Black Swan vs. Tsumi

Black Swan vs. Tsumi

Black Swan vs. Tsumi

by JCee

Icon for Black Swan52%
439 points
Page 1Page 2Page 3

Crit level: No preference


Icon for Tsumi48%
406 points
Page 1Page 2Page 3

Crit level: No preference




Critiques & Comments
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Majikura
Artist
469 comments
# 12   Posted: Nov 11 2017, 02:28 PM
Taylor: So This has been mulling around in my brain in the past couple of days, but I finally figured out why i really don't like your comic.  You've already established that Tsumi is on borrowed time in a past BB, yet in both this comic and the Virtua comic, you still feel the need to beat us over the head with this fact.  In the future stories, unless it's going to be the main focus of the comic, I think you should approach Tsumi's dwindling mortality with a bit more subtlety.

JCee
Artist
381 comments
# 11   Posted: Nov 7 2017, 08:22 PM
A big thank you to everyone who commented/critiqued so far!

Tay, I mentioned before that I love Tsumi so much. I'm really happy to have had this chance to battle you, and I had a very interesting and fun time doing a one weaker for the first time. Even though we all know what will eventually become of poor Tsumi, I still loved EVERY bit of your comic and how you utilised Swan and her powers here. It got me rethinking some things for sure. Great job Tay!

Also, my end of this battle was to bring Swan out her sulking state. I do feel as though she's been miserable long enough, and she'll start being less frumpy from here on out.



Wolfbaloo
Artist
33 comments
# 10   Posted: Nov 2 2017, 12:33 PM
Really liked this battle.

Jaykat: I can see that using a tone based environment not only helps with the shading and lighting but it helps with having the characters stand out without the need for colors. Nice work.

Otakutaylor: Really like how you handled the environment in a way where you don't necessarily have to see every building, but even a one point perspective view is enough for the majoirty of panels.

Rikun
Artist
89 comments
# 9   Posted: Nov 1 2017, 09:19 PM
Jaykat: Like I told you before, all that muscle study you've been doing has paid off handsomely! I'm also loving your control of shades and your linework on this. As many have said, I'm just happy to see Swan finally come out of her slump, and I'm wishing the best for her. I think you made a wise choice to do a character piece with only two characters, which gives you enough time to detail out their conversation. Given that all of this was done in one week, super great job!

Otakutaylor: It looks like you wanted to do something super ambitious for a 3 pages story, and for that I commend you. That said I can't help but feel that you might've missed the idea of telling a short story within 3 pages since what we have is a cliffhanger at the end for a bigger tale. Maybe next time try for a smaller, more personal story vs. trying to cram an epic in a little box.
I do like you were experimenting with text and sound effects and speech bubbles to sell Tsumi's condition. And I can tell you were experimenting with angles to figure out, but perhaps there could've been other shots that would sell the background battle without leaving so much negative space. Those are my two cents anyways.

Good job for the both of you! Can't wait to see where you go from here!

yarnwitch
Artist
302 comments
# 8   Posted: Nov 1 2017, 11:50 AM
Ooooh. Okay wow. Alrighty so
@otakutaylor - I love how you touched on the way that WULF is compromised by its current balance, and I feel like the background battle and everything gave the conversation that Tsumi and Swan were having a lot more weight. Honestly, this whole thing, the way the speech bubbles for tsumi got scratchy, just, the whole setup was so cohesive and I loved it.

@Jaykat - whoaaaa the monochrome gets me in the heart~ Everything was so polished in yours that it made the one drawing error I caught stand out a little more. Sometimes Swan's eyes aren't even, to the point where its a little uncanny valley, BUT  i mean I do that too, so I suppose I'm also looking for it a little bit more too. I loved how you did your backgrounds in this one, and how touching the story was at this slower pace. Great job!

Alouisse Ver
Artist
41 comments
# 7   Posted: Nov 1 2017, 11:30 AM

Both: I personally dig both stories. Two characters helping one another. Within Jay's comic, it has been portrayed through Tsumi helping Swan mentally. And with Otakutaylor's comic, it has been portrayed by Swan helping Tsumi physically.

This was a wholesome battle and I am all for it. Amazing works the both of you. Especially seeing how these were done within a week. Simply incredible!

--------------------------

Jaykat: I have only praise to say. I really enjoyed reading this comic. The tones and black spotting were elegantly placed. I sympathize with the characters. (Beautiful writing btw) I'm eager to see where Swan goes next. She deserves to be happy!

--------------------------

OtakuTaylor: Had me going "Oh no!" As Tsumi collapsed in the second page. I would've liked to see what finally caused the alien monster to retreat, but overall that's just a little nitpick with me.

I feel for Tsumi and as a reader, really connecting and sympathizing with a character is just a show of good writing. I enjoyed reading your comic and especially seeing her interact with Swan.


PyrasTerran
Global Moderator
1449 comments
# 6   Posted: Nov 1 2017, 08:24 AM
Jaykat: Cool, this is one of your stronger comics, and I hope that this is the end of G.Swan's sulk cycle that has continued for various holiday comics and battles for a while now. Let's get some agency out of this character now

otakutaylor: Creative use of G.Swan's powers but I feel like G.Swan herself seems outside your comfort zone or something? there's something off about her anatomy. The attempt to map out the battlefield is appreciated but the walls themselves seem so plain and large, even with some cracks and holes I feel like they could have used some other kind of texture, brick tiling, etc. to help push them better. The coughing word bubbles are interesting, the regular talking word bubbles seem ok enough though sometimes maybe they're a bit too loose in their shape, I don't think trapezoidal shapes are aesthetically appealing for word bubbles

nice little comics both of you, keep it up

otakutaylor
Artist
179 comments
# 5   Posted: Oct 31 2017, 05:41 PM
Submitted as well~

I probably tried to fit too much into 3 pages and I think the overall comic suffered for it. Hehe. The things I was trying to focus on and are hoping for critique on are: making backgrounds mean something (especially on page 1) Doing at least a little fisheye to lend weight to moments, and word bubbles.

JCee
Artist
381 comments
# 4   Posted: Oct 30 2017, 10:10 PM
Submitted!

I'm kind of worried that it's kinda too heavy on the dialogue side, but overall I'm proud of what I've managed to do here.
Thank you for this opportunity, Tay! Tsumi is just so precious, and I love her a lot ~~

JCee
Artist
381 comments
# 3   Posted: Oct 24 2017, 05:40 PM
A little reminder that this is gonna be a 3 PAGE battle ~

Sabulive
Artist
133 comments
# 2   Posted: Oct 24 2017, 05:29 PM
Bend and SNAP, ladies~

Shen
Artist
1320 comments
# 1   Posted: Oct 24 2017, 05:09 PM
YEEESSSS!!!!! THIS WILL BE MAGICAL!

Comic Details -

 
Drawing Time: 1 week
Ended: Nov 7th, 2017
Votes Cast: 21
Page Views: 890
Winner: JCee
 

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