2016 Invitational: Round 3 / Shay vs. Rorrin Bailey

2016 Invitational: Round 3 / Shay vs. Rorrin Bailey

2016 Invitational: Round 3 — Shay vs. Rorrin Bailey

by noiraa

690 points
Page 1Page 2Page 3Page 4Page 5Page 6Page 7Page 8

Crit level: No preference

by KMart

583 points
Page 1Page 2Page 3Page 4Page 5Page 6

Crit level: No preference

Critiques & Comments
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# 9   Posted: Aug 4 2016, 08:50 PM
Hey everyone! I had a super busy couple of days and I know this comic closed, but I just wanted to thank you for all the thoughts, critiques and votes!! I really appreciate it!

# 8   Posted: Aug 1 2016, 06:31 AM
Noiraa: I'm really liking the finished pencil style you're using! That last page got a little dark and muddy, though, and would have benefited from keeping some of the very light grays and whites from previous pages to add contrast. I also really liked how you transitioned to Rorrin's flashback.

KMart: I thought the plot you chose with the card game was really creative. It's a very different kind of story than I would have expected these characters to be in :) I agree with others that it was a little confusing keeping track of the story and characters. I think that it would help if we got at least one big panel where we get an establishing shot that shows us all the characters at once and where they are relative to each other. Scenes with lots of conversation can be hard, but I think you kept it interesting and fun, especially with your characters' expressive facial acting :D

# 7   Posted: Jul 30 2016, 03:42 AM
@noiraa Super rad opening sequence! Really into the worldbuilding! Watch your panel-to-panel transitions though; It took a couple reads to figure out what was happening to who. Since both characters had a similar body-type and face, you've really gotta sell that theyre different people with everything else you've got. In black-n-white, patterns are your best friend. Plaids, stripes, dots, things like that. Giving everybody their own pattern, or even something like "Always wearing black" makes a big difference.

@KMart Great ending! I'd say to work on touching up your facial variation, otherwise it comes down to telling people by their hairstyles. You made everyone more recognizable in the later pages by giving them greys in different areas, which is definitely a way to go. Other than that, just keep working!

Community Manager
# 6   Posted: Jul 27 2016, 05:26 PM
noiraa: This is really nice looking! It was a smart decision to blend traditional and digital. You want to keep a keen eye though there are still some noticeable stray pencil sketches that haven't been fully erased that you can spot here and there. The black font over black smoke, doesn't work; If you're set on making her speak from her smoke, stick with white text. Even if you wrote it traditionally as black, you can digitally jump their brightness back to white, or just wait to write it in digitally I think the last page would have benefited from some brighter hilights, it's a little too dark to the point it feels like someone turned off the lights ruining the shot

KMart: shamefully i got a little lost the first read through but figured it all out in a second pass. This comic is easier on the eyes for sure, but if you want to try your luck at screentones again, I would suggest checking out Sugar Rush comic in Barrows vs Sugar Rush as a good reference point.

Good job guys keep it up

# 5   Posted: Jul 27 2016, 09:13 AM
First off I want to let you know that both of you knocked it out of the park I can tell that you've been listening to the critiques that you've been getting, it really shows.

noiraa; This is just beautiful I feel like many of these panels were taken straight out of a storybook. I'm not quite sure why but your whole comic had a very soft dreamlike feel to it, which gave it a very haunting atmosphere. I'm also really really fond of some of your panel compositions they really add a lot of interest. Critique wise some of Shay's speech is still a little difficult to read because of the black on dark grey. Perhaps you could try white or light grey text next time to create contrast.

Kmart; It's so nice to finally be able to see your lifework properly! I wish your whole comic was able to have the greyscale that is at the end though I understand that the time constraints are pretty rough. One thing I notice now is how sketchy your linework and coloring are. There are some places like on the fourth page where this works really well but in others it just make your comic feel unfinished. I'd really love to see you either embrace the sketchiness of your style and turn it up a bit so that it feels intentional or try to go for a cleaner look.

# 4   Posted: Jul 27 2016, 09:06 AM
noiraa: daaaaaaaaaark
K-chan: ...*open another schapps* what's with you newbie and emotions!? so much !

# 3   Posted: Jul 27 2016, 08:36 AM
KMart!!! what a fun ending! I also laughed so hard at "th3R3ALSUP3RshayAN".

# 2   Posted: Jul 26 2016, 10:02 PM
ahhhh!!! I uploaded!

I looked back on critiques that I received from my first and second comics, since one was all traditional and the other all digital- and I wanted to attempt merging those methods along with all my feedback so far. I think being able to draw out things traditionally feels stronger for me, but getting to go to digital editing cleaned things up really nicely. Overall tried to the push the envelope a bit with this one and I really hope that everyone enjoys it. I did run into a time crunch and while I was going to add one more page to the end, my mom got sick and I made some peace with how I could end it.
I am still so excited to see what KMart posts!

      Edited Jul 26 2016,  10:07 PM by noiraa

# 1   Posted: Jul 21 2016, 06:46 AM
I am honestly so SO PUMPED about this match up!! Rorrin seems so sweet, and I'm going to have a lot of fun drawing her.

Comic Details -

Type: Tournament Match
Drawing Time: 1 week
Ended: Aug 2nd, 2016
Votes Cast: 32
Page Views: 740
Winner: noiraa

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