Dahiris vs. Kindervampen

Dahiris vs. Kindervampen

Dahiris vs. Kindervampen

465 points
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Crit level: Open to any comments or critiques

395 points
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Crit level: No preference

Critiques & Comments
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Think Tank
# 11   Posted: Feb 5 2019, 04:11 PM
GOSH I should've said my thanks for the critique a long time ago, but here I am now saying my thanks! Better late then never I guess, haha. Either way, thank you all for reading and critiquing my comic, any and all help will always be appreciated, and thanks especially to Desi for taking my first scarmatch! It was really fun and I honestly hope that I can do some future comics with the Kindervampen again, because I love this crews personality and would LOVE to interact with them more. <3

Think Tank
# 10   Posted: Jan 16 2019, 08:24 AM
Thank you all for the comments and critiques, and Astro, congrats on your win! You did amazing!!! >w<///

Approval Committee
# 9   Posted: Jan 15 2019, 10:11 PM
ASTRO- Seems you had lots of fun playing round with this color palate. It veered hither and tither from red to pinks and greens, it still stayed harmonious page to page- and that ain't easy! I will say that some of your dark scenes were too dark. They begged for a rim light or SOME form of light source to pull the character out of the background. As is, it was kinda muddy in parts.

 I'm so stoked this was a scar match. Impressions were made, blood was mixed and we got what may possibly be an abomination? werewolf vamp teacher? I do wish you'd given us a splash page of the teacher in the doorway. The reveal of the scar feels muted alongside the rest of the actions on the page. Still though, what a great little tale.

DESI- Your opponents really translated well to your style. It seems there's no voider alive who can't be made kawaii. XD
I know this is the hot new vertical 'webtoon' style all the kids are doing nowadays, so the format didn't really throw me, but the paneling  didn't really drive me. There's dead space and gaps in a couple panels that seem to serve no purpose, nor meant to give off a sense of time between panels. Its all kind of incongruous. Everything feels too tight, your word bubbles and dialogue bleed off the panel and events are much too close for me to get a good sense of whats what. Your backgrounds are still flat, and elements in the vamp kids house seem like cardboard props on a set. You give your figures such personality, and you have the makings of such a cool home interior, I really wish it translated into a 3D environment they inhabit.

You got a great style, but I think it won out over substance.

# 8   Posted: Jan 15 2019, 04:38 PM
Great job, both of you! It was tough to judge because your writing and art styles are so good in their
 own unique ways.

Astro: This is a damn good comic. You do moody colors like no other.  As Arts said, it could use a little contrast, but i'd chalk it up to screen settings. Aesthetically your comic is a wonder.  You know just where to place lines, when to go lineless...it's like something I'd expect from an industry vet! Finally, your story choice was excellent.  Kourtney becoming a werewolf-- simple enough to fit a short comic, but made thrilling thanks to good dramatic build-up. Well done!

Desi: Never could have imagined the Dahiri's looking ...CUTE!! Very adorable characters, and very adorable story.  I notice you making an effort to emphasize the manga-like qualities of your comic, and it really does feel like I'm reading a web-manga from the long-scrolling, the anime expressions, and panel beats, while the artstyle is distinctly "Desi" (which i mean in a good way!)  Looking forward to your future stories with Kindervampen!

Approval Committee
# 7   Posted: Jan 14 2019, 11:54 PM
You both did a great job with these comics and I have already talked to both of you about them in discord so I will mostly repeat some of that stuff and add on a bit.

Astro: when I first read this on mobile is was really hard to read, the lack of contrast in the night scenes especially the first and last panel of the building just were not easily seen on mobile, when i reread it on desktop it wasn't as bad but those scenes should still have more contrast in them. The final page the halfbody shot with bruhma is actually really good with the warm reds on them giving enough contrast. Also while it's good you're doing bigger lines between the panels the problem is that with these really dark night scenes the black kind of blends in, maybe when doing a night scene you could try an offwhite for the borders may provide more clarity in these dark scenes between panels..
In terms of story I do like how it's focused mainly on Kourtney and Monty's reaction to the kids. The top of page 5 was super awesome and definitely the highlight of the comic, however the follow up was confusing (we did already talk about this in discord but i'm just repeating it to keep it archived) since we have no indication of where Kourtney went since Bruhma's reaction seems like they somehow lost Kourtney.  When you have a mostly silent character it's important to make the visuals as clearly as possible and show the full extent like where she was during this.  Also when writing them you should try to write out their thoughts completely in the script and then figure out how you can most clear state them in as few words as possible.  Doing more with this pair and trying that will definitely help with your clarity issues and I look forward to it.

Desi: I like that you always willing to experiment with new formats and the endless scroll. we already talked at length about your general storytelling issue of constantly having action after action without any breathing room, in the first page for example there are 6 different thigns that go on and happen, with all those actions going on we have no time in between to see why the characters do these things or how we react to them. You have great character expressions like Kourtney's reaction to getting hit and the fact she has beady eyes is pretty enjoyable. When planning your stories you should work more on having less things happens and more reflection and build up to the things that do happen. Also as you plan your build up more it will help make your comics more clear since you will have more panels to keep the characters consistently in the right places as they work towards doing the next thing. You have a lot of good ideas, you just gotta work on lingering on them more so we can have some more time to appreciate your characters in between the actions of the comic.

# 6   Posted: Jan 13 2019, 02:01 AM
I enjoyed both of these comics.

Astro, your colors are lacking contrast here, those purple exterior scenes are just too dark. I love that second panel on page 5, though, it's obvious you had the most fun drawing that.

Desi, I like your character acting here,  and the teacher's noodle arms after she wakes up.  I'm less a fan of some of your layout choices, though. There are stretches where you're scrolling down single panel after single panel, especially on page 2. The panels seem to get bigger, and I found it a little hard on the eyes.

# 5   Posted: Jan 9 2019, 12:34 PM
Nice, you two.  Keep it up.

1 comment
# 4   Posted: Jan 9 2019, 12:29 PM
Great job! Both of you did great work. This was a very cute round.

Astro: I really like how you use colors to set the atmosphere within a scene. It's especially apparent when you compare the bright and warmer feel of the kindergarten compared to the darker, mysterious purples of the outside when Kourtney encounters Bruhma. You can tell that the two encounters are meant to feel very different.
I also love your style. It's very expressive and detailed while maintaining the consistency between panel to panel. I can easily tell the flow of events and my eyes are led smoothly across the pages without much issue.
While the beginning is quite solid in terms of establishing characters and interactions, the encounter between Kourtney and Bruhma feels rushed and a little confused in terms of what exactly is happening. I couldn't tell whether Bruhma was romancing her in a more violent manner, or if he was attacking her out of instinct. As well, the ending felt like it didn't have proper closure between the audience and the characters. Maybe having a panel with some small dialogue would have helped to clarify some dynamics between the two or even give us a hint as to what Bruhma was thinking at the time of Kourtney's encounter.
Overall, I felt you did a great job and I loved it! Keep up the good work Astro!

Desi: I noticed that your paneling has improved! I'm never lost when I'm moving from panel to panel, and it's nice to see the many different panel types that add a different feel to the scenes. As usual, your art style is very cute and very consistent. Great job!
Movement I notice is a little bit stiff and sometimes the transition from scene to scene is a little confusing. For example when Aliv drops the garbage bin on top of MEL. The short panels before that instance don't really add much to explaining what happens. Usually close ups are used to show intensity or focus upon a particular detail, whether it's expression or an important element. If you instead had a panel of Aliv holding the garbage bin in the air behind mel, it would have set up an anticipating moment that lets the reader know that Mel is going to get it. If there are time skips, make sure to let the readers know. Otherwise, they will assume that one scene occurs immediately after the other.
All in all, you did a great job! It was cute and a neat way of adding new scars using "permanent" marker. Very creative and the interactions of naughty children to fresh meat was cute.

Fred v2.0.1
# 3   Posted: Jan 9 2019, 10:45 AM
this battle was a most enjoyable read and I commend both of you for your efforts. Both were lively and colourful and a bit silly and  that's how it's good. Desi, it could be hard in places to follow the action in a clear manner but I enjoyed the story still. Astro, I was basically just Kourtney here except I didn't get all bit up and I'm disappointed about that. I might have liked if the interaction was a bit more fleshed out, but it works as is.

My hats to yous.

Think Tank
# 2   Posted: Jan 8 2019, 11:45 PM
Submitted! I'd share a vine that essentially sums up my comic, but that would also just straight up spoil the entire comic too! So I'll share it later!!
Thanks so much for battling me Desi, I'm definitely looking forward to reading your half!!

Think Tank
# 1   Posted: Jan 8 2019, 04:21 PM
I cant wait to see what gruesome fate awaits the characters! I'm submitted

Comic Details -

Type: Scar Match
Drawing Time: 1 week
Ended: Jan 15th, 2019
Votes Cast: 21
Page Views: 1277
Winner: Astrodile

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