Ashlan vs. Akira Matzugi

Ashlan vs. Akira Matzugi

Ashlan vs. Akira Matzugi

371 points
Page 1Page 2Page 3Page 4Page 5Page 6

Crit level: Open to any comments or critiques

by Hellis

318 points
Page 1Page 2Page 3Page 4Page 5Page 6Page 7

Crit level: No preference

Critiques & Comments
Please register or log in to comment

# 9   Posted: Jan 3 2019, 01:08 AM
Also late and also thanks everyone for the comments! I will take the criticism to heart and continue grinding.

# 8   Posted: Jan 3 2019, 01:05 AM
I'm a bit late, but thanks so much to everyone for the comments! I enjoyed reading, and I'm happy with the feedback recieved with the style change here! Happy in the where were like, I do agree with you here Julz, there were definitely some dire elements in that were entirely missing in the name of minimalist look, and hopefully I can improve on that in the future! Thanks so much for your honesty <3 And thanks so much to everyone else as well, once again! (I appreciate the writing crit especially, writing this comic was a bit of a struggle haha)

# 7   Posted: Dec 30 2018, 06:39 PM
Astrodile- Despite how organic your style appears, this is a bit rough looking. It looks cool in a way, but it's not something I'm personally into. I understand that it's minimalist, but it's so wanting. I have a need for layers and dimension. Faces and characters are so out of focus I can't really cope with it. Maybe that's just my taste colliding with yours.

Hellis- I enjoy the friendship between these two! I feel like you could push the panic in the face of the date. I really appreciate the backgrounds, they are looking sharp :3 Its a little awkward the way Ashlan is looming over in panel 4 page 3.
Overall though, interesting relations being built, I liked it!

Corn Of The Breads
Think Tank
# 6   Posted: Dec 28 2018, 09:05 PM
I like that these two comics almost seem like two in a series a bit, I really would love to see more interactions between these two both comics look and read great! great job to both of you.

Approval Committee
# 5   Posted: Dec 27 2018, 10:59 AM
ASTRO- This minimal stark black and white is not only a delightful departure from your usual comic work, but such a breath of fresh air. I'm thrilled we're getting a peek at your diversity in style and hope to see more. Its clear you have a great sense for light source (obscure at it is in your exterior scenes), but once we get inside the club, its great to see that consistency in direction as well as enhancing the creeping dread in the convo between these two. I will admit that as abstract and cool as this style is, there were moments where we may be losing the scene and context for style. Like, you have black inks and a red fill for one flashback, and on page 6 I *think* you're showing off another flashback, but its red lines with a white fill. What am I looking at?

Also, not to get indecent, but can we give the biggest gold medal for bravery for that chick who let ash go down on her after *murdering* the dude she was with prior? Like damn girl, nothing brings down your libido XD

I love the way Ash talks. I'm so used to people writing characters conversing so properly, its nice to see someone just like "Whats popping?" Also PLOT. Ash is out! Turned Akira down. What happens next? where is she gonna go? Looking forward to finding out.

HELLIS- Your backgrounds and settings are definitely getting better. I see you with those dramatic angles, showing off that chain link fence ;D

I wish our resident voider/grindr date didnt get as much airtime in this comic as he did. The relationship of Ash and Akira has such potential, I wanted to see more interaction between them. I also don't think that color panel was all that necessary. There are ways to portray intensity with your inks and still get that heaviness across. As it stands, that single color panel in an all black and white comic seems out of place.

Also wow, Akira can outright eat his victims and not just the blood? How does that work? I thought vamps couldn't do solids? Still though, its neat to see these two bonding over no good dirty deeds- even if unfortunately that bonding wasn't explored IN comic.

# 4   Posted: Dec 26 2018, 07:36 AM
Astro- seriously cool style.  I occasionally had difficulty with figuring out what I was looking at but that may come from my unfamiliarity with the characters.  I was confused by the abrupt job offer to end the story as it was a sort of shift in character from the feared establishment owner.  Look forward to seeing more of your work, big fan.

Hellis, very creepy story.  Loved it.  The use of the VOIDR app cracked me up.  I would recommend experimenting with some new camera angles as most of your panels are straight on.  You can really up the interest in a panel with a birds eye or worms eye view or even a 3/4 view.  Use different views to help tell the story and guide the reader's eyes to where you want them to go.  Very solid finished product.  Well done.

Excellent showing from you both, nice job!

Approval Committee
# 3   Posted: Dec 24 2018, 11:13 PM
Astro: please teach me and walk me through how to make a comic in this style. I love the style with limited color and it's amazing. I have already told you about my crits which don't ultimately take much away from the goodness of this comic, Gutters and giving your panels more space. Just to talk about something else adding a bit of white space between certain rows would help give the panels proper space and make things more clear, in particular the borders where the colors change in the middle of the line could instead have used some space between since the two colored borders are a bit awkward.
A quick story thing I wasn't too sure how it turned into a job offer since it did still look like the other guy was alive, it feels like there is a dialogue bubble missing in the dialogue of either Ash or Akira bringing this to the job offer since the previous dialogue felt a bit too vague to imply that. Also the reading order on the top of page 6 was a little odd since while Akira's first bubble is higher it's so much further right the reader will likely still read Ash's bubble then look at the images then look at the next bubbles. You're already one of the strongest on the site and once your master the comicey parts like paneling will be even that much more amazing.

Hellis: as someone who is also learning about texture brushes i'm enjoying the way you use them in this comic. You're also doing great working improving at a really good rate. I really enjoy what you did in the bottom panel on Page 4. I liked the story, however I was slow and it took me multiple readings to realize who the people on page 7 were, i didn't piece together that Akira is getting multiple dates in the van till after reading a couple times. One last thing to say is i do like limiting the color to just the one panel though curious as to why the flags are also colored, they don't seem really important. Overall I like all the experimentation and look forward to more of it in your future comics.

# 2   Posted: Dec 22 2018, 07:43 PM
Submitted! This is definitely one of those battles that I was far from prepared for, so I do appreciate in the way that for once I did a battle that I never necessarily planned for beforehand? Thanks for letting me challenge ya', Hellis! I have some mixed feelings about my comic haha, but I DO hope it's decent nonetheless.

ALSO I GUESS there's ~IMPLIED COOCHIE EATING~ on page 2. I'm never gonna fucking draw a cooter in my life and I realize the drawbacks of having a dtf character is perhaps, one day, having to draw them going D for the F. Sorry momma'.

# 1   Posted: Dec 20 2018, 09:23 AM
we eatin'.

Comic Details -

Drawing Time: 1 week
Ended: Dec 30th, 2018
Votes Cast: 18
Page Views: 925
Winner: Astrodile

Add to Playlist -


Newest Comments -

Newest Characters -

Wren FalLucky LucyDeimos-96P9ZephyrClement's LamentNicolle CharkinsHathshaSir Meredith Archibald esq.Jerin HighvaleEriLuisTerry Shortstump

Open Challenges -

Random Comic -

Latest Topics -

COMIC COMPLETION REHAB || PyrasTerran's Boot Camp 
Last updated: TheCydork - Dec 04, 2019, 04:58 PM
SFW Body Pillow Jam 
Last updated: Dechado - Dec 04, 2019, 08:08 AM
All News, All The Time 
Last updated: Staff Bot - Dec 03, 2019, 05:01 PM
Secret Santa 2019 
Last updated: Dechado - Dec 01, 2019, 08:56 AM
*Gangs of New Void: New Official Gang Thread* 
Last updated: Radji - Dec 01, 2019, 03:10 AM

Latest Members -

Users online -

152 Guests, 2 Users


Most Online Today: 614.
Most Online Ever: 1,050 (Aug 30, 2015, 02:43 AM)


Original site Copyright 2002-2017 Kevin Birtcher All characters and content Copyright 2002-2017 their respective owners Theme by SMFTricks - Modified by Brittney Scott & Jordan Bobo
Website Security Test