Louise Ambre-Aliona vs. Dr. Fibrin

Louise Ambre-Aliona vs. Dr. Fibrin

Louise Ambre-Aliona vs. Dr. Fibrin

by Radji

This comic has not been rated; viewer discretion advised.

Icon for Louise Ambre-Aliona50.4%
677 points
Page 1Page 2Page 3Page 4Page 5Page 6Page 7

Crit level: No preference

This comic has not been rated; viewer discretion advised.

Icon for Dr. Fibrin49.6%
667 points
Page 1Page 2Page 3Page 4Page 5Page 6Page 7

Crit level: No preference

Critiques & Comments
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# 6   Posted: May 8 2017, 12:31 PM
This was totally a battle of who did it better for sure! both of you came at this with the same concept but different execution.

RADJI- I am such a sucker for creative symbolic visuals as dialogue is going on. That whole visceral deal with the aquarium was a very clever touch. It really set the tone for the exchange these two were having in your comic. If there's one chief complaint I tend to have with your battles, its language. I Cannot stress enough the importance of proofreading your work and ensuring it translates well. The Typos and weird choice of words made such chilling moments in your comic kind of silly and took away their punch. You have a whole site full of (mostly) native speakers. Find someone who'll give your comics a second look. I've no doubt there'd be plenty of folks who'd be happy to do so.

GEEPS- Fibrin back to his old dastardly tricks again. You totally had me fooled with this sentimental and kind of leading conversation starting out. Playing to Louise's sex appeal duped both her AND me as a reader to be honest. I know its been a while since we last saw Fibrin so I'm a bit thrown as to his spider kid. Who is he? Where'd he come from? Why's he there? Who's the Mother? I feel this was meant to be like, a big reveal, but as stated in most of the comments you've gotten- it fell rather flat. I have so many questions and am usually ok with being left wondering, but I feel this left a wider gap of not knowing than usual.

# 5   Posted: May 2 2017, 12:26 PM
Radji: I really liked the detail of the shark eating the fish in the background. I'm a sucker for putting interesting secondary things like that in panels. Your characters' expressions and acting are very lively, but as I've mentioned in previous critiques, I think your lines could use with a bit more tidying up and less wobble. Your color choices in this are very nice and do a good job of focusing my eye on important parts of the page. I'm interested to see how Louise plans to crack down on all these threats to her children >:)

GPS: I agree with Pyras that the comic felt like it needed a little more texture, shading, or hatching. Also, writing-wise, I think editing down the beginning banter in the first couple pages to get to the point a little quicker would have helped capture my attention more right from the get-go. I was very captivated Eli and his creepy-soullessness, though. Those scenes are very nicely paced and I really felt the tension. His monster eyes and deformations are very well-rendered as well.

These were both really fun build-up comics! I can't wait to see where you guys take these plotlines.

Global Moderator
# 4   Posted: May 2 2017, 10:41 AM
great job guys please keep comicking

Radji: Visually I felt like this comic was too messy; the hatching isn't as polished as it could be and I don't think the splotchy brushes did your backgrounds as many favors as it did problems; also, **Trouvez un correcteur! Les erreurs grammaticales sont tres distrayantes!**

GPS: Opposite situation going on for you here; I feel the comic is too clean; The floors and flat surfaces could use a bit more hand-made texture than what you added. I am seeing now some of the limitations of your new style in particular with illustrating an old man like Fibrin, I think you should experiment more in how you do his eyes (eyes in general, so that all the characters don't all have the same looking eyes). Also the danger atmosphere of the latter half of pages is muted by the light colors and no shadows; hard shadows would have definitely upped the tension and horror.

# 3   Posted: May 2 2017, 08:44 AM
@Radji: I enjoyed the story, but Im not entirely sure I jive with this art. I think the inks you used in our battle were far stronger and packed more punch, here it feels more rushed to me. The colour choices were A+, and I liked the shift from warm classroom tones to chilly street blues. What is Louise up to?
(EDIT) And make sure you get someone to proofread!!!!!!! There are a lot of typos on this comic and really interrupts the flow.

@GPS: Eliiiiiiiiiiiiii. The body horror was super well done. I think what you need to focus on is some width variations on your linework and more of a difference in colour between foreground and background. I know the running motif here is eyeballs, but the closeups on Louise's eyes happened one too many times (page 5, panel 5 you could have shown Louise's arm trying to break out of the jumper). A+++ on background dedication!

# 2   Posted: Apr 17 2017, 11:21 AM

# 1   Posted: Apr 17 2017, 10:42 AM

Comic Details -

Drawing Time: 2 weeks
Ended: May 8th, 2017
Votes Cast: 32
Page Views: 1220
Winner: Radji

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