2016 Heavyweight Tournament: Round 1 / Black Swan vs. Heratik

2016 Heavyweight Tournament: Round 1 / Black Swan vs. Heratik

2016 Heavyweight Tournament: Round 1 — Black Swan vs. Heratik

by JCee

427 points
Page 1Page 2Page 3Page 4Page 5Page 6Page 7Page 8Page 9Page 10Page 11Page 12Page 13

Crit level: No preference

by Syraxis

352 points
Page 1Page 2Page 3Page 4Page 5Page 6Page 7Page 8Page 9

Crit level: No preference

Critiques & Comments
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Global Moderator
# 23   Posted: Jun 4 2016, 03:59 PM
JAYKAT- Its clear right from the first page you put alotta TLC in your comic pages. That whole shower sequence was so buttery smooth- from the inkwork to the shading. Bravo. That quality definitely is seen throughout once things get dicey and we see some rough and tumble action. I will have to say my only beef is the execution of your special effects fonts. Your art is so lovely that I feel the sound effects are almost tacked on and in the way. Perhaps looking into writing out the special effects yourself may help better marry the font to your style of art?

SYRAXIS- Your colors, as always definitely set the mood. Fro mthe grim dim reseach facility corridors to the acrid sunset over void city as we see your opponent. You're definitely aiming for a mood and I think you succeeded. Would've loved ot have seen what you would've done with the last four pages. I think the sentiment I had for your previous battles still rings true here. Its clear based on your pages what you're most comfortable drawing and dedicating detail and care to and that's your own character. I'd love to see that hyper detail and personality bleed into other aspects of your comic like the backgrounds and buildings.

# 22   Posted: May 29 2016, 11:20 PM
Pretty much everything I would've tried to say everyone else has already said, so let's make this quick

Jay:  Looking pretty good.  Shame that last page looks kind of unfinished.

Syraxis:  Looks like you had something planned there.  Kinda sucks that it's unfinished (and I know how that feels to have a big idea, but never finish it).

# 21   Posted: May 29 2016, 09:24 PM
Charlie -- Sure thing! Thanks for commenting.

# 20   Posted: May 29 2016, 09:07 PM
Jaykat - I think your ink work and everything is solid and you have a good grasp on the comic making side of things. This next bit I feel is kinda gonna be a nitpick and while it doesn't necessarily just pertain you, its a trend I noticed when people fight Heratik as of late is that the story beats tend to go the same way. Heratik enters a place, gets into fight with _____, fight gets heated and he transforms - opponent transforms, fight is over. I feel like the character being a monster could lend itself to more situations than just that same story beat or at least give it substance beyond "I want to eat you". Again this isn't necessarily just aimed towards you, its just something I noticed in the last couple of battles against this character.

Syraxis - its really hard to critique this as its so unfinished, so I guess just watch the scale of things (the car for example and the little girl in it look a little weird). Better luck next time !!

# 19   Posted: May 29 2016, 12:33 AM
Thanks to everyone for their thoughts and critiques thus far!

Berto -- Nah, I just ran out of time on the last two pages. Though at this rate, Swan will have run out of juice from her going overboard with tearing apart Epitome (Heratik's monster form). But I'm happy to hear the comic got you hooked in some way, even if it was unfinished.

Otakutaylor -- Thanks! I'm sorry the flying parts confused you. I'll remember to better establish shots when doing another flying battle again.

Mortooncian -- Don't worry, I'm feeling a lot better now! Heratik wanted to eat her, that's why he took to hunting her. Sorry I didn't make it clear enough.

Jetster -- I admit I got carried away with fiddling with the textures in the bathroom, just testing it out and all but I get what you mean. And I was trying to show Swan just being content and relaxed in the shower, sorry it came off as strange. Buildings and landscapes are always something I struggle with, however t I'll definitely keep what you said about them in mind.

Rikun --  Will do! Perspective angles, and more fluid gestures it'll be!

Julz -- Like I told Shen, Swan can shift between her normal self and her Sylph form when she really has to. But yes, I should have added some context to it so it wouldn't come off as sudden and/or bewildering.

DNO -- Hahaha, she kind of did, didn't she? I'll keep your pointers about pencil and ink lines in mind for the next battle.

# 18   Posted: May 28 2016, 11:38 PM
Jaykat. I enjoyed the grey scale and the little colors used. its almost like a hero film noir. I was hooked. I was not expecting the way she finished him off. looks like you dint have time to finish the last page  or was the lack of color part of the story,since she lost color too?

I like the the whole creepy zombie type monster thing that's going on here, like Mortoocian said about the establishing shot it is a bit too excessive. if it was cut down to only first pages I feel you could had color a few more pages. the other thing That kind of bothered me was the shots feel a bit flat. what I mean about that, for example on the last page first panel  everyone is standing next to each other its a boring composition bringing characters closer to the reader and having them fill up the panel in a an angle would give it more suspense. Right now it looks like a family portrait. Besides that I like your designs and colors.

# 17   Posted: May 28 2016, 11:14 PM
JayKat: This is some amazing work! Love the detail and depth within the characters. Though I will say that I got quite lost in the flying battle. Granted part of that is because it's a flying battle, but I would say it might have needed a shot or two to set the fight scene. Just to give it a sense of how far characters get from each other.

Syraxis: definitely a heart tug there at the end. heh. I'm gonna say try and look into some extra steps on buildings to add depth. The buildings mostly end up looking paper thin, and putting in some thickness visible in the windows can go a long way in giving geometric shapes some depth. Bonus points for super creepy split face.

# 16   Posted: May 28 2016, 02:47 PM
Jaykat: I commend you on finishing this, and to this level of quality, despite being sick. TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF THOUGH BAE

I love how you drew Heratik. Like, you struggled a lot, but your commitment to depicting him shows, and how he's this glowy, tentacled creature.
The story flows very well, I didn't have any issues in terms of pacing?  And though it seems a bit out of nowhere that Heratik attacked Swan, that's honestly Void City. You walk outside and some kaiju is just, there.

Tyler: I love the direction you were going with this, but it's important to take care of yourself!

Also, it's important to condense your story!! You don't need so many establishing shots, I know this is kind of an inside joke now but I'm gonna say it here too! LOL

Jetty Jay
# 15   Posted: May 28 2016, 01:40 AM
JAYKAT: Nice tight little story that seems to be building up to something bigger. I know you can do really fluid, organic work because I've seen some of your gesture sketches, so it's sad to see how stiff a lot of your poses are. Line variation/freehand inking would definitely help a lot here to give your figures a bit more energy. The bathroom scene was also a bit odd  - who stands in a shower like this unless they're posing for a camera? Just something to be aware of with your characters and how they act when they are alone. The lines on the tiles are a bit odd in that panel too but I can't put my finger on why. Too much texture in the tone? Too many lines? The background details are nice regardless. If anything your city scapes could do with a bit more reference to reduce the amount of crowding and variation with the windows (not everyone is gonna have all their lights on at night). Be careful when using spike bubbles that the spikes don't look like tails as one does in the first panel of page 9 - it appears almost as if it's being said by Heratik. The touches of colours are really nice in this though, especially the yellows from Heratik and your facial expressions are great.

SYRAXIS: Doing well here but I would say to rely less on what Photoshop can do for you - eg. there's an over-reliance on textures, fonts etc. Drawing this stuff in yourself will make things look more cohesive. As Rikun said using references will mean that your backgrounds don't look so sparse and you won't have to cover them in textures. Your colour work is pretty nice but you can definitely do yourself a favour by scaling back and working on backgrounds in black and white (will also give you more time to finish pages, then come back and do colours only if you have time when you have deadlines like this). There is some nice action here and a good setup for a story. Good work!

# 14   Posted: May 27 2016, 10:03 PM
Syraxis: I really liked your end, even if it is unfinished. I know how it feels not to finish something that you had a great idea over. And the story you had going there was really intriguing. Maybe another time you could pick up on that story again?

Frustrating at times for me, I won't lie, since I'm the worst with drawing monsters, but I am very grateful for the chance to battle Heratik. I understand you were having a bad time on your end, I wish you lots of luck and hope you'll feel a lot better soon! Again, thanks for battle, mate!

# 13   Posted: May 25 2016, 11:45 PM
Jaykat: Your comic has an overall nice flow, and I can tell that your inking has improved since your last battle. As always I feel you anatomy is fairly solid and your shading is working so far. The biggest bits you definitely have to work on is tightening up your background perspective and really making some dynamic poses that will compliment the anatomy you're using for your figures. Overall it's a pretty solid start!

Syraxis: It's a shame you weren't able to finish because the buildup you had going was leading to something interesting. That said I get the feeling that telling a full story would've easily taken you 10 or more pages, so perhaps thumbing out everything to get the full scope of your story will help you determine what you can do and where you can best edit. On the art itself I can see you've got a knack for thin, detailed line drawings but the lack of line variation is working against you. It's also jarring to see that you can draw fairly detailed characters but your background elements are as flat as a cardboard backdrop, so be aware to treat your environment as more than just a collection of straight lined buildings. Don't be afraid to use references and really study how those look like living, breathing environments. Keep going with this direction and I'm sure you'll get far!

# 12   Posted: May 25 2016, 03:08 PM
Jaykat: It sure surprised me when she  suddenly got naked. Some context would have been really helpful. Otherwise, there are a lot of straight lines and the bathroom to me looks like it took a lot of time. And i feel like her face is kind of hit or miss panel to panel. Excellent work on heratik. He looks badass. Took bad you couldnt finish that last page.
Syraxis: this looked like it was heading somewhere cool, its a shame we dont get to see how it plays out. I wanna see more teeth and brutality!! I love that resident evil aspect. I dunno what got in the way but I love heratik, pls do your best and give us more!

# 11   Posted: May 25 2016, 07:00 AM
Jaykat, really nice comic overall, some good old fashioned hero vs monster punchin'.  Try using straight lines for your pencils, but then inking freehand, or varying line weights to help give your buildings more character.  Otherwise, some nice backgrounds in this, keep at it.  Really nice model on Swan when she goes Super Swayan.

Syraxis, your comic isn't finished, but boy oh boy, do I appreciate what you were going for.  Heratik's doing something!  And something terrifying, to boot!  This plays so well into his character, of course he would make friends, literally.  I love it.  Regardless of this battle's outcome, please keep going with that idea.

# 10   Posted: May 25 2016, 12:15 AM
Thanks for the tips, Shen! Swan magically shifts between her normal and her 'air' form. But she rarely uses it because it drains her so much, not to mention it makes her a little more aggressive than normal. It's something I'll reveal over time.

As for her looking 'pin-up' at parts, that's out of habit XD I always liked drawing Swan in particular with such curves.

Global Moderator
# 9   Posted: May 24 2016, 11:39 PM
syraxis- sorry you couldnt finish, it looked like you were going someplace interesting with Heratik recruiting an army of infected! you draw teeth so good too like when he opened up his face and theres just like three rows of teeth thats HORRIFYING and i loved it! you draw excellent minsters but your buildings on page 2 were a little cardboard (im sorry i know you were dreading someone saying that haha). Your people are getting better though, Swan was very cute!
Jaykat- all that work you put into drawing Heratik paid off because he looks amazing! You did great on his Epitome form! lol and Swan somehow always manages to look like a pinup model, how did she lose her clothes on page 9? Or is that a superform and I havent backread everything yet? This is a nice solid action piece, great fight scenes, pretty standard story but sometimes ya dont need a big epic drama ta just straight-up rip a monster in half haha! Artwise its pretty consistent until the end there but you got backgrounds so its nice and grounded in reality- I would say next step is maybe personalize the BGs a bit more so they look a little more lived-in- streetlights and billboards and garbage cans and all that whotnot. Other than that, great showing!

Community Manager
# 8   Posted: May 24 2016, 09:59 PM
Syraxis: The texture you put on your walls does help, but not by much; your buildings need more details, cracks, spots, scratches, etc. In panels 4-5, you've got the right idea with keeping track of the light source with the sunset but you don't push your shadows hard enough, even though the light source seems to often come from the side you light them as if they're coming from in front (their shadows on the ground don't match their shadows on their bodies). This is another thing to practice that will really help your art. Avoid static 2D angles like the one of GSwan on the couch, push yourself to get those more interesting camera angles. It's a shame you couldn't finish, i don't know what's happening but it was getting pretty interesting~

# 7   Posted: May 23 2016, 08:51 PM

Likewise with everyone else, it's not as polished as it should be, and I apologise for the last two pages not being fully finished.

# 6   Posted: May 22 2016, 05:50 AM
I apologize in advance but only a few pages of mine are going to be fully complete. Life stuff has gotten in the way but I'll at least get everything lined.

Edit: Uploaded what I could, sorry again but this was all I could do for now. I had a lot more planned but life issues got in the way.

# 5   Posted: May 9 2016, 05:57 PM

Jetty Jay
# 4   Posted: May 9 2016, 04:44 PM

Global Moderator
# 3   Posted: May 9 2016, 04:38 PM
aaaa make it a good one you guys!!

# 2   Posted: May 9 2016, 04:28 PM
Oooooh man, I'm shitting bricks for realz.

Best of luck, Syraxis!

# 1   Posted: May 9 2016, 04:22 PM
I'm looking forward to reading this one >:D

Comic Details -

Type: Tournament Match
Drawing Time: 2 weeks
Ended: May 29th, 2016
Votes Cast: 21
Page Views: 1045
Winner: JCee

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