Throw Down in Toontown, Round 2 / Riley Gator vs. Nopalito

Throw Down in Toontown, Round 2 / Riley Gator vs. Nopalito

Throw Down in Toontown, Round 2 — Riley Gator vs. Nopalito

50.3%
643 points
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Crit level: Open to any comments or critiques

49.7%
636 points
Page 1Page 2Page 3

Crit level: Open to any comments or critiques
tags: nopalito, riley gator, toontown



Critiques & Comments
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Heavenbat
Artist
71 comments
# 15   Posted: Nov 9 2019, 11:51 PM
Astro: I really liked the setup for this battle, with the slow buildup... but I feel like things kinda got lost in translation once Riley "showed up"--I didn't even realize what was actually going on until my third or fourth read through ^^; And even then, there's some areas I'm still confused on--most notably what Arts pointed out, with this change in Riley's powers kinda feeling like a non sequitur. I think this might've worked better if Riley hadn't suddenly had shadow puppet powers and instead we saw Riley throughout the comic on our way to the TV room--like, on a poster on the street, then a painting in a hallway, then on a logo somewhere in the room itself--and then she'd given Mr Wormy a signal to throw the two into the TV or something?
That said, I never would've guessed that your style would lend itself well to toons, but my god it works surprisingly well!! Also give me your spot black skillz plz

Ran: God I love the setup for this comic so much. I unironically love training montages and this was such a beautiful homage to the trope and to so many movies as well!! I think my only gripe is that I wish you would've pushed Riley's style hopping abilities a bit more; as is, while she hops in and out of different universes, the only thing that really changes about her "style" is her outfit; you've shown before that you can do a non-toony style, and you even use it in this comic a couple of times, so it would've been neat to have seen Riley shift to look more realistic in the "live-action" scenes, and maybe shifted to look more reminiscent of Chinese art in the dojo scenes?

TheRealBirbBlitz
Artist
9 comments
# 14   Posted: Oct 28 2019, 11:41 PM
Lemme just say first y'all did great jobs on these comics and there's not much to say that hasn't already been said but I'll try my best
To Astro: Lemme just say your line work and shading is really great, I enjoy how clean everything is tbh! But, where I get picky is during your story. You've got a great way of building dread and a feeling of a looming threat over characters, but, like others have said, it's disappointing there's no closure in this comic, like you essentially end at the climax, and it would've been better if we got a page showing where Nopalito and Millie ended up. I know you're probably going to cover it if you get to the final round but I feel like you could've covered it here. Now, another thing, Riley's underling in this comic, like others have said before they would've worked way better if they were a toon that Riley had working for her. I also feel like you could've pushed Riley's art hopping in this comic more instead of having her stay completely in shadow, but I get it honestly, shadows do seem to build dread more. Still though, this comic was pretty good and I'm enjoying Riley's climb to villainy.

To Ran: I honestly really enjoyed this comic! I love the goofy training session Riley and Nopalito take on, you definitely used Riley's media hopping abilities to it's best here and I had a lot of laughs reading the references throughout. Your characterization of Riley is honestly really enjoyable and her undertaking Nopalito as a student is really fun. I also really enjoyed the gag at the end with Riley being Millie's anatomy picture just funny moments like that get me honestly. Now, even though these were just pencils I think you pushed them a lot? Like they're pretty clean and have a lot of energy to them, not only that but you've got a really good feel for toon motion in your art, it's really fun to look at! But, also I do feel like a few of the references are hit or miss with me. Other than that though, you got yourself a pretty solid comic!

BoogidiBzdo
Artist
33 comments
# 13   Posted: Oct 28 2019, 09:29 PM
@Astrodile: Your line art is pristine. I particularly like how you are able to get these smooth, crisp, thin lines as seen on the characters. The way you illustrated the action was cool.

@Ranzombie: You have a  nice style that has a lot of liveliness to it. I like how with almost no dialogue you were able to so clearly tell a story through imagery. The images flowed seamlessly together and spoke for themselves.

Great work, you two!

Rivana
Artist
52 comments
# 12   Posted: Oct 28 2019, 07:48 PM
Astro - I dont think there's any question about your skills. I find myself admiring every panel and the way you conveyed the mood and surprisingly shockingly dark Riley here is the stuff of legends. My only gripe is that  I am confused most of the time about what's going on. I know something terrible is happening but I feel kinda lost towards the end.

Ranzombie - this is such a fun and wacky comic. Impressive use of just images to convey the story and the explanation at the end that ties it all together is very clever. While your pencils are very clean and gorgeous, it would really give it a lot of oomph if you could ink them or at least use darker pencils next time.

Both comics are well-made and I thoroughly enjoyed them. You both have a very dynamic style that I really admire and aspire to achieve one day.


Flytee
Artist
61 comments
# 11   Posted: Oct 28 2019, 09:37 AM
I'm a bit late to the party but I've gotta say I adored both these comics!
Ran your pencils are lovely and the story here was charming, it was just a delightful read all round.
Whilst Astro...you went kinda dark with this story and I am 100% onboard. Your creativity with Riley/ The toon troupe is so fun. The end of the story was pretty chaotic and confusing to read, but for me It added to the scene. I don't know if it would've been as unsettling if things had just been spelt out.



Happy November 11th! -Reecer6
Artist
268 comments
# 10   Posted: Oct 28 2019, 12:02 AM
astro: CHILLING!! disappointed that this doesn't have as much a conclusion or a justification for riley's actions as the first comic - here she just seems to be doing an evil thing for evil's sake - but you nail the tone SO WELL!!! you make goofy toon arms look so menacing!!

ran: i find it funny that you also do wacky waving toon arms here but it's just a gag :v this comic is simple but i found it super funny; the ending really got me! also woah i just realized i stopped reading page 2 at the end of the lucha libre section and just clicked by the whole rest of it and i feel like a fool, it makes this thing so much cuter!!

Brabbit
Artist
8 comments
# 9   Posted: Oct 26 2019, 06:57 PM
Dang, Astro had a surprisingly dark and twisted entry. Very well made too!

Rans was extremely entertaining and fun so you two were like night and day here!

PyrasTerran
Community Manager
1436 comments
# 8   Posted: Oct 24 2019, 07:54 PM
Astro: since the beginning I've been a huge fan of Riley's shtick, a seemingly benign being trying to help people by caging them in safe, happy prisons checks off lots of boxes for creepy stories that appeal to me. As interesting as the host is by design, I think it's a misplaced character given how so much of this is toon related, we really should have had an indoctrinated toon being the one luring unsuspecting victims. The shadow play is cool but it took me rechecking prior pages to understand what was happening. This could have been fixed with making Riley's shadow larger in page 5 when this was revealed. The ending worked for me just fine personally, I understood with the tv off blip panel that they were captured, but you probably could have solidified that with an aftermath page of the host luring another toon into the building, seeing Nopalito/Millie's TV on the wall

Ran: I actually assumed that the pages were all *missing* dialogue because of being incomplete when I first started reading, so I didn't pay the right kind of attention by the end when text came back, the whole point of it and many of the movie gags flew past me and I had to do a re-read. Outside of that these are really nice pencils, but as a rule I automatically dock points in quality for anything that is or looks unfinished. To me it's only fair for a competition, (in many other competitions incomplete work may not even be accepted so we have it easier here), and in the professional world you're rewarded for what you finish, not what is almost finished. This isn't to scold you, I understand as much as anyone how hard it is to make free comics on a deadline and you don't owe anyone an explanation when you run out of time; I'm mostly bringing all this up for everyone in general to understand how I (and probably some others) walk in to comics that look great but are technically incomplete


Both of you have wonderful stuff and I can't wait to see more in the future!

ArtsandGoodies
Approval Committee
292 comments
# 7   Posted: Oct 24 2019, 12:13 AM
Astro: The black and white art is amazing and on a technical level this art is very good. However the story is extremely confusing and there is a couple reasons for that.

First it starts with the worm guy, he's a new unestablished character who's design has no relation to Riley in anyway and we don't know why they are following Riley or how much control Riley has over them. Considering you were trying to build a sense of imposing dread I think this character should have had a design that clearly shows riley's influence to help build a sense of dread, you also already had a character you could have used for this, the little girl from the last comic. a toon version of her would have made the perfect minion to build a sense of dread. The reader would not only more easily catch on that they are clearly influenced by Riley but also that Riley is controlling others.

The second thing part that is confusing is page 5, what were they lured into. from what was shown in the comic they just entered a hotel room with tv rooms but never once stepped into any of the tvs, however the rest of the comic it seems to take place like they were trapped in some tv realm that they were lured into, but they were never shown to go anywhere besides some kind of hotel.

However the biggest thing that caused confusion is that Riley is not longer a style hopper but some sort of shadow controller. There is a big difference between being able to change styles at will, to suddenly straight up controlling people through a specific style. this needed a lot of exposition, being able to change style does not mean she can control styles. Also while the idea of turning to a shadow puppet is cool it kind of breaks her as a character (well more so the add on that she can now control other people's shadows). the ability to control shadows is an overreach of the  style hopper power i feel. Because there was no parameters established I can only theorize. It doesn't seem like her shadow needs to actually puppet anything in the real life and more importantly this power isn't limited to the tv which is what she seemed to be limited to previously, also how does becoming a shadow  mean she can suddenly control other shadows when her previous styles didn't have control of the stuff around them only that Riley can switch.

this additional power besides not being explained also opens up a lot of things that kind of radically change riley as a character. In the first comic she seemed more like a trickster type who had a limited power but used it to manipulate others and trap them through smarts. But this additional power is just powerful and totally changes her gameplan. If she can just become a shadow at any point in the real world and control people in the real world and not be limited to tvs or papers, why does she do anything else besides just find the quickest way to be a shadow and control them? I feel like such a power sort of changes the type of character Riley is.

Despite all these confusing story elements and not being able to fully understand this comic, and when I think I understand it makes me honestly not as interested in Riley as a character,  you were able to get across such a dreadful foreboding tone and show us how sinister Riley is through the art. the art quality for this comic is something you should be proud of.

Ran: This was a fun silly comic. I like how it doesn't really have much dialogue and it doesn't need it. The different movie references were really cute and I think my favorite thing about this comic is how well it shows Nopalito's desire to grow and train. this is a cute example of show don't tell. I would like to see some more fully inked stuff and even colored stuff from you so maybe you could take your time and resubmit an inked/colored version of this comic. I would really like to see your coloring and your inks are really solid.

Astrodile
Artist
106 comments
# 6   Posted: Oct 22 2019, 10:07 PM
Hi! I'm not gonna reply to any comments until strictly /after/ the battle or in discord DM's as to not build any bias, I just wanted to provide translation for the dialogue used for Nopalito! I asked a friend to translate it to Spanish for me since I'm purely English-speaking.
I gave them the sentences in English, they translated it, and for this comments I gave them the translated sentences and asked them to translate into English again.

PG1/3: "Espera, eso es," / "What, that’s-"
PG2/2: "O disculpa me- Yo piense que tu fueres mi amigo Terry." / "Oh excuse me, I thought that you were my friend Terry."
PG5/1: "Dios mio...Terry esta a dentro de ahí" / "My god...Terry is inside of there."
PG6/1 & 2: "Lo siento!" / "I'm sorry!" || "Què èsta pasando...?" / "What’s happening...?"

Pita
Think Tank
182 comments
# 5   Posted: Oct 22 2019, 06:46 PM
TheCydork: Maybe this is just me since Pita seemed to read it just fine but I had to read this 3 times to make sense of what was happening and even so I feel like I didn’t totally get it?
Quote
Hold on how partner, I didn't say I understood it.

I didn't say anything critical, really.  But you've already addressed a point that I would have made with astro's entry, and it's that the story seems to stop without a clear ending.  They did discuss what the intended fate of Nopalito and Millie is in this story, but it just stops in the middle of the action, and I was also left confused.

However, the tone of the story is clear that Riley has shades of sinister to her, and I honestly wasn't surprised.

Now, say what you will about Rantu's comic being just pencils, but it was a complete story.  There was even a nice little stinger at the end, and it was simple to understand.  But Nopalito's a simple guy to write.  In contrast, Riley has a motive that hasn't been made clear, and all I know is that people are getting sucked into the television for some reason.

And that's why I favor Rantu's entry over astro's--it's a little rough to look at, sure, but I'm going to favor writing over visuals, and Rantu's had a more complete story.

TheCydork
Artist
61 comments
# 4   Posted: Oct 22 2019, 12:15 PM
Astro - I swear to god you do every lining or shading style well and it’s amazing. I feel like the last time you did spot blacks with the Akira battle wasn’t as refined but this is great, it’s pleasing and not too busy to look at.

Maybe this is just me since Pita seemed to read it just fine but I had to read this 3 times to make sense of what was happening and even so I feel like I didn’t totally get it? Was Riley in Nopalito’s shadow? I noticed in the chat you said that Nopalito and Millie both got sucked into the TV but with Millie calling out, it feels like they’ve been separated.

Ran - This was fun. I liked all the different styles of training Riley put Nopalito through, and I like how dynamic your art is. You convey motion really well, and I especially like Riley spinning and slamming Nopalito at the bottom of the first page.

I wish there was more to this than pencil sketches though. I understand running out of time, and I’m sorry to hear that, but my advice would be to at least increase the contrast and darken the pencil, so it looks more like a stylistic choice and less like the comic is unfinished.

Pita
Think Tank
182 comments
# 3   Posted: Oct 22 2019, 08:36 AM
ASTRO
How dare you.  When Millie gets in here properly, we're gonna F I G H T
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_u_dWC9wL3M

RANTU
This legit made the smile.  The final gag got me side-splittin, good Lord.

Both of y'all made good comics here, so it's really a manner of preference on what flavor of toon content you want.
You want your creepy peril?  Or do you want something with more gags?

Any toon content with Millie in it is gonna get my attention, but I do have a bias here, haha.

RanZombie
Artist
5 comments
# 2   Posted: Oct 22 2019, 01:35 AM
Your comment made me doubt for a split second in the possible quality of your round, Astro. BUT I KNEW BETTER, AND I WAS PROVEN RIGHT BECAUSE YOUR STUFFS AMAZING! There isn't much left to say aside from what I've already said on the discord group. I have nothing but love for what you've created! It was a real honor going against you, and a joy working with Riley!

In this specific round I gave myself the rule of having the least amount of dialogue possible. Quality wise, I leave much to be desired again. I just keep lacking the time to properly ink. But at the very least I'm happy with the little moments I created in the story, and I hope you enjoyed them too!

It's also worth mentioning that the round is jam packed with references, and I look forward to see who can catch most of them!

Astrodile
Artist
106 comments
# 1   Posted: Oct 21 2019, 11:47 PM
Pages submitted! I'm gonna be real here, I'm gonna apologize in advanced for the. Not great quality of the art and the writing. I don't love my process for this comic and I wish I could have done more or done generally better, but it's all at faults I had created that I can only hope to improve on in the future.

Hopefully you guys enjoy regardless (Especially Ran2, bless your heart) and my negative commentary doesn't cause any potential bias, I just wanted to throw it out there that I acknowledge completely that I should have done better. Or maybe I'm just being like, pretty mean to myself? APOLOGIES EITHER WAY, HAHA.

Thank you to those who let me feature their OC's (Both in and outside of VOID, and I'll do my best to feature the others who I didn't to in future comics!), especially a lovely friend who gave me permission to put their character in Riley's, uh, 'crew'. <3

Comic Details -

 
Drawing Time: 2 weeks
Ended: Oct 28th, 2019
Votes Cast: 30
Page Views: 463
Winner: Astrodile
 

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