Loct vs. Luz

Loct vs. Luz

Loct vs. Luz

This comic has not been rated; viewer discretion advised.

Icon for Loct51.4%
416 points
Page 1Page 2Page 3Page 4Page 5

Crit level: No preference

by Don

This comic has not been rated; viewer discretion advised.

Icon for Luz48.6%
393 points
Page 1Page 2

Crit level: Open to any comments or critiques

Critiques & Comments
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# 10   Posted: Jan 8 2020, 11:05 AM
Corn: I really like the setup of this comic! And, man, the art is so, so nice to look at, hot damn. I also love the setup of the comic taking place in Ye Olde Void and then flashing forward to the present lol. That said, I gotta agree with some of the others, that it really feels like the ending is rushed and we miss several story beats. One thing that stood out to me in particular was the sudden appearance of the gem on page 5; on the previous page we never saw the gem falling, so it suddenly just being there felt odd. Just a simple fix of showing the gem falling alongside Loct would've done a lot to resolve that, I think.

Astro: I love love LOVE the color palette in this. It's simple, and often these limited-color comics can fall flat, but it seriously works here. I think it's because of the contrast between the warm and cool colors? Storywise, it did take me a moment to realize that Luz was the lover and not the actual husband, but it was only a momentary confusion for me, tbh. My biggest confusion comes with the end; I'm not sure whether Luz is threatening Loct specifically or if he's just kinda burning everything in sight? I thought it was the second one but there's some dialogue that makes it seem like he's out to get Loct specifically, which... threw me off, because I'm not sure why he wouldn't just let Loct run while he burns the place down, idk.

# 9   Posted: Jan 2 2020, 02:38 PM
Loct and Luz. The names flow so nicely, you'd think they would get along, but quite the opposite...

Corn: I like the role of light in your artwork subtly setting the stage for a character named for it. While the setup is great, the actual meat of the story feels like there are panels missing.  For example, I think the composition of the first panel on page 3 doesn't frame the jar well enough to communicate what's happening in the foreground. Loct and the gem line up with the thirds, but the jar slips out of view, and then its motion toward the rat doesn't fully communicate, so the rat just seems to be breathing fire. I know how Luz's powers work, so I read it as happening "off camera" before I went back and registered Luz leaving in panel 1. Page 4 also confused me since it seemed to skip over Luz actually taking over and I spent a while wondering if the old man was experiencing a personality shift before Luz finally burned him up and took over. The final page took a few reads, too. Otherwise, your art is really appealing and dynamic and you set up fantasy horror nicely, though I'm not sure you set up enough for the conclusion to add up.

Astro:  A spooky, but colorfully surreal comic for a colorful surreal asshole. Even though the doomed incidental characters are incidental and doomed, I think a little more setup would have served the horror of it all a little better (especially since it involves knowingly having an affair with a firey being like Luz and expecting any other result than what happened). Luz got a great tits-out showcase, but Loct comes up feeling just as incidental as the incidental characters. I think Loct could have had more presence and meaning in this story, even if still doomed.

Community Manager
# 8   Posted: Dec 29 2019, 10:59 PM
Great job both of you for this comic both have a great sense style.

Corn: Loct is an adorable character and I The concept of this taking place in an older void past is pretty cool. The character designs you did for the other two characters is also really good and they both are distinct. The only story transitions i found was going from page 3 to 4 and 4 to 5, but 4 to 5 would have been fine with an indication of the jewel on the final panel. However the transition from page 3 to 4 did need a bit of a transformation of the guy into Luz. that being said i still

Astro: You have such a great way of writing bastard sinister characters. On my first couple read through i was a little confused since I thought Luz started out already having taken over the husband, only on like my thread read through did i notice the 4th panel with the nightly rendezvous implying she was cheating on the husband (also if husband had security cameras he has been looking at how would he have only just now found out about the illicit affairs). The way she talks and acts to Luz comes off like they are a couple rather than an illicit affair which was more prominent to me than the speech bubble.

I like the color palette but I think the color composition of this comic is not great. This comic has an overuse of bright yellows/oranges/reds and lessens the impact of the panels where Luz takes over the wife as well as sets the place on first. When the interior of the house is a constant bright yellow/orange changing it to orange doesn't have much impact. Also the bright reds of Luz taking over the wife blend in with the rest of the panels. If the house and the most of the panels in page 1 had kept the characters in the pinks/purples like the first couple panels, Luz showing up and bringing all the bright reds and oranges would have made a huge impact.

Color is a way to tell the story in comics and you can use changes in the color to show stuff like a character taking control of a situation by having everything around them suddenly turn to the color they are. Luz is a perfect character to do this with and you are a perfect colorist to do that so I would love to see more luz comics in this style with limited colors and Luz's colors suddenly exploding on the comic taking it all over.

Corn Of The Breads
# 7   Posted: Dec 29 2019, 02:10 PM
Oh forgot to post because this battle was remade rather late into production but there was an agreed limit of 5 pages max between Astro and I. A lot of the problems pointed out with my pacing are very fair but I also didnt want to make longer pages to try to fit more into the comic even if it would have made for a better comic I feel like that would have been cheating my opponent and myself I wanted to try my best to tell this story in the 5 pages given to me in the proportions that I normally work within for a page so I can reflect better on how to pace a story in the future. :D thank you for everyones time and comments I just wanted to make sure the page limit was understood.

Global Moderator
# 6   Posted: Dec 29 2019, 12:05 PM
Corn: This one's got some of the storyboarding issues that are, I think I've said in the past, the thing you need most work on; visually otherwise everything looks excellent, but there's too many shortcuts being taken with pacing and visual storytelling and a lack of transition panels, for almost every page I had to go back to the last page to make sure I didn't miss something, or to better understand why something happened, and whole segments missing like seeing the old man aflame, even if it's just a single panel transition, without these inbetweens you get a rushed pace like a cartoon that's had seconds and frames cut out here and there uncleanly

Astro: good job with the storytelling here, I was able to follow everything to the end and I can tell you're working those exposition senses to make sure things are clear to understand. The part that was least clear was the reveal of Moorebuck and him watching things on the camera systems. This could work better with a clear shot or two of security cameras to have it in the reader's mind to pay off for later. Part of it could also be the unfinished nature of the comic as it is RN, and I think some typos in Moorebuck's lines?

Keep it up guys y'all are rockstars

# 5   Posted: Dec 28 2019, 09:06 AM
ok first of all... both entries were exellent.

corn i loved your entry. the writing was really charming with a nice builtup. but I was a bit confused by some panels... like the doc exploding all of a sudden... i mean ok thats Luz but that felt a bit ... too quick. the other thing. i´d liked a additional  panel or two in the end. If i got it right Luz is sealed till now in Loct. But I´m not sure so i miss some clarity here. Everything else was pretty damn nice done.

Astro... your writing is just sooooo sinister. I love Luz and how they behave. art wise it wasnt as fleshed out as other entries but It worked. i especially liked the panel when Loct slided down the stairs.

Both were pretty equal to me in their strengths and weaknesses.

well done and thanks for two very interesting characters.

Global Moderator
# 4   Posted: Dec 27 2019, 07:10 PM
GAWSH ok so first off: CORN I ABSOLUTELY LOVED YOUR COMIC  and I will always and forever continue enjoying your content! LOCT IS A GOOD LASS

And also @ Cy, yes! This comic was rushed because I failed to make a proper work schedule and so things went downhill from there. As much as I wanna apologize for the quality, I know that it's better to accept it as it is and improve in the future so! I appreciate ya'll's critique!!

# 3   Posted: Dec 27 2019, 05:08 PM
Oh man I’ve been waiting to see these two in action! Both of these characters are super fun and I love how both of you ended up with similarly vibrant palettes!

Corn - I love Loct’s comical confidence and design! She’s very cute and I like how the texture of her hat reflects a wooden box, similar to the one she turns into. I really liked how you depicted Luz possessing and then completely consuming the rat in flames, and how you illustrated both the rat and human skeletons within the fire. I also liked how Luz called to her as if she was a cat, haha.

Onto crits: I don’t think the font fit, it didn’t feel like a comic book font and the bubbles need more space around the text. The ending was also anticlimactic and confusing for me. I feel like there’s a page missing between 4 and 5. Why does Luz scream and then fizzle out after crushing the crystal, and why does Loct suddenly become lethargic and turn back into a box? Also where did the gem come from? We see Loct take it and put it in her belly mouth, it’s not visible for the next one and a half pages, and then it’s suddenly on the floor in front of her.

Astro - Luz is That Bitch and I’m here for it. I like how you drew him and Loct, his hair and her body look really nice and organic. And this palette! The outside one, with the orange, pink and dark purples was just gorgeous, loved the establishing shot of the mansion and Loct’s eye peering out from the brush.

The story was a little confusing, I wasn’t sure if the house was supposed to belong to Luz or not and only realised on the second read that the “nightly rendez-vous” was Mrs Moorbuck cheating with Luz. The cut from talking about the mansion to Luz standing rather upright and regally besides her made me think he was the husband at first, because to me their body language there and in later panels didn’t reflect that they were meeting in secret. I think something in the dialogue between them would have helped make the point clearer. Everyone’s position at the beginning of the comic wasn’t clear either; they all appear to be outside, but then Loct is getting caught in the door as they go in. We don’t see either party start to enter the house before Loct’s leg gets crushed and the action lines from Mrs Moorbuck’s foot were so subtle I missed them, so I initially thought Loct had just tripped or something.

Also did you have to rush a little for this one? I feel like your lines are normally a lot cleaner.

# 2   Posted: Dec 27 2019, 02:42 PM

Corn: Interesting take on an Old West Void City. Also showing sort of an interpretation to Luz was a great introduction for the story. Page 1 panel's though were kind of jarring with some of them being mis-aligned and varied in shape to me. Felt kind of scattered.

Astrodile: Really like the choice of colors contrasting from figures to the background all while keeping a general "hot" temperature, and it getting more intense as the story picked up. Was kind of hard to follow the story though. Who was the man? Was this Luz's home, or the man/woman? Overall it was kind of ambiguous.

Great job you two!

Corn Of The Breads
# 1   Posted: Dec 19 2019, 09:07 AM
Apologies on my part we decided to extend the battle by a bit on behalf of me becoming very sick in the middle of the battle.

Comic Details -

Drawing Time: 1 week
Ended: Jan 2nd, 2020
Votes Cast: 19
Page Views: 623
Winner: Corn Of The Breads

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