Are You a Good Witch or a Bad Witch? / Gale Garland vs. Mol

Are You a Good Witch or a Bad Witch? / Gale Garland vs. Mol

Are You a Good Witch or a Bad Witch? — Gale Garland vs. Mol

by Rikun

This comic has not been rated; viewer discretion advised.

Icon for Gale Garland47.7%
357 points
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Crit level: No preference


This comic has not been rated; viewer discretion advised.

Icon for Mol52.3%
392 points
Page 1Page 2Page 3Page 4Page 5Page 6Page 7Page 8Page 9Page 10

Crit level: No preference




Critiques & Comments
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PyrasTerran
Global Moderator
1458 comments
# 18   Posted: Feb 10 2017, 09:46 AM
Rikun: You already know what you gotta do! And we'll work more on all this in boot camp

Scarywaves: Likewise! We'll work on this in boot camp

Kozispoon
Global Moderator
1171 comments
# 17   Posted: Feb 6 2017, 10:53 PM
RIKUN- Right off the bat I was so charmed by Gales scarecrow form. I especially dug all her lopsided limbs when she came in for a landing. I found myself so intrigued with this form, I was bummed to see if was so fleeting. I feel Mol being all 'a headlock is my only weakness against going demon mode and kicking ass' was a bit weak. If she's that tough, why did she need Gale's help? And to echo the comments previous- why is she holier than thou, asking Mol if she's bad or good, when Gale herself is breaking into a gangster casino, beating people up and being a complicit accomplice?
I know you usually work in only black and white, but I wish you'd fill your scenes with some weight. Some heavy inked in shadows or fill blacks would really ill out your environments as with just the linework it all appears rather bare boned. Also, for three weeks, I'm surprised you still have sketched out pages.

SCARYWAVES- I really dig that blur you got going starting out. Like, I actually leaned in, finding myself squinting my eyes like it was me trying to clear my vision. Even the content previous, even though I didn't know what was what, you got me hooked into knowing more.
But then she comes to, and we get to the actual comic I honestly don't know where Mol is going in void, or what she's up to getting Gale in on an apartment and showing some shocking charity because of a voice. Whose voice was it? Was it her salamanders? If it was the figure in the flashback, I really wish you'd drawn those red scenes for us to get a better sense or hint. As it stands, that voice could very well of been her own and she's going mad.

Technicolor-Yawn: <3

Flutterbyes
Artist
290 comments
# 16   Posted: Feb 4 2017, 06:18 AM
Rikun: You open up with overall tighter art, and a nice way to introduce the character, but then... At the risk of echoing what's been said, I was half expecting this to cross over with some sort of May Wu vs Itami story once Chinatown showed up. Also, please learn to draw wide open eyes differently. There is a time and place for O_O face, but you overuse it, and it not only cheapens the effect but makes the characters look flat and generic.

ScaryWaves: You have some good stuff happening here, and this is a good story between the two.  Love that opener! The execution is a bit rough. There are ways to do rough, painterly coloring that disobeys the lines, but I don't think this is one of them. The roundness of a digital round brush stroke kind of kills the effect, among other things. Also, watch your tangents (like page 7, second panel)! And even if you're purposely doing unuled, uneven backgrounds, at least to have a line or curve be consistent on either side of the thing blocking it (like Gale at the table).

Shen
Artist
1342 comments
# 15   Posted: Feb 3 2017, 11:29 PM
Rikun: The trouble is that this is a brand new character and yet it reads like an itami comic. If you were going to write an Itami comic, why make a new character at all? You have a problem with certain tropes... you need to step out of your comfort zone and get more experimental with your writing. Try something different. You want your readers to feel an emotion, and indifference is not a good one. Remember, we identify with characters more for their struggles than their successes. dont be afraid to have your characters make enemies or defend a bad choice. Don't be afraid we wont like them if they do something cruel or depressing. Generate a little heat: face or heel, any crowd reaction is better than none. Dont feel like they need to make friends with everyone, and dont feel like all stories need a happy ending. You've got two characters now: make an Itami come an Itami comic, and a Gale comic a Gale comic. make them distinguishable in character and writing style, and where possible, in art style. Think outside the box.

Waves: well i like the anguish of the first two pages, i like how it seems to be setting up something rad but it doesnt seem to have much to do with THIS story. still, intrigued! I love how you make Mol this like gross, unappealing homeless lady. The story and dialogue are good and its got good pacing but except for the places where shes SUPPOSED to look a bit gross, the art sort of falls apart. i DO feel like your art is improving from your previous battles but its still a bit formless, i think some anatomy practice would help you a lot. Keep at it! i think Mol is a great character!

lanternlovers
Artist
30 comments
# 14   Posted: Feb 2 2017, 10:05 PM
@Rikun:

I’m not going to really say much to you. Looking back on your history and seeing how you react and handle critique, I feel like my words will just fall on deaf ears.

There is a difference between saying you’ll improve and giving puppy eyes about it, and actually doing it. Aside from the...um, harsher comments which do not reflect the entire scope of your critiques, others have already gave you good advice. At this point, I would be a voice added to the echo chamber.

I think you have very fun panels, and your movement portrays an expressive quality that reminds me of 80’s-90’s anime. You also include full bodies and work on dynamic foreshortening to carry your action.

Until I see actual growth, evidence of you being receptive to what was said to you in the past, I will refrain to break down your work. Please don’t take this as an attack on your character, but your past battles are uncanny in the way they are recycled and it’s become drawling. I see marginal improvement in skill. I see minimum effort being put out.



@ScaryWaves:
Hello there! I'd like to start off that the creativity in your paneling and fun use of color is definitely a highlight in your work. That said, I think you should be mindful of where you place your word bubbles as they can make the flow of the pacing stop awkwardly, because of this I had trouble reading through your comic and had to reread through it a few times. It’s also imperative to know your reader-base. From what I understand while around half of the Entervoid is non-american, I do believe most of our readership uses english and generally reads from left-to-right, so having important exposition starting off on the right side, and then moving left can also obstruct flow--unless that is your intention.

Radij has already talked about your pages being cluttered with wordtexts, to expand upon that. If there is a lot of exposition, see if you can cut things down, or condense the dialogue into fewer sentences. Ask yourself, “ What do I want to say? Is there a better, shorter way to say it?”

I’m going to focus on world bubble placement. Here is an examples, and then redraws over said examples to help portray what I mean,

Example 1: Page 4 out of 10
http://i.imgur.com/0Y9flO9.jpg

http://i.imgur.com/wSMpB1f.jpg


Expressions and hands:
It’s very exciting to jump into new things, comics are a new thing to me too! I don’t have much to say on your story, I found it charming and the ending incredibly endearing so I’d to see more of your take on characters.  The most important thing here is your willingness to learn.

Like words, we use facial expression, body language and hands as tools to interact with the world. We use these same three modes of communication to tell a story in a comic as well.

I encourage you to work on your facial expressions and hands concurrently. Right now, they read very rudimentary. When you go out with friends, or go to your job/school/whatever, I suggest to be aware of how the people around you move to communicate. You might notice someone grasping their wrist when they talk to one another. Or how when two friends fall into step side-by-side, they may adjust any belongings they are carrying to be closer.

Another thing I encourage you to draw is to draw your own hands, make your own references! If you have no idea how the fingers look in that position, snap a pic off your phone and go off from there.
You can do this with your studies as well, draw your hands, or snap a photo of your face doing a silly expression and draw it!

Here’s an example I did for hands, because my facial expressions are mortifying you dont wanna see them friend:

http://i.imgur.com/pT5YiAR.jpg

Let’s take a look at your comic:

http://i.imgur.com/jksCDEj.png

Heres a little draw over

http://i.imgur.com/TvzSadv.png

Any way it’s like 1 am here….HOPE I HELPED DAWG.

Radji
Artist
559 comments
# 13   Posted: Feb 2 2017, 07:33 AM
Rikun: gale really IS dorothy with magic after all. she's naive and confused aaannnnd probably SHOULDN'T hang oout with Mol. But she's still got her head on her shoulders. The question about good or bad witch was a bit clumsy, n the sense that at the moment, it was clearly established that mol was an individual with little morale and goodwill. that sentence should have come a lil sooner in your comic, that's all. also NUUUUUH SHE STOLE THE CLASSY SUIT, HOW DARE SHE

ScaryWave: i'm the one guy that do text bubbles everywhere so i know the problem that have some voiders, but i think you tell too much in texts and not enough in action. BUT the backstory was an appreciated element
OMG that rapey face

Cracking Skulls
Artist
348 comments
# 12   Posted: Feb 2 2017, 05:00 AM
We encourage members to refrain from any personal comments and to continue offering critiques. Please continue to post comments for future improvement on this battle after my post, We will handle the issue at hand outside of the comments.

Technicolor-yawn
Artist
27 comments
# 11   Posted: Feb 1 2017, 11:19 PM
Majikura: I've tried to help this leech for over 10 years and he hasn't improved. But yes, I acted out of line and I'll do a proper critique as apology.
Quote

You know Majikura, I'm not sure you're aware, but opening an apology by calling the person you're apologizing to a "Leech" makes it feel a little insincere, maybe? Also, I really enjoy that your apology for your Toxic commentary is really just you extrapolating on your toxic commentary. Really Maji, it's almost like this isn't an apology at all!

Here's the thing Majikura, nobody actually cares how much time you feel like you've wasted helping Rikun here, somehow I doubt anyone put a gun to your head and made you do it, and honestly, if it's anything like your apologies I can't imagine it being all that helpful anyway. Rikun's artistic journey has nothing to do with you or your personal frustrations, so if you can't offer a critique in a respectful way, than please keep your vitriol to yourself, Maji.

Majikura
Artist
469 comments
# 10   Posted: Feb 1 2017, 08:46 PM
I've tried to help this leech for over 10 years and he hasn't improved. But yes, I acted out of line and I'll do a proper critique as apology.

You've been on this site for over 15 years and you write the same comic every single time, which is REALLY confusing because I thought you wanted to do something different with a new character, but all I see is the same Itami comic formula you always default to.  Both characters meet, run into some random thugs or guys in suits, and then beat them up... and for some reason it's always set in chinatown.  If you just wanted to do the moral choice thing, that casino tussle didn't even need to happen.  That would have saved you time to polish up pages instead of rushing out a backgroundless fight sequence.

The question of "are you a good witch or a bad witch" also makes no sense.  Regardless of whether or not Mol kills the girl, they still robbed the place and committed a crime.  There's no "being a good witch" in this situation.  Gale also has no right to ask that question because what exactly gives her the moral high ground?  This would have made sense if Gale did not just commit a crime few pages ago.  If she were a scoundrel with a heart of gold, this would have worked in the "I'm a sour, bitter person but fuck I ain't no murderer" sort of way, but that gets undermined by the fact that she uses cold logic to stop Mol.  She's more worried about being chased instead of that other person's life.

Which would have been fine since she's in tinman mode which is known to not have a heart,  But if that were the case, why even stop her?  This comic could have gone in a dark and more interesting direction if Tinman Gale decides "No witnesses = no cops chasing us" and slaughtered the entire place.  For a light hearted approach, Mol could have just been done in by her own hubris and have the house fall on top of her and gale be like "i told you so".

You see what I did there? Wizard of Oz reference.  You fought a witch with a Dorthy's first outing and didn't do anything with it.  Now this opportunity is lost forever.

Happy January 26th! -Reecer6
Artist
331 comments
# 9   Posted: Feb 1 2017, 07:38 PM
Man, that's such a toxic and destructive way to frame a critique. Don't make fun of someone if you want them to be able to ever improve. And if you don't want them to improve, you really shouldn't be commenting at all.

Pita
Think Tank
232 comments
# 8   Posted: Feb 1 2017, 07:35 PM
Majikura: "Me and my opponent team up and fight nameless thugs in Chinatown"  Rikun script #2 of 3.  
Quote
Cliche?  Sure.  But it was fun to read.  What's bad about that?

Sean
Approval Committee
372 comments
# 7   Posted: Feb 1 2017, 06:36 PM
Majikura: "Me and my opponent team up and fight nameless thugs in Chinatown"  Rikun script #2 of 3.  
Quote

This is such a constructive and helpful critique!

Majikura
Artist
469 comments
# 6   Posted: Feb 1 2017, 06:16 PM
"Me and my opponent team up and fight nameless thugs in Chinatown"  Rikun script #2 of 3.  

Red
Council
651 comments
# 5   Posted: Feb 1 2017, 07:28 AM
You both could have benefited from aiming for less pages, especially ScaryWaves. Dang, this is one sloppy comic. Doing 8 pages in full color is a difficult task, so next time try focusing on 3-4 pages and make them beautiful. The challenge with shorter comics is fitting in an interesting story into a shorter page limit. Quality is only going to suffer if you just try to churn out pages. I think both comics had pretty good stories and layouts, just don't neglect quality next time.

ScaryWaves
Artist
38 comments
# 4   Posted: Jan 31 2017, 10:54 PM
GNNAAAH IT'S SUBMITTED. The colors aren't as neat as I'd like them to be, but that's why I'm here: to learn.

JCee
Artist
389 comments
# 3   Posted: Jan 4 2017, 02:27 AM
Can't wait! Good luck to both of you!

Nana-Banana
Artist
19 comments
# 2   Posted: Jan 3 2017, 11:40 PM
Can't wait to see what you both come up with! It'll be interesting to see who Gale is and How Mol is doing now that she has an arm back, haha!

Shen
Artist
1342 comments
# 1   Posted: Jan 3 2017, 11:06 PM
FINALLY!

Comic Details -

 
Drawing Time: 3 weeks
Ended: Feb 7th, 2017
Votes Cast: 23
Page Views: 1498
Winner: ScaryWaves
 

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