Iain MacTavish vs. Violet

Iain MacTavish vs. Violet

Iain MacTavish vs. Violet

273 points
Page 1

Crit level: Open to any comments or critiques

335 points
Page 1Page 2

Crit level: Open to any comments or critiques
tags: 24hr battle, 24hr comic, iain mactavish, violet

Critiques & Comments
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# 8   Posted: Aug 29 2019, 10:26 PM
Buggy: Dang, I'm really impressed you managed to get a page this complete in just 24 hours!! And those wings especially look amazing! I gotta agree with some of the other critiques, though, that it feels like an inordinate amount of time was spent on the wings at the expense of the rest of the comic, especially the background. I also kinda wish there had been some sort of internal dialogue or something--you do a good job at conveying the emotions, but I would've really liked to have seen exactly what was going through Iain's head lol.

Chill: I'm also impressed at how finished you managed to get this!! Your lines are so much fun :D You could've done with a bit more variance in shots--almost all of the panels are waist-ups--but. Honestly, I don't think I would've realized this was done in 24 hours if I hadn't been told beforehand!

# 7   Posted: Aug 28 2019, 06:14 AM
Very nice!! Chill, I gotta commend you for diving into a 24 hour battle right after your intro. I am impressed.

Buggy - This single page is surprisingly enough as it told a complete story. Unfortunately, I have to echo the others that a bit of  background (though not so detailed due to time constraints) could've helped it a ton more. I love those details in Violet's wings. They are really well done.

Violet - This is such great quality for a 24 hour comic. I think Iain's friendliness is in character so I did not find it a bit strange even though others wouldn't be as friendly to Violet at first glance due to her feral nature. But this is because I've read about Iain a bit. For someone who had no backstory of Iain, it's probably a bit weird to be so friendly. Maybe a bit of insight on his thoughts would've helped explain his friendliness. Also, the cat's texture in the first page threw me off a bit. At first I thought it was some sort of a portal. I think for close ups like that it would pay to do a bit more detail or shading. The texture on the ears kinda blended too much with the back of its head and my eyes interpreted it as a flat space instead of a curved one  ^_^

In closing, I just want to say that you both did a great job. Hope to see how Iain  deals  with Violet's feral nature and will she finally be able to assimilate with the rest of the world..slowly but surely?

# 6   Posted: Aug 28 2019, 03:53 AM
two really solid comics! I think you both did fantastically for the time frame.

Buggy- I don't want to harp on too much about backgrounds- since you did produce this in a day and it is coloured (very impressive) . BUT that being said, it would've been nice if the floor and the walls were different colours. It kinda felt like they were floating in a beige void.  
I also have to echo what Heathen said about the line weight, honestly having a bit of diversity there can REALLY liven up your line art. I'd suggest you experiment with different brushes in the future.

Chillin- A strong showing for 24 hours, well done. I really adore your art style  (panel 4 pg 1. I love how you did that expression) in terms of crit the flow of the comic felt a bit awkward at times.
eg- Violet spots the cat > next panel she is suddenly holding the cat.
Whilst simultaneously Iain goes from ranting about the bins to intently questioning her.  
The flow of events/ conversations didn't feel that natural in these moments. I think starting the comic with Iain instantly questioning Violet, followed by her pouncing on the cat would've worked better. (since just having him holding the bin bag would've told the reader that he's taking the trash out) I will say I thought the ending interaction was really well written and charming and perfectly highlighted how feral Violet is.

I hope these crits are helpful!

Community Manager
# 5   Posted: Aug 27 2019, 10:53 PM
Good job for both of you and these 1 day comics are a great measuring tool to think about when planning longer battles, now that you know what you can do when you dedicate a day to a comic you can plan your longer battles around how many days you can dedicate as well as days you can partially spend on it.

Buggy: This is a solid effort for a one day comic, even without dialogue you convey the emotions really well. It's not much but it's really clean for a one day comic and a solid start.

Chill: I love this comic because you took the feedback you took  from the intro and did some more indepth layouts with more panels. Also your line art is so clean especially for a 1 day comic. good job.

# 4   Posted: Aug 26 2019, 02:57 PM
Buggy: A solid intro, albeit one without much to establish exactly where they are or going. It's too bad we don't see what comes of their meeting, but it's nice to see her fall into caring hands.

Angrychill: That was really cute. It also brings home just how isolated she was and how naive she is now. I am intrigued by the fact that she picks up this strange creature she wants to eat instead of starting out with hunting it. Also, while this comic does mostly get away with minimal backgrounds, I think the last panel on the first page really needed an establishment of the space.

# 3   Posted: Aug 25 2019, 01:40 PM
Buggy, again,  your backgrounds are nonexistent,  but your expressions and poses show lots of promise.  The drab, flat colors and single-weight lines aren't exactly bringing the art to life.  I'd like to see you focus on  backgrounds and penciling a page completely before inking or coloring.

Angrychill, nice two pages for one day. I'm not a fan of that rambling dialog in 1.7. Something about characters being unnaturally friendly and accepting of strangeness just bugs me. He's just too quick to start explaining how trash works to a creepy feral woman in a dark alley, instead of I dunno, asking who she is or what she's doing. I know it's a very short deadline, and not the best place to establish intrigue, but its just worth thinking about the logic of a scene to create compelling character interactions.

# 2   Posted: Aug 25 2019, 09:42 AM
Congrats Angry Chill--  on the completion of your first non-intro comic for the site, you did a great job especially since you did a 24hr comic on your first battle, kudos.  I expect to see many more great battles from you in the future, keep it up.

Buggy --  Even though yours was only 1 page that visuals there told such a great touching story and without the need for words, I love the visual storytelling there, such warmth and heart in Iain rescuing the injured Violet.

# 1   Posted: Aug 25 2019, 09:26 AM
Great job both of you to manage not only complete pages but coloured ones!!

Buggy - It's really impressive how you managed to draw and line all those feathers! I bet they took up the majority of your lining time, haha. I can also already see an improvement in your expressions - Iain's face looks much softer and doesn't register as stiff at all to me in this comic, good job!

I can see you ran out of time as the story finishes rather abruptly. Imo you could have cut out the first panel and jumped straight to the action as there's not much point of setting a scene for such a short comic, giving yourself more time to finish. Additionally, the inclusion of every feather in panel 4 makes it look a bit wonky as the underlying position isn't obvious. Focussing on how the wing bends and then maybe outlining just the primaries (long wing feathers) and "shoulder feathers" would give a clearer image and also save time.

Chill - Love this interaction, very cute! And really quality art for such a short time period, dang, some of these panels look nice enough to be standalone pieces of art, particularly the first and last panels.

My only advice is watch your proportions. Violet's hand appears abnormally large on page 1, and in panels 2-4 on page 2 the cat noticeably changes in size. Obviously things can vary a little but when it's distracting I think it's an issue. Iain's eyes also tend to float across his face, with one appearing to pop out on the first panel of page 2.

Comic Details -

Drawing Time: 1 week
Ended: Aug 31st, 2019
Votes Cast: 16
Page Views: 501
Winner: angrychill

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