Sunday One Day battle / Harlow Ironlocke vs. Niles Khairi

Sunday One Day battle / Harlow Ironlocke vs. Niles Khairi

Sunday One Day battle — Harlow Ironlocke vs. Niles Khairi

376 points
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Crit level: No preference

422 points
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Crit level: No preference

Critiques & Comments
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Global Moderator
# 12   Posted: Dec 22 2018, 01:13 PM
ARTS- You got some great potential for humor in here. A nice quippy tete a tete between Harlow and Niles heckling his speech that is a great set up for some tongue in cheek shenanigans. What falls flat for me is the art itself. The expressions on your characters are really wooden. So much so, the moments you've set up to be great payoffs where I should be laughing fall glad because there's minimal expression, gesture or body language going on panel to panel. Harlow's face remains pretty neutral throughout when he should be getting passionate, hitting the podium with a fist to punctuate his points, really selling this speech to the crowd with the way they're reacting.

The whole of your side deals with two stationary characters standing in one spot and talking. There are ways to make that dynamic, funny and fun with what you can achieve with expressions and action, but this didn't hit the mark for me.

ASTRO- Yooooo this got dark and I LOVE IT. Wow, wowee wow wow, Niles is actually acting like a literal monster and I am kinda lviing for this?? Granted, I feel this caliber of behavior is contextual (I got the impression from your opponents side Harlow burgled his place or something), but you don't need to backread to appreciate the sweet taste of payback. Moral of the story- DO NOT MESS WITH NILES.

I appreciate this experimentation streak you got going on trying traditional media it looks like and a variation on colors, but overall this may be a miss. While interesting, I don't think it properly sets the tone you're trying to set here and makes Niles actions more lighthearted. I only really get the weight of them once I get to the last page and those delicious heavy inks and shadows. I also wish you made the build up to the injection clearer. I had to read the dialogue to figure out what happened between those panels. Instead of the side view, a frontal shot with the syringe front and center in the foreground would've been clearer.

Community Manager
# 11   Posted: Dec 16 2018, 09:50 PM
Thanks for all the crits everyone, This battle was really good and got me out of an art funk since i now know what i can do when i work my most focused on a day of comics and that i can focus a whole day on comics when i need to. and glad I got to battle you astro.

Global Moderator
# 10   Posted: Dec 16 2018, 08:30 PM
I'm assuming that no one else is gonna leave a comment/crit here so in advance I JUST WANNA THANK Y'ALL FOR THE CRITS AND STUFF!! It's very helpful for future comics <3 I'm gonna close the curtains on Niles here and give the little dude some shuteye while I decide what to do with him in the future in relation to Void, but thanks so much for the battle Arts!
Big disclaimer here that Niles didn't kill Harlow in my half haha, the poor dudes just barfin' one out, this is a regular match not a deathmatch after all! :> Wouldn't wanna kill our possible to-be mayor after all.

# 9   Posted: Dec 13 2018, 06:22 AM
Artsandgoody: this kind of wcky situation is so void'ish  ^^  this kitty is gonna have a funny ride for the election

Astro: yessss give me more of that gratuitous violence I CRAVE IT

Think Tank
# 8   Posted: Dec 12 2018, 08:59 AM
I love these both for very different reasons.
@arts - i like the screentoning you used here. Its added a neat feel, and I like that you took the risk. That said, the middle page where the blending tool was used, somehow doesnt go well with the rest of the look. I would recommend looking into dithering to keep the softness from becoming too jarring. Fred is actually a good person to ask about that! I also love the "everyone love cats" approach here!

@astrodile - NIIIIIIIICE MOOD. Your pacing is great, but the markers are kind of messy. (which can happen. goodness knows im suffering with it right now too ; _ ; ) So, the colors on the second page seem like they are there just because? The third and first page seem to fit, but the second page is... Im not sure if some of the panels would be more effective if the color was used more sparingly? I think that will be an experiment for another time. Overall, I still love it. And I'm V E R Y c o n c e r n e d about this side of Niles.

# 7   Posted: Dec 10 2018, 08:47 PM
Wow, three pages from both! This is surprising /and/ impressive.

ArtsAndGoodies: I enjoy how you've incorporated Harlow's candidacy into your story here by having him address a crowd of citizens. This would have probably been tough to work into a longer comic so using it for this quickie was a good call! It gives a good idea of how Harlow interacts with the public, and your art looks pretty clean here! Backgrounds were of course few due to the crunch but I feel my main critique would be about Harlow's facial features. I feel his nose kind of slides around when you do angle changes, like the 3/4 shot on the first page. When doing your construction lines, it might help to make a ball for Harlow's head then a separate smaller ball for his muzzle. That way you only have to line up the nose on that smaller part of the construction lines rather than with the rest of the facial features. But I do enjoy your expressions and the sense of humor in this comic!

Astrodile: There's a lot of texture going on here that I really enjoy! Your crosshatching on the final page and in places like the shot of Harlow's eye look really nice, and I enjoy how solid the shapes of your characters are. The shapes you use add a lot to the poses and how clear it is what each character is doing. My main critique here would be about your use of colors. They work in some places, like the large panel on the first page, but in some places of others just make it look more unfinished. Since you've shown here you are good at utilizing heavy inks, I'd suggest in the future trying out using heavy shadows and more of your crosshatching to get these kinds of lighting effects if you aren't going to go full-color. It could make for some very dramatic looking shots with your style as you've shown with the final panel in this comic.

Nice going on both of these!

Community Manager
# 6   Posted: Dec 10 2018, 11:11 AM
the new blood have brought in a new age

# 5   Posted: Dec 10 2018, 09:54 AM
Holy crap, both of these are great! I love that you guys seem to have coordinated on the story here, because Arts’ side definitely left me wanting to see what Niles would do about the situation. And god damn, they sure did.

Arts, I kind of can’t believe you did this in one day. The quality here hardly seems to have suffered at all. The backgrounds are sparse throughout, but they do the job. I really love your shot choices and use of cutaways to show what Harlow is alluding to while addressing the crowd. I don’t know if it was an intentional character choice, or if the writing was just a little clunky, but I love that Harlow says, “Hello, crowd”. Wonderfully awkward. Overall, this comic just works. If you told me you did this on a one week deadline, I would believe it.

Astro, your art definitely looks understandably rushed, but is still clear enough to read. I love this scene, and I really love the ending. It’s nice to see a character taking some drastic action, and this is Harlow’s first real brush with consequences for his actions, and it’ll be interesting to see if this is a wake up call for him that hey, you can’t just get by on childish curiosity, this is Void City, and it will eat you alive.

I do feel like the colors were a bad choice. But on a one day deadline, you have to make a choice, and you did. For about the same amount of effort, I would have preferred to see elements of the panels just filled with either a cool color or grey, just to separate the planes.

Fantastic job on this one day comic, guys. I think collaborating on the story might be something people will want to consider for these one day fights, so the comics can be judged on quality and experimentation in the art, but both comics can stand regardless of which wins the battle.

Approval Committee
# 4   Posted: Dec 10 2018, 09:21 AM
Mad proud of both of you for putting your hard work to test and drawing two cohesive comics in a single day.

# 3   Posted: Dec 10 2018, 12:00 AM
The fire rises!

Community Manager
# 2   Posted: Dec 9 2018, 10:42 PM
submitted, it was fun to do and felt good to get a bunch done in one day. I hope it turned out good.

Global Moderator
# 1   Posted: Dec 9 2018, 10:26 PM
Submitted! I don't think I'm gonna change much else because I Need to Breathe and Eat, but this was fun to work on! Thanks for heeding my call, Arts!
Heads up I just did this with micron pens and crayola markers because I can, though I did some touchups digitally for reasons, either way I hope y'all enjoy [sweat emoji]

Comic Details -

Drawing Time: 1 week
Ended: Dec 16th, 2018
Votes Cast: 22
Page Views: 1150
Winner: Astrodile

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