One Day Child's Play / Kindervampen vs. Lucy

One Day Child's Play / Kindervampen vs. Lucy

One Day Child's Play — Kindervampen vs. Lucy

379 points
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Crit level: Open to any comments or critiques

407 points
Page 1

Crit level: No preference

Critiques & Comments
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Approval Committee
# 12   Posted: Dec 22 2018, 02:09 PM
DESI- You got some great visuals (love those expressions!) and tasty color choices, but I honestly don't know whats happening. Maybe that's par for the course when it comes to kids? They do ramble and lord knows my nephew makes 0 sense sometimes. But even so, for a comic narratively it doesnt work. The scene transition and order or actions don't seem to have a rhyme or reason. I feel you tried to go for one liners from the kids page to page, but the pay offs don't quite hit the mark.

FRED- You have such a knack for using off the wall colors in a way that makes them feel so natural. Like, I don't even notice they live in a lavender world and that should be weird. You make it acceptable and I dig that. This comic was short, sweet and the chuckle I expected for a 1 week comic.Definitely hope you do more of these. They seem to be fast becoming the amuse bouche of void!

# 11   Posted: Dec 21 2018, 11:33 AM
Fred, Desi! Love the quality of both these comics! Both your colors are used superbly!

# 10   Posted: Dec 20 2018, 11:39 AM
desi- your colors really stood out! Beautiful! Word bubbles tripped me up a little on first page though. Your style is evolving into something very promising, I love this! You could work on making your words a bit more clear to read though. Great job!

fred- the simplicity and space lets me breathe. Its a little short though.

# 9   Posted: Dec 20 2018, 09:38 AM
Honestly a big fan of both comics for different reasons.

Desi: your workethic continues to impress me and being able to deliver 3 fully colored pages in one day? Mad props. Your one of the few with those capabilities. Be damn proud about that. Also, for a one day comic, your panel composition and flow is coming along nicely, as is your backgrounds. All around a good job, especially since you did this in one day + another comic. Your an absolute madwoman.

Fred: I loe the colors, I love the feel of the comic. Its clean, the story is a cute effective story about the woes of the teacher/babysitter.

Approval Committee
# 8   Posted: Dec 17 2018, 08:29 PM
Desi: these 3 full colored pages in one day are crazy desi, really good job with them I also like the backgrounds, you did alot under such a short time span with them so good job. In terms of story I really enjoy all the characterization and dialogue, you're good at writing characters and did well with lucy without knowing anything about her beforehand. However In terms of pacing i would like to see more transitions between plot elements which will likely result in including less plot elements in the story, which is fine. I think it stems from you describing the events using "And then" when you describe events that way things will just go into one another and the reader will struggle to follow. There's a lot going on and when you quickly move from one event to the other without a proper bridge the reader gets stuck on the last thing and can't progress forward. For example I wasn't sure about the whole thing with secret identities confused me, I wasn't sure why they needed secret identity or what their new identities were. Before i could figure that out you then add the element of them just suddenly disappearing because of some reason I know you have an explanation for. However I couldn't appreciate the disappearance as much as you would like me to because i was still on the secret identity things. You have a lot of good ideas and interesting stuff I want to know more about, you should have some more faith in your ideas and take more time to individually explore them as well as work to bridge them together more smoothly. The pacing in the first page was pretty good as it mainly focused on the one thing of them going trick or treating and I like that and want to see more similar to that.

fred: This was a cute short story and I love the muted palette you had in this, how did you choose the colors for this? really good job for a one day comic, after following up the surprise comic you did.

Think Tank
# 7   Posted: Dec 17 2018, 12:18 PM
Wow, im gonna have to come back to this after i'm done with my battle, but I love both of these! ❤️❤️

Web Dev
# 6   Posted: Dec 17 2018, 11:08 AM
Spoiler: Desi • show
I just can't get over Aliv's dialogue; I can't wait to see more from him because his malapropisms and general lack of understanding how to use those big words he kinda knows cracks me up. I think the writing in this comic is really good, which is especially impressive for a one-day comic (although I think you're usually pretty fast at scripting, so it's no surprise you'd shine here). I love how you combined the sort of humor Fred's used with Lucy in the past and brought her and her family into your world. You made them your own, while also honoring their own style. I hope that makes sense. One thing I'd like to throw out there is to see if you can use fonts instead of hand lettering everything. Unless the program you're using just sucks at doing text, it'll probably be faster for you and easier to read, even if we lose the personality in your handwriting. It's not that hard to read as it is, but it's worth testing out imo. Regardless, I'm just astounded by your ability to knock out color comics like this so quickly, and it's great to see you both making more comics and enjoying these one-day challenges! You're doing awesome, and I can't wait for more!

Spoiler: Fred • show
I love how you ran with that line at the end of Kindervampen's intro, "They have been known to bite," and just multiplied it by 9000. The idea that the kids are just constantly biting is hilarious. Also, Lucy's kids are so cute, and I want to see more of them. I love all your color schemes, and this comic was no exception, but I would have liked to see contrast and value used to better differentiate between characters and backgrounds. Everything kind of blended together to a certain extent. That's really just a quibble, especially for a one day comic, but I felt like I had to critique something haha. Please do more of these, or at least just more comics in general!

Pepper JAQ
# 5   Posted: Dec 15 2018, 04:30 PM
Good stuff from both of you.

Fred v2.0.1
# 4   Posted: Dec 15 2018, 12:14 PM

Think Tank
# 3   Posted: Dec 14 2018, 11:21 PM
Finished and submitted. Good luck Fred on the final 13 hours!

Approval Committee
# 2   Posted: Dec 14 2018, 01:49 PM
O good luck both of you

Think Tank
# 1   Posted: Dec 14 2018, 12:48 PM
Let's do dis!

Comic Details -

Drawing Time: 1 week
Ended: Dec 21st, 2018
Votes Cast: 22
Page Views: 649
Winner: Fred v2.0.1

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