Rumble Roulette / Kazue L. Burns vs. MOR BYRNES

Rumble Roulette / Kazue L. Burns vs. MOR BYRNES

Rumble Roulette — Kazue L. Burns vs. MOR BYRNES

by Energy

180 points
Page 1Page 2Page 3

Crit level: No critique desired, comments encouraged

350 points
Page 1Page 2Page 3Page 4Page 5Page 6Page 7Page 8Page 9Page 10Page 11Page 12Page 13Page 14Page 15Page 16Page 17Page 18Page 19Page 20Page 21Page 22Page 23Page 24Page 25Page 26Page 27Page 28Page 29

Crit level: Open to any comments or critiques

Critiques & Comments
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Community Manager
# 9   Posted: Dec 25 2019, 06:53 PM
-I agree it'd be really nice if I finished these, my problem with making comics is I am very slow to start and get stuck a lot in the writing/planning phase, then when i get to the actual labor i typically have like....1/3 of the deadline left, haha. It's definitely something i need to work on, I was just glad to get something in at all this time.

Here are some things you should try to help get out the writing quicker.
On the first day of the deadline have a document open and type out literally everything that comes to mind and these keep trying to type (if you have any text to speech programs use them and just keep talking about the characters and any possible ideas) do not go back and change anything. The purpose of this is to get it all down on paper and then look at it all later and clean it up. If you are drawing complete blanks on the first day ask someone for advice and talk with them about it (feel free to DM if you want and I can help next time you're in a battle so long as I have the time which i tend to have)

Don't worry about how any of the dialogue sounds, just determine the length of what's being said, Like if you know a character is going to say a sentence at one point don't bother working out the details of the sentence just mark down they say something  at that point and move on. when writing your script your dialogue in the first draft should absolutely not be your final stuff and you should be constantly changing and adjusting it like you would the drawing. The point of the first script is to know roughly around how many pages there will be and where dialouge bubbles will go, you should not be thinking about exactly what characters are saying so long as you know the purpose of what they're saying and know roughly around how big a word bubble you will need for that.

Another thing you can do is look up scenes from anything you like that gives off the emotion you want to give off with the comic to get ideas and inspiration, but be careful since that could end up down a rabbit hole of binging something and not doing writing or work.

# 8   Posted: Dec 23 2019, 09:39 PM
First off just wanted to say HEY THANKS A BUNCH for all the critique and comments and sorry I took so long to get back to responding, i'm very bad with this!! But i super appreciate it!

General responses!

-I'm glad people seem to like Nicolle, while she is another fight girl I wanted someone who doesn't need an excuse to punch your lights out, so here she is!

-I agree it'd be really nice if I finished these, my problem with making comics is I am very slow to start and get stuck a lot in the writing/planning phase, then when i get to the actual labor i typically have like....1/3 of the deadline left, haha. It's definitely something i need to work on, I was just glad to get something in at all this time.

The comic definitely could've been paced better, I have a lot to learn about that sort of stuff. I just sort of...go forward? yeah, I dunno, its not great.

I didn't really have time or know where to look to make sure it was accurate all the time but she's more or less scottish, though she's been living in wherever void is for a bit so there's probably some americana in there? I dunno.

I intend to clean up her bio and ref sheet, now that i have time and have figured her out some more thru this comic.

Thanks again though, dudes! I'll take all this in and hopefully get another comic going before too soon?

Community Manager
# 7   Posted: Dec 16 2019, 10:34 PM
Energy: You should try working on completing some small individual images as well as going back to some of these comics and completing them. Also you should do some studies and more importantly just draw more and embrace bad drawings, We all have hundreds/thousands of bad drawings we're doing and you just need to do them and realize it's good to do these.

Rittzler: it's a shame this couldn't all be finished and feels a bit overly extended on the fighitng but i love Nicolle, she's so simple and straightforward it's really enjoyable. Also the whole interaction was great between the two characters. I definilty want to see more and if you are up to it doing a fully completed BB of this would be awesome.

# 6   Posted: Dec 15 2019, 12:47 PM
Energy: Too bad you couldn't get this to completion. You do seem to be having trouble in that area. I would recommend agreeing to do a short comic next time so that, even if life happens and you fall short, your opponent is still meeting your short comic with a short comic of their ownYour text layout and bubble placement are better than before, though, so good job there.

Ritttzler: What a strong introduction. The gaps in coloring hurt it (at least do some flats and not scribbles), but the lineless tone for backgrounds are a good simplification. I like working without anti-aliasing too, but it requires at least 300dpi, if not 600dpi to not look jagged.  Poor Kazue became a sympathetic foil to introduce us to Nicolle's chaotic personality, and you got some good back and forth from them. The visuals did get a little hazy at times (what exactly is happening on pg 9? It almost looks like a shot/reverse shot with two people, but it seems to just be Kazue), which isn't helped by the way you sketch. You probably could have sacrificed some page length in the name of quality, especially for money shots like page 15 or 20-21. As much personality as that middle portion has, it's that final showdown that needed the attention more.

# 5   Posted: Dec 13 2019, 09:30 PM
Rittzler: wow the first pages were really well done. the way you handle backgrounds is really charming. with a page count like that though i wonder what you were aiming for. As for the dynamic of the two. that was pretty sweet.
though the page count hurt you here honestly. its impressive but with pages obviously rushed like this i didnt really felt like reading it all.
but in the end i really like how you ended it. kazue needs some love. that was a really nice move.

energy: while i´d say previous comments are a bit harsh i´d still agree that its time to work on your art in general and thats probably better done in study and illustration style. Don´t stop or leave or anything like that. But make an effort to actually get better on your weakpoints. and yeah its clear you took in advice from your last comic. thats good!
I really want to see finished art and studies from you.

# 4   Posted: Dec 12 2019, 07:39 PM
Energy: Gah, the first page looked really, really good. The characters looked dynamic, fun and alive. But that was lost in the next pages. Feels like you start your comics strong, but lose interest or willpower as you draft the next pages.
This comic looked quite good. Hopefully we can see some completed stuff from you again.

Rittzler: I think I lost my mind between page 12 and 13. Found it way funnier than it was probably intended to be.
The plan you had for the comic looked really solid, there was an intro, a  fight, a consequence and resolution. It's good to aim high, but also don't burn yourself out!
P.D. Nicky is on my hitlist. : )))))))

# 3   Posted: Dec 12 2019, 04:57 PM
Rittzler- Angry punch gal vs angry sad gal.
This comic was wild, these characters are so troubled and watching them clash was rather entertaining.
Nicolle came across as legitimately unhinged but also oddly likeable- I'm interested to see this type of character put in different situations.
"Oi don't run while I'm expositing!" That's the kinda self-aware humour that I live for haha

Its a real shame the later pages are so unfinished, I'm guessing Kazue torches the windmill to feel better? Nicolles like some kinda unintentional, alternative therapist. It was an amusing ending.

You don't want crit, so I'm just going to say this. If you do not have time to work on comics AT ALL- don't challenge people to battles. Just do some doodles or stand-alone drawings inbetween life stuff, then come back to void when you can achieve more then 3 sketched pages in 3 weeks.

# 2   Posted: Dec 10 2019, 10:58 AM
Rittzler: That was a fun comic and a fun character! It's kind of refreshing to see a character with such an explosive personality on the site, i mean, her life objective being punching random people? that's beautiful (let me fight her please).
Too bad the comic is kind of unfinished, i can barely tell what's going on in some panels. Maybe next time try to be more objective with your story, recognize your limits  and put your focus on quality over quantity.

Energy: I don't feel you even tried at all.

# 1   Posted: Dec 10 2019, 08:08 AM
Energy - I see you’re taking heed of the last comic’s crits and planning the bubbles out! They look much better here, way more balanced within the panels.

I do have to ask though, what exactly is going on with you? I’m not trying to be rude, I’m genuinely curious as to why over two thirds of the battles you’ve posted in the last two years have been incomplete. And why in three weeks you only managed three pages of sketches. Are you very busy irl? Did something come up? Why does this keep happening? And seriously, why is there this trend of opponents being horrible to your characters instantly and for no reason?

And please, if you have an answer, reply here. Responding to and @ing me while I’m not present in the group chat is kind of immature, imho.

Rittzler - First of all, I love the way you rendered the backgrounds at the beginning! That kind of soft monochrome look is very nice. I also like that Nicole has a very clear voice, and she’s pretty funny. I especially liked the line “don’t run while I’m expositing”, haha. Even though a lot of the comic was in thumbnail form, I honestly found them kind of cute and charming, and I can definitely see the dynamism in them.

I do agree with Petrichor though in that you spread yourself way too thin with this one. Even when the comic was in sketches as opposed to thumbs, early on like page 3, I sometimes couldn’t tell what was happening. The comic also dragged for me, so while I commend you for attempting almost 30 pages I don’t think all those pages were necessary. It felt kind of like an anime fight that is bulked out by fillers - they fight a bit, stop, taunt, fight a bit, stop, taunt, talk about emotions that never lead anywhere, fight a bit.. etc. I thought when Kazue said something about dying after a quiet life, or when she cried, Nicole might change her tune but they just go right back to fighting. They don’t bring it up later so it’s an unnecessary lull in the action to me. The plot only kicked in at the end, when Nicole taunts Kazue to fight and says it might even make her feel better. I think if you cut a lot of the beginning out and focussed on that, it would have been a tighter story and you’d have completed more.

Another thing is that even though Nicole has a distinct voice, it’s not.. really identifiable, if that makes sense? A lot of her slang seems confused, like one minute she is using very Scottish phrases and the next she’s leaning more towards stereotypical English speech patterns, with occasional Americanisms. I know if I battled her, I wouldn’t be sure if she was supposed to be English or Scottish and which slang to include in her speech, especially since you don’t mention where she’s from in her bio.

Comic Details -

Drawing Time: 2 weeks
Ended: Dec 16th, 2019
Votes Cast: 20
Page Views: 561
Winner: rittzler

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