Throw Down in Toontown, Round 1 / Mona-Lisa vs. Arley

Throw Down in Toontown, Round 1 / Mona-Lisa vs. Arley

Throw Down in Toontown, Round 1 — Mona-Lisa vs. Arley

277 points
Page 1Page 2Page 3Page 4Page 5Page 6Page 7Page 8

Crit level: No preference

by Gingler

270 points
Page 1Page 2Page 3Page 4Page 5Page 6Page 7Page 8

Crit level: Open to any comments or critiques
tags: Adventure, arley

Critiques & Comments
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Global Moderator
# 5   Posted: Nov 8 2019, 06:15 PM
MRPR- Hoooo eee, don't want to be trapped in a dark alley when Mona gets a swing of moods! This was a pleasant if not spoopy romp with your characters opposing sides. I dug starting out with Mona and the ensuing conflict coaxing Lisa out to play. You had backgrounds, you had angles, you had some great transitions to give your action extra oomps (I especially love the slice at the bottom of page 7). I'm not at all surprised this turned out to be the winning comic for this round- bravo.
It's such a thrill to see where your comics with Mona started and where they are now. There's nowhere to go but up!

GINGLER- What a cute and charming lil toon! This buggers sweetness seems to permeate your comic which despite the dashes of spoopy was a heartwarming journey to a kindled friendship and hugs. The saccharine sweetness appeals for sure. You had the start of some great action, but I noticed for most of your comic we got panels of talking heads. Definitely zoom out your camera and give some different angles and focal points a try for the future

# 4   Posted: Oct 19 2019, 12:19 AM
MrPR: I enjoyed the overarching story of Mona being tricked and then turning the tables on Arley! Though, for me, the story and dialogue was a bit impacted by the typos/grammatical errors; having someone look over your dialogue would probably be a good idea for the future, just for clarity sake. And as Arts mentioned, keep an eye on those page sizes, lol. I do like how you actually explicitly showed the physical change between Mona to Lisa; beforehand, I had been unsure whether it was just stylistic choice to have Lisa be bustier than Mona lol.

Gingler: Most of my critiques have already been said by others, so I'll just say this--the story felt a little bit all over the place, like you were trying to do too much in too short of a time. Too many story elements in too little time; it might've been good to cut out the letter storyline, to streamline the comic. That said, you do some really amazing expressions, and I love the actual interaction between these two :D Arley's such a sweetheart omg

# 3   Posted: Oct 3 2019, 01:33 PM
Great Job both of ya for completing your toon showdown entries (you'll be surprised how often ppl would default under pressure), so making a finished comic in itself is a victory none the less, so take a bow.

 Gingler; I know this is your first comic here in Void and already you knock it out of the park with a 8 page color comic, many won't do that (98% of my comics are Black & White), I enjoyed your take on the killer Mona Lisa and Arley is a fun character, but I felt there was a bit more story in MrPR's take here, while your battle was good I just felt it lack the full impact of a overall story arc, I still wanna see more of you, more story, more art, keep on creating stuff here beyond this toon tournament, I wanna see what you got in the tank  :-)

MrpR;  like I said above I felt your story had a bit more intrigue than Gingler's, I like to see if Arley returns if you go forward in this tournament, will there be pay-off to those last moment panels in your entry, you created an entertaining story here and I enjoyed it, I wish you the best going forward as well.

# 2   Posted: Oct 3 2019, 01:23 PM
MrPR- This was a solid comic, I liked the way you laid out all your pages it flowed quite nicely- the final panel on page 7 was a nice dramatic pay off for the build up. Some of these pages felt a bit overwhelming, it's hard to know what to focus on first, I think making them a touch smaller will solve this instantly.
Writing wise- Mona's willingness to trust a stranger and then instantly devolve information about her curse...felt a bit to convenient/ kinda exposition-y. I get the impression she's very nieve and trusting, which is fine. But it might've been nice to see some hesitation, followed by some reasoning for her decision and trust. (For example, Arley's cute looks make him appear harmless).

GINGLER- Congrats on your first comic! I was really happy to see Arley made it into the tourney :) This was a fun comic, I enjoyed the fight between these two, particularly how Arley used he's toony powers for evasion. That was really fun and creative!
Oh the last page was also ADORABLE and probably contained my favourite art in this comic.
In terms of crit- The lack of establishing shots and backgrounds made it feel like these two were interacting in some strange void. Sometimes you need a little more than a hint of brickwork to ground your characters in a location. Literally just one or two panels showing a bit more would've helped.

I had to read the first pages a couple of times to release that Arley's tail was the thing swinging around Mona's neck. I think that sequence could've benefitted for being zoomed out a bit so we can actually see the full picture. (Especially since his tail in that moment, looks a lot like Lisa's sharp inky arm)

Community Manager
# 1   Posted: Oct 1 2019, 07:06 PM
MrPR: I liked how you expand on the mona-lisa duality and how she views it at a curse. I also like what you did with the actual transformation sequence, though some pages seem to be sized a a bit too large. My main crit is the writing, this feels stiffer than your other comics. Characters just say what they're doing in without any individual voices in this on the whole.

Gingler: this is overall a great first comic 8 pages in two weeks is an impressive amount. I like your line art and your character expressions are very good. I think your expressions are your biggest strength. The main thing you should work on is panel compositions and variation. The majority of this comic is mid-shot half bodies from either full front, profile, or three quarters. This is limited and not taking full advantage of what you can do with comics.

To start, look up "22 comic panels that always work" to get ideas for different compositions and keep things interesting even when it's just dialogue between two characters. For more ideas and more reading on how to do better compositions i would highly recommend the book "Framed Ink" by Marcos Mateu-Mestre, it is a great book with a lot of good ideas and inspiration for how to do different panels. As you vary up panel compositions you will  need to do more backgrounds, which are important to making a comic set in a believable place.

I recommend getting a comic font, there are plenty on blambot, 1001freefonts and a couple other sites and it will help since it looks like the font you used was more so made for essays and emails rather than comics, which is something the reader will subconsciously pick up on
all that being, said congrats on your first comic and look forward to seeing more of your stuff.

Comic Details -

Drawing Time: 2 weeks
Ended: Oct 6th, 2019
Votes Cast: 15
Page Views: 494
Winner: MrPr1993

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