Intro Story / Raven

Intro Story / Raven

Intro Story — Raven

by Rivana


76%
Page 1Page 2Page 3Page 4

Crit level: No preference
tags: dani, illlusions, mage, magic, mina, portal, ran, raven, vampire



Critiques & Comments
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Rivana
Artist
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40 comments
# 10   Posted: Sep 25 2019, 02:42 PM
@Cydork

No worries! Thanks so much. Always appreciate the feedback. And I agree with you on the crit totally. Fun fact: I actually fixed that same issue before but now that I look at it, yeah it is still to far apart doh lol.

      Edited Sep 25 2019,  02:42 PM by Rivana

TheCydork
Artist
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53 comments
# 9   Posted: Sep 24 2019, 05:53 PM
Hi sorry for the late crit! I thought this intro was excellent quality-wise. I really like the almost colour pencil like feel, and I think the saturation is fine and suits the setting. The pose on the first page really throws me off though, when she jumps out. Her legs look too far apart for the angle they’re at, so the panel looks out of place with the rest of the comic, where your anatomy and shading and pretty much everything is on point.

Rivana
Artist
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40 comments
# 8   Posted: Sep 19 2019, 08:05 AM
A HUUUUGE Thank you to everyone who commented, voted and critiqued. I am so psyched to get Raven into the world of Void and looking forward to battling and collaborating with you guys. <3 <3 <3


Lycan- yeah I wasn't really happy with how saturated page 2 became. I did it that way though because the portal is supposed to be kinda a bright source of light. I do agree I could've toned it down a notch though lol.

Cab - Thank you. I am glad  that the 4 page was enough to pique people's interest. I wasn't sure if I revealed enough or too little but yes I intend to get her to meet more characters in Void.  I am looking forward to it :)

Reecer -   I am not really an expert on webcomic (still got a lot to learn) but I am super glad that you like my artwork <3. I agree though, maybe I could've added an extra panel when the portal wasn't there to make it clear that it appeared out of nowhere.  The idea was Ran and Dani were alternate versions of people she knew in her home world. They had a lot of history together that is why she was so invested in chasing them. But then again, nobody knows yet if they will cross paths or if she gets entangled into other plots concerning existing Void characters. It is a great unknown to me as well and I love that.  

I felt kinda limited too about not revealing more of her personality but I figured that's something that will be revealed in her future comics. I added a bit of her humor in that hand comment but that really didn't say a lot. I have elaborated more on her character in her bio for future reference in battles and I will update that frequently. :)

And yeah that car does look terrible lmao. Perspective is still my weakness.

Petrichor - Thanks so much! I know my style is different from the traditional comic stuff and I am glad you like it anyhow . lol yeah I ran out of space on that thought balloon tail XD

Heathen - Oh man. I already told you this but The Smile is definitely in my hitlist. Even before I created my comic, I am already drawn to him. We'll keep in touch! And yeah that car looked off. It was one of the last things I added  and did not give much thought perspective wise. I just had to put something in that empty space in the street.

Batty - Thank you so much <3

Arts - Yup totally agree with the gutter comment. I actually noticed that before and made a mental note to fix it but I completely forgot due to excitement of submitting hah. Thank you so much. I know you've been around giving comments in Discord during the entire process and I appreciate it.  

Again, much love to everyone. Thank you!

      Edited Sep 19 2019,  12:05 PM by Rivana

ArtsandGoodies
Approval Committee
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279 comments
# 7   Posted: Sep 16 2019, 08:08 PM
Congrats on getting her in, I made my full crit in the approval thing but congrats on getting her in.  The one thing I wanna reiterate is that I think your gutters are too small, the gutters should be bigger than the thickness of the panel borders. Look forward to seeing your battles with her.

Heavenbat
Artist
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59 comments
# 6   Posted: Sep 15 2019, 04:07 PM
Aaaaah I'm so glad you finally got her in!! Personally, I really like the saturation, it makes it read like a big city with lots of neon lights and whatnot. And I'm really digging your painterly style!

Heathen
Artist
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332 comments
# 5   Posted: Sep 14 2019, 02:22 AM
Your people and environments look great. Some consistency, anatomy and perspective issues, but still very good looking art. I agree with Reecer on the timing of page 1, and that's really the only problem I have with this comic, structurally. I love Raven and Ran's faces on page 2, the lighting on pages 3 and 4 is great. The car on page 4 is bad, and the perspective is totally off. It should be seen from nearly straight down at that angle. But I love the way you're depicting the city. Can't wait to battle you with The Smile, your realistic style is perfect for some crime noir horror. Good stuff, looking forward to your first battle!

Petrichor
Artist
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13 comments
# 4   Posted: Sep 13 2019, 01:12 PM
Oh i was so hyped for this intro since you posted the first sketch!
And even though i already knew it was going to come out really good it still managed to exceeded my expectations!
That texturized painting slyle you got is gorgeous, and i wish i had such a good notion of perspective as you hahah (i srsly loved that last panel)

If i had to criticize something: the cloud balloon from page 3 where Raven thinks "ran...?" seems kinda out of place compared to the other balloons, because it's end tail is fused togheter instead of being divided by 3 like normal think balloons.
Out of this i don't have any more crit to add...

Congrats on getting her in! I can't wait to see more about these characters :D

      Edited Sep 13 2019,  01:13 PM by Petrichor

Read Living Meat! -Reecer6
Artist
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263 comments
# 3   Posted: Sep 13 2019, 12:08 PM
Hey, welcome!!

A little hard to critique this because I know you run a webcomic already, so you've been around the block, and also your art is MAD GORGEOUS, THE HECK DO YOU DO THIS, but I'll still give my nitpicks:

The first panel probably ought to be an empty street, and then the portal slightly opening. Just starting off with the cat being scared doesn't really make it feel scared, it feels like it's always like that, and relatedly, that maybe this portal is always here.
Having her immediately see reincarnated people she knows is cool, and already sets off a good plotline to follow! But I was very unclear until I read Raven's description that these weren't literally the same people, who had just also gone to Void City for some reason.
Also, because this is more focused on her plot, we don't get a super strong idea of Raven's personality? There's licks of it, but I definitely wouldn't be able to confidently write her after reading this. Not every intro story has to tackle that if it's gotta do double duty giving their origin or whatnot, but it'd still be nice to have.
and what's up with that car on the last panel?? why's it so loooooong

BUT THAT'S LITERALLY IT, that's all I can poke at! This is super strong and looks amazing, and I can't wait to see what else you have in store!

Cab
Artist
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20 comments
# 2   Posted: Sep 13 2019, 11:21 AM
Aww, I know Intro comics are bound to only 4 pages max, but I was hooked into this I wanna see where it goes and than Boom -- END.  Rivana excellent job in getting readers invested into this story and the mystery that is Raven, I wanna see more, read more and everything, I can't wait to see more work of you here in Void.

Lycanthropian
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3 comments
# 1   Posted: Sep 12 2019, 08:39 PM
Been waiting to see this come into the fray from all the previews I've seen, and I must say, didn't disappoint!

If I had to nitpick anything, the colors are very intense and saturated for the seemingly dark/shady area she and the other characters are in, but I'm splitting hairs with that one. Can't wait to see more!

Comic Details -

 
Ended: Sep 19th, 2019
Votes Cast: 17
Page Views: 301
 

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