Bowen Feynor vs. Jamilia "JaJa" Rojas

Bowen Feynor vs. Jamilia "JaJa" Rojas

Bowen Feynor vs. Jamilia "JaJa" Rojas

by Aeolim

Icon for Bowen Feynor47.6%
264 points
Page 1Page 2Page 3Page 4Page 5Page 6Page 7Page 8

Crit level: Open to any comments or critiques
tags: Action, Demon, Fantasy, battle, bowen feynor, jaja rojas, jamilia "jaja" rojas

by Footini

Icon for Jamilia 52.4%
291 points
Page 1Page 2Page 3Page 4Page 5Page 6Page 7Page 8

Crit level: Open to any comments or critiques
tags: bowen feynor, jamilia "jaja" rojas, saal darkmalice, vincent vasquez

Critiques & Comments
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Happy October 27th! ACAB -Reecer6
# 8   Posted: Aug 2 2019, 12:19 PM
i made a comment here but the site goddamn collapsed on itself just to destroy it so here's the cliffnotes i'm not writing it again

aeolim: good opening, good effects, way too many words, cliche, jaja's characterized weirdly

footini: ambitious, good shots, very fun, enjoyed

Community Manager
# 7   Posted: Jul 30 2019, 06:59 PM
Aeolim; I liked your opening and I like the story you are building with the huge threat of the demon invasion. Have someone look over your script to see how to shorten parts of the dialogue. Also in general you should keep the font size consistent , the different changes can come off as the characters speaker in quieter or louder tones emphasizing different parts and whole structures. The best way to figure out what size font would be good is find a comic here on void you like for it's lettering then scale it up to the size you're working at to see the font that would match that. I also really like the texture you use for the backgrounds and want to see you play around with it more, likley maybe adding some color to it for dramatic moments.

Footini: I like the story and world building you're doing for this. Establishing a villian as well as another character is really cool. My main crit would be that story wise it is confusing how through the story Saal is called "the animancer" but she introduces herself as Saal. this is our first time seeing them and without dialogue to establish it on a first reading a reader may be confused and think the two are different characters, this could be as simple a fix as "Just call me the animancer" or Jaja responding to the evil dude with something like "No Saal wouldn't...". When you first introducing a character you want to keep them to one name or if you give them multiple names explicitly state in the dialogue that they are the same person otherwise the reader will confuse the two. In your future comics just make sure to explain the animancer's a bit more. I look forward to seeing more of this character you introduced.

# 6   Posted: Jul 29 2019, 06:24 PM
Aeolim: "MAYBE IT'S FRIENDLY!!!"  You've really covered a lot of ground here. Your strength seems to be those lovely faces, and it shows. There are some really nice faces here. That said, there is a heavy emphasis on those faces: A lot of close and medium shots and facial expression related beats. Still, you do have a good range of actions and settings to stretch your limbs in here. The dialog comes off looking a little rushed, since it's not comfortably house in those balloons, too.

Footini: Wow, heists, battles, motorcycles..  That's a lot in 8 pages! The compositions are dynamic and energetic, and the writing is fun and bouncy. Not quite sure what I'm looking at in page 3, but it's cool-looking. The backgrounds shown in those dynamic compositions, though, could be a little tighter. The wall seems to curve on page 4, for example, and in general the camera is particularly high.

# 5   Posted: Jul 29 2019, 02:16 PM
Aeolim: You do such an amazing job at fight scenes, especially right at the beginning! Plus, when you get the opportunity to color, your colors are absolutely gorgeous :D I think for me, though, where your comic falls a bit flat is on the expressions; a lot of times it doesn't feel like your characters emote very well, and I think part of that is related to the fact that characters almost constantly look kind of droopy-eyed due to so much of their upper lid showing, which makes their eyes look more closed than they really are. Like Flytee said, the middle part gets pretty dialogue-heavy and a bit rambly in its dialogue; this might work okay in written format, but in comics you need to make dialogue as concise and straight to the point as possible, or find other ways to break up the dialogue. I really loved Jaja's role in this, though, and I'm glad to see Bowen's taking some advice :D

Footini: Man what an interesting concept of the two dimensions being merged! I think it possibly could have been pulled off a bit better by having there be more instances of like, medieval objects mashed in next to modern objects, or some indication of the flip-flopping between dimensions--as mentioned, the scene with the horses flip flopping between horse and motorcycle got a bit confusing because there was no indication that that's what was happening (took me a couple read throughs to figure it out haha). I also feel like you could've maybe done a bit more with Bowen; he seems kind of flat in this, as if he could be replaced with just any random NPC and the story would be roughly the same. That said, your style lends itself extremely well to movement and flow, and it's always a joy to see the poses and action scenes you do!

# 4   Posted: Jul 24 2019, 10:31 AM
Aeolim -  The opening was really strong- you established the threat and showed off Jaja's personality excellently. There was just a real sense of fun in these pages. Throughout the comic, your lines were clean and consistent, I could tell a lot of effort and love went into the art.

-Your art's really strong in certain areas (particularly male faces) however it fell a bit short for me when it came to the demons/ monsters. I'd love to see you put more detail into their designs.
-The middle of this comic's very dialogue-heavy, this may work for some readers, but I'd generally recommend avoiding lengthy conversations, particularly if there's not much visually going on.

FOOTINI- Wow your art style is really fun and dynamic. I really enjoyed how fluid and lively the action was, and how expressive the characters were. It was very charming! I also liked the little details, like the D&D references and "Jaja" being on the motorbike licence plate. OH Also, the bad guys had a cool design.

As much as I loved your overall style, the Art could've used some extra love at times. I'm mostly referring to backgrounds, they often looked rushed and lacked detail. (pg 3 is a good example of this). Try to inject them with some of the love you put into your characters.

Parts of this story confused me and maybe could've been laid out in a more straight forward way. The bit that really through me was how they go from riding horses (pg 6) to motorbikes (pg 7). My guess is the rescues are happening parallel to each other in different worlds. Please correct me if I got this wrong!

Anyway, great job guys! I'm going to have a hard time voting on this one.
(also I hope my crits are vaguely helpful.)  

# 3   Posted: Jul 23 2019, 11:40 PM
HSKDGSF I love the flow in your comic Foot! You drew and represented Bowen really well! My favourite quote would be "How did I cross dimensions, I can't even drive" that got me cracking up XD tho I kinda wished you written him more aggressive and reactive as he tends to react very easily/kinda dramatically in situations like when Jaja jumped in
Overall I enjoyed your part immensely and good luck to you!

# 2   Posted: Jul 2 2019, 01:21 PM
oooh I Just know this gonna be a great fight from both of you, I can't wait to see the goods :-)

# 1   Posted: Jun 27 2019, 05:58 PM
Get Hype!!

Comic Details -

Drawing Time: 3 weeks
Ended: Jul 31st, 2019
Votes Cast: 14
Page Views: 778
Winner: Footini

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