Sumiko Nakatomi vs. Harlow Ironlocke

Sumiko Nakatomi vs. Harlow Ironlocke

Sumiko Nakatomi vs. Harlow Ironlocke

304 points
Page 1Page 2Page 3Page 4

Crit level: No preference

282 points
Page 1Page 2Page 3Page 4

Crit level: No preference

Critiques & Comments
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Approval Committee
# 9   Posted: Sep 4 2018, 06:55 PM
Thanks for all the crits, i'm super happy with how much I was able to do thanks to Heathen mentoring me and surprised by how much i can do in 1 week and looking forward to getting better. also corn is pretty awesome for letting me use M3W and it will be a good setting for future Harlow comics.

Yarn you did a super awesome surreal comic and I really enjoy how you went about this scenario and you did a good job with the small time you had.

The Bent One
# 8   Posted: Aug 31 2018, 02:34 AM
Yarnwitch: I’m always interested in silent comics. Telling a story purely with visuals isn’t easy, but I think you did a good job here with a surrealist (?) comic. I love that bottom panel on Page 1, it really captures the massive atmospheric scale. I think you could have pushed that aspect of the comic further, focusing more on Sumiko’s hunting in this strange land with the titan that moves in the sky. I’m really not sure what happened at the end. Is that a chalkboard with a mouth that eats her? It’s feels very random and I’m not sure it works with the overall tone you started the comic with. I’m also assuming this was done traditionally. If you continue with a style like this in the future, I’d love to see more variations in line weight.

Arts: I think your writing is the strongest part of this comic. Both characters are distinct and have a role to play in the story, and you have the cat thru-line as motivation for Sumiko attacking Harlow at the end. It told a complete story and wrapped itself up well. For the art, I would recommend that you start varying your shot composition and depth of field. Most of these panels are mid range shots. If you zoom in more for reactions or important details or pull back to let the backgrounds breath, your pages become much more dynamic and you can control the flow of the panels more. It’s always tempting to just draw everything at a comfortable size to get things drawn faster, but it doesn’t always work in this medium. Also, super dark panels like this can be improved by showing highlights in the interior of the scene from the light source.

# 7   Posted: Aug 30 2018, 10:15 PM
Yarn:  That close-up of Harlow flossing his teeth shall forever haunt me...

Arts:  I really loved that ending.

Think Tank
# 6   Posted: Aug 30 2018, 01:48 PM
Your art is is really really good, but my issue with this comic is the fact I have no clue what's going on, at all really. I love all the details you put in this comic, more than anything I'm obsessed with the way you draw your opponent's character, however... I can't for the life of me figure out what's supposed to be happening here? That aside I know how stressful stuff has been so I'mma leave things at that, with an added, I'm really proud of you for finishing your comic.

I know I heard you say how much you like that sketchy-ish thing you're doing, but I'm sorry to say it really really doesn't work. It's making your art feel very messy and cluttered, as though you just scribbled random lines everywhere. It lowers the comprehension of what's going on quite a bit, and it doesn't look to have any purpose. At times it seems to add a bit of value, which makes some things look brighter, and others darker, but there are much better ways to create value. If you want to keep doing things like this, I highly recommend putting more thought into every line. Currently it looks like a lot of zig zags and it doesn't add to the form, it makes it look a bit like you forgot to erase a lot of stuff. I'm not 100% sure what you're going for with this, but examine what inspired you to make this decision, and try to see how they make it work. Look for a sense of form to it, or something that makes it fit. One thing I personally would suggest is not doing lines like that covering the entirety of the character, and closely follow the form of the character where you do put them. If you'd like an example of what I mean by that, let me know.

All in all though I am super proud of you for going four pages, this just proves how much you're capable of and yeah, I'm proud of ya friend. Your art is getting better and so are some of your poses! You proportions are still a bit off, and people still seem a bit stiff but overall they still are improving and I know you'll get there! Good job friend!

# 5   Posted: Aug 29 2018, 01:56 PM
Arts, you continue to improve artistically and I'm glad to see you still going hard at it. especially when you were struggling to make a 4 page comic in 4 weeks not that long ago. I'm wondering if this move to the old factory is going to be a permanent change and what kind of opportunities that might open up. I agree with Astro about the shading. the sketchy lines make this look more messy than anything. I also agree that the action lines could have been simplified. as it is they seem more like another element of the space.

Yarn: once again making effective use of the watercolor medium. I will say tat this comic confused me. it just ffel kinda surreal with Sumiko seemingly being shrunken down and then being eaten by a carpet, that second point I wasn't able to decipher until I read Astro mention it in their comment. I feel like I'm missing some context here

# 4   Posted: Aug 29 2018, 12:54 PM
I'm super proud of y'all for doing what you could during this 1-weeker, it's certainly more then I expected and that's great!

Yarn: I love this comic! You wanted to experiment from what I presumed in your trainee application, yes? And certainly, the writing in this story feels like that was utilized. Your traditional is gorgeous and honestly, of the few traditional artists I have seen here on Void you're certainly a favorite.
However, in terms of visuals, the major problem I had with it was that I didn't actually know what was going on in the final page, because I could hardly see the carpets face in the 2nd and 4th panels I was ultimately confused by the visual in the 3rd. If the lineart could've been just a bit more thicker on those faces, then it would've been fine.

Arts: 4 pages dude!!! Great job yo, and great job to Heathen as well for helping you get this far. Your anatomy and facial expressions are definitely improving, and even if there was a lack of background due to them being in a dark warehouse, the lighting of the objects and the characters in each given panel fills up the empty space for me. However, this sorta scribbly shading that you're using on said characters and objects feels very...Sketchy, unfinished, I suggest you try crosshatching for the shading, cell shading, or even just have this comic be black & white and only that, so that they look much more cleaner. The action lines in the bottom 2 panel of page three could have been simplified to a few white lines as well, rather then a large clutter of black and white strokes.

All in all, great stuff you two <3

Approval Committee
# 3   Posted: Aug 27 2018, 05:24 PM
Yarn I love the painterly stlye you did for this and the cool story you did.
Also I'm honestly super happy with what I was able to do in this time span, I was super scared doing a 1 weeker but thanks to Heathen mentoring me I was able to do double of what i was originally going into to this expecting to do, which is  small for most people on the site but it's a lot for me and I'm happy I was able to do what I did in this 1 week.

Think Tank
# 2   Posted: Aug 27 2018, 08:19 AM
Oooommmgggg i love the sketchy style you've got going on here, arts! Its so moody! thank you for being a good sport about everything, and thank you for putting up with me during these times.

# 1   Posted: Aug 27 2018, 06:59 AM
Yarn: The fact that you managed to turn anything out with all the irl stuff going on is a testament to your dedication.

Comic Details -

Drawing Time: 2 weeks
Ended: Sep 3rd, 2018
Votes Cast: 16
Page Views: 844
Winner: yarnwitch

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