would have helped, and is quick enough to add. I also didn’t realise Ben was casting a spell at first and wondered why he was rambling about the time, maybe some more dramatic effects would have made things clear.

Buggy - Aw, I thought you at least had some thumbs? Hope everything is okay.

Footini
Artist
5 comments
# 1   Posted: Jan 17 2020, 08:29 PM
wizard fight, Wizard Fight, WIZARD FIGHT!

Comic Details -

 
Drawing Time: 2 weeks
Ended: Feb 14th, 2020
Votes Cast: 14
Page Views: 428
Winner: Flutterbyes
 

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