Intro Story / Heratik

Intro Story / Heratik

Intro Story — Heratik

by Syraxis


65%
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Critiques & Comments
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Heathen
Artist
350 comments
# 9   Posted: Jul 5 2015, 02:40 PM
Love the colors and effects in these pages, notably the broken glass and his crystalline teeth.  I agree that his normal form is kind of unimpressive, and not so much in a "disarming facade" kind of way, but in a "I don't want to look at that kid, I want to look at the awesome monster" kind of way.  But I won't recommend any changes to his design based on a single panel, maybe you'll capture him better in the next comic.

 What I will recommend changes to, though, is your dialogue balloons.  Don't use ellipses, and don't change the font size too much.  I get that the last panel's text is big for emphasis, but just be careful with it.  You could also make the font a little smaller than it is, it seems kind of large in general.  Font size is something I'm struggling with myself, but you want your font to take up as little space on the page as possible, while maintaining legibility.  It's a difficult sweet spot to find, but once you do, your comics will look exponentially more professional.

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna go try and follow my own advice...

Evi
Artist
110 comments
# 8   Posted: Jul 5 2015, 08:13 AM
Yay you got in :D it looks so different from the wips you had in the incubator!
I can see you've put a lot of effort into this intro, the broken glass and sparkly teeth has to be my favorite details in the comic, they really stood out in the dark gloomy atmosphere you had there. Overall it's a nice and solid comic, Hope to see you battling soon!

Hiemie
Artist
511 comments
# 7   Posted: Jul 4 2015, 10:40 PM
Kozispoon: . I think I got more chills only showing bits and pieces of him. Though maybe the face is a disarming front? I sure as hell hope his cherubic face splits open in some gruesome and inhuman way to reveal those teeth!
Quote

I like this idea as it kinda follows the whole abyssal fish/lure fish thing you could do with him.

I guess I didn't mention it, but you did do a good job building the horror. You'll do good stuff.

Syraxis
Artist
14 comments
# 6   Posted: Jul 4 2015, 08:46 AM
Thank you all so much for your feedback! I will try adjusting and tweaking the way things are done to improve, and to address his "normal" face, it would essentially be like relaxing a muscle, since all his changes are sorta strenuous to hold but I certainly plan on showing some gruesome changes involving it. I'm really excited to finally have this going and can't wait for my first battle :D

Kozispoon
Approval Committee
1076 comments
# 5   Posted: Jul 4 2015, 12:32 AM
Welcome to the void! Looks like your incubator saga has finally come to an end and in terrorizing style! Not sure how long you took on these pages, but obvious TLC was given to all the panels. It makes me really hopeful your battles on deadline and with opponents have this high a quality.

I'd assumed your fighter was going to be this brooding anime guy with fabulous clothing per your incubator post, so color me impressed with the dread and terror you managed to build up over two pages! Those needle teeth infested jaws are going to keep me up at night! I do gotta agree with Hiemie in that your 'payoff' page with your characters rather cute face diminishes all the great scare quality you had going. I think I got more chills only showing bits and pieces of him. Though maybe the face is a disarming front? I sure as hell hope his cherubic face splits open in some gruesome and inhuman way to reveal those teeth!

In any case, it looks like voiders have a reason to look over their shoulders now when they go out at night. Looking forward to seeing your first battle and Heratiks first victim!




PyrasTerran
Community Manager
1441 comments
# 4   Posted: Jul 4 2015, 12:19 AM
eeee

monster battles coming in the future~

Dechado
Artist
245 comments
# 3   Posted: Jul 3 2015, 05:05 PM
How fascinating.
Can't wait to see you on your first battle. ^^

Hiemie
Artist
511 comments
# 2   Posted: Jul 3 2015, 04:12 PM
I like the design of the serpentine face, but I kinda wish he didn't have an anime looking form, but I know that's your stylistic choice.

I like the colors but your paneling is awkward on some pages due to your tiny black gutters. It's muddied up because they're as thin as or even thinner than some of the thickest in panel lines. Also even though using a line tool makes sense for inorganic shapes, often times it makes things look stale and stiff. It really clashes with your line style in general, like the pinpad on page one.

The silver teeth and lighting effects on the character are gorgeous and it's a really interesting visual. It's absolutely tragic that the monster parts are hyperthreatening, then it has a very standard anime face tacked on.

The design parts are just my opinion though.

Shen
Global Moderator
1292 comments
# 1   Posted: Jul 3 2015, 12:36 PM
you made it in! Seems like we got a new monster on our hands, curious to see how you fight people, especially since he seems intent on eating everyone? Looks great, I'm excited for this character!

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Ended: Jul 10th, 2015
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