Rumble Roulette / Jo-Anne vs. Luis

Rumble Roulette / Jo-Anne vs. Luis

Rumble Roulette — Jo-Anne vs. Luis

Icon for Jo-Anne56.1%
270 points
Page 1Page 2Page 3Page 4Page 5Page 6Page 7Page 8Page 9Page 10

Crit level: Open to any comments or critiques

by Dechado

Icon for Luis43.9%
211 points
Page 1Page 2Page 3

Crit level: No critique desired, comments encouraged
tags: jo-anne, sparkledog

Critiques & Comments
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# 9   Posted: Dec 10 2019, 04:17 PM
Boogi- I had fun reading this!
Your art and writing have a strong style to them, that doesn't follow standard logic (tbh if I think about your characters or plot points for too long I get overloaded with questions xD) but I get the feeling that's the point? The absurdist comedy is great.

Healing head pats + casual river healing were my favourite parts.

random art crit-  sometimes you let the quality of your lines slip a lot. Page 5 panel 3 for example, just try to keep your standards consistent.
I'd also recommend working on clarity, particularly when something unusual and not instantly obvious is happening. Page 4 panel 1-3...I'm not sure what's going on in this sequence. Taking the time to clearly frame things would be awesome. Overal this was a great comics from you.

Dechado - Wholesome comic is wholesome.

Global Moderator
# 8   Posted: Dec 9 2019, 11:17 PM
I like that both of these were more touchy feely comics than punchy hurty. Fits the voiders in play I think.

BOOGIDI- backgrounds, narrative, character loyalty and more. I like that you really gave your opponent center stage and time to shine. The dramatics per the healing ability was tongue in cheek, but I think fits as it enhanced all the dramatacism with healing stuff. Not bad.

DECHADO- Interesting angle, but this felt like more of a Louis comic with their pops. I didn't even really register your opponent as anything more than dressing.

Community Manager
# 7   Posted: Dec 9 2019, 10:13 PM
Boogi: Your backgrounds have gotten so much better. Also your anatomy has gotten better as well Jo-Anne looks great throughout this comic. Also the general structure you did for Luis face was really solid. The next thing you need to work on is being more consistent with your proportions. In particular Luis' body proportions were inconsistent, way to fix this is to aim to have the body be a certain amount of head heights and keep that in mind when doing your sketches. you have been studying and practicing art i would also recommend you do some writing studying. In particular your pacing for this comic was off  due to the lack of character transitions. The characters need to lead the plot, not the other way around. the ending of page 6 to the start of page 7 is an example of this sudden transition.  he goes from talking about her scars to saying he he will heal the river, the transition has no dialogue in-between to show it and comes of as random. Most people when going from one subject to another will often either have a natural flow of conversation to them or show some body language and actions to move to them to the next action. Study some of your favorite stories and pay attention to how the characters will move from one subject to another while in the same scene. Good job with all the improvement and still staying to your wildness.

Decha: Cute little comic and i support Goat dad, also good to see you doing some more comics just gotta keep doing more and hopefully it helps you get over anything that's holding you back.

# 6   Posted: Dec 7 2019, 07:35 AM
Boogi - Gonzo is the word that first comes to mind when I read your comics. And I weirdly love it. The cant at which you write the dialogue in this comic is so enjoyable, whether or not it aligns with your opponent's personality. Jo-Anne is a funky character and one that I'm surprised to really like. At first glance, all of your pages have really dynamic layouts with great uses of blacks and negative space. However, there are a lot of panels that could have done with more love. Architecture is a pain in the butt, but an attractive background can do wonders for a story's atmosphere. The building in panel three of page one has so much character and it could have had more if you tightened up those lines. Its one of the reason's I came back to Void was to force myself to get better at cityscapes. This is a genuinely funny comic and Im excited to read more of them.

Dechado - I love all your pups! This is a sweet comic with a bit of character growth (on both sides possible) thrown in for good measure. Good Job!

# 5   Posted: Dec 4 2019, 04:33 PM
Boogi - I enjoyed the way you drew Luis’s paws. They were very cute, especially on the second page when he just patted that girl to heal her, haha.

I have no idea what’s happening in the comic though. I don’t understand how Jo-Anne was the one responsible for poisoning the river. She dropped the money doughs in the river a couple of seconds before Luis shows up, and then he just blames her? She asks to fight and suddenly he talks about seeing deep scars within her. Her poses also seem incredibly random and not related to what she says. It was all very erratic.

Pages 3 and 4 especially had me going “wtf” because what is Jo-Anne doing? She looks wet so I’m guessing she came out of the river but we don’t see that, just her standing there with a broken-looking spine, then bam money doughs gone, then the next page... she grabs her crotch? And then clenches something? What is she clenching? I don’t understand.

Dechado - A short and sweet comic :) Is the goat his main father figure or one of the many monks who raised him?

# 4   Posted: Dec 3 2019, 10:47 AM
Thank you for the compliments!
I enjoyed your comic too, I was very curious to see what you would do with Jo-Anne; you portrayed her perfectly.
I really liked your story, it had a good message in it.

# 3   Posted: Dec 3 2019, 06:08 AM
Goshdangit, you draw AND write my character better than I do. xD

I liked the dynamic between them, Jo-Anne is more wild and passionate, while Luis is also very angry, but manages to control himself.
Found it funny that both of us focused on our characters being somewhat kind to each other.
Loved your inks. The background for Page 1 was very neat, and some of the perspective shots for Jo-Anne were really nice.

# 2   Posted: Dec 1 2019, 09:39 AM
Uploaded mine too, just in case I miss the deadline.

Happy Holidays.

# 1   Posted: Nov 30 2019, 09:34 AM
I turned mines in already. I don’t know what else to add to it, so happy holidays! :)

Comic Details -

Drawing Time: 2 weeks
Ended: Dec 10th, 2019
Votes Cast: 14
Page Views: 820
Winner: BoogidiBzdo

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