Intro Story / The Abominable Dr. Hoang

Intro Story / The Abominable Dr. Hoang

Intro Story — The Abominable Dr. Hoang

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Crit level: No preference
tags: archeology, hoang, origin, rocks, some nice kids outside, torralba, yvonne

Critiques & Comments
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Happy May 29th! -Reecer6
# 9   Posted: Jul 28 2018, 11:39 PM
man, and here i was thinking this was my most artistic, most intentful intro comic i have ever put onto this site...

right, yeah, there's definite clarity issues, which for the most part might have been mitigated if i just remembered you would be going into this comic not actually knowing yvonne's first name is yvonne because it isn't in her character title, and then also make her actually reach for the idol in page 2. buuuut there really is just a lot i'm trying to communicate in 4 pages here! i'm certain her character will be more elucidated over her future comics, but for the time being you can always just do some guessing and improvising!

although there's one PARTICULAR criticism of heathen's i really have to point out: dude, just because you expected her apartment to look a certain way doesn't mean it has to look that way. that's just not how yvonne keeps her house! she keeps a healthy separation between her work life and home life, and doesn't really go on big major indiana jones expeditions anymore anyway. plus, there's literally two shots of it in this comic, both being very vague and restrictive, you extrapolated a heck of a lot from them.


Community Manager
# 8   Posted: Jul 28 2018, 07:58 AM
I read this pretty easily, but I had read the bio first before i read the pages as I often do; there are things about the monster design i like, but some of the features are so alien that it bizarrely stretches some credibility to me if the artifacts that affected her were in fact terrestrial

just minor personal nitpicks tho, let's see some comics now!

Think Tank
# 7   Posted: Jul 25 2018, 06:41 PM

I love her design, tho I do agree with the critiques mentioned in prior comics! Regardless well done I still enjoyed this comic, and I mean I personally did not see this secret intro coming!! CONGRATS!

# 6   Posted: Jul 25 2018, 06:11 PM
My first impression was that I had no idea what was going on in this comic, I mean I get that it was an origin story but I don't think it was communicated very well.  Specifically the moment that the artifact effected the glove, I thought the guy's hand was being torn apart, and then in the next panel his hand his fine.  The dialogue, I suppose fills in the gap but I feel like it should be better communicated visually.  Perhaps an extra panel or him ripping the glove off so it transforms without the confusion.  But htat's just me.

Global Moderator
# 5   Posted: Jul 22 2018, 12:04 PM
I also agree with Heathen's words, alot of what's shown here is not a visual introductory to Yvonne all that much, especially her personality. The backstory is established, but I feel like there's very little to grasp and tell from the comic about how she interacts with others, as well as what her personality even is, despite the fact that in her profile you emphasize an entire paragraph about how she acts now ever since this transformation. If anything, this feels more like a story about Torralba's workplace experience then it does about Yvonne.

Visually, I gotta say, I think you forgot to draw Yvonne's tail in the fifth panel of page three. You've definitely come far with color schemes and backgrounds, but there's a certain stiffness with these poses that prevent the emotion that characters are portraying from properly being orchestrated. An example of this would be how the fifth panel in Pg2 and the third page in Pg4 Torralba does what's essentially the same pose, which removes me from understanding that they're "Shocked" in one and "Awkward" in another to something much more lack luster.

REGARDLESS, congrats on getting Yvonne in! Looking forward to more stuff with her : D

# 4   Posted: Jul 21 2018, 02:41 PM
I can see that. Actually, reading it again, the first person perspective we start in isn’t Hoang’s at all, it’s the other woman’s. Yeah, I dunno, I really would have liked to see some narration from one of these characters. At the very least, she should have referred to the unseen character as Dr. Hoang. It isn’t ideal, but it would have cleared up a lot of the uncertainty.

Not to come off totally negative, the comic is generally well drawn, particularly the shot of the rubble illuminated by the flashlights, and the establishing shot of the apartment building. The only panel that stood out as bad is where the woman hands the figurine behind her, the arm position and perspective is totally wrong. Be sure to use pose reference when doing those kinds of tricky poses.

# 3   Posted: Jul 21 2018, 01:43 PM
I agree with a lot of what heathen said, but I don't think the story was that hard to follow and i actually really liked that we didn't get to see dr hoang's face as a human. There is something about never seeing her as human that makes a very real gab between how she looked before the curse and now. Makes it seem distant and unattainable, almost forgotten. Which I think is pretty neat.

# 2   Posted: Jul 21 2018, 11:08 AM
When you make an intro comic, it should, in some way, whether through dialog, captions, or details drawn into the panels, communicate the information that is in the character's bio. In this regard, I feel the comic fails.

By starting in a first person perspective, we have no idea who we are supposed to be. The only character whose face we see must be our main character, so when she hands the statue to an off-panel hand, it's assumed the hand belongs to an extra. These two characters refer to each other by names that aren't Dr. Hoang, so we have no reason to believe either of these characters is the titular one.

Then a transformation happens, which is understood, but it would have been much more effective to use striking silhouettes to hint at the creature's monstrous form. But in this comic, considering it makes a drastic tonal shift between pages 2 and 3, going from horror to comedy, it might just have been best to clearly show the character transforming into a monster. Either way, you need to show us who we're supposed to be relating to. If you must go first person, you gotta do narration to put us in the character's head. Or you need to have us pass by a mirror to catch a glimpse of our own face. Gotta give us something to connect to.

So then 26 years pass, and this character whose odd name I've forgotten hasn't aged a day, but that's fine, she has a distinct hair style, I understand who it is. The problem comes when the apartment door opens. First, why is a now renowned metaphysical archaeologist, who is a giant monster, no less, living and working out of a dinky apartment above a store? I'm not saying she can't, but there's a story there, and we get none of it here. Then there's the interior itself. After 26 years of what I can only assume are the wackiest adventures of Indiana Jones, this thing's apartment should be a museum. There should be weird junk all over the place. Just knocking on the door should get you half a dozen curses. There should be ghosts howling in jars and salt circles and old tomes stacked to the ceiling and notes strewn over every surface. But no, it's just Joey and Chandler's apartment from Friends. Where'd those 26 years go? The apartment was the place to show us what this thing is all about with a single background illustration.

Finally, we've got this odd exchange where the monster, who it seems can speak normally, then says 'Thanks' like it's learning how to make human sounds. Since we've been given no reference up to this point as to who this character is or was, or what their personality is supposed to be, I have no idea if that was supposed to be sarcastic, or spiteful, or like a creepy guttural hiss? And why does the lady just take it with a smile? Is she emotionless? Is she somehow a slave to the creature's will? Nothing is explained.

# 1   Posted: Jul 21 2018, 10:30 AM
hmmm I would have liked to know what she looked like pre transformation, but I suppose that may be a reveal for another day :3
Grats on the approval! Great colors by the way, keep it up!

Comic Details -

Ended: Jul 28th, 2018
Votes Cast: 18
Page Views: 793

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