Haut Monde / Veronica Nightingale vs. Louise Ambre-Aliona

Haut Monde / Veronica Nightingale vs. Louise Ambre-Aliona

Haut Monde — Veronica Nightingale vs. Louise Ambre-Aliona

Icon for Veronica Nightingale52.2%
481 points
Page 1Page 2Page 3Page 4Page 5

Crit level: No preference


by Radji

Icon for Louise Ambre-Aliona47.8%
440 points
Page 1Page 2Page 3Page 4

Crit level: No preference




Critiques & Comments
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Happy September 21st! ACAB -Reecer6
Artist
304 comments
# 14   Posted: Dec 6 2017, 03:14 PM
Niiiiiiiice woooooork! It's unfortunate neither of you actually established any cool business dealings between the two of your characters and just hinted at it (guess that would take some agreeing on a mode of action), but despite not advancing any real relationship, they both very clearly used the other guy as a catalyst for some development!

Kura: I'm always for someone being revealed (or further revealed as the case may be) to just be a dick in ways normal people are. This is a neat conflict for Veronica to face within her family! I totally didn't think she'd be the type, and I super await Theo's fate.

Radji: I'm GONNA admit, this reveal felt really overly edgy, to the extent that it put me off. Maybe especially in comparison to Kura's, which is far more low-key and life-like. I guess because it feels arbitrary and out of nowhere for Louise to like eating this one woman so much? And also because it's just so overt and dramatized. I understand Louise is one for theatrics, but if the blood murder death meat locker were relegated to like, maybe one panel, instead of a page and a third, the additional tact would really improve things for me.

Pita
Think Tank
206 comments
# 13   Posted: Dec 6 2017, 12:19 PM
Damn, these are both some terrible women.  And I mean that in the best sense.

In four pages or less you both conveyed reasons why we, the audience, should dislike these mothers.

Kura, your art has been addressed in the comments, but I do encourage you to look up some bird references because that is NOT what a nightingale looks like, haha.  And I'm invested in Theo, even if his mom isn't.  Please develop this bab some more!

Radji, ho boy.  I didn't wanna kinkshame the spidermom, but she's totally getting off of eating AU!Veronica's flesh in front of our local Veronica.  And it's creepy and juicy and I wanna see if this picks up.
You do need to work on building up to that reveal, tho.  It's a good thing to consider for the next story.

But good work you two!  I liked reading both of these.

Alouisse Ver
Artist
41 comments
# 12   Posted: Dec 6 2017, 11:43 AM

Kura: I thoroughly enjoyed this comic. It was funny, it was cute, and the rivalry between the two characters was amazing to watch. I don't have any words of criticism. Keep up the great work!

Radji: I freaking love your linework and coloring, Radji! The texture(s) you applied here really help make your work pop. I'm in line with the others about the ending falling a bit. And I'm not gonna beat a horse down. I'm sure you get the gist of what needs to be improved from the previous comments.

Excellent work the both of you! These comics were a joy to read. Amazing quality.

yarnwitch
Artist
302 comments
# 11   Posted: Dec 6 2017, 11:34 AM
Hmmmm.

Overall I think these were very evenly matched.
As much as I love creepy things, for whatever reason the pacing and delivery were slightly off for yours Radji.
And Kura, I enjoyed how you kept the tension despite the innocent play setting with the kiddos. I kind of want a BB to see veronica open her heart a bit more and like, maybe let her son wear a dress or something like that. At least from what I know of her, it'd be a cool story to read.

Good job, both of you!

Hellis
Artist
240 comments
# 10   Posted: Dec 6 2017, 07:10 AM
Kura: Your flow and your sense of storytelling continues to rock me man. As a general fan of wordy comics, It is nice to see someone who can pull off 5 pages of essentially nothing but banter and still keep me enterteined. The ending made me worried! #Lettheobeaprincess

Radji; Great concept, good lead up, falls short by the finishing line. Like kura, you went for a word, exposition comic. However, you overdid the punchline, with a bit of a stilted monologue that could have done with a lot trimming down. I am a fan of your art, and I am always happy to see you expose louise for the monster that she is, lest we forget.

Shen
Artist
1320 comments
# 9   Posted: Dec 5 2017, 01:45 PM
Kura; GORGEOUS first panel! i love how it started as powerful business women and ended with moms bragging lol. Theo is ADORABLE, i hope Veronica can learn to accept him (her?). i would have liked a bit more fallout but im sure we'll see where this goes in future stories. excellent art and writing, no complaints from me!
radji: i love the concept but something does fall apart at the end and i cant quite figure out what. maybe it is overexplained, or maybe you should have shown the gore and horror more clearly to really set the impact, since the fact that its veronica's timeclones right now is all tell and no show. i dunno. I also dunno how much i love those two particular shades of red and blue against each other in the palette- but maybe my issue is that rather than transitioning the blue into the red they both constantly clash against each other. possibly a different shade of red would have helped at the start that transitioned into the more violent shade? Maybe im crazy tho. but the art is super good i love the establishing shot of the hotel and Louise's fantastic expressions!

Energy
Artist
132 comments
# 8   Posted: Dec 5 2017, 12:11 PM
Kura:  Really digging the idea of them chilling and enjoying a play put out by their kids, and the ensuing rivalry.  I have to say, Theo is truly a star.

Radji:  I have to admit the end kind of confused me.  Did Louise murder just about every other known version of Veronica just to eat their flesh?  Did she just drag their corpses over to her place just for that purpose?  Are their more versions of Veronica she can just harvest?

Jiisuri
Artist
131 comments
# 7   Posted: Dec 5 2017, 12:52 AM
Kura: Alright, good work on the tones and lines. Lends a good mood to the thing. Also, a bit of advice: take some time to learn practice drawing faces at different angles. Right now I'm noticing that your hand is kind of locked drawing heads at a frontal angle with necks and faces not compensating for any upward or downward tilt your heads might be having. Take some time to pick up some new ways of drawing that in your style, it'll help add more EMOTION to your expressions.

Radji: Alright so, cool concept, a little off on the execution. Like pyras said, you could definitely cut parts of the dialogue and replace it with just a few lines that'd lend more impact to the reveal. As for the art quality, be mindful about the perspective and composition. There are panels like the first one where I can't tell if you're trying for an isometric or 2 point perspective shot because the lines are very parallel and don't look like they converge to any point. Furthermore, the shading and alignment of walls and ground can get quite off at times,  like one of the pillars at page 3 last panel. Overall, the environment looks disoriented at places, which is minor but still distracting.

Good fight you guys.

PyrasTerran
Global Moderator
1449 comments
# 6   Posted: Dec 4 2017, 04:01 PM
This was a very, very even match for me, Kura it's great to see you rising back from your brief stumbling with some past battles, Radji as a newer member it's also great seeing your growth shine here from past battles!

Kura: A+ on your establishing shot first and foremost! The rivalry works well enough, and the reveal is certainly surprising, though I'm left a little wanting at the end after showing that bombshell off

Radji: Jeez you have no idea how crazy insane awesome this twist is but the execution just isn't quite there for it! First things first, if you had gotten someone to spelling/grammar check your script they missed enough that it became distracting, and the central conflict a little hard to understand in the first read through. Second the reveal gets spoiled with a little *too much* monologue, all you needed was the mention of Summer hunting and the line "do you know how delicious you are", the additional word bubble was overkill.

Keep it up guys

Desichan
Artist
183 comments
# 5   Posted: Dec 4 2017, 08:11 AM
@Kura

Haha, I may be a bit biased, for specific reasons, with how I felt about this comic, buuuuut I absolutely loved your comic! That expression on Veronica's face at the end was great! Princess Theo is amazing! Also thank you for the adorable Fawn cameo, its so cute! OwOb

@Radji

First I was like... That's some bloody meat...

And now I'm just like... Highkey a biiiiit scared of your character, haha she's awesome, but man... I did not expect anything that dark and twisted 'O' Very well done a comic might I add! If you were looking to freak people out, you very much succeeded in making Louise's expressions terrifying, as well as that final page. I genuinely wonder why what's happening in your comic is happening, and really want to learn more about this!


Overall both of you made amazing comics, and haha... That was well... An experience! Good job to both of you!

Radji
Artist
548 comments
# 4   Posted: Dec 4 2017, 07:23 AM
...OH GOSH PRINCESS THEO SO CUTE

Radji
Artist
548 comments
# 3   Posted: Dec 3 2017, 11:57 PM
UPLOADED
wow, i nearly had an existancial crisis with this comic cuz i couldn't draw Louise properly the first three days. I need to doodle more.

Desichan
Artist
183 comments
# 2   Posted: Nov 26 2017, 11:05 AM
Good luck you guys, excited to see what ya both do!!! >w<b

Radji
Artist
548 comments
# 1   Posted: Nov 26 2017, 01:44 AM
it was fated to happen

Comic Details -

 
Drawing Time: 1 week
Ended: Dec 10th, 2017
Votes Cast: 21
Page Views: 907
Winner: Majikura
 

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