Warm Welcome / [REDACTED]

Warm Welcome / [REDACTED]

Warm Welcome — [REDACTED]

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Crit level: Open to any comments or critiques
tags: candycorn rhino, candycornrhino, dinosaur, redacted, warm welcome

Critiques & Comments
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# 17   Posted: Feb 14 2020, 01:56 AM
CandycornRhino: @Heavenbat: You also have to remember, Void City there's a lot of artificial lighting going on with street lamps and stuff, which certain lightbulbs/covers do convey some reddish/yellowish lighting to snow, which I was trying to display.
Ah, see, that's what I had originally assumed when reading the comic, because it did definitely read like the warm glow of artificial lights (like from the inside of a pizza shop :P) but I guess the comment mentioning a sunset threw me off, lol. Should've stuck with my gut! I retract that crit then, lol.

# 16   Posted: Feb 2 2020, 05:09 AM
Thanks for the crits everyone, I'll keep that in mind.

@Heavenbat: You also have to remember, Void City there's a lot of artificial lighting going on with street lamps and stuff, which certain lightbulbs/covers do convey some reddish/yellowish lighting to snow, which I was trying to display. And there are some browns that do come out of a sunset during a snowstorm depending on the cloud fixtures.
An example is a photo from Norway. Its just my artistic ability was crap and it was honestly my first real attempt and depicting snow in various times of day.


But I do appreciate the comment! I had initially debated on having it go to nighttime because days are short in winter, but I felt it would've gotten flat.

# 15   Posted: Feb 1 2020, 10:19 PM
I fucking love Redacted. What a good trash dino. You do an amazing job at expressions and your perspectives are really great, and all of the jokes hit really well. My main crits are kind of nitpicky, admittedly, but--There were a few areas of clunky dialogue (which admittedly I mostly notice because my Editor Brain won't shut up about grammar errors lol). Especially towards the beginning.
The other thing was kind of mentioned already--the red tint coming in at the end, I didn't realize it was a sunset until Badger mentioned it--and that's mostly because, during a snowstorm, there wouldn't be nearly enough light coming through the clouds to actually give a sunset. When it's snowing as much as it is in the comic, the whole sky turns mostly gray and the only light that comes through is usually white-ish. Doesn't even have the usual yellow tint sunlight normally has. I think the transition to later at night would've been conveyed better by just slowly darkening the background, which then would've made the glow from the pizza store really pop, like a beacon in the night.

# 14   Posted: Jan 18 2020, 04:01 PM
I personally often have a hard time reading comedic-style characters, but something about Redacted and your delivery of him and this particular situation really sold me! I found myself laughing quite a bit, especially at his expressions, but also at the small details in the background - like the annoyed news caster clarifying her name to the weather man. You did well not letting those moments take away from the story at hand, but add a cute quirk to the page itself that kept everything moving. I also really appreciated how you took into consideration the environment itself, and Redacted's response to what are essentially new limbs. The cameo was hella cute as well!

Not much to add in terms of helpful criticism that hasn't been mentioned already - that said, it might be nice to see some more line variation, particularly in the characters themselves. In a few panels, I felt as though the characters were lost to the background due to the same thickness of lines, which stole away some of the impact. It wasn't a large distraction, but something perhaps to consider when throwing down your lines in the future.

Overall, super fun and looking forward to seeing more of this big lizard's adventures!

# 13   Posted: Jan 14 2020, 08:48 PM
Lemme start by saying: thank you for the Zephyr cameo I loved how you portrayed him here!! There's not much I can say that hasn't been said already, but I would love to reiterate you captured coldness in this comic perfectly and it works well for the environment. Redacted is a really fun character and I'm looking forward to seeing more from you dude!!

# 12   Posted: Jan 14 2020, 07:47 AM
I love your comics so much. The humor and delivery are so spot on. You managed to capture the cold weather vibes as well. I enjoyed it so much I really can't think of anything to crit atm. Keep up the good work. The cameos are awesome too!

The severed hand thing made me smile a little bit cos it reminded me of Raven's intro.

Community Manager
# 11   Posted: Jan 12 2020, 06:58 PM
Great comic, My favorite thing is all the expressions you give Redacted you're really great with them. along with his reactions he is a delightful character. I'll reiterate the crit that the snow looks a bit odd on the characters but you did an excellent job of conveying the coldness of void in this comic. Look forward to seeing more.

# 10   Posted: Jan 12 2020, 05:11 PM
@Con: On page 5 of the cops discovering Redacred I tried portraying a 2sides of the situation since they were across the street from one another. Both moments were happening simultaneously to show which side was doing what. As for the coat, he got rid of it but kept the blanket he originally walks around with. Sorry if it was hard to portray!

# 9   Posted: Jan 12 2020, 02:05 AM
I dig it. I get a good feel for your character so far and I can tell you put a lot of effort into your piece since its fully finished, rendered and coloured through all the pages. It never loses momentum or has a lull, which means that the writing and the panel work is all there. ( A little confusing around the cop area--like the introduction to the cops? Because of the way the panels stacked on that page it was hard to tell which ones to read first. Like the eye is lead to the long panel where he talks to the stranger instead of the panel immediately beneath the first one.) I also was confused when he lost his coat, because he still seemed to be wearing a coat. I feel like there could stand to be some more definition to the two different articles of clothing, like a pattern or a pockets or something that speaks to the material a little more strongly so that the reader can tell when its abandoned and now he's wearing something else/what was underneath. Overall solid stuff, look forward to more.

# 8   Posted: Jan 10 2020, 03:40 PM
I've really liked your character and your comics so far! The angles you choose to use have been really fun and difficult to pull off, but you've done so wonderfully.

I do agree with cy about the science-y bits and the car sound effects. Nice job though with this comic, I can't wait to see more of Redacted! ( :

# 7   Posted: Jan 10 2020, 07:34 AM
dirty streets and gritty character?
I see you are a man of culture honhonhon

# 6   Posted: Jan 10 2020, 04:09 AM
I love this comic, I love Redacted~! Keep doing what you're doing I'm excited to see more :)

# 5   Posted: Jan 10 2020, 04:00 AM
I'm always amazed at how much you can get done in a few days!
the paneling is so well done! specially when it shows crucial details like the severed hand in his pocket.
The way you portrayed the cold weather and how it gradually worsens as it starts snowing is so on point that i can feel the cold just looking at it XD
Also you have a crazy notion of perspective!! it's not perfect but portrays the enviroment really well. I particularly liked the angles from panel 4-page1 and the one where he's hanging on the wall at page 7.
The only critic i have is that the car horn sound stands out too much but that's it.

I'm so pumped to see your side of our battle now! Keep up the good work!

# 4   Posted: Jan 9 2020, 07:16 PM
I love, love your dino-man-saur so, so much!
Love how he is straight up Fuck You I'm a Dinosaur!

You manage to keep both serious and funny weight in your stories, and I love how morbid it gets sometimes! I feel [REDACTED] really holds the spirit of VOID hehe!

Have to agree with the mention of the comic feeling very COLD, the way you played with the atmosphere was great! aaaaAAA

# 3   Posted: Jan 8 2020, 01:40 PM
this just feels so COLD, the weather effects are really nicely done! I also like the transition to sunset with the warm colors at the end, although I think its just a little too sudden, I didn't realize it was the sun setting until a second read. Also the police car on page 4 was a good choice, a little anticipation for the next page hahah good stuff!!

# 2   Posted: Jan 8 2020, 01:08 PM
Poor Dino, get him a big ugly sweater!

My only concern is the blurry snow and the fog/steam/ stuff. Then again maybe I need a new prescription of glasses.

Keep it up and good luck!

# 1   Posted: Jan 7 2020, 07:46 PM
Wow, this was great! You did an excellent job of portraying the environnent and atmosphere - I LOVED the inclusion of the condensing breath in the cold, and then the steadily increasing amount of snow until things were barely visible. You also draw the city as pretty crammed with buildings and cars and it makes the world feel really lived in, as well as little details like graffiti on the alley wall. Your angles are also really dynamic. And it was just fun to read, even though Redacted himself was having a pretty tough time.

Three main crits from me, one being the car sound effects. They really stuck out, I think you should have written them yourself as the font was pretty different and they just didn’t feel right. The other one is how the snow was drawn - falling it looked fine, but it seemed to stick to people as opposed to just settling on them, and in a much too orderly way. The best example of this was the snow following the top line of Redacted’s blanket on page 7, despite it flapping in the wind. Finally, I found it weird that the scientists speak at the beginning in a mix of technical terms and colloquialisms. I have a some more to say on this, but it’s definitely a personal thing and you can just ignore me if you like.

Spoiler: Cyentific Killjoy • show

I have no problem suspending disbelief for a scaly dino-human hybrid but scientists talking about warm vs cold blooded in that way was kind of jarring for me as someone in the field. The terms are misnomers - the real difference is that “warm-blooded” animals (endotherms) can control their body temperature by themselves and “cold-blooded” animals (ectotherms) need to rely on the environment. Most complex animals can’t function normally with low body temperatures because their enzymes become inactive. I’m not a reptile expert so don’t quote me, but iirc most function best at body temperatures between 20-30 degrees C (70-85 F), which for a lot of people is still considered warm and even hot.

There also wouldn’t be one mutation to change this - things like shivering, burning brown fat, counter current exchange and the ability to contract or dilate blood vessels all help endotherms keep a constant temperature. I’m not gonna go into countercurrent but it basically relies on two blood vessels being close together and transferring heat. So among other things, all of Redacted’s blood vessels will need to have lost muscle or changed routes for this “switch” to have occurred. Which to me is a lot wilder than something like growing a tail or scales. Dinosaurs also likely had some degree of control over their temperature (though there is A LOT of debate around how much) so this might all be moot anyway.

BUT LIKE I SAID this is honestly something to take with a pinch of salt, I just wanted to give all my thoughts. I know most things aren’t meant to be scientifically accurate bc that would be boring af and hell, I have a bunch of fantasy characters myself. Imo a little reality can go a long way in making things feel more real and engaging though :) especially in a story with sci-fi elements.

Comic Details -

Drawing Time: 1 week
Ended: Jan 14th, 2020
Votes Cast: 19
Page Views: 530

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