F.O.R.G.E. vs. Doannah Donut

F.O.R.G.E. vs. Doannah Donut

F.O.R.G.E. vs. Doannah Donut

by Nothin

45.9%
247 points
Page 1Page 2Page 3

Crit level: No critique desired, comments encouraged

54.1%
291 points
Page 1Page 2Page 3Page 4Page 5

Crit level: No preference



Critiques & Comments
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ArtsandGoodies
Approval Committee
299 comments
# 6   Posted: Nov 27 2019, 10:17 PM
Nothin: Forge is really cute and I enjoy your inks and expressions of your characters. Also good job with all the month of dead comics you did.

MrPR: Thank you for the Harlow cameo. Your backgrounds are getting much better now, however you need to work on properly spreading them out and balancing the backgrounds for your comics. A general idea to go by is one big shot with the detailed background per page to help us establish where we are then the rest of the panels having a simpler background to help reinforce that. So keep practicing backgrounds but also try to spread them evenly throughout the comic so that each page can have a good background to ground the characters.
Also if you're going to do textures you will need to more neatly separate the background texture from the characters. The way you would generally do this is with Layer masks, most any art program has layer masks so I would recommend looking up some videos on Layer masks and how to do them. Then when you do a texture like this put a layer mask on all the characters so the texture doesn't show up on them at all.
Hopefully you can use that practice to help in the heavyweight, good luck.

Corn Of The Breads
Think Tank
134 comments
# 5   Posted: Nov 24 2019, 06:27 PM
Both of these comics are really cute and Mr PRs technically has two of my characters in it haha great work these are both adorable and I love how they carry on the character! great job!

Elyan
Artist
84 comments
# 4   Posted: Nov 24 2019, 01:13 AM
nothin that was pretty sweet. though i kinda miss the punchline sorta. Or better said i feel like this is cut short and lacks the ending. i second the comments below though :) cute one.

Mr Pr I like your Donutlady. She´s so delightfully pissed! Two real issues mentioned. The background texture isnt helping the read for it has alot of contrast that distracts here and there from the actual pages. I´m not sure what you need a BG texture for in the first place. And on Pg 4 panel 4 i think you mixed up the word balloons arrows.
Still fun read.

Flytee
Artist
72 comments
# 3   Posted: Nov 23 2019, 10:19 AM
Nothin- FORGE is such a fun character, I think your comedic timing with their expressions and gestures is on point. I was pretty much smiling throughout this comic. :3

Mr Pr- Another fun read! I did chuckle a few time just over how absurd this comic was, its hard not to be entertained by a doughnut lady shooting a pink cat robot point-blank.
All the pieces are here for a REALLY entertaining comic, I just felt like the set up could've been punchier, there's some extra scene's that I feel don't add much to whats happening.

- the first 1.5 pages don't need to be there. You could have opened the comic in the junkyard. Showing Doannah with her scooter parked up and a box of doughnuts- would've been enough to tell the viewer why she's there. Especially in a short comedic comic.
-I then would've had some sort of establishing shot of her gun, maybe she could put it down her cleavage and remarked on how the place is sketchy. This would've helped with clarity later when she shoots FORGE, it's a bit hard to tell what's going on on page 3. I actually thought FORGE was shooting a lazor out of their forehead on the final panel.  

I also second Cy's Crit on the background texture.


 

TheCydork
Artist
76 comments
# 2   Posted: Nov 20 2019, 04:15 PM
Nothin - FORGE is super cute, I wish I’d gotten Hathsha in before October ended bc that would have been an interesting battle! I like the bongo cat reference and the expressions. After FORGE stepped into the diner though, I’m not really sure what was going on...

MrPr - I really like the ominous feel you give FORGE by keeping them completely black before the reveal! I don’t have much else to say though since.. idk, the story didn’t really do it for me. I felt like I’d seen it loads of times before and after FORGE was all sneaky, the other beats didn’t hit quite right. I also think you overdid it with the texture which distracted me a lot, and obscured the great backgrounds you did on the first two pages! Speaking of backgrounds, the effort you put into them initially made it all the more apparent when the characters floated around in empty space later on.

MrPr1993
Artist
72 comments
# 1   Posted: Nov 20 2019, 09:04 AM
Oh my. Little robot in a little disguise. Dunno what was happenin' there but well done UwU

-...and aw dang. I overlooked amd mixed up the text bubbles in page 4's 4th panel. Oops U.U gotta remind myself to not overlook this next time...

Comic Details -

 
Drawing Time: 2 weeks
Ended: Nov 27th, 2019
Votes Cast: 16
Page Views: 227
Winner: MrPr1993
 

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