Soul and Flesh part 1 / Rae and Blue

Soul and Flesh part 1 / Rae and Blue

Soul and Flesh part 1 — Rae and Blue

by Flytee

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Critiques & Comments
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# 9   Posted: Dec 17 2019, 03:16 AM
thanks for the helpful crits guys, they've motivated me to work on part 2 and really take my time...because I admittedly cut corners with the visuals here :V
Stay tuned!

# 8   Posted: Dec 15 2019, 12:08 PM
Oh, wow, you're really charging forward with your storyline! It feels like you introduced the mystery of Rae and Blue only a little bit ago, and you're already addressing it... but that's because you've been so productive and focused on your story.

 I think you're getting more of those dynamic action panels, which is good, but sometimes I think your visuals can be a little straight-on or they miss potentially dynamic compositions (like going right from jumping to standing there on page 5.  Maybe that second panel should have shown Lucy landing as she said that). The greys and muted colors were great for the eerie feel of the scenes of this comic. I wonder if the space in between could have benefited from some strikingly different colors.

Global Moderator
# 7   Posted: Dec 14 2019, 08:54 PM
This was a good comic and the rate at which you have been producing comics is amazing and I look forward to seeing the second part of this.
I like daiyru talking to herself to prepare with the conversation, however i felt the interruption with the dart wasn't set up enough in advance, One way that it could have been set up is show them creeping in the background/foreground outside of daiyrus line of sight (but in the viewers line of sight) while she practices. This would have added some more build up to help build the tension since the reader would have a couple more pages wondering what that was before the action kicks off.
The other crit I have is that Lucy looks really similar to Rae, like she's Rae's sister in the uniform or something. In your style the main way you tend to differentiate characters faces is through the nose, however that change isn't enough since they both have smallish noses. You should try playing with eye sizes, proportions, and different facial structures to help differentiate your human faces more.
Your story was also really good and it didn't feel like exposition heavy, some of the dialogue felt a little awkward but as you script more just make sure to say it all out loud and think about ways to always shorten it while keeping the character. Good job with this comic.

# 6   Posted: Dec 13 2019, 07:19 AM
Ahh! I thought we were gonna get answers and now, even more mysteries. I really wanna know where this is going, so you succeeded haha. The writing was great, everything flowed very smoothly and the 18 pages flew right by. I was genuinely worried Blue was completely gone when Lucy said she’d passed, and Lucy’s upbeat but callous attitude was a great choice to amplify that feeling. I loved your depiction of the spirit realm - I loved the establishing shots of the soul parade, and the slight blue glow on Rae as she goes closer to it was a really nice touch. I’m really intrigued by your depiction of the afterlife and what might await Blue when she’s finally at peace. I’m also wondering if the grave she erupted from is her own, how she might react or what she might learn about herself in Part 2!

I agree with the previous crits about the slightly rushed feel, especially since every character is coloured outside the lines. That works well for the ghosts as it gives them an ethereal feel, but when everyone is coloured that way it feels you didn’t clean things up. There’s also some typos, like “to” instead of “too” in consecutive panels.

Rae’s moment also didn’t hit me as hard, and I was less curious or caring about her situation than Blue’s. I think her expressions didn’t match the intensity of the situation or her dialogue. For instance on page 5 when she’s grabbed and on page 10 when she tells Lucy to fuck off, she just looks slightly worried. I don’t sense the fear or anger. Page 11 too, her expressions were a little too subtle for me, especially since I’ve seen more exaggerated faces from you before. I know Rae is a little more reserved, but if there was ever a time for her to emote strongly it would be during a kidnapping or being told her friend was gone forever. Maybe try making the angle of her eyebrows steeper, or adding some more furrow lines around her eyes and mouth, since intense emotions tend to distort the face.

# 5   Posted: Dec 13 2019, 01:01 AM
This was all around just a good comic. The writing was excellent, from Dairyu rehearsing what she was going to say to Rae, to the super peppy assassin lady.

I think your color choices worked really well and gave the comic a kind of somber feel visually, which worked well with the over all theme of the comic.

As far as crits go, really, I just agree with Pyras though that by no means took me out of the story. Besides that, the only other crit I have, and it's a pretty minor one that I only actually noticed on my second read through while specifically looking for things to critique, was that on page 8 Rae's torso seems just a bit too long. Though, I feel weird pointing this out since it's something I'm constantly guilty of.

Great comic and I'm eagerly awaiting part 2!

# 4   Posted: Dec 12 2019, 08:23 PM
The atmosphere throughout the whole comic is sad and uncertain. And I like it.
What takes me out of the illusion, was the colored bubbles for Blue and Miwesa.
I quickly checked your previous comics, and the use of blue speecj bubbles for... Well, Blue is a thing you seem to do often.
However, you gave Rae white speech bubbles, unlike the usual red ones.
Speaking of Rae. I think my heart broke when she realized Blue might be gone for good. You've me invested in your characters now, and I cannot wait for Part 2.
Thank you for sharing this comic with us, it's really well written.

Community Manager
# 3   Posted: Dec 12 2019, 05:33 PM
A+ with the writing, can't wait for more!

Visually it feels rushed, if rushed with style; the laissez faire fills for the characters works for the ghost realm since you're in an environment of impermanence but being a beyond battle you could have probably taken a week or two more to define the fills for the characters in the real world

Can't wait to see the rest!

# 2   Posted: Dec 11 2019, 08:21 AM
The plot thickens... ugh, i'm really invested in this story now. You have a talent for writing mysteries you know? and don't worry, it doesn't sound vague nor an exposition dump at all.
Oh and Blue is so adorable trying to sound intimidating lol.
I don't really have any crits this time, now i'll just wait patiently for the next parts.
Good luck and keep up the good work!

# 1   Posted: Dec 9 2019, 04:15 PM
I decided to split this story into 3 parts instead of making the huge comic I'd originally planned. Decembers proving to be stressful & busy and I felt like I'd reached a logical ending for a part 1. Part 2 will probably come late Dec/ early jan.

I had some issues with the writing, delivering new information without it sounding like an exposition dump or too vague, its a tricky thing to balance. Hopefully everything flows naturally...I tried pfft.

Thanks in advance to anyone who takes the time to read/ vote on it.

Comic Details -

Drawing Time: 3 weeks
Ended: Dec 16th, 2019
Votes Cast: 13
Page Views: 463

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