Invitational Tournament 2019: Round 1 / Kyou Fuuga vs. Bombot

Invitational Tournament 2019: Round 1 / Kyou Fuuga vs. Bombot

Invitational Tournament 2019: Round 1 — Kyou Fuuga vs. Bombot

52.6%
877 points
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Crit level: Open to any comments or critiques
tags: bombot, invitational 2019, kyou fuuga

47.4%
790 points
Page 1Page 2Page 3Page 4Page 5Page 6Page 7

Crit level: Open to any comments or critiques
tags:



Critiques & Comments
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Happy August 24th! -Reecer6
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257 comments
# 17   Posted: Jun 17 2019, 10:19 PM
maaan both of these characters i thought i'd end up liking and i was SO RIGHT I LOVE BOTH OF THESE COMICS AAAAA!!!!!!!!!

TheCydork
Artist
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24 comments
# 16   Posted: Jun 17 2019, 08:51 PM
I am beyond impressed that you guys produced so much in a week. And TRADITIONALLY as well. Kudos! And both of these stories were so cute as well ahhh

Mokachahan: Quality-wise, this was amazing. The detailed backgrounds, the action lines, the expressions, the fact that you pretty much managed to colour everything in? Wow. Give me your time management skills lmao. Also I laughed aloud when  Kyou just zoomed into the sky. I do agree with Kozi though in that you could have utilised Bombot more for funnies (I know how scary it can be to exaggerate someone else’s character though).

Foolsenigma: Really enjoyed reading your comic, it was very cute and I love the little signs Bombot holds up. Sad boi hours, hehe. The biggest thing to me apart from the fact that it’s unfinished is that you put too many panels onto one page, making it look cramped. It would be okay if you did this on one page, but almost every one has 7 or more panels!

Mokachahan
Artist
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13 comments
# 15   Posted: Jun 17 2019, 06:27 PM
Thanks, I've always had trouble gettiing enough dynamism over reality, and I want to work on that! But, uh, Kyou is mine and Bombot is Nigma's! I'm not going to steal the credit for that adorable metal boi!

MOKACHAHAN- Faaantastic backgrounds! Not only did you vary for camera angles, but you gave us a sense of movement as we follow your goodest boy Bombot through the city. Really great to see all the invitational kids going above and beyond with their first battles! I especially love the panel with the birds flying overhead.
I super dig Bombot, but I feel you can really push his gag factor. Like on page 3, those danger signs in his eyes- go bigger. Stretch them across the helmet, exaggerate those expressions. Don't feel you have to stick to the  confines of the face. You went ham on making Kyou super funny that I feel your own voiders antics pale in comparison. I cracked up at the 'witnsesses' page by the by- super funny comic!
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E.W. Schneider
Artist
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1055 comments
# 14   Posted: Jun 17 2019, 06:07 PM
So, before I get into the nitty gritty of your personal critiques, I'd like to offer a recommendation since you're both working on paper. It's been quite a while since I used traditional materials myself. That being said, I know of some very good quality paper on the cheap. It holds up to inkwash and inks very well. If you're going to continue to work traditional and are interested, feel free to shoot me a message, I'd be happy to recommend that and some other pens and materials if you'd like.

Mokachahan: Nice work on your first comic here.

I really like your marker game. I can really appreciate how much technique is necessary to make that sort of additive coloring work. Drawing all the backgrounds you did is really great, too. Very often a lot of that is swept under the rug for new artists. I appreciate the effort and I hope you keep on improving your game there! Your characters are very expressive. I like all the emotions you had Kyou work through and he was a lot of fun to read through.

The story was straight humor and it was a fun read. I like his misconceptions of the world around him and I hope you're able to strike a good balance of how unaware he is with the city and how clever he is. I'm hoping you develop his character more in the tournament.

Your water colors are pretty weak. I'm sure in the real world, they're shining through quite well. There are some suggestions I could offer, but they're a little Photoshop technical and would kind of require some finagling. The situation could be your scanner or a multitude of other reasons. I also admit that I've been out of the traditional game for quite a while, so I'm not the most reliable resource on how to fix that anymore. Are you using regular printer paper by the way? I think I can see it wrinkling. You should probably invest in some stronger stock.

I kind of wish you had more shadows in the environments and also played with roughing up your ground and buildings. They're exceedingly clean and I know nobody's been paying their Jetsons' Bill lately, so grime them up! It'll take you a long way with making your locations feel much more lived in.

This isn't a critique, but more of a warning. Either for this comic or the future if you continue make comics on Void. Consider switching to typing your dialogue out. Handwriting everything is pure murder on your hands and is just welcoming carpel tunnel into your home to sleep in your bed and eat your food. It looks good, but it's hard to keep up long term!

On the whole, this was a really nice comic. A very strong showing for your first round and a good entry into the Invitational. Very nice work!


Foolsenigma: Nice work on your first comic here.

Your comic was nice. Very amusing story. I found it to be very cute and funny as well. I really liked the cliffhanger you ended on (even if it's unintentional) and I'm interested to see what you do next with the character. You had very solid character interaction and you did a good job having Bombot's personality shine through despite his muted state. He seems like a fun character and I think you can get a lot of mileage out of him.

I think moreso than having a comic that you couldn't ink, I can appreciate it more if it's all pencils. That keeps it consistent and makes it more presentable in a sense. However, if you're going to do pencils, I would darken them a bit. You don't want to be too dim, your scanner isn't picking up all of your details. You had a nice set of backgrounds and environments happening and you really took the reader on a nice journey around the city.

I want to see you push yourself more next time. I don't know how much time is necessary for you to do that, but I would skip right to a longer deadline so we can see you really put yourself on display. Practice some cars by the way! Awesome skill to get sooner than later.

Also the same warning as I gave to Mokachappucino, consider switching to typing your dialogue out. Handwriting everything is pure murder on your hands and is just welcoming carpel tunnel into your home to sleep in your bed and eat your food. It looks good, but it's hard to keep up long term!

You did a good job. I hope to see you making more soon.

papermachei
Artist
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9 comments
# 13   Posted: Jun 17 2019, 05:40 PM
So Mokachahan, you're rocking it with these expressions and panel layouts, this was a really fun read. I think my favorite panel has got to be the solid black reaction to the "accidental murder". Fun way to play around with your opponent's abilities and that showed. Also I really liked whatever materials you used to make this comic, it looks really nice!

Foosenigma, that was a really entertaining struggle to find out where to go. I've really enjoyed your character not speaking, but rather just having epiphanies. Really fun expressions and body language here!

Kozispoon
Approval Committee
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1046 comments
# 12   Posted: Jun 17 2019, 03:58 PM
 FOOLSENIGMA- You got some great expressions here and the backgrounds! LOVE EM. For most they aren't the most fun thing to draw, but you really set the stage for your character discovering VOID alongside the reader. Also your narrator dialogue boxes made me snort- nice 4th wall humor. Also you make Bombot look soooo adorable! Great job relaying emotions and communication with the exaggerated poses.
While it is a common and traditional trope to you a storefront window with TVs to relay info, its 2019. This doesn't happen anymore. Unless your comic is set in the 50's, a NY style times square jumbotron or mobile phones/social media would be a better alternative.
I'd say my only nitpick is that you're setting this comic up like its being played on a stage. We only get one view, which is straight on. Vary your camera angles, pull away from talking heads to show off other elements of the space and story.

MOKACHAHAN- Faaantastic backgrounds! Not only did you vary for camera angles, but you gave us a sense of movement as we follow your goodest boy Bombot through the city. Really great to see all the invitational kids going above and beyond with their first battles! I especially love the panel with the birds flying overhead.
I super dig Bombot, but I feel you can really push his gag factor. Like on page 3, those danger signs in his eyes- go bigger. Stretch them across the helmet, exaggerate those expressions. Don't feel you have to stick to the  confines of the face. You went ham on making Kyou super funny that I feel your own voiders antics pale in comparison. I cracked up at the 'witnsesses' page by the by- super funny comic!

      Edited Jun 17 2019,  04:00 PM by Kozispoon

Flutterbyes
Artist
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188 comments
# 11   Posted: Jun 17 2019, 03:55 PM
Mokachahan: Aw, poor Kyou defeated himself with anxiety over someone who was okay the whole time. I really love you how rendered the characters with greys. Their strong lines really clash with  the sketchy background, though. There's only so much city one can generally fit into a weekly comic, I suppose, but really where it clashes the most is where the perspective is particularly wonky, like at the beginning and end.

Foolsenigma: Oh, wow! Although it's a shame I can't see them more clearly, you do have some really fun poses and expressions, and you drew them strongly enough to be seen in low contrast. (Aw, he's lost...). I hope you can get those levels adjusted in the future! It's too bad it cuts off just as the tension built up, though. Better luck next time!

Mokachahan
Artist
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13 comments
# 10   Posted: Jun 17 2019, 04:58 AM
Niiigma, your comic had me giggling high-pitched like an idiot with how cute the whole thing was! I really want to collab/fight with you again and again! Bombot is hands down the cutest thing EVER with how he emotes in actions, his eyes, AND his sketchbook, all the cutest ways to get a character across! I read it like five times!

Also, thank you everyone for the critiques and comments! I admit due to work I actually was in a lot of harrowing situations and tears for the drawing process HAHA-- I vow to keep working hard and really join this awesome community of Void!

ArtsandGoodies
Approval Committee
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243 comments
# 9   Posted: Jun 16 2019, 11:29 PM
Moka: I really like your inks and the slight color you have for this, Your traditional style is awesome to see and I like those inks. Your story is also really funny and a cute interaction I love panel 2 on page 6. i agree with the previous crits of page 7 the layout being a bit messy and doesn't work for the action. He's supposed to be flying away but the action makes it look like he is stuck inside the middle. When doing unique layouts you should try to aim for ones that support the action going, like if he's flying away he should be taking up less of the panels as it goes on. Besides that I really enjoy your comic and it's great to see more traditional artists and welcome to void.

Nigma: Smart bot hours is great. I love bombot and how you express his reactions with great body language and signs. I don't mind that the story ends in the middle since it is just silly fun and I still enjoyed it. But i kind of want to see a BB version with the full story and some inks and colors for this.. Either way goodjob on getting him in and I look forward to seeing more bombot

Heavenbat
Artist
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36 comments
# 8   Posted: Jun 16 2019, 03:14 PM
Moka: I love the bits of colors/shades you've got going on! It almost has a watercolor-y feel to it for some reason, especially with Kyou, which I highly enjoy :3 My only real critique I think is the layout of page 7; it's a bit too chaotic and all over the place, and I'm honestly not sure where I'm supposed to be looking first. Still, though, the punchline came through in the end, and all the little jokes got a good laugh out of me :D

Nigma: Aaaaah I loved the plot of your comic, it was so precious and hilarious!! I really wish we could've gotten to see how it ended, but this was a solid setup! I think you're already aware of this, but it seems like you need to work a bit on making human faces like Kyou's a bit more consistent. I also think the comic could've benefitted a bit if you'd been able to bump up the contrast a bit, to make the background a bit lighter and the lines a bit darker. Other than that, amazing job for just a week, can't wait to see more of Bombot's precious self!!

Brabbit
Artist
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5 comments
# 7   Posted: Jun 11 2019, 03:44 PM
Didn't know how this pair would match up but after reading I just want them to be friends and also not get eaten.

Astrodile
Artist
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99 comments
# 6   Posted: Jun 11 2019, 02:23 PM
MOKACHAHAN'S SIDE:
Heyo, welcome to Void! I've gotta say, big props to you for submitting nine pages- That's quite a bit for one week and I can tell you've scheduled/paced yourself decently! Great work! I absolutely love the writing for these characters here, their interaction hops left to right and is paced like Kyou is in a rush- And I can grasp that amongst the comedic humor. This comic quickly explains Kyou's personality the moment he appears visually, and I /enjoy/ that personality, brings a smile to my face. Poor Bombot though haha, at least he doesn't seem to mind in the end regardless!

My first critique has to be that it's characters being viewed from a birds eye view is something that you're a little rough with, especially on page 1 panel 2 where Bombot is walking in full frontal view and yet the background is drawn as though we are looking from above, which makes the scene wonky (This issue can be seen in Page 6 panel 4 as well). But hey, you were certainly able to make up for it with the slight upwards angle taken at page two panel 1, and I would love to see you experiment further with these more unique angles because that potential is clear.

I also want to make mention of the panel interruptions that are going on in the seventh page. While I understand that it's done to focus on the pose in that final shot-- It also interrupts my reading of the entire page itself and thus the pacing. My eyes are led from that first headbust straight to the fullbody, which leads me out of the context/buildup to that particular moment rather then emphasizing the action itself. I would suggest, if the panel interruption were to stay, for this fullbody pose you used here to be under the first and second panels, not touching those at all, and yet entirely able to interrupt the third and fourth panels, that way even when it is visually in the way of those third and fourth panels, at least by the time I reach those panels I get to see some more of the buildup.

But either way, congrats on submitting! This is a completed comic, and a comic that I enjoyed due to Kyou's comedic personality, and I hope to see more from you!

FOOLSENIGMA'S SIDE:
Hi!! Congrats on submitting, I enjoyed the writing you did here! It brings out the adorable perkiness that these two have, and thus shows how much they click due to those extroverted personalities. Your writing style, from what I can grasp in the comics you have done on this site, has always had this clearly lighthearted side to it-- I would love to see more in the future!

I do want to mention that the build up  to the more serious/last page is admittedly weak and I did miss it the panels that did have the leadup because they were not as visually focused/clear as the other panels. Thus, it felt like the last page felt a little out of left field, but after reading it once or twice more I was better able to know what was going on.

I would love to see you give more TLC to fullbodies! There's alot going on in these panels that only has headbusts or small full bodies, not to mention the style hopping that goes on with these expressions, I would love to see at least one scene that shows these two regularly proportioned and in your main style just to know what they look like.

Regardless, great work! Bombot has a really endearing personality that is focused on body language, I would love to see more of that in the future.

Red
Council
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636 comments
# 5   Posted: Jun 11 2019, 12:20 PM
If anyone is seeing them flipped, please try clearing your browser's cache. They are uploaded correctly, but you will still see them flipped if your browser has cached them from when they were originally uploaded. Thanks!

Sony-Shock: Oh, no! Nigma's comic was not flipped! Scanner things, I imagine...! Can happen to anybody.

I took the freedom to flip each page and upload them to an imgur gallery so anybody without an editor program can read them easily:
https://imgur.com/a/1IH3zrE

Overall both of these comics are so wholesome! Kyou was one of my fav characters when they were introduced in the invitational, so I am super happy! I did not get to see Bombot during the introduction, but he is also super cute! What a nice combination
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Sony-Shock
Artist
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9 comments
# 4   Posted: Jun 11 2019, 11:10 AM
Oh, no! Nigma's comic was not flipped! Scanner things, I imagine...! Can happen to anybody.

I took the freedom to flip each page and upload them to an imgur gallery so anybody without an editor program can read them easily:
https://imgur.com/a/1IH3zrE

Overall both of these comics are so wholesome! Kyou was one of my fav characters when they were introduced in the invitational, so I am super happy! I did not get to see Bombot during the introduction, but he is also super cute! What a nice combination

SirJellyRaptor
Artist
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54 comments
# 3   Posted: Jun 11 2019, 10:31 AM
Moka: I was looking forward to seeing what you had in store and I was not Disappointed. This was short but sweet, with a moment or two that had me legitimately laughing. Not all the jokes hit home but the ones that do really work.

Nigma: You've already gotten my feedback throughout the whole process, so I'm just gonna say I'm really happy this comic is up right now, you worked too hard on it and stressed too much over it for it to not be. I just hope one of these days you're able to make a comic without life giving you the finger

Pita
Think Tank
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170 comments
# 2   Posted: Jun 5 2019, 08:57 AM
Kyou's first encounter with modern tech, and it's An Actual Bomb Robot.

This is gonna be fun.

chaincat
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1 comment
# 1   Posted: Jun 3 2019, 02:38 PM
Good luck to the both of you!

Comic Details -

 
Drawing Time: 1 week
Ended: Jun 17th, 2019
Votes Cast: 42
Page Views: 571
Winner: Mokachahan
 

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