Invyn & Jasper vs. Talon

Invyn & Jasper vs. Talon

Invyn & Jasper vs. Talon

Icon for Invyn & Jasper50.7%
537 points
Page 1Page 2Page 3

Crit level: No preference


by Badger

Icon for Talon49.3%
522 points
Page 1Page 2Page 3Page 4

Crit level: No preference




Critiques & Comments
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zee
Artist
131 comments
# 12   Posted: Jan 25 2018, 08:49 PM
Reecer - Love this setting and interaction! Very amusing comic overall.
Also want to say (not just in this comic but) your coloring/ shading is getting noticeably more dynamic all the time and that's AWESOME.

DragonPenguin - Your inks and colors are already suuuuper nice, I really enjoy your art style. Keep it up!  
Next time maybe try to vary up the angles and poses, especially when there's a lot of talking going on. I think that's the only thing really hurting this comic.

Fantastic job both of you! Can't wait to see what goes on between these two (or three, rather) characters!

Evi
Artist
110 comments
# 11   Posted: Jan 25 2018, 07:47 PM
Reecer: Short but entertaining! While you still have things you could work on as others have already pointed out, I'm glad to see you slowly improving on them with each comic.
Page 2 panel 8 really threw me off because it felt like Talon suddenly teleported to the other side haha. I suggest an in-between panel where it eases into the other angle next time so it doesn't break the 180 rule.

Dragonpenguin: Love your style linework, I especially like how you drew Invyn! I assume there wasn't enough time for additional shading due to the one week deadline, but overall it doesn't feel incomplete. I agree with the colour pallete suggestions; there's good potential with that to add to the atmosphere. I suggest looking at colour schemes you like and start experimenting to get some ideas.

Great work from both of you!!

Mister Kent
Artist
951 comments
# 10   Posted: Jan 25 2018, 07:20 PM
Reecer - Great work on the backgrounds and general sense of environment, including the shading/lighting--well done! I think there is some work to be done with the anatomy but you've shown great progress so far. Keep it up! :D

Dragonpenguin - You have really great vibrant colors, which I enjoyed. Also, your scene composition was great. The plot could've used some tightening up, but I am eager to read more form you. Also, the facial expressions were priceless! :D

Hellis
Artist
255 comments
# 9   Posted: Jan 24 2018, 03:52 PM
Reecer: you are making headway dude. But, I you have some hurdles to get trough. While your anatomy is improving, a lot of your faces feel very flat. ITs actually the one thing that I notice the most when it the art. Part of this comes from the way you shade under the chin/around the neck. ANother part I think is because it feels like you don''t give them a skull.  I suggest sitting down and drawing actual skulls, it gives a quick and easy reference to shape of heads.

Writing wise, it was a pretty amusing and decent read. The death magic joke was good, but it was a bit unclear. I think you could have showed a bit more of the dead guy in the second panel, like a hand reaching up from off screen.


Talon:

I love your style and your art. And you draw the two magic boys so well. BUt the story felt lacking, it was such a "ok bye" scenario that I didn't really get much out of it.


Bobo
Web Dev
972 comments
# 8   Posted: Jan 22 2018, 09:01 AM
@Reecer: I love the story between the lines in your comic. This backstory of Invyn writing books, but not being successful as an author; Talon's obsession with necromancy, despite having access to other forms of magic; and this idea that Jasper is just killing people all the time and Invyn keeps bringing them back to life are all great details that add to the world you've created for them. I think my biggest critique for this would be to lighten up some of your shadows. I noticed it mostly on Talon's skin, which had a huge contrast between the light and dark tones. Otherwise, I'd just generally say that your art and writing are both improving a lot, so keep it up! I look forward to more Invyn and Jasper comics!

@dragon: Your art was pretty solid here. I loved the tones you used on the first page, and the overall use of cool tones throughout. I do think that your forest could benefit from a bit of desaturation, while adding some blue highlights to the characters in the forest would make them feel much more real. As for your writing, I think your humor with I+J was spot-on! I think the overall plot felt a little rushed, and left a few questions unanswered for me. How did Talon just happen to find that circle? Wouldn't I+J have worried about Talon reporting them? Invyn never told Talon where to find him, and it wasn't clear to me whether Talon already knew where to find him or whether that's just a plot point you left out. I also think your last panel could have benefitted from making up an actual fake TV show instead of just referring to it as "that TV show," but that's the kind of detail I'm never quite sure whether it'll add to the story or just add confusion haha. Anyway, I really love your art and how you drew Invyn in your style. Looking forward to more!

Radji
Artist
553 comments
# 7   Posted: Jan 20 2018, 03:30 PM
same story but different telling seems to be a gimmick on Void

Badger: Talon's akwardness just make me want to squish his cheeks. your art is very high part but your writting skills are still a bit basic. The story was good admitadly, but it is very linear and somewhat classy. But seeing as your are still a rookie, room for improvement here !

Reecer: once again, you have the superior writting skills. I busted a gut reading this story ^^ but maybe next time more pages less panels ?

Shen
Artist
1322 comments
# 6   Posted: Jan 19 2018, 08:55 PM
well no matter who wins, Talon has a new teacher, and now I'm going to headcanon until i can fight you both that Lily is going to tag along now and again with Talon senpai to study with Invyn sensei hahahahahaaaaa

reecer: Great layout! Love the diverse angles and the characters interacting with their environments. Your BGs are levelling up and your gesture and expression are coming along really well too. I'd start considering now ink and paint. the brush strokes sometimes feel kinda rushed and messy- Im thinkin Invyn's eyes on the last page. The palette is kinda dull though you may have gone "hard mode" by setting it in a library and frankly I dont know how I would have coloured it either. But the light and shadow on the characters... The strokes feel a bit slap-dash and the colours a bit too black and white. Experiment more with cmore saturated colurs for the light and shadow to see how it affects your atmosphere. have you tried spotblacks? i dont recall. I think those would do well for an Invyn&Jasper comic sometime. As for the story, I like a lot of it and I love your humor but I felt like it ended a bit abruptly. I'm being a bit harsh today because I feel like you're getting seriously good enough that its time to take crits to the Next Level. Youre doing great!

badger: Love the palette! But for as beautiful as the nighttime colours are on the background, you don't quite utilize it on the characters. Talon's skin still looks sort of bright and day time-y. I also think you could have pushed the environmental lighting more on the panel where the portal appeared, really light ya boy up. Echoing the sentiments about the abundance of mid shots face on, I wanted to add that I think theres places you can push your gestures more, so they look a bit less "standing around', even if thats what they are doing. more hand movement, S-curves, something to liven it up. Like Invyn and Jasper are supposed to be evading the police on the last page but theyre so languid, like they arent in any hurry. Some body language might have upped the dramatics of that situation. I love how you do hands, youre super good at hands. the bit with Talon putting his gloves back on was a nice little background touch. You also draw the bored, grumpy faces of talon and Invyn like SUPER well. Next I'd like to see you fight someone who smiles an awful lot just for the variety of expression~ couldn't be helped in this case ah ha ha. For pacing, theres places it could be sped up still. On page 3, "thats an interesting question" and "ive been having trouble" could easily be one panel, the way it is reads like Talon taking an abnormally long pause before answering. So mainly from me, pacing and composition are my big  crits. This is coming out a bit harsh too.... but i love your art and i know you can do great! Talon is one of my favorite guys so keep practicing by getting into more fights~

G.Lo
Artist
103 comments
# 5   Posted: Jan 19 2018, 07:44 AM
Dudes! This is great stuff with a friggin' one week deadline!!!

REECER:
I really like your experimenting with angles- it definitely makes the encounter more dynamic even if everything does take place in a library. I think you could benefit from working on character expressions. They're there- but I feel like you could play them up a bit more so they're not so muted. The "you're still gonna necromance him after that" joke and Invyn's response definitely made me giggle

DRAGON:
I really liked your color palette for this one and that first page was gorgeous! I have to agree with Majikura though- the whole thing being basically midshots REALLY make this meeting kinda flat. You can make even the most actionless encounters interesting with camera angles. I did really like the atmo you portrayed in the forest. Very simple, but very effective and separating the foreground and background.

Majikura
Artist
469 comments
# 4   Posted: Jan 19 2018, 07:31 AM
Two similar stories, but I think Reecer did a much better job at making a whimsical meet-and-greet.  Good use of camera angles on page two, although I am distracted by the really thick panel borders.

Dragon: My biggest issue with this comic is that you are only using midshots for the majority of your panels, which makes the encounter feel mundane and flat.

Happy October 21st! ACAB -Reecer6
Artist
310 comments
# 3   Posted: Jan 18 2018, 08:20 AM
What you didn't expect is that this battle was actually a huge ruse for Badger to get a giant competitive boost in her war against Alouisse, and I've just drawn 15 pages of Invyn & Jasper vs. Adwell all along!

((no sorry this is a joke, look forward to the comic))

SirJellyRaptor
Artist
61 comments
# 2   Posted: Jan 14 2018, 12:33 PM
Always ready for more Talon. And Ivyn and Jasper were one of the first characters I stumbled across when I first found out about Void. This should be interesting

Shen
Artist
1322 comments
# 1   Posted: Jan 12 2018, 04:58 PM
ALL OF MY HYPE

Comic Details -

 
Drawing Time: 1 week
Ended: Jan 25th, 2018
Votes Cast: 28
Page Views: 957
Winner: Happy October 21st! ACAB -Reecer6
 

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