Fawn and Detroit vs. Gold

Fawn and Detroit vs. Gold

Fawn and Detroit vs. Gold

44.7%
296 points
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Crit level: No critique desired, comments encouraged

55.3%
366 points
Page 1Page 2Page 3Page 4Page 5Page 6Page 7Page 8Page 9

Crit level: Open to any comments or critiques
tags: cat, fawn and detroit, fawn nightingale, gold



Critiques & Comments
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Bobo
Web Dev
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893 comments
# 15   Posted: Jun 4 2019, 08:59 AM
Spoiler: Desi • show
Since you don't want critiques, I'll just focus on the stuff I'm noticing the most, which is how much you're still improving with each comic! I feel like everything is more polished than before, the characters are drawn more consistently and with more unique appearances than in the past; the way you drew Gold as a cat makes me want to cuddle with him so much; the family photo with Marigold taped in was hilarious and sad; all the photos of Fawn everywhere were somewhere between endearing and unsettling; you seem to somehow keep giving me a crush on Marigold even though she's kinda terrible; and Gold's design and body language both communicate his personality well. It's too bad you weren't able to finish, and I hope you get the break you need and figure out if you want to come back to comics or not (and if you do, I know you'll do great!), but I still enjoyed just looking at your art and seeing how much you've improved since the beginning, or even just in the last little bit!

Spoiler: Cy • show
I enjoyed the humor in this comic a lot! Detroit just chucking Gold out the window when Fawn walked in gave me a chuckle. I think my biggest critique would be to vary your shots more; you had a lot of panels of waist-up shots that were either straight-on or almost straight-on, and it would have been nice to see more long shots, closeups, or other angles. Varying your panel shapes could be helpful, as well. Otherwise, it's really great to see you jumping in and making comics, and I can't wait for your next one!

Heavenbat
Artist
icon
33 comments
# 14   Posted: Jun 3 2019, 11:35 PM
Desi: I really love the setup you've got going on, would've been great to see where it ultimately went! Then again I'm always a sucker for plot lines revolving around parents ignoring their kids..... dunno what that says about me, but either way. I also really like how Gold looks in your style!

Cy: Most of my critiques have already been said... but, I actually have to kind of agree that Detroit's conclusion feels a bit sudden. It sounded good on paper, but I think maybe what would've helped is maybe having Detroit accuse Gold of setting up an assassination attempt instead of a robbery? Because then he would've been right that Gold was up to something but not necessarily right on the details? Other than that, despite all the revisions I feel like the comic flowed well overall! That being said, man, for your first battle comic I think this is real good and as mentioned before I LOVE all the expressions, they make me happy :D Congrats, man! can't wait to see how u improve from here~

Badger
Artist
icon
33 comments
# 13   Posted: Jun 3 2019, 10:20 PM
Oh man you guys both made me smile with your comics hahahhh

Desi: I love the look your linework has and the way you stylize buildings! I always enjoy seeing stuff from you!!

Cy: you got me laughing a ton with yours, your expressions add a lot too! I didn’t quite pick up on the duck part as you intended on my first time reading- I just read it as Detroit knowing something was off about the room, since the duck wasn’t on the table earlier and it was there when he came in. Also for text- when using the personal pronoun “I” I’d recommend stylizing it as an I with crossbars- like the first I in “it’s nice to have” on page 4! I love your comic- was super entertained the whole way though!

Energy
Artist
icon
121 comments
# 12   Posted: Jun 3 2019, 09:13 PM
Desi:  I would love to see this finished someday.  If you need to take a break, that's okay.

Cy:  Whenever you draw objects like tables and doors, may I suggest drawing "3D" shapes so that they appear less flat?  Great first battle, dude.  Hope to see more.

ArtsandGoodies
Approval Committee
icon
239 comments
# 11   Posted: Jun 3 2019, 08:19 PM
Desi: its great you're finding other stuff outside of art to do and really enjoy. i will say what is hear is great and i love your inks and background.

Cy: 9 full colors pages is really good for the deadline good job. In particular i love how expressive you made his cat form you did a great job with the body language and expressions. I will also echo the same crit that the backgrounds are lacking, which is a problem i also have, i would recommend getting some reference for the areas filling space by adding a bunch of shapes that you detail out later, the more background details you put in the less you need to worry about the individual quality of them and more so just worry about making sure they all line up.

TheCydork
Artist
icon
18 comments
# 10   Posted: Jun 1 2019, 01:21 PM
To everyone so far, thank you for the kind comments and critique! Also very glad to see it did come across as comedic :)

@G.Lo @Hellis I’m glad you like him Hellis, hehe. Backgrounds are definitely the weakest aspect of my art rn, particularly artificial ones such as houses. I will definitely try out the suggestion and sketch up this room to practice for the future.

@Kozispoon Thank you for such an in-depth critique, and I’m glad you liked the colours! With such variation in the outfits I was worried some of them might clash. I’ll answer the other questions but first off, yeah originally there was gonna be a “CRASH” when Gold was tossed, but I’d finished the last page first, had forgotten to draw the window broken, and at that point I had no time to correct it either ^^” So I just switched out the crash for the cat scream and hoped people wouldn’t notice OTL

I definitely agree I didn’t do a good job of portraying personality or why Gold would be interested in the place (I had to cut two pages from the beginning which helped with the latter) but most of the other questions I thought would be common sense tbph. I didn’t think I had to draw Detroit walking around a table, or Gold putting the few coins he got out of a piggy bank in his pocket. And the duck thing was supposed to not make sense for humorous effect - at the beginning Gold muses about a paranoid bodyguard (Detroit), and Detroit is shown to already be suspicious cat Gold on page 3. The implication was that a single thing out of place, like a wind-up duck somehow being turned on when there were no people in the room, meant something wild like a murder attempt or robbery had taken place - it just so happened that he was actually right.

Kozispoon
Approval Committee
icon
1046 comments
# 9   Posted: Jun 1 2019, 06:07 AM
CY- Congratulations on completing your first battle! :D Considering the deadline, this is an impressive number of pages for sure. Your colors seem harmonious and consistent overall and despite the things you had to deal with, it seems like you had fun. The hijinks and happy go lucky theme of these two interacting is candy sweet. Also the addition of the Detroit meme was hilarious XD

You already got some good feedback on the look of the manor, so I'll focus more on your follow through on character action and environments/backgrounds.

Environments and backgrounds are tough- all of us can agree to that, but considering that your backgrounds were a big player in your story, it definitely needed to be punched up. Fawns room is sparse and doesn't seem reflective of her character or personality, but more importantly doesn't depict her wealth or incentive for Gold to get to stealing.
There are actions panel to panel that I think needed more context for your flow of action to make more sense. Where is Gold stashing all the items he's stealing? Once Detroit comes in to inspect the room and see what he''s up to, where is he hiding all the things he's found/collected? Why does the wound up duck tip him off that the otherwise pristine room has been disturbed or anything is amiss? How did Detroit teleport from one side of the table to the other? When Detroit throws Gold off panel, where is he throwing him? The window in the room looks closed and the glass is unbroken, so how did Gold end up outside?


DESI- Sorry to hear things crept up on you. If nothing else, I think the biggest stand out for this one is that you seem to really be getting creative with background elements which I am digging. I especially love that wibbly wobbly hallway.

Hellis
Artist
icon
210 comments
# 8   Posted: Jun 1 2019, 05:51 AM
Desi: I Know your struggling with enjoying even the process of art, but know that your stuff is always very expressive and fun to look at. I hope that you figure out how to recoup and to get enjoyment out of it. <3

Cy: I love this charachter? This was a strong first showing writing wise. The humor was great, and I enjoyed it quite a bit. AS for art, I'd suggest working your back ground. The room is basically just a square, try taking one of these panels and start sketching up various things you have in your own room over the room in the panel. It will help you get an idea of space and making things feel more lived in.

Congrats on your first battle!

G.Lo
Artist
icon
99 comments
# 7   Posted: May 30 2019, 12:18 PM
Desi:
I’m sorry it sounds like you’re going through a burn out- that’s never fun. I hope you take the time you need to recoup, and do what you gotta do!

I adore how expressive your line work is! It’s very stylistic and works so well with your characters. I also really enjoy the way you fill your scenes- there’s enough objects and style design that builds the world and expresses your character even without words.

I hope you do get a chance to finish this- I’d love to see where this encounter was going!

Cy:
This was a really cute encounter! The tea time scene was especially adorable with a wide assortment of diverse dollies attending haha. I do wish you extended the robbing scene a little more with Gold interacting with more of Fawn’s stuff (it was already cute but I feel like it could have been drawn out a little more)-  including adding some more stuff and things! Fawns’s room looks really desolate for someone who has that many attendees at a tea party haha. I saw that you were dealing with some serious health issues, so I understand that could have been a time restraint, but the house itself looked pretty lack luster as well. Even little things like decorative molding, some hint at minor landscaping for the front of the house, or a bit more of cutesy furniture in Fawn’s room would have spruced things up. Dat ending tho- definitely gave me a chuckle hehe

All that aside, congrats on a great first battle! I hope we get to see more of the mischievous Gold!

      Edited May 30 2019,  12:21 PM by G.Lo

G.Lo
Artist
icon
99 comments
# 6   Posted: May 30 2019, 12:11 PM
double post sorry

      Edited May 30 2019,  12:22 PM by G.Lo

Desichan
Think Tank
icon
181 comments
# 5   Posted: May 28 2019, 07:07 PM
My side is very incomplete and im super duper sorry...

I've mentally felt unable to draw for a lot of this time period, tried to get as much done as i could but its clearly not much, and ive been really sick for like two of the weeks. Tbh this is no excuse, im really sorry about the lackluster comic but i hope you enjoy it regardless Cy.

I may complete it someday, but for now... i think im going to take a break from art, because im not sure if i can do this anymore.

Cy you're wonderful and thank you for fighting me, i hope things go well for you, and congratulations on your first battle you rock!

TheCydork
Artist
icon
18 comments
# 4   Posted: May 26 2019, 06:47 AM
Already sorta explained the situation to Desi but I wanted to put it here as well - I really had to rush this comic. I lost a lot of days from a migraine attack that lasted for almost a week, and ulnar nerve flareups in my dominant hand. The extension was a blessing, but my bf had already booked a small holiday for us on the 26th so I'm not going to be able to make use of those last 2 days. Add to that my dumb erratic brain which cannot sit down and just thumb, then sketch, then line etc. and has to jump between various pages with differing levels of completion, last minute rewrites and reboards, and.. yeah. This isn't anywhere near as polished as I'd like. Even had to do some of it with my non-dominant hand so if anything looks particularly wonky or messy, you know why >> I refuse to default or cancel - I want to finish my first comic damn it - I just wanted everyone to know that there are gonna be things like perspective and proportion errors I'm aware of but simply did not have time to do properly (or fix now, since I have basically 4 hours left and still need to complete two pages), so I'd appreciate any crit being directed elsewhere when it's uploaded. Thank you.

EDIT: Also I'm aware there are a sad few fullbodies in this; quite a few panels were meant to be fullbody but the rush made me switch em out for busts bc they're quicker and easier. So to the several people who've mentioned that's something I need to improve, I hear you and I will do my very best to include more in future comics!

      Edited May 26 2019,  09:44 AM by TheCydork

Kozispoon
Approval Committee
icon
1046 comments
# 3   Posted: May 7 2019, 09:43 PM
Only in for a day and already in your first battle. This is what I love to see! Best of luck to the both of ya's!

TheCydork
Artist
icon
18 comments
# 2   Posted: May 7 2019, 08:25 AM
SCARED BUT EXCITE!

Desichan
Think Tank
icon
181 comments
# 1   Posted: May 7 2019, 08:05 AM
hYPEEEEEEEEE

Comic Details -

 
Drawing Time: 2 weeks
Ended: Jun 4th, 2019
Votes Cast: 18
Page Views: 719
Winner: TheCydork
 

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