Jessie Valley vs. Mol

Jessie Valley vs. Mol

Jessie Valley vs. Mol

by Energy

Icon for Jessie Valley43.6%
356 points
Page 1Page 2Page 3Page 4Page 5Page 6Page 7

Crit level: No preference


Icon for Mol56.4%
461 points
Page 1Page 2Page 3Page 4Page 5Page 6

Crit level: No preference




Critiques & Comments
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PyrasTerran
Global Moderator
1450 comments
# 10   Posted: Apr 16 2017, 03:04 PM
Congrats guys :)

Energy: Alot of the actions happening in this comic are easier to understand now that you're practicing use of motion lines and sound effects to identify what is happening, but the blockiness of the lines are damaging that progress; if you're using a tablet you gotta figure out how to set up pen pressure, otherwise you need to thin up the lines you're using. There's plotlines in this comic that I don't fully understand (are these references to previous comics?) Pay close attention to what your fellow artists are saying and keep on trucking

Scarywaves: Little by little your artistic skill is catching up with your talent for storytelling, your use of colors are really helping carry these pages. Your biggest weakness is still the inconsistency of your bodies/proportions. I would recommend spending some time with any of the gesture drawing websites available that have you practicing different random figures for moments at a time

Kozispoon
Global Moderator
1141 comments
# 9   Posted: Apr 12 2017, 09:22 PM
ENERGY- Congratulations are in order. You got a fully completed comic, you got colors on every page and you have backgrounds. Foundationaly, you're aces, but you definitely have a ways to go. I think you know that if the comments can be agreed with. The story didn't grab me, because frankly I didn't really know what was going on. Your opponent felt like such a third wheel you could've removed Mol altogether and this comic, I feel wouldn't of changed at all. all your focus is on some nobody from your characters past that honestly doesn't resolve or reveal anything of substance because all we really get is them just getting punched around. When we finally get to the interesting point where its just Jessie and Mol, we get a 'to be continued'. While there ARE improvements, this just fell resoundingly flat for me.

SCARYWAVES- You got me. You got me good. I'll just openly admit right now, I LOVE stories that start backwards. Its the Tarantino fan in me and this comic, opening at the peak of action where Jessie flies out the window had me leaning in my chair from the get go. You definitely have a handle on how to draw in your audience and give us just enough to keep us turning the pages. Speaking of pages, of all of them, I think my favorite had to be where there were no characters at all. Simply  flickering moving candle flame burning up an ominous series of visuals for us to brood over as Jessie gets the intel on her target. I think my only complaint is that while your art is stylizied, I'd definitely like to see you sharpen up on your anatomy and expressions more. I was already intrigued by Mol, but I think its this battle that has me itching to fight you- and I think, when it comes to void- is the reaction you want when submitting a battle.

Shen
Artist
1325 comments
# 8   Posted: Apr 12 2017, 04:43 PM
energy, im glad you've retailed your lessons and made another full colour comic! Good on ya! Your action poses are getting easier to read but i would work on motion soon. the stiff bodies with bulky, mishappen speed lines is sort of unsightly and distracting. try thinner lines for a start, and more impact where objects/bodies collide.
Waves, what a fantastic start! right off the bat with an explosion to catch my interest, and i LOVE the Jessie on page one! Great agonized expression! I love the red palette and the smoky effects. This is a nice little mystery horror, youre setting some really interesting stuff for Mol and I wanna see where it goes! some of the heads you draw are a bit big for the body tho so watch out for that!

Pita
Think Tank
209 comments
# 7   Posted: Apr 10 2017, 05:57 PM
Energy--You're going great with submitting fully inked and colored pages for your matches, and now it's time to go to the next level!! >:D
I mentioned in your last battle that you need to practice expressions in your characters, and that statement applies here as well.  It looks like the characters are experiencing an aggressive case of "Dull Surprise," and it takes me out of what should otherwise be a tense action scene.
There are plenty of tutorials that can give your guidance, but my personal recommendation is Tracey Butler's on deviantART.
http://fav.me/d37hme5
Don't be afraid to add lines to your character's faces when conveying expressions and emotions!
Speaking of lines, experiment with pen pressure and line weight on your art program and tablet.  At this time, there appears to be a consistent line width to your characters and setting ink.  This leaves the image looking very flat and lacking energy (not an intended pun, but there you go).  Line weight will also give your action lines an extra punch!

ScaryWaves--Good conveyance of action in your entry!  Couple things to note, though.
First page has Jessie falling from the building onto the truck.  And then we zoom in on her face, pained and regretful.  But the next time we cut to that scene, it's about the same sized shot.  I want to see just how big of an impact Mol's attack caused--how much of a crater is in that car??
And you should practice more with drawing hands.  That's the biggest thing I see that needs to be improved upon.

Happy December 4th! ACAB -Reecer6
Artist
318 comments
# 6   Posted: Apr 10 2017, 05:47 PM
Kilojoules—Man, I feel like you're SO close to some sort of breakthrough here. Your posing and expressions are definitely improved, and you've taken notable risks with them that pay off, but they're still not quite to a comfortable level. I suppose in general, it's just that your forms are still way too stiff and sitck-y, while your proportions—especially with faces—are too *loose*. There are a couple of panels where people do have a proper voluminous form like real things in 3d, like on page 2 panel 2, and with Mol's hands in same page panel 5, and those look really decent! But you just don't capture that consistently enough, which is a shame, because conveying the proper shape of things in 3d is a vital step to giving things weight. I think some practice in drawing foreshortened limbs would help in that. There's also proportion, which is still all over. Compare, on page 3, Jessie's hands in panel 3 with Vicky's hands in the two panels following. The former is cartoonishly too small, while the latter are cartoonishly *huge*. There's probably a ton to explain with how you proportion and situate facial features, but that's something that's only ever going to come with general practice, tracing and lifedrawing and all that, but I will specifically mention one pet peeve I have, and a lot of it might be because of the nature of Jessie's hair obscuring so much, but you often don't have eyes like, pointing in the right direction. See: pg3 p4, pg5 p3, & pg6 p1. And finally, composition-wise, you do a *lot* of shots of people's heads and necks and no lower, usually looking at things out of shot. That works if you not showing the object of interest is a specific choice to merely IMPLY what's going on, but usually there's not really a point to doing that, so it just makes the subject look very detached from the rest of the page. Outside of that purpose, you could definitely serve to have a lot more shots of people's full chests or so, and especially get some hand action to convey their emotions. I hope all these points don't seem overbearing, and a lot of it probably reiterates on what you've been told over the past couple of years, but it's advice I at least feel somewhat confident and directed giving out, so I really hope it helps!

Hertz*seconds—This comic really shows off your ability to convey expression well, in not only faces but also poses and just general tone, which I feel like has absolutely been a strong suit of yours! Like, on page 4, you've got a very palpable since of confusion and shock there, especially with that super nice compostion, it's great. Your line art has made a huge improvement, which I assume I can attribute the inspiration of the collab to? For the most part, you actually have contiguous lines, which makes things so much more solid, and does a TON for your professionalism. Of course, it's still not perfect—like, say, the gaps in the roommate's (Gale, right?) lines on the same page—but it's still absolutely way better. I think one weakness you still have though is faces being *too* fluid, as much as that does for conveying emotion. Page 5 panel 1 especially, Jessie's face looks to me as kind of just a flat soup instead of resting on a proper head shape, and, to go back to this page again, page 4 panel 6, where Jessie's eyes are perfectly horizontal while her nose and mouth both slope down. Most of my immediate objections with your facial structure though, I can't quite explain it as well though? So I suppose I can also point out that page 5 panel 2 and page 6 panel 2 look really nice! Finally, it's more minor, but I really like your use of onomatopoeia on page 1 and throughout! It's a really nice expressive lettering style. Not as big a fan of that BANG on page 5, to be honest, though.

Energy
Artist
135 comments
# 5   Posted: Apr 8 2017, 09:50 PM
And done.

ScaryWaves
Artist
38 comments
# 4   Posted: Apr 8 2017, 06:29 PM
DONE AND DONE. I really, sincerely hope y'all enjoy it, I tried a lot of new things with this one, with both art and writing.

Rikun
Artist
103 comments
# 3   Posted: Mar 25 2017, 12:49 PM
Looking forward to this!

PyrasTerran
Global Moderator
1450 comments
# 2   Posted: Mar 25 2017, 11:11 AM
show the world the skills you've learned!

Shen
Artist
1325 comments
# 1   Posted: Mar 25 2017, 11:10 AM
YOOOO

Comic Details -

 
Drawing Time: 2 weeks
Ended: Apr 16th, 2017
Votes Cast: 24
Page Views: 826
Winner: ScaryWaves
 

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