Blades at the Bridge / Hellgrammite vs. Zoey

Blades at the Bridge / Hellgrammite vs. Zoey

Blades at the Bridge — Hellgrammite vs. Zoey

47.9%
281 points
Page 1Page 2Page 3Page 4Page 5Page 6

Crit level: No preference

by Pita

52.1%
306 points
Page 1Page 2Page 3Page 4Page 5Page 6Page 7Page 8Page 9Page 10

Crit level: Open to any comments or critiques



Critiques & Comments
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Kozispoon
Approval Committee
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1046 comments
# 12   Posted: Dec 22 2018, 02:21 PM
Congrats on the win Pita! :DD

YARNWITCH- I love love your use of this type of toothy paper and watercolor. At least I think its watercolor. I think it really adds to the otherwordly, afterlife haze of an environment you're working with. Your dialogue type and font is kinda all over the place, but the digital font you chose to pair with the bridge is perfect. I literally went "oooh" when I got to that page. Crisp clean font with loosey goosey stylistic art I think is a great pairing and looks better than the stuff you sharpied in.

I'll admit I'm not too familiar with this character, but you did a good job establishing a purpose and personality in so few pages. Its a nice build up of tension before we head onto pita's side.

PITA- You're branching out with those camera angles and I am loving it. You're definitely utilizing the setting of this bridge to experiment with depth and mood especially when the bridge snaps and that's really cool.

I feel there was a missed opportunity with your opponent stretching out into their centipede-ish form. You could've carried that across the page, had her rip out of the panel and skittering to the next in order to get under the bridge to show her stretching out and ripping through the clothes. Its ghoulish moment, but it feels so muted as is. Also the bridge fall. Their world has been jostled, turned upsdie down. The ropes bleeding past the panels or the bridge even dragging across the page would've been coo land conveyed that unhinged feeling. Go nuts with it! Still ,the last page leaves me itching for more. What happens???? :DDD

ArtsandGoodies
Approval Committee
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273 comments
# 11   Posted: Dec 17 2018, 07:41 PM
Yarn: I really enjoy the color pallet in this so it's a shame the markers were unruly and it got out of control. I also enjoy the characterization done for Hellgrammite in this. My favorite thing about this is the lettering and while it does sometimes get cut off in panels I love the way it looks and want to see it more in your future comics.

Pita: I really like the grayscale in this comic, It looks really well done and your choices for how to gray-scale it and I kind of wanna know how you did it. In terms of backgrounds i didn't really mind, this was taking place over a cavern on a bridge so there's not much background needed for this. You could have put some texture on the bridge but honestly something as simple as a screentone may have worked for the bridge. Also your story has been really good and I really enjoy your ambition for this story and look forward to seeing you move forward with this.

Julz
Artist
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371 comments
# 10   Posted: Dec 14 2018, 03:18 PM
Yarn- Man the lineart looks so rushed, if you're going to do traditional, spend more time making sure the quality matches. I love the bold style of writing though, it's very clear and easy to read and follow.  Colors bleed across lines alot, I don't know it this was intentional. Page 6 first panel would have been a good place for some color to elicit an feeling of urgency. Zoey consistently looks cute, awesome work, traditional is a pain!

Pita- No colors? T_T
Seconding the comment about lack of BGs, it really could have used some (even half assed) boulders or rocks jutting out hither and tither. Movement feels natural, Hel's face is very nicely done, I would have liked to see more detail put into Hel's buggo form, to make her look more like an actual segmented buggo. I love page 8, panel 1. Very spook, good shot. Last panel of pg8 is a tad lacking though, with inconsistent line widths and lazy backgrounding. The bridge looks like a piece of paper, it is much too flat. Especially pg9 past panel, that is a close up. Give it a little more love! I love all those rolling poses of Zoey on the last page, nice work!!
I'm excited to see where this goes now that Zoey's taken one step forward and a whole jump and a skip backwards. I just want her to succeed!!

Pita
Think Tank
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178 comments
# 9   Posted: Dec 13 2018, 07:53 AM
Bobo:

@pita: omg the way you wrote Hellgrammite created such a perfect villain for Zoey to face.
Quote
I can't take full credit for her dialog.  Yarn did a good job conveying the anger Hellgrammite has, I adapted and reworded some of it to fit the story beats well.
So half of that praise has to go to her, too.

I'm saying this now so y'all can make more informed votes, and I apologize for the misunderstanding in my earlier comments.  They've been expanded upon for clarity.

Radji
Artist
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527 comments
# 8   Posted: Dec 13 2018, 06:19 AM
my hype for this story goes up each time a new chapter appears. Also, always loved when the artists tell both a part of the same story

Yarn: I see what you tried. But when using watercolor you MUST have solid ink on paper. Otherwise they will appears too thin.
Pita: maybe could use more sounds effects in key cases

Bobo
Web Dev
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894 comments
# 7   Posted: Dec 12 2018, 10:34 PM
These were amazing, you guys! I don't have time for an in-depth critique right now, but let me sum up what I think are important factors:

@yarn: your tools betrayed you! You have a lovely art style, and the inks themselves show a gifted hand. You pay attention to details like hand gestures and body language that add so much to any comic. The bridge itself turned out nice, but it's clear you just didn't know how to use your watercolor markers when you made this, and that's too bad. I would also make sure to leave some bleed room on the edges of your pages, and if you're already doing that, leave MORE room. Text gets cut off or just feels cramped, and that can easily be avoided with a quarter inch or so of space outside of any text or important details. The backgrounds also generally felt blank, but I think a lot of that might just be that your watercolor markers bled so much that whatever forms you were attempting to create in your backgrounds were indistinguishable. That said, I think some more defining details such as characters or rock formations could help your backgrounds feel more complete. On a very positive note, I haven't read most of Clash of the Chitin, so it means a lot when I say that this comic alone made me love Hellgrammite! Hopefully we'll get to see more of her in the future!

@pita: omg the way you wrote Hellgrammite created such a perfect villain for Zoey to face. Her aggression, combined with her hatred towards figments (which if I'm understanding correctly, Zoey doesn't fully understand what she is?) complement Zoey's quiet but determined optimism so perfectly! It's good to see Zoey both refusing to fight and then being willing to fight when she had no other choice. I'm dying to see the next chapter in her story omg. I think in the absence of color or shading, line width or spot blacks would have made a big difference in defining your characters' shape, especially in some of the more busy/complicated bits like Hellgrammite's face, which has a lot of curves and points that aren't naturally easy to read and need a little extra help to make it clear what's going on with her face haha. But seriously, this was wonderful and made me happy!

Pita
Think Tank
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178 comments
# 6   Posted: Dec 12 2018, 11:22 AM
One last thing--
Ignore the purple on the bridge.  I'm aware of it, I know how to fix that in the future.  I tried to shortcut on color blocking and this clearly shows that I tried something I don't fully grasp at this time.

yarnwitch
Think Tank
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277 comments
# 5   Posted: Dec 12 2018, 12:02 AM
Uploaded my half (hopefully the site didnt eat it)

mostly what i have to say about mine is... I am angry at the concept that is watercolor markers.They are crap, do not buy them. I was happy to work on this though!

Pita
Think Tank
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178 comments
# 4   Posted: Dec 11 2018, 09:02 PM
Uploaded my half of the story/match.  A couple things you need to know when going into this, since at this time The Pale Horse has yet to be completed.

- Dolly is gone.  Zoey's alone for this leg of the journey, folks.
- We learn that the thing in the Chasm, according to The Pale Horse, is some sort of beast unable to escape the Underground for whatever reason, and not everyone is able to cross to the Surface.

I'm really proud of this action sequence.  Coloring is messy, I already know this.  This is what happens when I wait til the final day to do that.  But this is it!

Zoey will come back January-ish, permitting Camel's availability.  Fingers crossed that Sabu and I will get The Pale Horse done, so you'll know what happened there.

Desichan
Think Tank
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181 comments
# 3   Posted: Oct 31 2018, 10:32 AM
Oooooo

Pita
Think Tank
icon
178 comments
# 2   Posted: Oct 30 2018, 08:35 AM
As per Yarn's request, this match-up will be the same format as how I fought Jackster and Pyras last year.
It will be one story, but we will both be working on one half.  Yarn and I wrote the script together and divided it at the midpoint.

      Edited Dec 13 2018,  07:48 AM by Pita

yarnwitch
Think Tank
icon
277 comments
# 1   Posted: Oct 30 2018, 07:39 AM
Its gonna be great to bring hellgrammite back out! Thank you for this opportunity, PITA!

Comic Details -

 
Drawing Time: 5 weeks
Ended: Dec 18th, 2018
Votes Cast: 15
Page Views: 874
Winner: Pita
 

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