Discharge vs. Ma

Discharge vs. Ma

Discharge vs. Ma

by Pockets

338 points
Page 1Page 2Page 3Page 4

Crit level: No preference

407 points
Page 1Page 2Page 3Page 4Page 5Page 6Page 7Page 8Page 9Page 10Page 11Page 12Page 13Page 14Page 15

Crit level: No preference

Critiques & Comments
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Corn Of The Breads
Think Tank
# 12   Posted: Jul 3 2018, 07:02 AM
Thank you to everyone who took the time to comment.

Pockets I really enjoyed your side of the battle I like the ideas there and how straightforward it was I really admire your ability to tell a fun story in a few pages keep up the great work and thank you for the fun character and battle!

# 11   Posted: Jul 2 2018, 11:13 PM
Pockets: Not much I can say that hasn't already been said. I do like that you used Ma to give Discharge something to think about but it would have felt more intense if you had given the dialogue at the bottom of page 2 more than just one panel. That way, maybe we could have seen Discharge's emotions changing as he starts to hesitate.

Corn: I like the story you have going! You had my full attention for the beginning and the ending but the fight scene in the middle was hard to get thru. I think it was the colors and the lack of backgrounds so I wasn't sure what was going on. Page 13 was my favorite page. Just found that bottom panel super cool lol

Think Tank
# 10   Posted: Jul 2 2018, 07:35 PM
Neat art on both sides, albeit I will say I'm not a fan of either story. I feel that Pockets comic was a bit unnecessarily confusing with a lot of things.

On the other end Corn's comic I didn't care for specifically albeit the text on the end was great. Either way I think you both did quite well on art, just the stories were lacking from my perspective.

I am super happy tho to finally see more of both these charas, I've super missed Ma, and haven't had a chance to see much Discharge at all since joining!

Approval Committee
# 9   Posted: Jul 1 2018, 10:53 PM
Pockets: overall the story and idea was fine it was just missing a couple visual elements. In the dialouge you did hint that there was another person there but you may have also wanted to hint at them also and I think a good panel to silhouette the 3rd person was when Ma was looking at that thing saying disappointing, that panel I also wasn't sure what was going on there. Also it seems like you missed an effect on the final page showing Discharge's attack. another thing with your visual storytelling is to work on different shots, like on page two Ma and discharge are relatively the same height yet Ma is slowly getting more in control so you could have shown that by putting the perspective of discharge lower and underneath Ma in more dramatic angles. The written part of your story was fine and a good story with good dialogue for the characters just gotta up the visual parts of your storytelling.

Corn: 15 pages in 2 weeks is really impressive, though a grayscaley with yellow for like the charges may have been a little more easy on the eyes, still really crazy how much you produced. writing wise it's a little odd in retrospect how Ma would have all this preparation for a science fair of what looks to be either college or high school grade. other than that this was a really good story and I liked how you did both characters and how controlling a presence Ma can be.

Global Moderator
# 8   Posted: Jun 30 2018, 02:55 PM
Pockets: I get the feeling you may have forgotten to draw the lightning effects on the last page ^^; because i was really confused for a minute what the heck happened until i read it again. You may have needed to set that up a little better, maybe on the last panel show more of the surroundings (maybe slightly higher camera) to show ma isnt there. the backgrounds in general are pretty lacking, the factory in the first page had a good shape but otherwise the lines were too thick and it was just a brown gradient, so maybe thats a step to work on. But i liked the psychological thriller aspect!
Corn: The yellow instead of backgrounds started getting a little hard on my eyes after a while... robot was cool though! hit sparks or sound effects may have sold the action scenes a little more, speedlines maybe, as the robot hitting the wall felt sort of like a tap. I did like seeing Ma broken at the end there with his scattered robot parts. Fun writing, good to see Ma back in action doin stuff!

I really liked that both of these were about Ma interrogating Discharge on his true reasons for wanting to be a superhero and making him question himself

Community Manager
# 7   Posted: Jun 27 2018, 04:45 PM
I'm glad to see you doing comics Pockets and I'm glad you joined in on the roulette.  I'm a little confused as to the sequence of events on the last page.  I think you need to work on showing us a little more there.  Did he confuse a bystander for Ma and zap that dude to death?  Either way please continue to make more comics.

Thank you Secret Boss for living up to your title.  This was a real beast mode in two weeks.  I'm not super fond of the yellow palettes which I'm sure were done to conserve time.  But overall a fun story.

# 6   Posted: Jun 26 2018, 07:24 PM
First, @CORN- I loved this, like no joke, really enjoyed this, you wrote Discharge perfectly. I hope we can battle again later in the future

@YARNWITCH - thanks for liking my boi, about the text, no excuse, I was going back and forth on fonts and i should have been paying attention better. This story does seem like its missing some pieces, maybe there is a beyond battle in the near future to fill in the pieces...also i suck storytelling-wise so that might be why you are confused lol

@PITA - thanks for liking my comic, wish i was better. also same as above ^^^

thanks to everyone reading these comics, Ill try to do better :D

Think Tank
# 5   Posted: Jun 26 2018, 06:51 PM
That moment when you steal a kid's science project and get wrecked to the point that you gotta text your alien girlfriend to come pick you up.

Alternatively, that moment when a souped-up man messes with your psyche to the point where you're not sure if he was there or not.  And you killed a guy.

I liked both of these!

Think Tank
# 4   Posted: Jun 26 2018, 12:44 PM
So! I really like this for a few reasons!

@CORN - THIS IS SUCH A FRESH TAKE FOR MA. I really appreciate that you did something different with him, and I definitely appreciate that he's getting more aggressive with his villainy. Your story read well for me and I enjoyed it a lot. I do wish the coloring was a little more consistent, but I also cannot tell if that was intentionally done for mood, or if it was not done due to time. I'm not great at colors, so take it with a grain of salt.

@POCKETS - I REEEEAALLLY like discharge, so I'm glad to see a comic with him! YAY! I am, however, a bit unclear at what happened? Where did that dead guy at the end come from? Was Ma ever there at all? I feel like I'm supposed to assume something, but I don't really know what it is. This might be because I am personally pretty dense. so please feel free to ignore this.
The text change on page 2 for Ma is a little jarring too, it goes from regular comic font to the specialized spaghettio font. Thats mostly a nitpick though, I would have appreciated some consistency there.
I really love how you do dramatic lighting in your comics! Let us see more of the boy!!!!

# 3   Posted: Jun 11 2018, 05:06 PM
I am both frightened and excited
 Lets see how this goes :D

Community Manager
# 2   Posted: Jun 11 2018, 04:07 PM
Pockets unlocked the Secret Boss mwuahahaha

Global Moderator
# 1   Posted: Jun 11 2018, 01:40 PM
ayyyy so thats who the mystery combatant was! this will be awesome!

Comic Details -

Drawing Time: 2 weeks
Ended: Jul 2nd, 2018
Votes Cast: 22
Page Views: 795
Winner: Corn Of The Breads

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