Benjamin Le Fay vs. Veruca Chance

Benjamin Le Fay vs. Veruca Chance

Benjamin Le Fay vs. Veruca Chance

48.9%
462 points
Page 1Page 2Page 3Page 4Page 5Page 6Page 7Page 8Page 9Page 10Page 11

Crit level: Open to any comments or critiques
tags: benjamin le fay, veruca chance

by Cab

51.1%
483 points
Page 1Page 2Page 3Page 4Page 5Page 6Page 7Page 8Page 9Page 10Page 11Page 12Page 13Page 14

Crit level: No preference
tags: benjamin le fay, count burmeister, egg dealer, veruca chance



Critiques & Comments
Please register or log in to comment


Heavenbat
Artist
icon
59 comments
# 9   Posted: Sep 9 2019, 03:53 PM
I had a much more in-depth comment but I accidentally deleted it so I'll just sort of sum it up:
Flutter: I LOVED your side so much, especially that climax. The way you portray Ben's magic is beautiful and I love your lineart and expressions!

Cab: Your story was immensely intriguing but I don't feel like it lived up to its own potential--I think the biggest issue you had was in pacing, tbh. But still I have to commend you for taking such an experimental route!

ArtsandGoodies
Approval Committee
icon
279 comments
# 8   Posted: Aug 31 2019, 08:39 PM
Flutter: Your line art is great and expressions are great. However the story in this is just amazing. I love the progression for veruca's character in this as well as the culmination with the poetry taking shaping of the knight was fantastic. Also in general the character development you gave to Veruca was great. My only minor crit is that the texture you used for the fence and wall didn't quite work, but i imagine it was partially a time thing. Also the one you did for the window I think works.

Cab: With everyone talking about how amazing your production of consistent quality is I feel like your writing is a little understated and that's the excellent third party characters you add. Not only do you add another character in your battles but you manage to characterize them well, in just one comic we get to understand their personality and how they act without any background information so you have been doing a great job for that. Also I enjoy your playing around and experimentation with the photomanipulation and would love to see you try more of this and find ways to adapt part of it to your styles.

You have gotten some crits on the lack of line width in your style and while it's not normally an issue there were some panels i had a little trouble reading while on mobile since the characters start to blend with the background. Maybe one way you can test to see if this happens is zoom out a bit from your comic then squint, if you're having trouble identifying the action vary the line width a bit more since reading on mobile does make things smaller than one would expect. However your comic production has been fantastic and it's great to see you make so much stuff.

Flytee
Artist
icon
53 comments
# 7   Posted: Aug 30 2019, 12:39 PM
I loved these comics, amazing job to both of you.
Since I'm kinda late to the commenting party a lot of my feedbacks/ crits have been covered. So I'll be brief!

Flutter- dat line art is so pleasing to look at. I think your strengths are in drawing characters, particularly their expressions. The backgrounds look a little bland in places/ the characters aren't always that grounded in them. (pg panel 1 and 2 for example. Veruca looks a little awkward on the floor, like shes floating) I loved the final half of this comic, the build up of Veruca joining the fight and casting that shield was great.

Cab- this was so unique, I take my hat off to you for thinking outside the box in both the story and art department. This is the highest creativity score i've given on the site. Your arts solid as usual, I admire you giving mixed media a go and playing around with page layout in a meta way (page 3 was great!)
That being said not all of your risks worked for me, this was mostly in the entertainment department. A lot of your choices were so unusual I struggled to get immersed and invested in the story. I also have mixed feelings about introducing a third character and giving them a huge chunk of the screen time. I think there's a way to shake up the 1vs1 battle dynamic without the spotlight frequently moving off the two main characters. Basically I personally would've loved to see more of Benjamin.





      Edited Aug 30 2019,  02:01 PM by Flytee

Rivana
Artist
icon
40 comments
# 6   Posted: Aug 29 2019, 07:52 AM
Amazing job both of you! I've seen some WIPS/teasers of both comics over Discord and the final versions don't disappoint at all! I love how both of your styles really illustrated both Veruca and Ben so well.

I didn't get to see much of Ben's personality in his intro and I am glad to get a glimpse of what he's really like here. He's so cute and lovable. Keep trying, Benjamin you're doing great! I love Veruca's spunk and I always have a soft spot for sassy characters but she's not without her somber moments and it was nice to see that. I can't wait to see her blossom in Void.


TheCydork
Artist
icon
51 comments
# 5   Posted: Aug 26 2019, 12:12 AM
Flutter: Like others have said, your lines are great and I really enjoy your expressions. I like how you made Veruca and Ben meet (some kinda WIZARD??) and also loved how you made the speech bubbles in pages 9 and 10 in the shapes of the knight and then a cape, very creative. Also great job on finishing your first battle!!

My main issue is that Ben is... super willing to die for someone he just met? Or is he just very confident/naive? I’d like a little more explanation than “I’m your substitute teacher”.  area where the dragon is also looks pretty empty.

Cab: That was... A Trip. You put a lot of effort into this and it shows. I like the splicing of different styles, particularly the lineless one Ben is drawn in when relating his story. It was also a bold move to go so experimental with this comic so kudos for that.

I gotta say though, I don’t think the photomanipulations and sudden style changes fit most of the time, and to me it ends up random for the sake of being random rather than serving a purpose. The weird egg dealer segment fits imo bc Meredith is this... Odd Story Being so of course he’d have something bizarre to say. But with Ben’s story for instance, he seems to be talking about an experience that to him was deep and meaningful, but I can’t take it seriously when the prison buildings are made of faces, the Count’s head is a photograph and the word FREEDOM is just floating in the background. Similarly with Veruca’s story, I like the way her child self is drawn more simply, as if maybe she drew it at that age, but then the super realistic Ben above her makes it funny to me instead of touching. Overall it feels like a very long meme that doesn’t know when to slow down.

      Edited Aug 26 2019,  12:12 AM by TheCydork

BoogidiBzdo
Artist
icon
28 comments
# 4   Posted: Aug 25 2019, 03:24 PM
@Flutterbyes: The way you draw the characters has a unique personality to it and your line art is very sleek and clean. You did a great job at building up a lot of suspense as Benjamin confronts the dragon and the ending with teamwork was a nice touch. There was a lot of interesting dialogue here too. Your writing is really good.

@Cab: Thank you for the cameo! You even drew Super Grocery, that’s super awesome of you! I liked the set-up you had with all these stories being told within one bigger story. I was curious to see what Veruca’s story would be. Also, the amount of quality art you are able to produce within deadlines is astounding.

Very good job to both of you!

angrychill
Artist
icon
2 comments
# 3   Posted: Aug 25 2019, 08:29 AM
both of these were such amazing reads! i liked them both so much that id rather not leave any criticism, not only because i think theyre perfect but also because its obvious that you know the craft of comics better than me haha.

the creativity of these in both writing and storytelling and the art had me really stunned and gave me role models to look at for future comics!

Cab
Artist
icon
20 comments
# 2   Posted: Aug 24 2019, 11:18 PM
when the time comes and you'll know when it will be, you should listen to this song,  https://dirtpoorrobins.bandcamp.com/track/paper-dolls

JCee
Artist
icon
367 comments
# 1   Posted: Aug 11 2019, 02:47 AM
Can't wait to read this!

Comic Details -

 
Drawing Time: 2 weeks
Ended: Aug 31st, 2019
Votes Cast: 20
Page Views: 541
Winner: Cab
 

Add to Playlist -

 
 

Newest Comments -

 
ArtsandGoodies icon

Impulse
Gold

@ 7:57 PM Oct 21st

TheCydork icon

Gutsmasher vs. El Catador
@ 6:55 PM Oct 21st

Rivana icon

Black Swan vs. Lilo
@ 2:20 PM Oct 21st

 

Newest Characters -

 
The FoxSaalNopalitoLiloRavenLarry the TapperArleyPalookaRiley GatorChica ChicanaVioletNagy Tamasz
 

Open Challenges -


Random Comic -



Latest Topics -

 
All News, All The Time 
Last updated: Staff Bot - Today at 12:49 AM
Shifters vs Undead - Interest Check + Discussion 
Last updated: Heavenbat - Oct 21, 2019, 11:16 PM
Entervoid RPG 
Last updated: drawdan - Oct 21, 2019, 06:17 AM
Epic Void Collab Poster 
Last updated: JCee - Oct 20, 2019, 10:45 PM
Art Diary of an Eternal Student 
Last updated: BoogidiBzdo - Oct 17, 2019, 09:38 AM
 

Latest Members -


Users online -

 
88 Guests, 0 Users


Most Online Today: 239.
Most Online Ever: 1,050 (Aug 30, 2015, 02:43 AM)

 

Original site Copyright 2002-2017 Kevin Birtcher All characters and content Copyright 2002-2017 their respective owners Theme by SMFTricks - Modified by Brittney Scott & Jordan Bobo
Website Security Test