Dairyu vs. Egg Dealer

Dairyu vs. Egg Dealer

Dairyu vs. Egg Dealer

50.5%
334 points
Page 1Page 2Page 3Page 4

Crit level: Open to any comments or critiques

49.5%
328 points
Page 1Page 2Page 3Page 4

Crit level: Open to any comments or critiques



Critiques & Comments
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SnowyMoth
Artist
19 comments
# 11   Posted: Jan 10 2020, 03:28 PM
First - thank you for the battle Boogi, it was really fun! I quite enjoyed yours, the premise was fun and I quite liked the dialogue between your beautegg and the egg dealer, and then the egg and Dairyu. I've read your side multiple times as well, I'm very happy that you liked mine as well!

Second - Thank you to everyone who read my comic and critiqued & commented on it. The advice is very helpful, and I hope to incorporate it in future comics! There's a lot that I can do to improve, and getting the feedback has helped tremendously already.

Flutterbyes
Artist
243 comments
# 10   Posted: Jan 9 2020, 07:18 PM
The endings for both of these comics come off as a bit ???

Snowy:  You draw the cutest little eggs. A cute little episode, but I'm not sure that final panel really communicated. It seemed a little odd that Dairyu would see that, and then serve the egg liquor to her party. Also, it's nice that the egg transformation is temporary in your comic, but it I guess it takes away from the weirdness?

Boogidi: Your comic has a good level of polish, but the panels came out very weird. Red lines on a character with a lot of black and grey make her kind of hard to see. (An egg cream sandwich, but he's not going to drink an egg cream with it?) You keep bringing egg butts to a whole nother level.

BoogidiBzdo
Artist
39 comments
# 9   Posted: Jan 9 2020, 10:12 AM
Thanks everyone for reading and I appreciate all the comments/critiques. I am glad many enjoyed my coloring here, I’ve been working hard to try and improve that. Now I need to work on writing, that’s one of the hardest things to improve for me.
For this story I had here I was trying to tie it into the last BB I did where Egg Dealer was going to go to a luxury grocery retailer just beyond the hills as a sort of vacation, so that’s why he’s going through the hillside here.

I enjoyed yours a lot, Snowy ! I really liked how you incorporated the current holiday season into it, it was fun to read. Also, you draw cute eggs very good. I read yours multiple times. Thank you so much for battling me, I learned a lot from this. :)

Rivana
Artist
63 comments
# 8   Posted: Jan 8 2020, 07:35 AM
Entertaining comic on both sides though I am still a bit confused on Boo's take on this battle lol. However, I do kinda like your unique take on colors!

Snowy, I love how timely the topic is with the holidays and everything. Suddenly I have this image of Egg Dealer being a magical girl type character. Love the Ravegg with her fangs sticking out and looking utterly confused. Rocio seems to be so chill to be an egg though LOL

TheCydork
Artist
124 comments
# 7   Posted: Jan 6 2020, 11:13 PM
Snowy - When I first read this comic I just thought “egg alcohol?? wtf” which is exactly what I would expect from Egg Dealer haha. Nice lines as always, and I liked how you depicted Egg Dealer in your style with that anime-esque transformation sequence. Plus the egg logo and all the little drunk eggs on the pavement were super cute!  

My only issue was that page 1 didn’t read as clearly as it could have. The lack of tails on the speech bubbles, and sudden character change caught me the first time - I thought the horned person was the shopkeeper and that Dairyu was yelling at them, then I thought they were yelling at her, and Egg Dealer came out of nowhere. I didn’t notice the tiny Dairyu peering from over the shelves and thought Egg Dealer’s arm was her own, since they were both facing the same direction.

Boogi - I.. couldn’t really find anything I liked about this one, sorry. I agree with Flytee in that the palette was questionable, the constantly shifting faces are really distracting to me, and overall things just feel messy. I couldn’t really see a point to the story, it seemed random for the sake of random and at the end I just felt confused and slightly uncomfortable. I know bizarre comics are your thing, so if that’s your goal then you definitely succeeded.

CandycornRhino
Artist
21 comments
# 6   Posted: Jan 6 2020, 09:54 PM
Snowymoth: Cute idea, and fitting with the new years theme puts a good mood for the premise of the comic. Though the person coming into a clearly marked Egg store asking why everything is egg flavored seems kind of redundant. I mean, the person should've known what they were getting into, so the frustration kind of felt gimmicky. Though what followed after with Eggdealer tricking Dairyu was a very cute resolution. The paneling was nice as well, easy to follow.

Boogidibzdo: As others have said, nice backgrounds, it really put the setting for the comic clear. And the premise is very ANIME, which gave me a giggle. However most of the comic I was left confused to what was going on. Like the flow of the story seemed off with the abrupt end. And the dotted lines for the panel edges for me would've been better if they were just opaque lines or none at all. Though overall, your style definitely stood out to make the comic way more comedic that helped carried the humor told.

Good job both of you! It was an eggcellent battle.

ArtsandGoodies
Approval Committee
342 comments
# 5   Posted: Jan 6 2020, 08:54 PM
Snowy: I love seeing traditional inks and yours are very nice. I like most of the backgrounds like the store aisles and the ones on the final page but the background behind egg dealer is weaker than the rest of them. I will agree that the second half of the comic felt a bit odd, the thing that stuck out for me is how Dairyu just accepts what's going on, she seemed more like the type of character who would either question that or start a conflict seeing them turn someone into an egg, could just be my interpatation of the character. the actual ending panel was cool and the little mouse guy npc is really cute.

Boogidi: I have seen some of the studying you have been doing with backgrounds but i gotta say you have done a great job with them that i think they are now the strongest element of your art, they're not just improved they're flat out really good. I think part of this is you also made a really good color palette for this comic all the colors have a nice sense of unity here.
However what you did with the panel borders is really distracting, I'm not sure what you're going for but it doesn't work, it would be better to keep it simple clean borders for the panels. also i noticed some of the text bubble panels were a sort of grey which doesn't work either. The problem with both of these experiments is they bring attention to get them in ways that doesn't feel intentional and results in them oddly mixing. Just keep your panel borders simple while you experiment with layouts. This story had an enjoyable amount of eggsanity and the thought bubbles of egg dealer brought back some of his crazy charm for me. However I think in general the climax in your comics tend to be a bit underwhelming, going by to quick and without enough of a conflict to make it interesting. You have been doing a lot of great studies for art i think you should try to do some more studies for writing, figuring out more about pacing and studying stuff you like and why the writting there works.

Heavenbat
Artist
93 comments
# 4   Posted: Jan 6 2020, 10:39 AM
Snowy: I really liked the beginning of this comic! Poor Dairyu has no idea what she's in for lmaoo. I like page 2 especially, with the transformation sequence. I'll echo what's already been said, though, that the second half of the comic is a little rushed, with some of the transitions being a bit muddled. I could figure out what was going on after a couple of moments, but it took a lot of jumping to conclusions on my part, lol. The last page especially has a lot of gaps and a lot of missing moments that would've really helped to round out the story.

Boogi: I actually liked your use of color throughout the comic, it gave it that mystical feel which contributed to the overall atmosphere of the comic. However, I felt like the story was a bit lacking--why was the Egg Dealer going up to the mountain anyways? And why this time does the Dealer go essentially braindead? In the past he hasn't seemed to freeze up like that... also, I'd be conscious of the size of your wordbubbles, that first panel of page 4 is almost unreadable from how small it is...

Flytee
Artist
96 comments
# 3   Posted: Jan 6 2020, 04:40 AM
Snowy
What a cute comic :> Obviously your lineart is lovely and clean, I do have a bit of a soft spot for Dairyu, shes such a well designed fun character. I always enjoy seeing her on here.
I enjoyed all the little details, like your egg-sona cameos and the butt egg logo on all the products. Your take on egg dealer was very cute and appealing.

Crit wise- small presentation gripe, just make sure all your pencil marks are rubbed out!
I also think the ending could've been a bit clearer. I got what was happening, but it did take me a second. I think showing the warning label on the bottle, instead of just having the text in a box would've made it read smoother.

Boogi
Your arts super unique and you consistently produce finished comics, hats off to you there. Egg dealer is strange creation, but he's also really memorable, and all I can do is sit back in horror and fascination as his egg-based antics continue.
 
My crits are in the realm of personal taste, so take them with a pinch of salt. The colour choices were a bit off putting, a strange mix of garishly bright colours and muddy greens. They didn't harmonise that well for me.
Things are starting to feel a bit samey with Eggdealer- he does some egg related stuff & egg puns happen...I'm wondering if this has a point? If there is a second phase to all this? I have so many questions lol


BuggyPumpkin
Artist
8 comments
# 2   Posted: Jan 5 2020, 09:20 PM
Both of these comics were great! So kicking it off with a well done to both of you!

Snowy: I honestly don’t have much in way of critique, the way you portrayed Egg Dealer was fun, especially with the anime-esque transformation and your line and ink work is always stellar. The little gag at the end with the eggs was also incredibly fun. Great job!!

Boogi: You’ve definitely improved a lot since the first Egg Dealer comic I saw even earlier this year and kudos for pumping out a full color comic! One crit I will give is to watch the planes your faces are on. There were certain time when the heads would shift and the faces would look like they were caving in and were hollow. One thing that may help with this is to try and do some studies with just cylinders or spheres in space and putting volumetric lines around the forms. Otherwise job well done!

SnowyMoth
Artist
19 comments
# 1   Posted: Jan 2 2020, 11:34 PM
Submitted. I decided to work with 4 pages for this, so hopefully the story isn't too rushed. I had to redo the pages, so I wasn't able to flesh out the backgrounds as much as I wanted to, but I'm happy with what I did. ( :

Comic Details -

 
Drawing Time: 3 weeks
Ended: Jan 9th, 2020
Votes Cast: 17
Page Views: 668
Winner: SnowyMoth
 

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