▲Trick Shot▽ / Spoiler vs. Buck Xander

▲Trick Shot▽ / Spoiler vs. Buck Xander

▲Trick Shot▽ — Spoiler vs. Buck Xander

by Orion

44.9%
389 points
Page 1Page 3Page 4

Crit level: Open to any comments or critiques
tags: 24 hr comic, buck xander, month of the dead, spoiler

55.1%
477 points
Page 1Page 2Page 3

Crit level: Open to any comments or critiques
tags:



Critiques & Comments
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Heavenbat
Artist
71 comments
# 14   Posted: Oct 27 2019, 01:01 AM
Orion: I'm aware you don't have a ton of time with these comics but I do feel like if possible you should start trying to add the dialogue in on a computer after you scan things in, cuz your hand-lettering at times is difficult or even impossible to decipher. That said! Amazing job on getting the spot coloring done, I'm a sucker for these kind of tonal comics and the shift from blue to red was *chef's kiss*

Deji: good god. how?? the art is gorgeous, and imo the banter between Buck and Spoiler over the visuals of a game of pool is such a cool sort of symbolic thing--like, it's almost a callback to the trope of "playing chess while having a verbal battle" while also doing something new with it. I personally disagree with it being confusing--we may not know who Kyra is specifically but it seemed clear to me that this comic was setting things up for future battles. It felt like we weren't SUPPOSED to know who Kyra was. That said, while I get the idea that the question about JaJa was related, I'm having a hard time figuring out how exactly it was linked to the questions about Fox. That one did feel a little to me like namedropping for the sake of namedropping.

Rivana
Artist
52 comments
# 13   Posted: Oct 20 2019, 06:29 PM
Orion- wow  you're really amping up these 24 hour comics. I love your addition of shading and colors to set the mood! Seems you're also getting faster as the quality is noticeably better. On the flip side, I do wish you featured more interactions between  Spoiler and  Buck. But overall, again! great improvement! My fave is the first panel. Way to go with that perspective.

Deji- Wow ...your art is so clean and polished even with a 24 hour comic. I am mind blown. I love your take on this and how you used Spoiler to reference Buck's upcoming battles. I do not know who Kyra is though so i was a bit confused about that as there was not any context to who she/he is as opposed to how Buck described Fox and Jaja.

Great comics on both sides! Congratulations!

Happy November 20th! -Reecer6
Artist
271 comments
# 12   Posted: Oct 20 2019, 01:24 PM
Orion: Dang, this is a step up from your previous 24 hour comics! Looks real nice! Love your page compositions! My only nitpick is it took me a second to realize Buck ran because Spoiler was looking at him, think you'd need like one extra panel there to show him turning his head.

Deji: DAAAAAAANG, this in 24 hours?? IMPRESSED. However, I understand literally nothing? I don't know these names (other than Jaja of course, but I also don't know *why* she's there), or what impact they have on Buck, or what anyone's doing. Also, unless he is supposed to be super practiced at pool despite his contact, I'm incredulous he could pull off that trick shot. I was left real alienated by this comic! : (

ArtsandGoodies
Approval Committee
295 comments
# 11   Posted: Oct 19 2019, 11:23 AM
Orion: I gotta admire your endurance to consistently be doing 24 hour comics, that is great practice and you are improving. I do like that you are not trying to use time to fit in colors in it and it does help provide more depth, however I do think the for the sake of clarity the time spent on the additional colors would be better spent on the lettering or if you can get it to do digital lettering which may be faster than writing it all out. Also I love how you keep developing Spoiler as a monster. You're running a marathon with these 24 hour comics and i wish you the best for your next couple ones.

Deji: On a technical level this is one of the best one day comics done so far, your three pages are more in length towards 4-5 pages, that are all clean line art with some grayscale as well, that is amazing and i hope you can understand your strength as an artist for this feat. I just know you have tended to talk down yourself at times and if you struggle to see your strength it's hard to get better since you don't know what works and if you are trying to peruse art, which i think you mentioned before, you can not undersell yourself at all. You have mentioned your commission prices before and you are worth way more than that and need to see that you're not selling to yourself and your standards you're selling to others who see great stuff in your art.

Back to the comic the story has an issue of name dropping for the sake of plot. If you're going to talk about a character not directly in this comic stick to one name or group, if you include more you would need to show them somehow. However the reasons you did this is systemic of a bigger issue, you are trying to have the plot control the characters when it should be the other way around. We already talked about what you're doing for your next battle so you're on your way to improving that issue.
That being said, your actual dialogue is good, Buck has a distinct voice. Also your interpretation of Spoiler is really awesome adding these rules to him and giving him a logical system he works by is cool. Good job with this comic and stop underselling yourself.

BoogidiBzdo
Artist
33 comments
# 10   Posted: Oct 17 2019, 11:18 AM
For 24 hrs these are both really well developed. Good job to both of you!

@orion: I liked the unique character designs you had and your use of monochromatic color is very effective and sets a mood.
This was fun to read.

@dejitaruu: Your art is so good that even when you have to cut corners in the interest of time, it still comes out looking polished. I liked how you rendered that feather on the ground in the beginning.

Heathen
Artist
334 comments
# 9   Posted: Oct 16 2019, 10:51 AM
I’m really not sure how you’d fix this though considering I’m also figuring out how to mysteriously namedrop someone and not have it be confusing >>
Quote
Yeah, this is a tough balancing act. One way to do this is to simply include some narration at the end that acknowledges the questions. "Who is Kyra, and what part will they play in this quickly unravelling mystery? Find out in Buck VS Jaja!". This way the reader isn't left wondering if they're supposed to know the answer already, that it's intentionally mysterious.

You can also use an inner monologue of the main character to tell us they're thinking about this person. Pepper the comic with their name, get us wondering who they are. Make the mystery of their interest to the plot a throughline of the comic.

Another way would be to just... not do that. Instead, have the mysterious person reveal themself, make it dramatic.  These certainly aren't the only options, if anyone has other ideas, it's a great question.

TheCydork
Artist
66 comments
# 8   Posted: Oct 14 2019, 05:47 PM
First of all I know I say this every time but congrats!! 24 hr comics are hard and you both did great on these!

Orion - The action here was very good. When Spoiler just shoved his hand through one of the people, it’s just great, his stance and the action lines really made it feel powerful. I also liked the use of monochrome and how it shifted from blue to red-tinted with Spoiler’s arrival.

The comic was kind of confusing to read though? When I read Buck’s first lines it wasn’t clear he was having a conversation so it appeared he was having an awkward monologue with himself, and on the second page Spoiler appears out of thin air.

Deji - I’m amazed by how polished this looks? Even though you didn’t manage to finish colouring pages 2 and 3, the lines are just so clean and everything is very readable. I absolutely loved the panel where Spoiler appears out of the darkness, just, the glow on his gloves and everything *chef’s kiss* (and thanks for the little nod to my comic with the feathers ;u; )

I also found your comic kind of confusing too though.. there were no clarity issues per se but I’m unsure why Buck cares about JaJa, Jules or Kyra enough to ask questions about them. I’m guessing you wanted to lead up to the Jules fight and that Kyra might be someone you introduce later but all mentions felt kind of out of the blue? I’m really not sure how you’d fix this though considering I’m also figuring out how to mysteriously namedrop someone and not have it be confusing >>

Flutterbyes
Artist
218 comments
# 7   Posted: Oct 14 2019, 04:01 PM
Orion: I really loved the staging up until the last page, where it flattened out... but hey, 24 hour comics. It's also a shame that Buck isn't really that involved here.

Deji: Wow, you really worked out a look and workflow for 24 hours. Your art is still lovely and the minimal rendering works great. I loved how you introduced Spoiler looming behind Buck, glowing at him. The story, too, is like dealing with fae, which I love.

Heathen
Artist
334 comments
# 6   Posted: Oct 14 2019, 11:17 AM
Orion: A fun little comic. Did you guys agree on a 3 page limit? It was a great setup (no pun intended), but I would’ve liked to see some direct interaction between Buck and Spoiler. I’m sure there’s a way you could have had all the setup on page 1, the massacre on page 2, and then have Spoiler appear behind Buck on the rooftop, grab Buck, and Buck shoots Spoiler in the face, causing him to drop Buck off the roof. Even ending on Buck falling to the street below would be a better cliffhanger than just him hightailing it. Also, i highly recommend lettering your comics digitally, the handwriting on this one was not good.

Deji: I really like this scene, it’s too bad the quality dropped after the first couple pages, and I think there was a bit of dialog or two that didn’t make it in. I also felt like I was missing a little bit of context for some of the questions Buck was asking and his overall motivation, so I’ll have to go read his last few comics to catch up. I don’t know if Spoiler’s rules were established previously or if this is the first comic to explain them, but I love how you utilized that. I really wish I knew what Buck was talking about at the end, because it sounded very dramatic and I like the ending here, I’ll just have to do a little homework to appreciate the implications.

**EDIT: I just saw the comment that this was a 24 hour deadline, so take my critiques with the appropriate amount of salt. For a 1-dayer, these comics are both fantastic.

Elyan
Artist
81 comments
# 5   Posted: Oct 14 2019, 10:56 AM
orion... there is a nice sense of danger and space. but i feel like a little actual story aside from spoiler wracking havoc out of nowhere would have been nice. art wise its good aside from the occasional eraser hint. given that your art is easily readable how it is right now (aside maybe from the handwritten text... kinda cramped but thats mostly time constraint i guess) i would like to see some work on story telling in future 24hr comics. it sure is possible.

deji... how? your lines are point on! there isnt any shading needed more than this imo. The story was pretty fun acutally... i love these vague implicative types. hands down for 24 hrs this is all i could ever want.

dejitaruu
Artist
6 comments
# 4   Posted: Oct 13 2019, 02:35 AM
THAT WAS DIFFICULT - seriously, kudos to all of you who can do this good lol. Despite not being happy w/ alot of the inconsistency, pacing, having alot more mistakes and what not - I had alot of fun and I enjoyed learning what I can and can't do in certain time limits. I had backgrounds and shading in mind as well as more of a better story, but the time limit kicked the shit outta me and compromising was my only choice where getting some kind of story out mattered more than my stupid perfectionism -  alas, I really love Spoiler; I think he is just so ominious and neat - wish we could have battled longer and put out a bigger story (i wanted to draw his cool jacket better lol)  but we'll have to do that another time - Thanks for fighting me, Orion!! :DD Keep doing these 24 hr battles and I encourage others to try their hand as well!

TheCydork
Artist
66 comments
# 3   Posted: Oct 11 2019, 11:22 PM
YOOO HYPE

dejitaruu
Artist
6 comments
# 2   Posted: Oct 11 2019, 11:13 PM
Panic and Pool Balls, Baby

Orion
Artist
208 comments
# 1   Posted: Oct 11 2019, 10:36 PM
Battle of the Leather Jackets!

24HR BATTLE HO!

Comic Details -

 
Type: Sparring Match
Drawing Time: 1 week
Ended: Oct 20th, 2019
Votes Cast: 21
Page Views: 411
 

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