Invitational Tournament 2019: Round 1 / Kujo vs. Bowen Feynor

Invitational Tournament 2019: Round 1 / Kujo vs. Bowen Feynor

Invitational Tournament 2019: Round 1 — Kujo vs. Bowen Feynor

51.6%
643 points
Page 1Page 2Page 3Page 4Page 5Page 6Page 7Page 8Page 9

Crit level: Open to any comments or critiques
tags:

by Aeolim

48.4%
604 points
Page 1Page 2Page 3Page 4

Crit level: Open to any comments or critiques
tags: Fantasy, battle, comedy, invitational 2019



Critiques & Comments
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Kozispoon
Approval Committee
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1046 comments
# 5   Posted: Jun 17 2019, 09:56 PM
LEFRAFRA- Who doesn't love a fluffy evil dog? I don't know if this was intentional, but I kinda dig how you kept all the major emoting and expressions on Kujo and left your opponent all cheekbones and impassive. It's clear where you're more comfortable as that lil flufferton  was an adorable pill- the addition of the black word bubbles really hit home the devilish nature of this pup.
I second the call for just doing inks. Your stuff looks strong  enough to stand on its own, and I personally dig black and white comics.
Also win or lose do I smell a friendship??

 AEOLIM- Great colors, lovely fire effects and neat build up to your cliffhanger age. Leaves us wondering "ooh gotta vote in order to see what happens!' Cleverrrr.
I rather wish we saw more of that goofy expressive chibi  panel on page two. Generally, Bowen has a bored neutral expression- even on the last page, so it threw me for a loop to see a sudden and welcome deviation into something extreme. I'd love to see more of that.

Bobo
Web Dev
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893 comments
# 4   Posted: Jun 17 2019, 04:24 PM
@lefrafra: Cute little story; Kujo is so fluffy I just want to squeeze him! In future comics, I'd probably shorten your story a bit (go for something simpler though so the story doesn't feel too compressed) and focus on polishing everything to the same level of completeness instead of trying to color everything and running out of time. Having it all be black and white but with a few quick shadows or something added in would have looked better than half flat colors and half empty line art. Find a good middle ground, and do a good job of that. Overall, you did a great job, and I look forward to whatever you make next!

@aeolim: I love your colors, and your style is really fun! I think the biggest thing you can work on is expressions and body language. You might need to zoom out more to be able to show body language, since a lot of the comic is just headshots or other closeups. Feel free to exaggerate your expressions more, and make sure any movement that should be happening (advancing to attack, getting punched, etc.) is clearly expressed through body posing. It takes a bit to get used to, but it's really fun once you get a better idea of how to draw various poses and actions. It's pretty much my favorite thing now, and I was terrible at it at first (I'm still not great at it, but we've all got areas to improve on, right?) Good luck, and I hope to see more from you soon!

lefrafra
Artist
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9 comments
# 3   Posted: Jun 17 2019, 04:42 AM
I am curious why some of Kujo‘s word bubbles are not black when most of them are. Some of the pages seem to have more alias'ing than others which is a little distracting as well.
Quote
I missed those haha. I'm not sure what happened with the aliasing though. I'm going to go back into Clip Studio and see what the heck happened.

Flutterbyes
Artist
icon
188 comments
# 2   Posted: Jun 14 2019, 06:22 PM
Lefrafra: That's the nice start of a relationship there. I overall know what was happening in the story, but I didn't really understand the gags that happened over the course of pages 4 and 5, which is a shame because they lead into the conflict. Even though incomplete, your art is clear and easy to read.

Aeolim: This is a great start!  It's hard keeping the art pretty all the time when you have to do panel after panel of it, huh? Void is real boot camp in that regard. Your staging and screen direction could be a little clearer. You know, I don't think that top panel on page 4 was necessary. You could have opened up with that second panel, just bigger and more dramatic-looking, and it would have been hilarious.

ArtsandGoodies
Approval Committee
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243 comments
# 1   Posted: Jun 12 2019, 11:45 PM
Lefrafra: Welcome to void and congrats on completing nine pages even if they’re not all colored he still did impressive amount for one week. I like the story here it is silly and funny and the dialogue is good.   I am curious why some of Kujo‘s word bubbles are not black when most of them are. Some of the pages seem to have more alias'ing than others which is a little distracting as well. On page 7 we do not directly see Bowen with his sword to Khujo and it would have been better to have them both in the same panel to make the action clear. But over great job and funny comic.

 Aeolim: welcome to void.  The four pages you did in one week are really good especially since they are longer than standard page link so congrats on that. At some points there are clarity issues. Specifically on the bottom of Page 1 where Bowen is saying the footprints lead this way but in that panel footprints aren’t visible. Also you have the same dialogue problem I have, There are times in your dialogue where you have unnecessary fluff words. This is a hard thing to notice and as you do more comics and get a better hang on it, for example  on page 1 the dialogue bubble “what could do such a thing? What could it be? A monster?” Is a little redundant and the second question doesn’t need to be said when it’s just a repeat of the first. And comment dialogue you want to trim it as much as you can and not have unnecessary words repeat the message as it slows it down in an unintentional way. It is hard to learn when you have fluff words but look at your dialogue and try to find words you can remove without changing the meaning of the dialogue or the emotion behind it.
I also want to mention I love the texture you have on page one on the brown colors. Good job and I look forward to seeing more.

      Edited Jun 12 2019,  11:46 PM by ArtsandGoodies

Comic Details -

 
Drawing Time: 1 week
Ended: Jun 17th, 2019
Votes Cast: 34
Page Views: 363
Winner: lefrafra
 

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