Dove & Raven / Rocio vs. Raven

Dove & Raven / Rocio vs. Raven

Dove & Raven — Rocio vs. Raven

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Crit level: Open to any comments or critiques

by Rivana

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Crit level: Open to any comments or critiques
tags: black swan, mina, pascaline, pyrasterran, raven, remy naufrage, rivana, rocio, swan



Critiques & Comments
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TheCydork
Artist
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46 comments
# 6   Posted: Oct 16 2019, 11:48 PM
Pyras - I love Raven’s extreme movements and expressions on the first page! It really sells how feral and desperate for blood she is. Akira’s appearance is just gold, and the story is just ahh. Sweet and funny, I kinda hope they’re canonically roommates now haha.

My biggest gripe is that I feel there’s a lot of empty space between the panels. On page 2 when Raven pulls off the blood bag to drink there’s a huge gap between them even though the actions happen fairly quickly. It’s probably just me but I feel like a scrolling page format didn’t quite work for this story.

Rivana - Panel 1 page 3 is my favourite! It’s just so pleasing to look at with the purple, hand poses and fluid chains. Overall the rendering is excellent anyway, I especially like how you do shiny surfaces, such as Raven’s outfit, and skin. I also like how you mention Rocio’s “conundrum” by having Raven mock her.

Onto crit: I initially thought panel 3 on page 4 was Raven and not Rocio, both of them looked pretty similar to me throughout the comic. It’s especially noticeable since you have a semi-realistic style. You draw Rocio with at least the same nose and eyebrows as Raven in closeups, even though she seems to have way thicker brows and a nose that isn’t as pinched. I also think you need to push your expressions more - on page 6 when Raven is whacked in the face with a huge hammer, she doesn’t look shocked or in a lot of pain. She looks like she’s turning away from something gross and going “ugh”.

      Edited Oct 17 2019,  04:08 PM by TheCydork

Flutterbyes
Artist
icon
208 comments
# 5   Posted: Oct 14 2019, 03:56 PM
Oof, would I rather they be allies or enemies. The art in these is lovely. I really am not in the position to critique it.

Pyrasterran: Does Rocio ever actually get the chance to do her "long" full power power up? It's tough being a magical girl. I like your distinct portrayal of hangry and fed Raven. I like this look into her complicated relationship with vampires and their community, especially with her motifs and nature. This is a good worldbuilding type of comic that other characters can bounce off of.

Rivana: Raven get right to business being a vampire, but she picks the wrong battles. TBH a vampire character can't go around making friends all the time, so I can't compare its story on that front, but can't help but feel "Wait, my hammer didn't bash your brains in" should be a starting point and not an ending "possibly to be continued" point. Also, is that a clue to her next battle there?

Hellis
Artist
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213 comments
# 4   Posted: Oct 13 2019, 12:17 AM
It's gonna be real hard for me to stay unbiased when my boy is a big part of one of these comics haha. But you both did exellent. Rivana; Your art is gorgous and I dont think I have anything to complain about in the purely visual sense. I will say that something you could work on for  your next comic is working on the angles and composition of your panels a bit. There is a LOT of shots thats the same half body. It makes the comic a bit clausterphobic feeling. Zoom out a bit, flex those art muscles.

Writing wise it was solid. TO the point and the dialogue was natural enough. I am interested to see your next battle!

Pyra: Writing wise, This was a blast. I might be biased, you did akira well. Artwise, it was a nice showing of your lineless style and while I understand the oversimplification of a lot of the surroundings go hand in hand with it, i would put more time into the backgrounds in some scenes. The last few panels are simple to the point of being on the flat side and makes it feel like one of those sets from a movie.

Rivana
Artist
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37 comments
# 3   Posted: Oct 12 2019, 09:03 PM
Ah my first battle. Such a high! So many thanks are in order for this. I cant even put to words how grateful and happy I am that I got to finish this and be able to see Raven depicted by none other than PyrasTerran!

JCee - Thanks for reviewing my script/storyboard in its initial stages! The jitters were getting the better of me as this is my first battle. Your encouragement really helped me kicked this into gear. I am very grateful.

Heathen - Wow, what can I say. I am so glad I reached out to you for critiques as well (albeit a bit late). Your insights are so valuable and I learned a ton just by listening to you. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

Pyras- I was planning on taking a break from Void comicking after my intro but something about battling Rocio clicked in my head and I am glad I took the challenge. It's such an honor to have you as my first opponent. I can only hope I measure up on my side of the comic. Rocio is such a wonderful character and  I even love her more now.

I have nothing but praises for how you handled Rocio and Raven's encounter. With not a lot of knowledge about Raven, you're able to write her as if you've known her for years. It truly was amazing. Lots of favorite moments - from Akira at the club, Rocio and Raven teaming up against the Orc and more importantly the closing conversation they had was so heartwarming. I love the resolution and how you showed that Rocio and Raven are very different people and yet all the same as well. I alluded to this in my side of the comic but it wasn't shown as clearly and beautifully as you did in yours.  

The Rest of the Void Community (esp in Discord) - Your encouragement and inspiration really helped me push through with finishing my comic. I never thought I'll managed to do 7 pages in 4 weeks but with your support, I was able to do things I never thought I could.

Thank you with all my heart.  

PyrasTerran
Community Manager
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1423 comments
# 2   Posted: Oct 12 2019, 08:23 PM
Realizing I might not have used the best choice of words for the first panel: The discussion between Rocio and Vanity has to do with what happened in Click vs Rocio, and the brand Rocio is referring to in this instance is her beast mark, not the battle cleric merch branding

      Edited Oct 12 2019,  08:24 PM by PyrasTerran

Rivana
Artist
icon
37 comments
# 1   Posted: Sep 14 2019, 02:15 PM
*cracks knuckles* Here we go. Time to bite more than I can chew.  XDDD

Thanks Pyras for this opportunity! Looking forward to this battle!

      Edited Sep 14 2019,  02:16 PM by Rivana

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