Light Speed Death Tournament, Round 1 / Ajinn vs. Dale

Light Speed Death Tournament, Round 1 / Ajinn vs. Dale

Light Speed Death Tournament, Round 1 — Ajinn vs. Dale

45.8%
669 points
Page 1Page 2

Crit level: No preference

54.2%
793 points
Page 1Page 2Page 3

Crit level: No preference



Critiques & Comments
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Kozispoon
Approval Committee
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1046 comments
# 14   Posted: Jan 23 2016, 04:55 PM
DEATHYSILENT- Right off the bat- font sizes. Even blowing up the page, I couldn't read some of them. I'm not sure if they were intentionally unreadable, or meant to just be mutterings, but it was a real bummer. After a couple read throughs, I got the idea of what happens on page 2, but the progression of action reads a little confusing. I *think* Dale is supposed to be losing his form mid air and fall on the pole, but I'm not sure. Even so, thems some rich colors and great pages nonoetheless.

ASTRO SEAN- Dale will prevail! XD This feels so Dale- or at least what I would expect from such a wacky character. I like the idea of the wavy word bubbles for your opponent, even if they weren't immediately easily read. Then again I think that kind of sets the tone doesnt it? where you don't read it fast, so the inner voice is meandering and hazy- just like smoke (or may I'm looking way too deep into it)

Fearn
Artist
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349 comments
# 13   Posted: Jan 23 2016, 03:11 PM
Deathly: neat wee story, just a shame couldn't read soem of the text cos it was teeeeeny!

Seannyboy: I love how punky grungy ziny your comics are!! But you already know that right? :P

Astro Sean
Approval Committee
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317 comments
# 12   Posted: Jan 23 2016, 11:40 AM
Thank you everyone who commented and voted. This was a super fun fight. My first time actually coloring a comic in photoshop, I appreciate all the critiques!

Deathly Silent, you comic made me feel when you said Dale just wanted his fathers approval. SO good!

Jetty Jay
Artist
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151 comments
# 11   Posted: Jan 22 2016, 04:57 PM
DEATHLY: Make sure you plot your lettering first so you're not trying to cram it into a little bubble! I like to thumbnail my speech bubbles as part of the artwork and really think about how much text I can fit in - it'll help strengthen your composition a lot and will stop any issues with legibility in your dialogue. The colouring style is really great, but you definitely could have varied the pallettes on the characters themselves to help give a sense of depth (eg. the first panel of the second page could have had Dale darker because he was closer). The final panel was also a bit unclear - where did Ajinn's chains come into it? How did Dale's momentum in the air stop because he lost his board? You probably could have benefited from another page to pace it out even if it meant sacrificing the colour. A nice cute story either way, with a sad death. Now Dale will never reconcile with his father.

SEAN: Totally echoing Bodega's comment about getting a Hansellman vibe from this! The dialogue is great. You do miss a bit because Anjinn's dialogue is hard to read on that second page and just in general it would be great if you could find a balance where the dialogue still looks rough but isn't squishing into the bubble border or other letters and becoming difficult to read. Agreeing with Lefred's comment on the saturation of the pallete, definitely a bit of variation could help it out but the rough look works so well with the stoner-zine story. Awesome work.

Field Marshal Lionel Forsythe W. Underwood XIII, GBE
Artist
icon
136 comments
# 10   Posted: Jan 21 2016, 08:54 PM
Deathly, you started out with a strong page but it deviated in a way that second page lacked the "oomph" one sees on the preceding page. Try to make every dialogue be readable next time, even if tis a whisper. The ending was a bit rushed and could have been set up more elegantly instead of the abruptness which we received. A noble effort.

Astro, that was a wonderfully sublime piece of comedy. I am beginning to think you and Heimie are related, but I digress. The artwork itself I have nothing against as it works perfectly with the story. Think of it was one of those animation pieces one sees on art festivals. Overall solid showing.

Jolly good work you two. Keep at it!

DeathlySilent
Artist
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38 comments
# 9   Posted: Jan 21 2016, 06:54 PM
Astro Sean your comic is hilarious I love it!!!! :D Poor Ajinn didn't stand a chance against drugs.

BodegaNegra
Artist
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12 comments
# 8   Posted: Jan 21 2016, 04:53 PM
deathly silent: that was really cute!! especially when the poor lil strawberry dude came out to you about his problems with his dad, shame you had to go and KILL HIM! hahaha love it!! the issue I have was that I was a bit confused in the end about his death..seemed a bit random.like he look like he just flew back up into the air..and not that he fell to his death

astro sean: that was sick. you should make some zines!  i'm not a big fan of is the last 2 panels. it killed it a bit for me. but thats just my taste, i feel like it should have just ended with "I'M FEELING MAGICAL MAN." or ended it in a different way than...a lesson to kids about taking drugs.. and I'm not digging the color orange in the comic's color palette
anywho..... it kind of reminded me of the meg mogg and owl comics a bit, in a good way! & of course you have your own distinct style. holy shit..you should try screenprinting your comics, or try it as an experiment working in a different medium! that would look so cool....0.0!!  &  I love the humor "I am not birb you rascist!!" hahaha. and I hope to see some more of your work (actually..i'm going to check out what you've done in the past)

Charlie
Artist
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726 comments
# 7   Posted: Jan 21 2016, 03:26 PM
Haha I liked both of these.

Deathly Silent - Nice job on your comic, again I think Taylor kinda covered most of the bases but I liked your colours!

Sean - same deal, Taylor pretty much nailed it. Though I do wanna say this comic really made me think of Hiemie's comics for some reason haha, not a bad thing I just got that vibe out of this one compared to other ones you have done.

otakutaylor
Artist
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179 comments
# 6   Posted: Jan 21 2016, 12:25 PM
Light Speed Critique: Deathly, try not to shift text size that often in a single page and keep an eye on the reading direction. it was a bit all over the page and didn't flow too well. Sean, the small background moments actually detracted from the comic I think, drawing as much attention as what was being presented. Plus, lots of word bubble tangents.

Fred v2.0.1
Artist
icon
475 comments
# 5   Posted: Jan 21 2016, 07:02 AM
Deathly Silent - Everything just kind of happens without any lead in, it's all 'hey this is what's up now'. I'm also not sure how getting killed while skateboarding is going to make his dad proud... I do like the finished look on the first panels, it's a shame you couldn't keep that going.

Astro Sean - Radical entry dude. Your style is a bit messy, but organically so. It works well here. The one thing I'd like to see improved here is the colours, they,re all very saturated and kinda just 'what that thing's colour is supposed to be' rather than what would look good, just needs a tinge of subtlety in the palette to separate the elements on a more meaningful level.

Astro Sean
Approval Committee
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317 comments
# 4   Posted: Jan 20 2016, 07:44 PM
Submitted! I'm sorry you couldn't finish! But I really look forward to reading your comic too

DeathlySilent
Artist
icon
38 comments
# 3   Posted: Jan 20 2016, 05:00 PM
Ok I submitted but I didn't finish. :( I have to get ready for work. I can't wait to see your comic Astro Sean! :D

Astro Sean
Approval Committee
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317 comments
# 2   Posted: Jan 17 2016, 10:20 AM
ALL HAIL DALE!

Good luck DS!

DeathlySilent
Artist
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38 comments
# 1   Posted: Jan 17 2016, 01:44 AM
Omg can't wait!!!! Good luck!

Comic Details -

 
Type: Speed Death Tournament Match
Drawing Time: 1 week
Ended: Jan 23rd, 2016
Votes Cast: 38
Page Views: 640
Winner: Astro Sean
 

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