Dove & Raven / Rocio vs. Raven

Dove & Raven / Rocio vs. Raven

Dove & Raven — Rocio vs. Raven

51%
582 points
Page 1Page 2Page 3

Crit level: Open to any comments or critiques

by Rivana

49%
559 points
Page 1Page 2Page 3Page 4Page 5Page 6Page 7

Crit level: Open to any comments or critiques
tags: black swan, mina, pascaline, pyrasterran, raven, remy naufrage, rivana, rocio, swan



Critiques & Comments
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Kozispoon
Approval Committee
1056 comments
# 13   Posted: Nov 10 2019, 01:12 AM
Oh I wish I'd been around to vote on this. What a match up!

PYRASTERRAN- I'm in a grit and grudge match mood with all the tournies going on lately, so I'll admit I was ready to gloss over a 'we're pals now' comic, but I think this was handled very well. Equal parts character development, connections and a little fisticuffs. The 'encounter, fight' formula was explained really well with Raven being feral. I also dug being able to see a bit of a detailed facet in Rocio's temper being...well tempered with some critical thinking. I was getting a little worried she was leaning a little too Park with the explosiveness.

RIVANA- Gorgeous, simply gorgeous comic pages. The texture and fully rendered art panel to panel was such a treat to pore through. I like that the narrative dialogue during the chain scene didnt feel clunky. It seemed a smooth transition to a smug inner dialogue on Ravens part. Also a neat power to boot.
The I especially dug the show off of those transformative powers (and VERY apt having a cameo Remy going after that Swan doppelganger, lol!)


Rivana
Artist
52 comments
# 12   Posted: Oct 28 2019, 06:20 AM
Thank you Bat! I am glad to know that me playing around with limited palettes is somewhat successful. It saves me a lot of time as opposed to uh...coloring every little detail.

I had a derp mode and forgot to address Flutter's question:

Flutter - guessing you're referring to Remy - while  Raven vs Remy would be an awesome fight, I haven't really spoken with Kozi about anything. The man holding the newspaper was supposed to be just a random guy and the picture was a random woman but I decided to swap them for Swan and Remy because I loved their battle and I love a good cliffhanger even more!

I do have a couple of collabs in the planning stages that I think are gonna be exciting as well if and when they finally pan out.   So stay tuned!

Heavenbat
Artist
74 comments
# 11   Posted: Oct 26 2019, 08:10 PM
Pyras: Honestly, I can't find much to critique about your battle. It was enjoyable from the beginning to the end, and felt like a fantastic setup for more fun with these two! Also, I loved the multidimensional black hole theory, and also loved seeing basically mesmer portals show up in a non-Guild Wars setting. idk, something about that tickled me pink :P Especially since the use of the Portals was such a fun little thing, lol.

Rivana: Man, I LOVE how good you are with such limited color palettes. It makes everything feel kind of muted in a way that really gets across "late city night", and also seriously pumps up the impact when Raven pops those chains out. Which, by the way, was an AWESOME looking effect. I gotta agree with the others, though, that there could've been a bit m ore emphasis on the facial differences between Raven and Rocio, especially with such a limited color palette. When you don't have as many colors to use to differentiate characters, you gotta find other ways to make them read easily. That said, I seriously aspire to be this good at painting someday. :D

Rivana
Artist
52 comments
# 10   Posted: Oct 20 2019, 06:32 PM
Thanks to everyone who commented. I do agree with the crits that  were given (and will try to address them in my upcoming battles) and the compliments really warmed my heart as well.  Thank you!

Grats on the win Pyras! You deserve it! TBH, I also feel like a winner for the content you put out. I officially declare Raven as Rocio's lucky roommate.

Let the crazy shenanigans begin :D

PyrasTerran
Community Manager
1436 comments
# 9   Posted: Oct 20 2019, 01:00 AM
Thanks for the comments everyone

BoogidiBzdo
Artist
35 comments
# 8   Posted: Oct 19 2019, 07:09 AM
@Pyrasterran: There is a lot of nice shading here. You are very good at depicting action and movement. I liked how you illustrated Rocio's varous magical abilities. The story had a nice flow and was excellently written. Overall, there was a good balance of action, drama, and comedy.

@Rivana: You have a very impressive painterly style. Your use of texture in the backgrounds was effective in creating atmosphere and depth. In terms of lighting effects, I like how you highlight some strands of hair to further accentuate the overall shape of the hair. My favorite panel was panel 4 on page 3 because the lighting on the background was really good and you could get a good sense of the confrontational tension.

ArtsandGoodies
Approval Committee
299 comments
# 7   Posted: Oct 18 2019, 11:51 PM
Pyras: what stands out most to me in this comic is the humor, the actions and dialogue the character have in this comic is just fantastic, it was exaggerated enough to lead to hilarious situations but grounded enough to fit in characters and not come off as random. there is also the simplified expressions which are great for comedic effect. I also love the way you play with the webscroll format at the bottom of page 1 and want to learn how you do stuff like that and plan it out.

My crit is that when Akira appears he's in the background, with Rocio in the foreground and Raven in the middle, but then he suddenly is next to Rocio, such a quick change of character locations without any actions to show the change was confusing

Rivana: Congrats on completing your first battle, you did a great job with it. I love your color palettes and my favorite part is Rocio glowing before her swing, that part is just beautiful and awesome. I will agree with Cy's crit and say that I think the thing you need to work most on is exaggerating your faces and varying them up. the final two panels on page 4 i can see some differences but i don't think they are enough for a casual quick glance to notice the difference. Even Swan looks similar I do think you should try to change up some features more and maybe make them even look a little less pretty to make them more varied. also the expressions for getting hit and reacting to getting hit don't feel extreme enough. her reactions to getting hit and running away don't feel extreme enough, the key is to have emotions that are clearly visible even without the text telling us what they're saying. Though for contrast Rivana's faction reaction to getting bitten is a good one and you should push your other expressions to at least that level if not more extreme. Once again congrats on your first comic and I look forward to seeing your next battles.

TheCydork
Artist
76 comments
# 6   Posted: Oct 16 2019, 11:48 PM
Pyras - I love Raven’s extreme movements and expressions on the first page! It really sells how feral and desperate for blood she is. Akira’s appearance is just gold, and the story is just ahh. Sweet and funny, I kinda hope they’re canonically roommates now haha.

My biggest gripe is that I feel there’s a lot of empty space between the panels. On page 2 when Raven pulls off the blood bag to drink there’s a huge gap between them even though the actions happen fairly quickly. It’s probably just me but I feel like a scrolling page format didn’t quite work for this story.

Rivana - Panel 1 page 3 is my favourite! It’s just so pleasing to look at with the purple, hand poses and fluid chains. Overall the rendering is excellent anyway, I especially like how you do shiny surfaces, such as Raven’s outfit, and skin. I also like how you mention Rocio’s “conundrum” by having Raven mock her.

Onto crit: I initially thought panel 3 on page 4 was Raven and not Rocio, both of them looked pretty similar to me throughout the comic. It’s especially noticeable since you have a semi-realistic style. You draw Rocio with at least the same nose and eyebrows as Raven in closeups, even though she seems to have way thicker brows and a nose that isn’t as pinched. I also think you need to push your expressions more - on page 6 when Raven is whacked in the face with a huge hammer, she doesn’t look shocked or in a lot of pain. She looks like she’s turning away from something gross and going “ugh”.

Flutterbyes
Artist
218 comments
# 5   Posted: Oct 14 2019, 03:56 PM
Oof, would I rather they be allies or enemies. The art in these is lovely. I really am not in the position to critique it.

Pyrasterran: Does Rocio ever actually get the chance to do her "long" full power power up? It's tough being a magical girl. I like your distinct portrayal of hangry and fed Raven. I like this look into her complicated relationship with vampires and their community, especially with her motifs and nature. This is a good worldbuilding type of comic that other characters can bounce off of.

Rivana: Raven get right to business being a vampire, but she picks the wrong battles. TBH a vampire character can't go around making friends all the time, so I can't compare its story on that front, but can't help but feel "Wait, my hammer didn't bash your brains in" should be a starting point and not an ending "possibly to be continued" point. Also, is that a clue to her next battle there?

Hellis
Artist
216 comments
# 4   Posted: Oct 13 2019, 12:17 AM
It's gonna be real hard for me to stay unbiased when my boy is a big part of one of these comics haha. But you both did exellent. Rivana; Your art is gorgous and I dont think I have anything to complain about in the purely visual sense. I will say that something you could work on for  your next comic is working on the angles and composition of your panels a bit. There is a LOT of shots thats the same half body. It makes the comic a bit clausterphobic feeling. Zoom out a bit, flex those art muscles.

Writing wise it was solid. TO the point and the dialogue was natural enough. I am interested to see your next battle!

Pyra: Writing wise, This was a blast. I might be biased, you did akira well. Artwise, it was a nice showing of your lineless style and while I understand the oversimplification of a lot of the surroundings go hand in hand with it, i would put more time into the backgrounds in some scenes. The last few panels are simple to the point of being on the flat side and makes it feel like one of those sets from a movie.

Rivana
Artist
52 comments
# 3   Posted: Oct 12 2019, 09:03 PM
Ah my first battle. Such a high! So many thanks are in order for this. I cant even put to words how grateful and happy I am that I got to finish this and be able to see Raven depicted by none other than PyrasTerran!

JCee - Thanks for reviewing my script/storyboard in its initial stages! The jitters were getting the better of me as this is my first battle. Your encouragement really helped me kicked this into gear. I am very grateful.

Heathen - Wow, what can I say. I am so glad I reached out to you for critiques as well (albeit a bit late). Your insights are so valuable and I learned a ton just by listening to you. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

Pyras- I was planning on taking a break from Void comicking after my intro but something about battling Rocio clicked in my head and I am glad I took the challenge. It's such an honor to have you as my first opponent. I can only hope I measure up on my side of the comic. Rocio is such a wonderful character and  I even love her more now.

I have nothing but praises for how you handled Rocio and Raven's encounter. With not a lot of knowledge about Raven, you're able to write her as if you've known her for years. It truly was amazing. Lots of favorite moments - from Akira at the club, Rocio and Raven teaming up against the Orc and more importantly the closing conversation they had was so heartwarming. I love the resolution and how you showed that Rocio and Raven are very different people and yet all the same as well. I alluded to this in my side of the comic but it wasn't shown as clearly and beautifully as you did in yours.  

The Rest of the Void Community (esp in Discord) - Your encouragement and inspiration really helped me push through with finishing my comic. I never thought I'll managed to do 7 pages in 4 weeks but with your support, I was able to do things I never thought I could.

Thank you with all my heart.  

PyrasTerran
Community Manager
1436 comments
# 2   Posted: Oct 12 2019, 08:23 PM
Realizing I might not have used the best choice of words for the first panel: The discussion between Rocio and Vanity has to do with what happened in Click vs Rocio, and the brand Rocio is referring to in this instance is her beast mark, not the battle cleric merch branding

Rivana
Artist
52 comments
# 1   Posted: Sep 14 2019, 02:15 PM
*cracks knuckles* Here we go. Time to bite more than I can chew.  XDDD

Thanks Pyras for this opportunity! Looking forward to this battle!

Comic Details -

 
Drawing Time: 3 weeks
Ended: Oct 19th, 2019
Votes Cast: 24
Page Views: 638
Winner: PyrasTerran
 

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