Tag Team Magical Girl Death Tournament, Round 2 / Flechette LaFayette and Faustina LaFayette vs. Hollow Passion and Logic

Tag Team Magical Girl Death Tournament, Round 2 / Flechette LaFayette and Faustina LaFayette vs. Hollow Passion and Logic

Tag Team Magical Girl Death Tournament, Round 2 — Flechette LaFayette and Faustina LaFayette vs. Hollow Passion and Logic

0%
0 points
No images have been uploaded.

Crit level: No preference

100%
546 points
Page 1Page 2Page 3Page 4Page 5

Crit level: Open to any comments or critiques



Critiques & Comments
Please register or log in to comment


PyrasTerran
Community Manager
1438 comments
# 6   Posted: Apr 2 2019, 11:12 AM
your comic has been reviewed on the latest VCast, now live

yarnwitch
Think Tank
278 comments
# 5   Posted: Mar 30 2019, 05:04 AM
Okay i LOVE this team of magical girls, corn and verdazin! I feel like I found a bargain bin of old manga and just picked up a random unknown title, and its amazing and i can't believe it wasn't more of a thing! The writing is great, the art is fun, and its moody in an innocent way, with all the dark undertones hitting JUST RIGHT.
Good job y'all!

Kozispoon
Approval Committee
1057 comments
# 4   Posted: Mar 24 2019, 02:20 AM
MISTER KENT AND TENSHO- Thems the breaks!

VERDAZIN AND CORN OF THE BREADS-Great angles, great sense of motion and action. This wasn't a sidescrolly comic. I turned the pages and got a camera man who was being super extra getting coverage of this tussle all over the place XD While this was visually exciting, I don't know Passion. She's just fighting here. No quips, no peek behind the fists to see what she may be feeling or even thinking during this fight. It feels almost automatic. Logic is the opposite.

While I understand the character type you're looking to portray with Logic, I wont lie she is rather dull. I understand she is there for exposition, but I wish there was a more engaging way for you two not only to relay her dialogue but to show it off. Even the panels where she's meant to be catching the opponent in her monster jaws feels kind of ho hum. When I find the tertiary bunny character more intriguing than your main ladies, it raises the question as to what could be missing from them that isn't holding my interest.

ArtsandGoodies
Approval Committee
304 comments
# 3   Posted: Mar 23 2019, 11:28 PM
Kent and tensho it's unfortunate about a technical default I would love to see your side of the battle and maybe you guys can post it as a BB.

Verd and Corn: I Like the heavy use of the mascot and their interactions with the girls. The mascot brings something that not many of the other teams had which i think is pretty cool. I do think you should try to push the mascot's dialogue a bit more from exposition to more personality, most of their dialogue on the first page feels more like it's being said to describe what's going on rather than the character talking natural. But the stuff on panel 1 page 4 seems a bit like their own voice. I do feel like Logic's dialouge is fitting for her character so I want to see the mascot's voice a bit more defined since they add something special to this team.

I will repeat what I said in the last comic in that the white negative space isn't working, However the black negative space in the final panels was really awesome and those panels are great. The black works because we gloss over it and just focus on the parts that aren't fully covered in black, forces the eye to everything. However with white negative space the eye has no where to focus so your characters and the dark gray highlights just isn't enough. Like I love panel 1 page 3 because of how intense passion looks. The focus on the panel is her face and I feel her eyes, but because everything else is white like her eyes they aren't given the focus they deserve. A light gray or speed-lines would work to help the eye get rid of all the white noise so we can focus on what matters.

SirJellyRaptor
Artist
54 comments
# 2   Posted: Mar 20 2019, 10:34 AM
I think I have a few of the same complaints about this one as the last one. First of all, there are some panels, like page 3 panel 1, that would really benefit from pulling the camera out a bit. We wanna see more than just Faustina's head there. And then when she gets slammed into the ground in page 3 panel 2 the follow up image is on the next page after a cutaway when it would read a lot better if it was directly after the panel where the slamming happens. You're still having issues getting the setting across, the bottom of page 2 being the only real clear view we have of where they are. Even then then info feels conflicting. The lack of windows and features on the buildings makes this feel like a back alley but the street setup shows that these are main roads. I do like the focus on action and the use of dynamic poses in this comic. From a writting standpoint I only have two real issues. The first is the mention of the magic tournament from Kent and Tensho's last round, and it's cool to try and bring that into your own comic, but only of the tournament is gonna be important. Prod brushes it off Immediately and I get the feeling it's never gonna be brought up again, which means it would be better if you didn't add it at all since it really doesn't add anything at that point. The other thing is more of a personal nitpick. I like how it's stated that Passion could potentially lose the fight, and I honestly would have liked to see her struggle more in the comic. Your opponent only really get one hit in on you so we don't really get a sense of how even this fight is supposed to be. And I feel like I fundamentally disagree with a 100% chance of victory calculation. It makes for.a.much better story when theres a threat of losing for the protagonist. If Passion and Logics are guaranteed to win if they work together then any tension you have built up in the story is immediately gone because we have just been informed that the outcome of this battle was set from the start

Bobo
Web Dev
894 comments
# 1   Posted: Mar 20 2019, 07:32 AM
Unfortunately, Kent and Tensho failed to include their opponents dying and had to be force defaulted.

If you have any questions, please see our Site Rules and Etiquette.

Comic Details -

 
Type: Death Match
Drawing Time: 2 weeks
Ended: Mar 26th, 2019
Votes Cast: 17
Page Views: 663
Winner: Verdazin and Corn Of The Breads
 

Add to Playlist -

 
 

Newest Comments -


Newest Characters -

 
Croi UlariLoctLuzDashiramWren FalLucky LucyDeimos-96P9ZephyrClement's LamentNicolle CharkinsHathshaSir Meredith Archibald esq.
 

Open Challenges -

 
No open challenges
Create a new challenge
 

Random Comic -



Latest Topics -

 
Pin up jam [18+] NSFW 
Last updated: Rivana - Dec 14, 2019, 12:32 PM
All News, All The Time 
Last updated: Staff Bot - Dec 14, 2019, 10:38 AM
VOID SHIPPING JAM [18+] 
Last updated: JCee - Dec 13, 2019, 10:42 PM
Suggest An Event! 
Last updated: Dechado - Dec 12, 2019, 06:29 PM
Challenges Thread 
Last updated: Dechado - Dec 11, 2019, 01:37 PM
 

Latest Members -


Users online -

 
170 Guests, 2 Users


[]

Most Online Today: 269.
Most Online Ever: 1,050 (Aug 30, 2015, 02:43 AM)

 

Original site Copyright 2002-2017 Kevin Birtcher All characters and content Copyright 2002-2017 their respective owners Theme by SMFTricks - Modified by Brittney Scott & Jordan Bobo
Website Security Test