Invitational Tournament 2019: Round 1 / Ichika vs. Irene Vilanova

Invitational Tournament 2019: Round 1 / Ichika vs. Irene Vilanova

Invitational Tournament 2019: Round 1 — Ichika vs. Irene Vilanova

48%
641 points
Page 1Page 2Page 3Page 4Page 5

Crit level: Open to any comments or critiques
tags: invitational, this was gonna be 7 fully lines pages but look at me now, why did i think i could do this in a week

52%
694 points
Page 1Page 2Page 3

Crit level: Open to any comments or critiques



Critiques & Comments
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VariableFix
Artist
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1 comment
# 12   Posted: Jun 18 2019, 07:18 PM
Geminope: Thanks for being my opponent! It was fun seeing your take on Irene despite the limited info you had to work with (my bad). Hope to see more from you on Void so hope you continue to stick around! Wish I could have drawn a better comic deserving of Ichika for you, unfortunately you were my first opponent so you got the first bad pancake...

Everyone else: Thanks for the crit! I'd have to say that there was some useful tidbits suggested that I agree would help and will use. Unfortunately as I'm sure was obvious, time was a major factor and I had to cut a decent amount that would have made the comic less confusing and make it less of a "oh yeah my opponent is kinda there". Personally I think I gave too much attention to NPCs that should have been spent on my opponent's considering the time restrictions, so I'll reconsider how I script my comics. That being said I have a hard time finishing anything so I'm fairly happy I at least managed to get this out.

TheCydork
Artist
icon
24 comments
# 11   Posted: Jun 17 2019, 08:33 PM
First off, congrats to both of you for joining Void and submitting comics!

Geminope: The storyline is really sweet, the environments are great and I’d love to see a finished version of this! However the messiness of the pages really dragged your comic down for me. Imo you should have left the sketchier last pages out and cleaned up the first few more - the added colour didn’t help me and made things feel more confusing.

Variablefix: I like your style and the muted palette you used! Really makes those pink glasses stand out. Like others have said though, I’m not sure where the innuendoes are going and the environment is pretty vague. The perspective and the sizes of characters in the second panel on page 1 also seem a little off.

Flutterbyes
Artist
icon
188 comments
# 10   Posted: Jun 17 2019, 04:49 PM
Geminope: Looks like you ran out of steam, but you made it to the end of your comic! :D Oh, poor bird suffering from bird problems. Such a cutie. The use of color on the first page does seem to be a good low maintenance way to separate visual elements. I do realize you were running out of time, but even when doing rough and imperfect spot colors, try to keep your forms simple so it's a more "I meant to do it" rough and mismatched spot color and less of a busy scribble.

Variablefix: It's too bad you couldn't go further (I am DOWN for bird friendship. Also, what were all the double entendres leading to?), but what you have looks good. Even when a bit rough, it's a good "I meant to do it" level of sketchiness that's easy on the eyes.

E.W. Schneider
Artist
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1055 comments
# 9   Posted: Jun 17 2019, 04:15 PM
Geminope: Good work on your first comic here.
I appreciated that you utilized that simple understanding of line width. It really assisted in your first page (obviously the other ones had issues) and helped your depth out. You had some solid little set pieces and I applaud you for doing some detailed shots and locations on the first page. I like your style here, admittedly a bit more than your design sheet. It feels pretty loose and natural the way you draw people. It's pretty cartoony and it felt like this was your natural style. I would like to see you continue that to your future comics, since the first page style is nice, it just needs polish that can only happen with some additional production time.

Your story was rather cute. Just some nice goofery. I can appreciate that. It was slightly unclear as it went on, but I think I understood it fairly well. Being your first comic on here and in the Invitational no less, it's hard to accurately judge where you're actually at. But, by your own admission you stretched yourself thin and for a one weeker. Unfinished works from someone new like yourself is a variable. I don't know where you're at and I can only give so much in regards to critiquing something that is a what-if.

That being said, I hope you bounce back and get another fight. Try a script with a similar length as this for a two week comic and see how that feels. Or longer, if you're not confident. I hope you continue to practice and pick up another battle, because I could see you doing very good with what you tried here (but finished). Good work.

=======================================================

Variableflex: Nice work on your first comic.
The sepia tones are doing favors for your time effort for sure. The "screen-tone" shading is a good look. Perhaps next round, try to do the same look but for highlights as well. It could be very nice. You should extend your 'neutral' tone to the speech bubbles. Swap them from white, make that yellow-grey your base. It'll jive much more cleanly and look a lot better. Keep it up with the sepia though, it seems like it's a good mix with your style and will save you time during the tournament.

Obviously you were unfinished artwise. Your general lineart is a little quick but your anatomy and technical skill is shining through there. There's nothing wrong with using actual reference material for something such as a guitar (?) case. You should try to prioritize making objects not so loose and shaky. It doesn't work with your style. Whatever program you're using, try to use more a ruler with it (assuming it's there) so that it maintains a harder shape compared to your living beings.

I think you could do with having some "texture" to the materials that exist. A few scratches on the walls and the floors can help your crime den feel a little more lived in and goes a long way when you can't afford to make your backgrounds very detailed. Also, when you're staging a scene, try to give us a reference of where everyone stands before we get into headshot back and forth. Cinematic, yes, but it's important we know spatial location so that we know how close or far everyone is.

Despite the comic not being apparently finished, the ending can be extrapolated and you did a nice job carrying it out. I assume time was a factor in this match, but even if it was, you made the right call by getting us right to the action right away. There's nothing wrong with putting us right into the story. Lollygagging and not really getting to a satisfying conclusion (or anything) can be a real detriment and is something I've seen happen quite a bit for fresh artists.

You've got the building blocks for writing noir (even with the goofy and fantastical elements in the comic) and I think you should try pushing that angle even further in the coming rounds. Definitely read some good crime comics for some inspiration. (I like the now defunct Vertigo Crime line, it might be up your alley!) If you'd like other recommendations along that line, feel free to message me. I'd be happy to share some inspirational reading. Good work.

      Edited Jun 17 2019,  04:18 PM by E.W. Schneider

Kozispoon
Approval Committee
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1046 comments
# 8   Posted: Jun 17 2019, 03:45 PM

GEMINOPE- Haha, this poor boird. XD
Grats on finishing up your first enterVOID invitational comic! you got blood on your hands now- a fellow grizzled brawler- how's it feel??
Some great art moments here- from the painstaking depiction of the subway, to the nice nod with the bloody invitational envelope. You clearly went in with a comedic take and enjoy tossing us in world details that I personally appreciate. I dig that even though this is unfinished, you still managed to make your rough sketches not only color coded but clear enough to still follow the story, which was friggin hilarious.

VARIABLEFIX- Way to go no this first ever invitational battle! From the get I super loved that you went with a sepia toned comic. Really unified your elements together and made for pleasant reading. I'll note that comparatively your backgrounds aren't as strong- half the time I'm not really sure where the characters are or what they're interacting with. Like, are we in a public market? A bosses office? Are these two things right next to each other?
Still, it was a neat jaunt and interaction between these characters, even if only by circumstance and proxy. Thumbs up

PONBIKI
Artist
icon
183 comments
# 7   Posted: Jun 17 2019, 10:38 AM
Geminope
You had a strong beginning I like the thick line work, designs and colors in the 1st page and nice composition as well. But after that it was a mess I'm not sure what happened. Good first try though. At least on you next fight you know how much time you need to set aside to finish your pages.
 My advice for your next match is thumbnail your pages in sketchbook take a picture of it email it to yourself or scan it which ever is easiest. Unless your doing this already. Then just do your digital line work over your thumbnails. I know this is an extra step but it will help in the long run. Hope this helps and always have fun with it.

Variablefix
You had a strong beginning as well. Nice line work and sepia tones. You also had nice compositions in the first page. Sadly it also fell apart. Good first try, next round go for 5 pages remember it does not have to be canon with your first fight. Good Luck!
 My advice for your next match is thumbnail your pages in sketchbook or loose piece of paper take a picture of it and email it to yourself or scan it which ever is easiest. unless your doing this already. Then just do your digital line work over your thumbnails. I know this is an extra step but it will help in the long run. Hope this helps and always have fun with it.

geminope
Artist
icon
4 comments
# 6   Posted: Jun 16 2019, 06:43 PM
I really like how your pages turned out Variable! They're more refined than mine lol. I love how you portrayed Ichika, especially their more aggressive side. The body language is clear and the facial expressions are top notch. Like what Heaven and Astro said, I do agree that the plot is confusing. I'm assuming she was trying to buy something illegal from some sort of crimelord or something from the vibe of it? And the speech bubble with "GET GOING!" seems to come from Ichika, but it probably was from the shopkeeper, so some sort of line linkning his other speech bubble would have been a better distinction. Other than that, considering how the voting is going for this round I wish you the best of luck next round!

Heavenbat
Artist
icon
36 comments
# 5   Posted: Jun 16 2019, 12:38 AM
Geminope: Those backgrounds are seriously amazing in the first page! But I think you ended up having the same problem I did; spent too much time focusing on the backgrounds at the expense of the characters. I do really appreciate the color coding, though. Makes it easier to tell who's who at a glance! And the color coding of the speech bubbles is a neat way to eliminate the need for tails--except for the last panel on page 4, I think you used the wrong color so it seems like it's Irene talking instead of Ichika. Still, though, the comic made me laugh! And as Astro said, great job on making even the sketches pretty easy to understand!

Variablefix: I really enjoy the expressions and body language you've got going throughout your comic! Conveys the tone very well :3 Unfortunately, for me, the plot was a little hard to find just because it seemed like so much was going on but none of it felt really connected. Events just kind of happen without feeling really connected to one another--and I think part of that is maybe because the story feels incomplete as is? A few more pages and you might've been able to tie all the strings together. That said, in a week it's hard to set up a full-on story lol. I'd also say watch the placement of speech bubbles; in the second panel of the first page especially, it's a little hard to tell which bubble is supposed to be read first. Though I gotta say I am extremely impressed with how well you did on Ichika's emoting. Birds are hard to get to be that expressive but you really nailed it!!

jv7x
Artist
icon
99 comments
# 4   Posted: Jun 11 2019, 11:47 PM
From reading the Invitationals thread, I was really looking forward to seeing both of these fighters in action.  Good job getting up a few pages each even if the story wasn't fully finished.  Good luck to you both!

Astrodile
Artist
icon
99 comments
# 3   Posted: Jun 11 2019, 01:27 PM
GEMINOPE'S SIDE:
Hello, and welcome to Void! Congrats on submitting what you could, even though it is unfinished I can completely understand that it's rough to estimate what you can completely finish under such a short time and applaud that you submitted what you were able to instead of sliding out! You have potential here, and I can see that as clear as day, I'm hoping you'll continue to make comics here! Heck, you could even finish this comic in BB formatting if you'd prefer that.

I really enjoy the expression you did on the second to last panel of page two, as well as the angle you went for here. Even in  the later pages, if they get a little more and more sketchier, I can interpret what's going on to a certain degree and that clarity is appreciated, as well as the fact that you submitted these sketchier pages rather then cutting off it off more abruptly at more visually clearer pages such as one or two. I love the expressions and the body language that you lean towards here and I'd love to see more of it!

On page one, I commend you for having background-focused shots that establish where the characters are. That's great, it helps me know even in the latter pages that are sketches and less, where the characters more or less are and their placement visually. However, they're all proportioned quite large in comparison to the environment itself (For example, Zhanic himself and even Mary are much larger then the doors of the shops itself.) This is a mistake that can happen naturally and I won't blame ya' for it because perspective is one of my largest struggles as well- But I will give you props once again on these backgrounds! Good good stuff.

Ultimately, hey, congrats on joining Void and major props to you for entering the tournament! Can't wait to see more from ya.

VARIABLEFIX'S SIDE:
Hiya, and welcome to Void! You've got a really interested character here with some perky abilities- I'd love to see how they're utilized in a visual format! Even though you couldn't continue/finish this comic, I have got to say that I find fun what I could discover about Irene's personality in this, I would love to battle you one day!

I love the muted warm color scheme that you went for here! It helps visually clarify your lineart, and also helps deliver more personality to it as well.

I would love to see more exterior shots from you, even just one panel in this comic would have done it for me in terms ofo showing where exactly the characters are-- In a warehouse? An office building? Somewhere abandoned? I'm not exactly sure, and would like to see backgrounds given more TLC in future battles, as in terms of writing it would visually help explain what Ichika is doing there, and also I feel as though with your style you can come up with some backgrounds that have personality to it!

In relation to background, I want to mention to watch out for character placement. Ichika and Irene are in the same room, and in the next page I have to presume that Irene comes from that room into the next setting, via the right side. And yet, the last panels of page 2 and the direction which the old man is facing in page 3 panel 2 leave me to assume that Ichika is coming from the left side-- But how?

Either way, congrats on submitting what you could, because I enjoyed reading! Good luck in the tournament, and I hope that you enjoy the community! Looking forward to seeing more from you.

geminope
Artist
icon
4 comments
# 2   Posted: Jun 11 2019, 12:09 AM
Oof please critique I haven't done comics in years.

Pita
Think Tank
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170 comments
# 1   Posted: Jun 5 2019, 08:56 AM
Bird VS Fairy--who will come out on top?

Comic Details -

 
Drawing Time: 1 week
Ended: Jun 17th, 2019
Votes Cast: 41
Page Views: 494
Winner: VariableFix
 

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