Sabu: Good effort on your part for sure. You really did great with the pages you have finished and it's too bad you couldn't see it through. It's nice the action goes right into it and doesn't waste time with any talking or chuff. I did get a good sense of urgency to the action and definitely liked all the cameos and characters doing what they do best. Your art is looking good and I liked the 'fuzzy' brush used for the smoke on page 3. I also liked your hands and poses, which looked really good this comic.

I kind of wish you had taken the time to either better draw that warship or to showcase the magnitude of it and why she couldn't continue running, because I feel like a dinosaur could probably scale around and move. I know it sounds crazy, but we do see Brute jumping at the end of this comic, so it feels within the realm of possibility to me. Just that lack of establishing shots makes me wonder about location and the everything there within.

I also wasn't hot on a lot of the expressions you had used for this comic. That opening shot of Johnny's face just feels wrong since it's more humorous, but the situation is supposed to be intense and it kind of throws off the tone of the comic for me. That side view at the bottom of page 2 feels more appropriate and I wish that you had maintained a steady tone for the expressions utilized when appropriate.

There are some things I don't understand in the story. Were the dinosaurs that were with Cornelius specific dinosaurs (like, from Johnny Sweet's world/time) or were they there just for the Jurassic World meme? I'm also not sure why the mob is after Johnny, maybe that's something gleaned from Armageddon 2014 that I just don't know about. Once the story shifts locations, I understand it much better and it's relatively straight-forward ("stop the Death Star").

I thought what was finished did look good and I hope that your next effort, either the finishing of this or some other comic presents something even better. Good work!


Mint: There are people who answer unknown calls? That's a shock.  I really liked this comic. Your story and your art were both looking very good. I hope this leads to something, maybe a villain for Cornelius, maybe some explanation as to why the homeless people were being taken away. I was very interested in what was happening and it was a really nice complete story.

I think you could utilize your blacks and whites in some better ways. I thought that first panel with Cornelius, I didn't totally realize what time it was because you didn't make the sky black. You could have left the clouds white, but it would have translated time better if the sky had been black. Same with the windows on the last page, you could have played with the inks there to make it more than a some rectangle shapes for window and door.

I was a little confused with my first reading at a certain point and it really made the story kind of trip for me. On page 6, by having one of the thugs say 'that looks like fun', I thought that there was a roving band of thugs who were just KILLING homeless people and were trying to do in a certain number of them. While that phrase demonstrates that these characters are bad, he should have been reprimanded and said 'dead ones are no good to us' or something along those lines, which would help illustrate that these people are being captured, not killed.

Your expressions, poses, and faces are looking pretty good, but Jane Blonde at on the final page's first panel has a minor case of Sloth-Loves-Chunk face going on. Be careful with that.

All in all, this was a great read and you really used your time well. I couldn't tell that you wanted to do more until I read that you did, but I say you made a completed story one way or another here. Great job.

Ahhh, it was a nice surprise to wake up to three more reviews, first off to address the main critique, I *definitely* needed more pages to properly pace out the end of my story properly.  The amount of pages I made was actually 1 less than originally planned, and I think I probably needed even a little more than that to make sure I could give everything the space it needed.

Gregly: I wanted so bad to pull the same kind of pacing into the second half, but I always work from start to finish and I got super rushed towards the end.  There's no doubt that the clarity suffered, especially because I ad-libbed some of it and deviated from my original script to an extent.

Mortooncian: His Uncle is actually my other character on Void, "Bartender"! I honestly did make this comic with the intention you might need some previous knowledge, but apart from that middle section with Bartender it was mostly new stuff.  I think the second half really is just poor pacing and too much cramming it in for the sake of getting done ):

Pomo: Definitely agree ): I'm sorry it didn't come across super well, while they're discussing I tried to point the murder towards human trafficking, so they went to get the missing residents back.  I 100% intended to show more to that end and didn't manage time well, so I cut it off at a point that didn't really feel appropriate to end at.

For anyone who is curious about the "Thank You" at the end, Cornelius has massive trust issues, especially with authority figures.  The last thing he expects from other human beings is help (after the accident, and his rocky relationship with his parents).  He ends up getting overwhelmed at the end because he got carried as far as he did to achieve this super selfish goal by those four on the final page.  I took out additional dialogue from the final page because it would have been narrative text, so in my mind the choices were:

1. include one panel of narrative text which might detract from the rest of the comic
2. don't include narrative text and have a (more) confusing ending

I obviously chose 2 and I can't take it back but I'm so curious if the extra text would have helped haha

Sabu: FINISH THIS.
Good job handing in what you had. Next time, go for a finished comic within deadline, even if that means heavy editing. Strip your story down to the bare bones and build back out to a realistic time-frame.

The bits you have finished have great energy. Your pacing, angles and composition are all looking good. Your draughtsmanship has come a long long way since you joined, so keep it up!!

PS. BEAUTIFUL.

Mintley:
Real nice stuff! You've gone from strength to strength lately. Your backgrounds are looking good, and your use of blacks is coming together really nicely.

I have to say your story got a little convoluted. The set up was great but I wasn't really sure about the pay off at the end, and what it had to do with the guy who got murdered? Some really interesting revelations about your characters happened in the middle, which I feel you played off well, I just wish it had all come together nicely in the end! :p

Your art is coming along really well, as mentioned, but your draughtsmanship could do with a little more practice (as is true for us all!). Sometimes your figures come across as stiff (most noticeably when legs and wrists are involved) and a little more observational practice and trying out some new techniques will help you bring this together.

Well done both of you, and looking forward to seeing where you both go next!!!

[ok my first review, i'm a bit nervous/new at this so please forgive me]

Sabulive: I really enjoyed the high stakes and high-conflict direction the story was going, and I also really liked all the cameos ( was sailor moon anyone in particular...??) As you've probably guessed, though, I'm also unable to really render judgment on the ending, as it was incomplete. What you DO have is very visually interesting, high-energy, and I really loved the framing of a lot of panels! If you make this a BB, I'd love to see it in full!! (P.S., newbie alert- is the index established to be like that or was it your interpretation? Either way it's hecka cool)

Mint: I was interested by the murder mystery at the beginning, but then the story kind of careened a bit and I became really confused by the time they met the uncle in the bar (and just kind of kept reading until the end). Again, it may be because I don't have the context and because I'm a newbie-- but to be fair, the base story should still be understandable to an objective party.
Your high contrast inkwork was really beautiful here, and very effective in conveying what you wanted, but the story was just too much in fifteen pages. I feel if it had been paced a bit slower, it would make all the difference.

...two reviews?

Sabu: I wish we could have seen the other pages even if they were just like the sketchy panels you had in this, but I hope you're planning to finish them up. That said, your the action in your comic flows really well and the story is easier to follow than your opponent's (until the end oc) You are able to keep really consistent with the characters faces, even with the range of expressions they have which is impressive! Did you center this comic around the Jurassic world reference? I wasn't expecting it, but it made me chuckle when I saw it.

Mint: I was really impressed by the first half of this... The pacing and your blacks develop the mood really well for a noir-y mystery feel, but you began to lose me when the action picked up at the end. Your pages are jam-packed, but it reads well because of how zoomed out the camera is and the pacing of the story in the beginning. Good job on those pages filling them with lots of npcs and background characters and detail in your backgrounds. For the second half it doesn't work as well... your panels probably should have gotten bigger to better pace the story but Im still happy to see this much work done in the time you had. And uh- I guess I didn't really understand what happened, but it was a good read anyway!

Nice work guys!

Yeahhh, I spent a good hour thinking over the pros and cons of having extra text on the final page, the debate in my head was make it wordy and suddenly have a narrator for one page out of the whole comic, or not be crystal clear at the end. I'll explain it when voting's over because while I don't think explaining it now will really affect people's votes, it should be graded without that clarity since it wasn't presented, I think.

It definitely comes across in a rush from start to finish, it's one page less than I originally intended, and even then I knew it was a little too fast-paced with the scene swaps ahaha. Trying to do too much and try new things at the same time I guess!

Mintly: wait hold up lol Cameron and Cornelius are related? lol well fuck! you had a lot happening in this- sometimes maybe too much- I had a hard time following the story and I dont think I understand exactly what happened at the end, there were so many characters and we changed location so many times im not sure what hes thanking everyone for ^^; but the art is clear and consistent and I liked the drama of his family reunion! your comics are more and more intriguing every time!

sabu- I liked that yours took place during Arma! Creative! (and thanks for the cameo!) Im glad you turned something in, and... MOSTLY complete ^^; Im a little disappointed by my utter inability to understand the ending (why are they all jumping??) but i like the expressiveness of the pages you completed! glad to see you battling again, hope to see you actually finish a comic soon LOL

sabu: wai ;_; cool ideas but too unfinished to say much. Your Jurassic World joke was okay, but I was preferring what was coming up, I assume they were gonna see-saw the guys off the platform?

minteh: This comic's chock-loaded with content, you really did get to use all your weeks huh! But there's so much talking I kinda zoned out and by the second half of the comic I had forgotten why they were at the abandoned prison in the first place.

Still really cool to see that twist relation!

Ok I didnt have time to fully finish it but I submitted the first 15 pages of the 20 pager i wanted to do.

TBH, Im still really happy that I even managed to make so many pages. I was just not in a good place for months and to even do this makes me feel really good. Im glad you even accepted my challenge Mints, considering how i defaulted last time, it wasn't fair on you at all!

Ill have the finished product uploaded after voting is over, now ima go do a uni assignment and sleep

SUUUUUBMITTEEEEEEED *AIRHORNS BLAST, CONFETTI GOES FLYING, HOOKERS DOING COCAINE OFF EACH OTHER OR SOMETHING I DON'T KNOW MAN, IT'S DONE*

:9

DON'T LET ME DOWN, YOU PUNKS. XOXOX

hahaha, commit, don't quit, or you both get slit!

idk. i just have an evil imagination.

Holy shit is that a thing? Because I would have put that penalty down

No pressure on that title... Geeze.

Looking forward to this. Do good you two.

DONT DEFAULT

i like that attitude guys. Go get 'em!

edit: also, if you guys were actually serious, you'd have done a double-suicide penalty for your characters if either of you didn't complete the entry.

BOOM.  FOR REAL THIS TIME SABS.